The six-member group stood outside the perceived haunted mansion, which stood at least five stories up and had a water fountain built nearby. All of them exchanged looks of fear, worry, and hesitation...which could be rolled into one emotion. Why, you might ask? Well, Mrs. Johnson thought it would be a great idea for host a haunted house scavenger hunt and the reward would be a Halloween party. Yeah, what a very good idea, Agnes. Lincoln Loud was one of the few students who though this was a quite idiotic idea, but didn't dare argue with the teachers planning it out of fear of receiving a week-long detention...but Chandler (being the son of a wealthy sewage plant owner) had different ideas as his father had purchased a renovated mansion from a few months earlier. So, here he was, stuck in a standstill outside the dreaded manor accompanied by the six-member group he was joined by.
Dressed in a vampire suit (rather than his usual Ace Savvy costume, surprisingly), Lincoln marched up the front steps and knocked first. On the very last one of his "Shave and a Haircut" couplet, the door mysteriously creaked open. Backtracking a few steps before glancing over his shoulder to find the crew looking over expectantly, he pushed the surprisingly heavy entryway open and entered the seemingly abandoned mansion. The thing was, however...it didn't seem abandoned. At all. In fact, it looked if somebody had recently moved in or (at the very least) was in the final stages of renovation. A staircase was located on the right, a fireplace complete with fire extinguisher was located on the left, a chandelier was hanging from the ceiling, and a pool table with a dartboard was placed in the room next to dining.
Lincoln called over his shoulder to his group as he ventured deeper inside the manor. Deciding to head up the stairs, Ronnie Anne (dressed in a werewolf costume) was the second to enter. She too took in the magnificence of the mansion before noticing him heading up the stairs and began to follow him in response. Clyde (in a Frankenstein costume) and Haiku (in the Bride's costume) followed soon after, while Chandler (in a mummy costume) and Stella (in a witch's costume)…not so much.
Lincoln marched up the stairs and eventually found the ones up the attic. Turning on his flashlight as a means to prevent tripping over unseen objects, he nonetheless did just that...but not to the point where he fell down on his face in a slapstick sort-of way. A bed was situated right next to the chimney while a recliner was placed a few feet from it; a shelf of books was holding the wall to the left of him while a worktable was on its right. His heart raced upon seeing the contents atop.
Meanwhile downstairs, Haiku found a multicolored jukebox and was lucky that she had came upon a bag of coins by chance. Inserting a nickel inside the slot, she selected a song for her and Clyde to dance along to. Of course, that song was "Pet Sematary" by The Ramones. Pulling him to the middle of the room, they started to dance their hearts off while Ronnie Anne, Chandler, and Stella watched on. As soon as she noticed Lincoln return from the attic, Ronnie Anne ran over and pulled him to the dance floor, joined soon after by the last couple. The six of them danced to various songs in order to pass the time, including (but not limited to) "The Time Warp" by The Rocky Horror Picture Show, "Surfin' Dead" by The Cramps, and the aptly titled "Halloween" by The Misfits.
"So..." Stella lifted her head from Chandler's shoulder, "Does anybody remember why we were here again?"
"I don't know about you guys, but..." Ronnie Anne glanced over Lincoln's, "There's a girl outside."
"What?"
"Outside. There's a girl."
The remaining four who were distracted turned to the window and indeed saw a girl outside...who turned around and pressed her face against the window and donned a murderous look in her eyes.
"Hello?"
CRASH!
The six children glanced up at the ceiling and ran out of the way of the falling object, eliciting a few yelps as it crashed down to the ground. Oops, did I say object? I'm sorry, I meant person. Indeed, the object that fell from the sky was a living and breathing person...or rather, a dead and growling zombie. Suddenly, more and more of them began dropping like flies and groaned menacingly at the kids. Thinking quickly, Lincoln leaned over to whisper in Ronnie Anne's ear:
"I found some guns upstairs. I'm gonna go get them."
"What? I thought those guns were deactivated a long time ago."
"No, they seem to be... Hold on, how do you know about them?"
"I...may or may not have snuck in here a boatload of times."
. . .
"Okay, well... Just do keep them distracted while I go get them."
"Easier said than done." Ronnie Anne then remembered the pool table and carefully ambled over to where Haiku stood. "Haiku, here's what you're going to do... Hey, I made a rhyme..." Cue a rather annoyed look from the Bride of Frankenstein.
Lincoln entered the attic and retrieved the six guns. As he did so, his ears perked up at the sound of a particular catchy song starting to play.
("Don't Stop Me Now" – Queen)
Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out (Yeah...)
And floating around in ecstasy...
"Aw, nuts," Chandler face-palmed while turning to Haiku, "You couldn't have chosen a more inappropriate song choice."
"The jukebox was on random, you dirty Q-tip," Haiku herself shot a deadly glare at a now terrified Chandler, "What more could I have done?"
"Guys, shut up." Ronnie Anne eyed the pool table as she carefully navigated her way through the horde...before breaking into a sprint when she was near enough. Leaping over to retrieve the pool sticks for her and the others to use, her action was just in time too, seeing as the music was really beginning to ramp up. Oddly enough, it was in sync. With their every move.
"Clyde, Haiku! Catch!" Ronnie Anne tossed a couple of pool sticks to the aforementioned couple, who surprisingly caught it with no trouble. When she approached Chandler and Stella, she handed them one each before she wielded a pair: one for herself, the other for Lincoln...who was currently absent for the moment.
So don't stop me now
Don't stop me
"So, what's the plan?" Stella turned to Ronnie Anne, who responded with:
"THIS is the plan. Hold them off until Lincoln gets back with the guns."
"This mansion has guns?"
"CHANDLER!"
"Okay, never mind, let's kill them already!" And so, the group charged at the zombies.
Cue the music already, will ya?
'Cause I'm having a good time (Having a good time)
"YAH!"
Ronnie Anne, Clyde, and Haiku circled an advancing woman (the very same from outside) before they took turns hitting her in the head. Chandler and Stella, meanwhile, held off the zombies circling them.
I'm a shooting star leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go (WHACK!) go (WHACK!)go (WHACK!)
There's no stopping me (DOING!)
"OUCH!" Ronnie Anne was subsequently smacked in the head with her own pool stick, but she got right back up and continued to knock heads.
I'm burning through the sky yeah (Chandler hits a zombie...)
Two hundred degrees (Stella hits a zombie...)
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit (Clyde hits a zombie...)
I'm traveling at the speed of light (Haiku hits a zombie...)
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you (THEY ALL hit a zombie...)
Don't stop me now I'm having such a good time (…before vampires seemingly fly out of nowhere.)
I'm having a ball (This causes Stella to shriek...)
Don't stop me now (…and Haiku to squee.)
If you wanna have a good time just give me a call (Oh, and Clyde and Chandler to groan and grimace.)
Don't stop me now ('Cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (Yes I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all (Ronnie Anne turns towards the fireplace and fights her way there.)
Yeah, I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars (The vampires starting biting the necks of the zombies...)
On a collision course (…before Clyde and Chandler stab two of them...)
I am a satellite I'm out of control (…much to the chagrin of Haiku...)
I am a sex machine ready to reload (…and the satisfaction of Stella.)
Like an atom bomb about to (Ronnie Anne arrives back with the fire extinguisher...and proceeds to do the opposite of its function.)
Oh (WHACK) oh (WHACK) oh (WHACK) oh (WHACK) oh (WHACK) explode! (WHOOSH!)
I'm burning through the sky yeah ("Okay, that's it! Chandler, kill the Queen!")
Two hundred degrees ("WHAT?")
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit ("The jukebox, idiot!")
I'm traveling at the speed of light("Aw! I was just getting in the groove!")
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you ("Oh, for the love of Shaun,where's Lincoln?")
Don't stop me don't stop me (Meanwhile, Lincoln DID retrieve the guns...)
Don't stop me, hey (BANG!) hey (BANG!) hey (BANG!)
Don't stop me don't stop me (…but had to contend with VAMPIRE ZOMBIES?!)
Ooh ooh ooh, I like it ("Ugh, I hate it...")
Don't stop me (BANG!) don't stop me (BANG!)
Have a good time ("Bad time...")
Don't stop me (BANG!) don't stop me (BANG!)
Oh yeah ("Oh no...")
Alright ("Not alright...")
Cue the long guitar solo...and bring it back to the chorus now.
Oh, I'm burning through the sky, yeah ("No!")
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit ("Aye!")
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic (BANG!) man (BANG!) out (BANG!) of you (BOOM!)
Lincoln rushed down the stairs and whistled to catch Ronnie Anne's attention. When it did, she turned around and find a Glock 17 being tossed at her. Clyde, Haiku, and Chandler were tossed a Beretta 92FS, a SIG-Sauer P226R, and a Colt M1911A1; Stella was handed a Heckler & Koch G36C and Lincoln opted with a Mossberg 500 Persuader. One...two...ten!
Don't stop me now (BANG-BANG!)
I'm having such a good time (RAT-A-TAT!)
I'm having a ball (BOOM!)
Don't stop me now (BANG-BANG!)
If you wanna have a good time (RAT-A-TAT!)
Just give me a call (BOOM!)
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time, yeah yeah)
Don't stop me now (yes, I'm having a good time)
I don't want to stop at all ("YAH!" Stella was enjoying this a little TOO much...)
When all was done and said, all of the people who weren't the six-member group comprised of kids were all laying on the ground in multiple puddles of blood...
La da da da daah
Da da da haa
Ha da da ha ha haaa
Ha da daa ha da da aaa
Ooh ooh ooh…
…just as Stella realized a certain something.
"That's pretty good make-up there."
. . .
"What...?"
Chandler pulled off a latex mask off one of the people nearest to him before dropping it in shock. "They're...they're alive..."
. . .
"They were alive." Haiku pulled out a stainless steel Taurus PT92AFS tucked inside the waistband of one person, "and they were armed, too."
Just as she found this out, Clyde confirmed it with the discovery of a two-tone Jericho 941 R. "I think I know this guy."
Everybody turned to him, "You do?"
"I...saw him on the news a few weeks ago; he was tried for homicide, but...he escaped when the transport bus he was in crashed."
"So did and was this gal."
Everybody turned to Ronnie Anne now, who unmasked an individual and relived her of her Heckler & Koch USP and Smith & Wesson Model 5906 pistols. "She was tried for child molestation and abuse after 10 years." She turned toward Lincoln, who disarmed another man of another Jericho 941 R (albeit a standard blued model). "Linc...you don't think these people knew each other and what they were doing, right?"
. . .
"I don't know...but I think we need to leave."
"I couldn't agree more." Chandler immediately gunned for the door, and so did Stella. Lincoln, Ronnie Anne, Clyde, and Haiku all exchanged uncertain looks before the former nodded with certainty.
"We don't tell anybody about this. Agreed?"
"Agreed."
The four then left the mansion and joined the two who retreated early...
"BREAKING NEWS from Royal Woods News 10. Just a few hours from yesterday on Halloween Night, a pile of bodies were uncovered in the recently bought Campbell Mansion. A total of 36 have been confirmed dead, along with five handguns and a Winchester 1200 shotgun. Buried beneath the mansion were also multiple bags that counted to a total of $1 million. Judging by the scuffs on their sides, it is suggested more that was stolen..."
"Pfft. As if."
"Conner, what's wrong?"
The "Bratty Kid" of Royal Woods Elementary turned over to his right side and found a little red-headed girl rubbing her eyes. She was tired, naked, and worried...worried for her dearly beloved. Conner himself smiled and planted a kiss on Cristina's nose, prompting herself to giggle.
"Ah, nothing's wrong, doll. I was just watching a news report that uploaded a few hours ago. Apparently, Campbell Mansion was being robbed."
"Campbell Mansion?" Cristina rested her head on Conner's shoulder and gasped in realization, "Chandler was talking about breaking in and causing mayhem since his father bought it a few months ago."
"A few months ago? OH... Yeah, we need to go. Like now."
"Now? Why?"
"Uh, no particular reason. We just need to get out while we still can."
While Cristina was confused and hesitant, she nonetheless complied with him and slipped into her raccoon outfit. As Conner slipped on a red leather jacket while they headed downstairs, they found six classmates of theirs watching Shaun of the Dead, a much beloved horror comedy from Britain...or, as Clyde and Haiku referred to it, a "romzomcom". The bags of their Halloween candy rested around them, while two bowls of popcorn and a handful of soda cans laid on the floor.
"You know, I never understood British films." Chandler munched down on a chocolate bar, "but I like this one."
"I'm glad you do," Stella rested her head on his shoulder just as Lincoln noticed them and greeted them with a handwave.
"Oh, hey, Cristina and Conner. What are you guys doing here?"
The both of them glanced back forth at each other, "Uh, well... It's a funny story. Where's your family, Linc?"
"I don't know, but my guess is that they're still partying."
. . .
The truth was, they weren't. Long story short, they were stuck in a hotel where Rita's boss was hosting a costume party at. Unfortunately for them, a technical malfunction caused the electricity to go out and the entire building to go into lockdown mode. After managing to contact the police for assistance, they decided to play a card game to pass the time.
"Are they done yet?"
. . .
"No."
"And that, my friends, is how my friends spent Halloween," Girl Jordan closed the book, revealing herself to be the narrator.
"I'm pretty sure you copied a large portion of that story from better Halloween-themed stories, Jordan."
"Oh, don't judge me, Trent. Fuck me."