Chapter 21 – Conflicted feelings
Darkness. That was everything what surrounded me right now. It was Thursday night, two days after the day I had found out that it was the fault of Shiro´s father that my own had to die. Since that very day, I tried to avoid any contact I could get with Shiro in order to respect my mother´s wishes. But.. It hurt.. Mother never went into detail what exactly had happened in the past to cause that terrible incident. So I was only left with my pure imagination about what could have happened. I mean, maybe Shiro´s father had been a member of a dangerous gang who had caused my father trouble? Or had there been a fight between them and Shiro´s dad was actually a serial killer on the run? I shook my head in disagreement. I already was going crazy because of not knowing what had happened. It wasn´t like I didn´t try to get my mother to talk, but she simply refused to tell me any detail and remained stubborn about it.
I sighed in frustration, sat up and looked around my room. Everything was dark, since the lights were off. Every night since that big revealment had been the same. Just me sitting on my bed in complete darkness and leaning against the cold window, thinking about what was right and wrong. All sorts of imaginations ran through my brain. Ridiculous ones but also a lot of questions. Like for example if Shiro and Shota knew about all of this and what their intentions were by getting closer to me. Or could it be that Shiro didn´t know anything? That would explain why he seemed so surprised and confused about me ignoring him at school. I shook my head again, finally layed down and closed my eyes. It didn´t matter. Clearly my mother was troubled by this whole situation and in order to be a good daughter I shouldn´t dig into this matter any further. The only thing I had to do was to forget about the last few weeks and get back to the normal life I had lived for so many years.
,,But why does my heart ache so much by the only thought of it?", I asked myself, while single tears dropped down my cheek, drifting me slowly to sleep.