Chapter 21: False Ambitions
"Sesshoumaru..." Inu Yasha snarled as he stomped angrily toward his brother.
Sesshoumaru had not moved an inch. Instead, he watched him closely, speaking in his accustomed, calculated way, "Why are you so mad Inu Yasha? It wasn't that I forced her to come with me... actually..." Sesshoumaru added as an afterthought, "She wanted to come."
"You're lying." Inu Yasha spat angrily.
"Now why, Inu Yasha, would I want to do that?" Sesshoumaru retorted annoyedly. He started approaching his brother, who tensed noticeably.
"Come on, I need to have a little talk with you." Sesshoumaru advised as he walked down the street. Inu Yasha glared at him for a moment, then reluctantly followed. He had learned long ago never to question his brother's motives.
The two walked in silence for a couple of blocks -- giving Inu Yasha enough time to cool off from the encounter he had witnessed with Kagome.
What was going on? What had happened during those two weeks of vacation? Could Kagome have changed so drastically?
The thought repulsed him -- that Kagome, KAGOME, would be anywhere with his brother...
He scowled to himself.
However, even though the thought revolted him, he could not but feel in the back of his mind that somehow... somehow...
He brushed the thought away like a pestering fly and concentrated on glowering at his brother.
The two had walked some distance when Sesshoumaru opened a door to a dimly-lit café that doubled as a bar and strode inside.
As Inu Yasha stepped inside, it began snowing gently. The small white orbs of brilliance blessed the world with their never-ending purity.
Inside, Inu Yasha followed like a dog on a leash to where his brother led him. He did so on his guard, of course, never fully trusting his brother.
Sesshoumaru and he had never been close...
As the two matured, the rift between them had expanded and sparks discharged like an oncoming thunderstorm.
"Where the hell are we?" Inu Yasha whispered in resentment.
"We're in a bar of sorts." Sesshoumaru said smoothly as he seated himself in a far corner table.
"I can see that." Inu Yasha grumbled, plopping down on the worn brown leather.
"Good. I'm glad your eyes are still functioning." Sesshoumaru said curtly as he took a pair of small designer frames out of his coat pocket and placed them onto his face. He picked up the menu and scanned over the drinks.
Inu Yasha watched him, a look of annoyance and curiosity on his face. "Since when have you worn glasses?"
"I only wear them if it's dark with poor lighting." Sesshoumaru said distractedly, still studying the menu.
"Feh." Muttered Inu Yasha.
Sesshoumaru looked up, exasperation plastered on his face. Setting down the menu as the waitress neared them, he spoke in very proper Japanese, "A cup of coffee with a shot of brandy."
The waitress looked at Inu Yasha, who decided to just one up his brother said, "A double of brandy."
"On the rocks sir?"
"No. Just plain. No ice." Inu Yasha said smoothly, grinning madly at his brother. Sesshoumaru seemed not to notice.
After the waitress had departed, Inu Yasha leaned across the table, grumbling, "Now are you now going to tell me why you dragged me all the way out here? I DO have better things to do with my time..."
"Oh? Really?" Sesshoumaru questioned, mildly surprised, "If I had known, I would have never trespassed on your precious time."
"Shut up." Inu Yasha sneered, folding his arms angrily.
"Anyways..." Sesshoumaru began, suspending his finger over the candle at the tableside, "About... Kikyou."
Sesshoumaru emphasized the last word, making it as sharp as a razor blade, violently cutting Inu Yasha.
"Yeah, what about her?" Inu Yasha reacted, slightly off-guard.
"How is she? After all, you two did have all vacation together, did you not?" Sesshoumaru asked maliciously, grinning slightly.
"Yeah, we did. So what?" Inu Yasha spat, "It's none of your damn business."
"Oh. I see." Sesshoumaru said plainly.
A few moments of silence passed until the waitress appeared with their drinks. Sesshoumaru took a small sip of the brew, and then resting his elbows against the table, he said smoothly, "I hope you're happy with her."
"Why yes, I'm very happy, just to let you know." Inu Yasha snorted as he gulped down the brandy.
"Well, I would not want you to end up with someone you might not truly love." Sesshoumaru said innocently.
He was playing right into his hands.
"W-What do you mean, idiot?" Inu Yasha said gruffly -- pretending he did not care.
"Well, what I mean to say is -- remember, Inu Yasha, Kikyou did cheat on you. This would be nothing at all if you truly loved her.... If there was no other that you might love, then it is perfectly logical that you two should be happy... however... are you sure there isn't another?"
"Who do you mean?" Inu Yasha sputtered, flushed from both the accusation and the brandy.
"Don't play innocent, boy." Sesshoumaru demanded, rolling his eyes. "You know exactly who I mean."
"No. I don't. Tell me." Inu Yasha said, taunting his brother.
"Kagome, of course." Sesshoumaru said too smoothly, "I always thought there was something between you two..."
"Y-You what?"
"Well, that was the impression I got from Kagome." Sesshoumaru explained, sipping the coffee.
"What did she say?!" Inu Yasha demanded.
"That I cannot tell you. But what I can say -- as a brother, is that: if you truly love Kikyou, and you'll never love any other woman again -- then by all means, be with her. However, if there's someone else, you would be cheating both Kikyou and yourself..."
"It would only be fair... to all of you..." Sesshoumaru pronounced quietly.
Inu Yasha sank his head, gazing down into the brandy.
And so... it began...
Sesshoumaru grinned. His brother was too idiotic, too predictable....
Soon, he would be rid of this Kagome forever... the sooner the better....
"This is brotherly advice -- I just hope that your relationship with Kikyou hasn't gone too far..." Sesshoumaru said, his eyebrows rising.
"What the HELL are you implying?!" Inu Yasha snarled, flushed.
My, my, my... I had no idea my younger brother was so embarrassed about sex... amusing...
"Do you want my opinion?" Sesshoumaru asked quietly in a tone of false intimacy.
"No!... Well, I guess it wouldn't hurt." Inu Yasha relented. As much as he hated his elder brother, he had to admit that he had more experience with the ladies.
"My guess is that Kagome would not be unhappy to enter an intimate relationship with you. She missed you at the Christmas party, and --"
"She went to Mother's Christmas party!?" Inu Yasha interrupted, slapping his hand to his forehead.
"Why, yes, didn't mother tell you?" Sesshoumaru inquired playfully.
"No! All she told me was that YOU seemed to be having a very good time with a particular girl... I can only imagine. Who the hell was she, by the way?" Inu Yasha questioned suddenly, interested in his elder brother's affair.
"Oh, someone who will be quickly forgotten."
How true he wished his words were.
"Now, Inu Yasha, you can go. You have been in my presence too long, as I'm sure I have been for you. Go, you annoy me."
Inu Yasha looked at him, scowling.
Sesshoumaru added critically, "Compared to me, you were never any good."
"Sure." Inu Yasha scoffed.
Sesshoumaru watched his brother passively. Inu Yasha finally decided it WAS time to go, because his brother had gone into his "I'm ignoring you, pest" mode.
Inu Yasha drained the brandy, threw down a few hundred yen, and quietly left the bar. Sesshoumaru was glad to see him leave. His presence annoyed him, but at least he was glad that Inu Yasha had played out his mission.
Soon all the pieces would be falling into place, and he would be rid of Kagome for good.
Soon...
If Kagome was as predictable as he figured she was, she would play right into his trap.
Kagome would soon be Inu Yasha's... and he would then forget about the whole affair.
Gulping down the rest of the coffee, Sesshoumaru muttered to himself as he left the building, "Little brothers are such pests."
Kagome had returned to Tokyo only to find an empty dorm room. No, Sango had not left her. Actually, it turned out that she had traveled to Okinawa for the marine biologists' annual trip.
For one thing, Kagome did not even know Sango was in the marine bio class. However, she quickly found out.
Kagome was even more surprised to discover that Miroku was in the same class with her... she could only grin.
She was happy they had worked things out.
However, now the room seemed lonely and bare. She would often avoid coming back until around midnight -- so she could just fall asleep instead of feeling forlorn in the quiet atmosphere.
Thus she did not notice the small flashing light on the answering machine until the morning after the call. Clicking the button, Kagome was surprised to hear Inu Yasha's voice crackling over the system.
"Kagome, I wasn't in this week's class -- could you drop by and let me borrow the notes? Give me a call back, you know my number. Thanks"
Kagome stood and stared at the machine for a while. For some reason, she had the feeling that she would not be going over to his apartment just for notes.
But Kagome felt she should reply, so she called him and said that she would drop off her notes the following Saturday.
Inu Yasha, in his usual aloofness and arrogance seemed to offer no sign of thanks. However, Kagome knew Inu Yasha well enough to deduce his tacit gratitude.
The week continued on as usual, Kagome once again burying herself in her studies, although at times taking a break to enjoy the Archery Club.
Although Kikyou had returned to Tokyo, she was not in the club. She only helped out, so Kagome only caught glimpses of her every now and then.
The two never spoke.
The club now held Kagome as their best archer and often signed her up for tournaments with other schools.
Needless to say, Kagome won most of them, and the Tokyo University Archery Club slowly ascended the scale.
Kagome realized she needed the off-time at archery. It seemed that the professors were piling mountains of work. Although she COULD keep up, it left her little social time.
Sango and Miroku, along with all the other students in Marine Biology, would not return for another week. So Kagome contented herself with school, archery, and day time television (mostly international cooking shows).
She rarely thought about Inu Yasha, although at times, when she would hardly expect it, she found Sesshoumaru's face creeping into her mind.
The thought did not disturb her... no, it just confused her. His actions had always done that. The fact that one moment he was cold, yet another so affectionate, had always caused her to question his motives.
What was happening?
However, as soon as the thought of Sesshoumaru entered her mind, she would try to brush it away as soon as possible.
She did not like to be confused about people's emotions -- and Sesshoumaru's made it all worse.
Saturday, 1 PM
Kagome exited the elevator onto Inu Yasha's floor. She was surprised she still managed to get to his house, although it was a good thing she asked him again for his apartment number.
Walking down the long line of doors, Kagome glanced up and down from the scrap of paper she held in her hands.
Looking up, she found the room she was looking for... but strangely the door had been left open.
Her thoughts were distracted as a small child -- about six or seven -- approached her and asked her curiously, "Are you Kagome?"
She looked down at him, rather amused and astonished that he knew her name. Smiling, she replied, "Yes, I am."
The boy rubbed his nose and continued, "Inu Yasha told me that you can just go in. He said somebody came down the lobby to talk to him. He'll be up here soon, I think."
Kagome blinked a bit, a bit surprised. Grinning, she thanked the boy and walked into Inu Yasha's apartment.
Sesshoumaru scowled to himself -- after about two weeks of brooding between classes -- he had finally come to the conclusion that what he had done to Inu Yasha had been extremely short-sighted of him.
He realized that it had been a foolhardy thing to persuade Inu Yasha to pursue Kagome.
How COULD he have been so short-sighted?!
The fact was, after realizing it at two A.M. yesterday, was that he had a chance with Kagome, probably better than his brother. His irrational, idiotic brother.
Of course, he would do nothing to pursue her. However, if Kagome and Inu Yasha "got together" -- he would hate his brother even more. Although he already disliked his annoying younger brother now -- he would totally despise him later.
Rushing to Inu Yasha's apartment building after his Saturday morning class, he had waited in the lobby some time, waiting for his form to appear. Sesshoumaru had no doubt -- NO doubt -- that Inu Yasha was surprised to hear his voice over the intercom, and so it took him quite a while to come down to the lobby.
When Inu Yasha had arrived, they moved away from the entrance to not attract attention.
"What are you DOING here?" Inu Yasha growled, "I'm expecting someone, ass!"
"Oh, foul language indeed, dear brother." Sesshoumaru grinned, trying to show some form of composure. Truth be told, he was on the brink of insanity. (as far as insanity went) He was only praying that Inu Yasha had not yet made his move.
He, Sesshoumaru, was actually that desperate.
However, he would not admit this to anyone, not even himself.
"What do you want...?" Inu Yasha grumbled, folding his arms.
"Have you talked to Kagome since she returned?" Sesshoumaru inquired, his speech slow and calculated. He could give no sign. Leave no trace.
"Yeah, sure, I've talked to her." Inu Yasha grinned, chuckling.
"That's not what I meant, mindless idiot, and you know it." Sesshoumaru spat, annoyed at his brother's evasiveness.
"Oh, you mean -- have I 'told her', eh?" Inu Yasha said, his grin broadening.
"Of sorts." Sesshoumaru mused, trying to look uninterested.
"Why the hell do you care?" Inu Yasha questioned suddenly.
"I? Care? About your insignificant little girl?" Sesshoumaru questioned, slightly sniggering to himself.
"Then why are you here? Did you come all the way over here to ask me that? Cut the crap, why are you here?" Inu Yasha demanded, his voice rising with every word.
Sesshoumaru observed his brother pensively. He could not tell him the truth, not on his life. His brother would take too much pleasure in his downfall.
A few tense moments passed, in which Sesshoumaru only tried to think of ways he could avoid his brother's question. However, he needed not to ponder anymore. About a minute later, Inu Yasha snapped at Sesshoumaru, "Damn it! What time is it?"
Contemplating his watch, he answered that it was ten minutes past one.
Receiving a glare of death like no other from Inu Yasha, Sesshoumaru was slightly shocked to see him rush down the hall and up the stairs.
He watched him go. Somehow... he felt there was someone waiting for him in his room...
This thought terrified him, more than ever in his entire life. He followed his brother heatedly, silently cursing him with every tainted word he knew -- a few in foreign languages.
Somehow, his brother would pay for his acts.
As Sesshoumaru walked down the hall, he suddenly stopped and sniffed the air. He had not been aware of it until now... was that the smell of alcohol he sensed around Inu Yasha?
His eyes narrowed. Inu Yasha was begging for his death wish.
Kagome curiously looked about the apartment, slightly wondrous of how Inu Yasha lived. Although she had been inside it once, she had never gotten a good look of it other than his kitchen.
Wandering around the room, she peered down at a few scattered pictures that were buried deep in the shelves where shadows partly covered them.
From what she could see, there was a picture of two young boys practicing Kendo, one grinning at the camera.
Continuing her turn around the room, she could see a skyline of Tokyo on his small deck.
Suddenly, Kagome heard footsteps down the hall. A few moments later, a nearly breathless Inu Yasha appeared.
Smiling at her as he ran his hands through his long hair nervously, he motioned for her to sit down as he dashed off to make some tea.
"Do you need any help?" Kagome offered, nervously shuffling the papers in her lap.
"No! I can do it, I'm not completely stupid, you know?" Inu Yasha barked playfully.
"Of course." Kagome chuckled, looking down at her notes.
A few moments later, Inu Yasha emerged, a bit shakily balancing two cups of tea on a tray.
"Are you sure you don't need help?" Kagome insisted, getting up a bit from the couch.
"You just stay seated." Inu Yasha commanded.
After firmly placing the tray on the coffee table, he sat next to Kagome.
Kagome nervously sipped her tea. Inu Yasha was certainly acting strange. For some reason, Kagome noticed, he was strangely flushed as he sat staring down at his lap.
After a few moments, he got up and paced around the room -- as if he were deep in contemplation.
"Is something wrong? Did I come at a bad time?" Kagome inquired.
"What? Oh! No! Of course not!" Inu Yasha blurted, momentarily interrupted from his reverie.
Kagome continued to watch him for a few moments, worry growing in her eyes.
What exactly is torturing him that way?
Lifting herself up from the couch, she quietly made her way toward Inu Yasha, whose back was facing her.
Gently she put her hand on his shoulder, making him jump with surprise.
He turned around -- for a moment she was able to detect something different in his eyes. Something of questioning, of longing, of fear...
"Inu Yasha?" She whispered. "Are you all right? Should I leave?"
Inu Yasha exhaled a long sigh, momentarily burying his face in his hands which he ran through his hair again, he breathed, "No -- don't go. I want you to stay."
Kagome studied his face. She had never seen him this on edge before.
"Do you want the notes?" Kagome asked.
"The notes?" Inu Yasha repeated as if in a trance. "Oh, yeah, the notes. Yeah, thanks."
Kagome extended her hand where she held the papers. As she did, she noticed Inu Yasha's hand was so unsteady, and as soon as she released them from her grip the papers fluttered to the floor.
"Sorry about that." Inu Yasha said suddenly, kneeling on the floor to pick up the missed assignments, notes, and dittos.
Kagome lowered herself and quietly picked up the shuffling papers.
Little did she notice Inu Yasha's eyes were straying from the floor to her figure.
It was now or never, he realized. Now was the only time he would ever muster up enough courage to tell her how he felt.
For once, he must be like his brother and have no regrets.
He gulped to himself. It was now or never.
Crawling a bit toward Kagome, he firmly yet gently pushed her against the floor.
Kagome felt the sudden movement and was about to cry out why he had pushed her, but she could not speak.
Inu Yasha took her hand and ran his chin along her neck. Kagome flushed -- suddenly confused at Inu Yasha's actions.
Kagome lay very still, almost afraid to breathe. She could feel the heat radiating from his body, not quite touching. Then she made the mistake of looking into his eyes and was trapped.
He inclined his body against her now, somehow wrapping his arms tightly around her and pinning her to the ground. He leaned closer and she felt his lips gently touch hers. She was acutely aware of how warm his hand was, and she could still feel the touch of his lips long after he pulled away.
Somehow, Kagome wanted to fall hopelessly under his touch.
And yet...
Closing her eyes she let herself merge with this person, Inu Yasha, softly wondering his motives... and why she could not quite give in...
His touch was strangely soft, like feathers surrounding her body.
It was almost as if there was something holding her back...
Or someone...
Slowly opening her eyes, the form of Sesshoumaru materialized in front of her. Almost taking it for a dream, she was surprised to find his figure gazing in sadly from the doorway.
Hurriedly she pushed Inu Yasha off her -- and yet Sesshoumaru had disappeared like the summer wind on a winter's day.
Kagome felt a sinking feeling throughout her body.
Sesshoumaru had reached Inu Yasha's apartment only to find the door carelessly left open.
He smirked to himself as he entered the residence. Yet, as he quietly spanned the dark hall the sounds he heard disturbed him.
It was the sound... of nothing.
Nothing at all. No voices, no papers, no wind... simply nothing.
His steps quickened, and when he looked over the threshold he could only feel a mixture of boiling anger and bitter disappointment.
The two were on the verge of intercourse - the way their bodies hugged against each other suggested enough.
His eyes narrowed and he anxiously tried to avert her gaze, but it was hypnotizing.
His eyes focused on Kagome - wondering why victory felt so much like defeat?
Her eyes opened and he found himself staring at a most curious expression. It was one mingled with embarrassment and astonishment... but the one emotion he had never expected to see in her face was regret.
She blinked, and at that moment he turned quietly on his heel and left the apartment.
He did not want to see this anymore.
He did not want to see what could have been... he did not want to see any of it...
Sesshoumaru could only curse himself and his short-sightedness.
He could admit his downfall openly.
In this aspect, he was equal -- as much as he hated to admit it -- to Inu Yasha. Both of them had stolen a kiss from Kagome, but Inu Yasha had won the war, claiming Kagome as his own.
Leaning against the partition in the foyer, breathing heavily, a thin layer of sweat draping his body, he thought to himself with the most hatred imaginable --
It is over now, Kagome is Inu Yasha's. He has finally won...