I'm in shock, not fully understanding what just happened. I mean, I know that she hit me. I'm just unclear about what is going on around me. Grant is now positioned in front of me, and quite the argument is taking place between the siblings. But I can't hear anything. I feel dizzy and sick. And then I vomit.
Oh god.
I begin to feel better, but I still hear nothing. I look up and see that the room as fallen silent, everyone's attention is now fixed on me. Great.
"Caroline, are you okay?" Grant kneels in front of me, wiping vomit from my dress with a decorative napkin.
I nod. I don't want to speak.
"Lily, what the hell is wrong with you?!" I hear my brother shout, and I just want to leave.
"Can we please go, Grant?" I whisper, but I know everyone can hear me. My eyes begin to well up, and I don't know if it's because of the pain or if it's because I'm mortified.
"Yes, baby. Let me just get you cleaned up," He continues to wipe away at my dress, dabbing the napkin periodically in water.
"Why would you hit my pregnant sister? You do realize that she's carrying our niece or nephew, don't you? His voice becomes breathy, and I know that he's beyond angry.
"Well, I highly doubt that, Griffon! Who knows who the heroin whores been fucking!" Lily's voice is shrill, and my ears throb in defiance.
Great, now everyone know's that I'm a fucking heroin addict. Just a cherry on top of this god damned day. I push myself up from my chair, pulling myself from Grant's cleaning attempt.
I begin to run towards the door. I need to get out of here. This is why I don't leave the comfort of Grant's apartment, so shit like this doesn't happen. Maybe I deserve this, for hurting everyone around me. My heel catches on my dress and I fall forwards, barely landing on my hands. I sit up and peel my heel from my foot and throw it across the room, just before I begin to cry hysterically. What's it matter, everyone already knows what a train wreck I am.
Within seconds, both my mother and Grant are at my side. My mother begins to place her arm around me, and I push it away. Why does she care? I've been replaced by Lily.
"Cari I'm so so sorry!" she begins to weep, and I just want to leave. I don't even look at her as Grant pulls me into his arm, carrying me from the room.
As we drive away from the hotel, Grant is silent but his face is red with anger. He pulls a small bottle out of his jacket and takes a lengthy drink.
"Grant," I give him a small smile so that he won't think I'm nagging. He hasn't completely given up drinking, but he's learning he can't drink when he's angry.
"Don't give me this shit right now, Caroline." He barks as he takes another swig.
I lean back in my chair, placing my hand over my belly. He notices the gester and he grunts.
"I'm sorry for yelling at you, baby." I look to him and smile. I grab his hand and place it on my bump.
"Hold still," I tell him, hoping that they baby will move. Grant hasn't felt it yet, as he hasn't been interested. But I think it may trigger something, and he'll put the bottle down. Then the baby gives a few strong kicks, and his face crinkles.
He pulls his hand away, and takes another exaggerated drink.
"Our baby likes your voice," I whisper as I scoot closer to him.
"Stop Caroline!" His voice is sharp as he pulls away from me. I recoil to my side of the car and stare out the window for the remainder of the ride home.
I curl up on the plush sofa in the entertainment room, worried about where Grant is. After we arrived, he ushered me inside and then left to god knows where.
I flick on the impossibly large flat screen and flip through channels. I decide on some crappy love movie, and I attempt to pull my knees to my chest. It doesn't work out so well these days however, due to my growing belly. I begin to cry, feeling lonely. I wish Grant was here.
I jolt up and realize I must have fallen asleep as a different cheesy movie now airing. My body feels stiff and numb as I try to pull myself up from the couch.
I hear a noise coming from Grant's bedroom. Thank god he's home! I just want to go fall asleep in his arms. I inch my way towards his room, trying to decipher the noise. It's just as I reach Grant's door that I realize what it is. I gently the door open, and my heart sinks into my stomach.
Grant lies on his bed, while a naked Amanda bounces around on him.
Oh god, I'm going to be sick. A pained sob escapes my mouth, and both jump as they see me.
I run from the room and down the hall, throwing my bedroom door closed behind me. I mean, what did I expect? We're not together...but I at least thought he knew how my feelings have developed for him. I throw my back on to the bed as I sob uncontrollably. Why would he bring her home? I mean, he wants this place to be my home too, doesn't he? How did he think I'd feel seeing that? You weren't meant to see, it. It's his bedroom. I need to leave, to go to my apartment.
I pack a small overnight bag and exit my bedroom. I walk quietly down the hallway and hear that they're still at it. They didn't even stop. This floors me and I pick up my pace.
As I exit Desque, I realize that I don't have my car. Grant insisted that I sell it, as it wasn't safe for travel. I laugh at the memory, until the current brings me back down. I hail a taxi and almost immediately one stops.
"Frankfort ave, please."
I lay in my bed tossing from side to side. I can't get the image of Amanda fucking Grant out of my head. Why didn't he want me? I know that I'm not exactly...fit, these days but I know I'm not absolutely horrid. My phone begins to vibrate in my hand and I see that Grant is calling. I ignore the call, and almost immediately it's vibrating again. I switch it to silent and place it under my pillow. I'm so grateful I kept this place, as I really couldn't force myself to part with it. I told Grant that I didn't want to break my lease, which is partly true, but I also needed the reassurance that i'd have a place to go if Grant ever made me leave.
I continue to toss and turn knowing that I can't sleep. All I see is Grant playing with Amanda's breast as she rides him.
I check my phone and see another 8 missed calls. I throw it against the wall, presumably breaking it. Fuck it.
I then hear a banging at my door. That was fast.
As I walk into the bedroom I can feel my body tremble. What if he's drunk? What if he's angry at me for leaving? I peek through the small hole to see a distraught Grant leaning against the door. He has just fucked hair, and his cheeks are flushed.
"Go away," I shout through the door, knowing that it isn't going to deter him.
"Open up the fucking door, Caroline!" he shouts as he bangs his fist against the wood.
I decide to let him stew. This isn't my fault. But is it his? Yes! It is! He brought that bitch to our home! His home. Whatever!
I sit on the couch and place my hands over my ears, as his banging is starting to give me a headache.
"You have 30 seconds Caroline! Or so fucking help me you'll regret it!" His voice is even more harsh than his words, and decide now is definitely not the time to discuss anything with him.
I then hear the lock tumble, and he enters my doorway. He's wearing a t-shirt that accents his tight muscles, and a pair of crinkled jeans.
"Get out!" I shriek, holding back the tears that have sprung to my eyes. He shuts the door and stalks towards me, his face tight. He unbuckles his belt, sliding it through the loops of his jeans. I hope he doesn't expect to try to make this up to me by making love to me after he fucked her! The thought of this causes my tears to fall. As he begins to get closer, I smell the alcohol. Oh god, he's wasted!
He holds his belt tight in his hands, twisting the leather.
"You think you can defy me, Caroline?" His voice is low, and terrifying. Oh god, no!
"Grant, don't...I'm sorry." I begin, placing my hands in front of me as a plead.
He pulls me up, and we struggle as he tries to remove my pajama's.
"No, Grant!" I cry, some how hoping that he'll stop. But he doesn't. He rips the silk from my body and pushes me belly first against the couch, my back to him.
Crack!
The belt cracks against my bottom.