Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, and that you should support Masashi Kishimoto's official release. I'm not making any profit off this story. This project is done for fun and writing critique.
Again, RHF is ending. There's this chapter, and one other chapter left before we lay this fic to rest.
If you have any questions about the end of the story, or want to request sketches or bits of writing, or anything else, please go to raidinghisfridge dot tumblr dot com. Anons welcome. I'll be running the blog for a couple weeks after the end of the series, but unless people ask questions or make requests, there probably won't be too terribly much on there. So please, ask away!
(XXX)
Taking Sakura to apologize to Ino wasn't as sensationally awkward and emotionally-charged as Kiba feared it might be. Despite Kiba having shown up with his uninvited visitor, when Ino opened the door she simply sighed deeply as if she'd been expecting this for a long time. She and Sakura disappeared into another room, their hushed, thick voices drifting out to Kiba like ghosts. When they came out of the room, hands linked, it was like they'd never been enemies. After that, they all went out for brunch and wandered around the town for a while. Watching Sakura and Ino laugh together, Kiba felt a keen ache and remembered there was a part of him that was currently missing.
After the town had shown them all it could offer for the day, they stopped at a little café for dinner. Eventually Sakura stood and excused herself to the bathroom. Ino continued munching her food while Kiba sat awkwardly, waiting for Sakura to move out of earshot.
"You okay?" he asked her finally.
"Huh?" she said, dabbing at her face with a napkin. "What do you mean?"
Kiba gestured with his chin in the direction Sakura had gone. "You're okay with this?"
She shrugged and smiled ruefully. "What can I say? No matter how much we fought and hated each other, I still missed her."
"But she cracked your head open," Kiba said. "She could have killed you. Or worse, she could have ruined your whole life."
Ino flushed in embarrassment, knowing Kiba was talking from experience. "There's nothing worse than losing a friend. I kept thinking about her, lying awake some nights, wondering if I was the one who did wrong. I counted up all my mistakes I made when we were friends, and all the mistakes I've ever made … and I realized what a worthless person I was. I got mad over something stupid she said, and gave up on her when she needed me the most." She wiped her eyes. "I don't know what dying is like, but I imagine it's better than feeling that pain forever."
Kiba watched her, opening and closing his mouth but not knowing what to say. She reached for his hand and he obliged, stroking her fingers with his thumb.
"Kiba," she started softly, "If you knew this would happen to you—all the problems with your head and with your life—would you have rather died?"
He stared straight at her, just barely biting back his answer. He took a few moments to clear even the thought of it from his mind. Then he said, "Of course not. If I had died, I wouldn't have gotten to meet Naruto, Sasuke, Kakashi-sensei, or …" His face fell. He looked down at where his and her hands met, seeing their delicate skin intertwined. They were both so weak, he thought. Both so sensitive and easily broken or hurt. They were two people who could only survive by depending on others, yet always pushing them away.
"How is Shika?" he asked her.
"I don't know. I haven't seen him in a while." She paused, hesitant. "Did … you two have a fight?"
"A little too one-sided to call it that," he sighed.
"Chouji told me he's been a little listless lately," she began and stopped suddenly, startled when Kiba squeezed her hand roughly. She looked on him pityingly. "… I'm going to their apartment tonight to meet up with Chouji for a date. If you want—" she smiled a little when Kiba's head shot up in hopeful eagerness, "—you can come with me. Unless you think there'll be a shouting match."
He shook his head quickly. "If we ever fought about something, I don't think we could fight like that."
She nodded her assent. "Then I'll take you with me. After we finish dinner and walk Sakura back to her house, we'll go straight there."
A few moments later, Sakura came back and slid back into her seat. She and Ino fell back into casual conversation in between bites of food, while Kiba focused on eating, blood and nerves thrumming with anxiousness for what was to come.
(XXX)
Chouji was the one to open the apartment door. His smile was impossibly bright as he looked at his girlfriend, but immediately melted into a frown upon seeing Kiba.
"What'd you bring him for, Ino?"
"A little pick-me-up for Shikamaru," she said as she ducked inside the apartment, Kiba following close behind. "Where is he?"
Instead of answering, Chouji jerked a thumb towards the bedroom door. Rolling her eyes at his moodiness, she went to go retrieve Shikamaru. While she was gone, Kiba took one sweeping look at the apartment, trying to find any lingering trace of the monster that had once tried to attack him here. Everything looked normal—the light bulb had been replaced and the carpet cleaned up. It was as if the attack never happened at all. He was almost able to convince himself it had just been a dream, but he couldn't shake the memory of that painful terror in his chest and Shikamaru's arms anchoring him to sanity.
Ino peeked her head out of the doorway and said, "Kiba, you can come in now." She stepped aside to let him through, then left the room and closed the door behind him. There was Shikamaru, in front of him, sitting up on the side of a small drab bed in a tiny, undecorated room with only a bed and a bureau with a mirror. Pensiveness seized the lazy boy's face. Those sharp brown eyes never blinked or left Kiba, who stood wondering just what he was supposed to say now that he was here.
"I, uh …" he said intelligently, then opened and closed his mouth wordlessly. He closed his eyes and thought back to what Sasuke had said.
Who are you?
Kiba thrust his hand before Shikamaru, head bowed, and stammered out, "M-my name … is Inuzuka Kiba. And … I like dogs, men, and m-my … my best friend is Nara Shikamaru." He felt his face burning. Why was it so hard to say what he wanted to say? "I don't know … how I could've forgotten that. You're the only person who's been by my side this whole time. I-I … I don't care who you were before, or what you did in the past, because that fact won't change."
He looked up at Shikamaru, who was eyeing him steadily and in shock.
"Shika … I'm sorry. For pretending I didn't know you, and making you tell me about things you didn't want to tell me, when I couldn't handle it. I'm sorry I made you protect me at the festival. I'm sorry you had to protect me from the start."
"Don't apologize," Shikamaru said softly, looking down at his feet. "It's not your fault—you can't help it."
"Sometimes, maybe. But I let my problems run me around and did nothing to stop them. My journal and my friends can't fix everything for me. All this time I've been telling myself I can't help it," Kiba said, and ran a hand through his hair. "I just … gave up."
He saw disagreement shining in Shikamaru's eyes, but the other man said nothing. They stood in silence for a few moments, broken only by the faint sound of Kiba's frantic breathing.
"I still don't know who I am," Kiba said, "Everything in my life has changed, in such a short amount of time. But … I want to try figuring it out. And the one thing I know for sure is that you're a part of who I am. I won't forget about that ever again."
Kiba could hardly see anything through his blurred vision, lungs heaving and heart thumping in his chest. He'd never thought much until now about what it would be like to lose Shikamaru. He'd taken his friend for granted, thinking he would always be there, and always forgive him. But now Kiba had stripped back every layer, every lie and persona, and underneath his rationality was naked and screaming with freedom. It was telling him, "There's only so much shit a person can take from you until they leave you." And he couldn't handle it if Shikamaru didn't forgive him.
"Aren't you afraid of me?" Shikamaru asked.
"I don't know. The only thing I'm afraid of right now is losing you." Kiba's vision was now fluttering to and away at regular intervals. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his breathing. When he opened his eyes again, Shikamaru was standing in front of him. Kiba stared at him helplessly, unable to think of anything else to say.
"Of course I forgive you, idiot," Shikamaru said, putting a hand on Kiba's shoulder. The minute he was touched, Kiba flew into Shikamaru with a hug, squeezing him tightly. "Fuck! Let go, you're crushing me!"
Kiba released him, but still gripped the other boy's arms. "I'm not dependable, but you can depend on me too. I won't run away anymore, so I can become a person you can trust."
Shikamaru looked at him shortly, then simply nodded his head. "Then you can start by staying with me here tonight. Chouji and Ino are going out tonight, and I don't want to be alone here … for obvious reasons."
"Then … how about you come to my house? There's not much there, but I have video games, and you can meet Ma and my sister … and Ma's not a bad cook either. Sometimes."
Shikamaru gave him a tired half-smile. "That sounds good."
(XXX)
The next day, the group had their usual session. Kakashi permitted Hinata and Shino to come visit, a lot more readily than anyone thought he would. The two were a little confused when everyone showed up with Konoha military headbands on—even Kiba was wearing his, though he never had before and almost forgot to. The two newcomers were greeted with great enthusiasm, and everyone gawked over them, poking fun at Hinata's shy, graceful demeanor, and their name-brand clothes. Naruto and Kiba joked about how in a room of crazy kids, Hinata and Shino were the real circus freaks. Hinata got the chance to read some of Kiba's journal, and though some of what she read made her nearly faint in worry, she seemed grateful to have seen a side of Kiba she hadn't had the chance to before.
When the kids all broke off into small discussion groups, Shino puttered around silently, listening to all the conversations with a somber demeanor. Sometimes he asked questions, like when Naruto told the story of how he came to live in Iruka's house with his therapist. He didn't ask Kiba any questions, though—simply listened quietly to his and Shikamaru's chitchat.
Eventually they decided to order some takeout, and when it arrived, everyone congregated back into a full group, laughing and shouting at each other between mouthfuls of food. Naruto had Hinata red-faced and in stitches, telling her naughty jokes that no mortal soul in their right mind would ever tell a lady of her delicacy and stature. She laughed even harder when Naruto and Sasuke began to get into a heated debate over the logistics of the jokes Naruto had just told. Everyone shared tea and rice and merry smiles.
Eventually, though, Kiba felt someone tap him on the shoulder. When he looked up, he saw Shino standing above him. He made no gesture or change in expression, but having known him for so long, Kiba knew he wanted to talk about something.
"I'm gonna step outside for a moment," Kiba said, setting his food and chopsticks down. "Don't eat my food while I'm gone."
"No promises," Shikamaru said, already reaching into Kiba's box with his chopsticks.
Kiba followed Shino outside onto the front porch. They closed the door and stood awkwardly together in the evening air.
"So, what do you think?" Kiba asked him.
"It's certainly an … interesting arrangement," Shino said, his tone saying he didn't have much problem with the way sessions were conducted. "It's a lot different than I imagined. Though, I'm not sure what I imagined in the first place."
Kiba grinned a little. "Then … what do you want to talk about, if not that?"
There was a considerably long pause between them—long even by Shino's standards. He didn't look at Kiba once.
Then, all of a sudden, he said, "I know what happened. Before you got attacked, and why you got attacked." Kiba could hear a sharp intake of breath, but nothing followed it for a few moments. "… I'm sorry."
So that's what he wanted to talk about. Kiba avoided looking at Shino and rubbed his neck nervously. "It's not your fault. It was just hard for me. I didn't know what I wanted, and before I got the chance to figure it out, my brain got fucked up."
"And when you were recovering …" Shino continued like Kiba hadn't said anything, "We shouldn't have told you about our relationship."
"I'm not mad that you did. I was happy for you two, honest. Happier than anyone else. Doesn't mean I didn't feel sad either, but … it's okay now." He looked up to meet Shino's eyes. "I think I'm finally starting to sort things out. Thanks to my friends here, I'm learning how I really feel. And I'll never forget how you and Hinata supported me all this time."
"And what about me? Do I still … hurt you?"
Barking a laugh at Shino's uncharacteristic timidity, Kiba said, "Not really. Now that I know you know … it takes a weight off of me. But it already stopped hurting so much a while ago. I think I might even be able to fall in love with someone else now. So don't worry about me."
They stood together in companionable silence for a while, gazing up at the stars.
Eventually, Shino spoke again, his voice softer and gentler than the brush of a butterfly's wings:
"Does he know?"
Shaking his head, Kiba said, "No. Well, I hope not."
"Does it have to be him?" Shino asked sadly, but Kiba just shook his head again.
"I know you're afraid of him. I mean, afraid of what he might do. To be honest, I am too a little. But I know him. And the kind of person he is …" Kiba looked at his friend pleadingly, just barely catching a glimpse of the pained eyes behind Shino's sunglasses. "I haven't met anyone like him before."
"Maybe if you wait a little while someone else will come along," Shino reasoned. "Maybe when you get better."
Kiba resisted the urge to tell Shino that there was no 'getting better.' He knew he'd be dealing with his problems for the rest of his life, constantly fighting to keep his head above water.
"I'm getting better because of him."
"But how do you know that's love?"
"I don't," Kiba said, resting his head back on the doorframe. "So you better not say a damn word to anybody else."