Hello everyone!

I am so so so so sorry for not posting this earlier, in was the end of my semester and I had absolutely no time to do anything, i'm really sorry.

But now, now it's over :D It's summer for me so I'll be posting much more often, although there is only four chapters left to this story, but still.

Also, I decided not to do a sequel, not now anyway, and instead start this other story I've been thinking about. I don't know when I'll post this, but soon enough since I don't have school anymore, yayyy!

Enough said, this is the next chapter, which is a flashback, so it's not like the other chapters. I hope that explains some things as to Sarah's past and that you all enjoy it. It's not a very pleasant chapter to read, since it's about pretty bad stuff, but I hope no one has a problem with it. Thanks for reading, leave me a review !

If there's something I find annoying as hell, it's walking on the grass with high heels on. For one, you just can't walk straight because the heel just digs in the mud, which is very likely to make you fall flat on your face. Then, you get your feet all dirty because it almost gets sucked in there with the shoe. No really, not a good idea.

However, here I was, walking in the forest in the highest heels I had ever experienced, under the influence of alcohol, and pretty damn pissed, if you want to know the truth. The reason was simple: I had just witnessed my boyfriend clearly flirting with some girl in my English class. I didn't even know why she was here in the first place, since there weren't many people of my school here at all, it was more of an underground party than a high school party, but she was there anyway. A high school party would have been in a decent place, like a house, where that girl would have been much more comfortable than here, trying to get with my boyfriend.

So much for a fun night.

I could see Jade from here, beer in hand, nodding at someone, looking bored as hell. I couldn't see who she was talking to, since a tree was blocking my view. I was almost at the meadow where she was standing, the only open space where the party was held. It's where the keg was and most of the people hung out, and where I had been for a while before I had gone looking for my boyfriend in the woods.

Maybe I should have just stayed there.

"So the guy turns to me and he's like, 'Hey dude, did you see that shit?' And I'm just like, 'Yeah man that was awesome!'"

Jade's face remained emotionless as she studied the guy in front of her, waiting for some kind of a punch line to his story while realising that he was finished, and was just laughing at his own joke while she held back a discouraged sigh. I knew she regretted coming here, but I had told her a million times this just wasn't a place for her. She had insisted; now she had to deal with her decision.

I took a step forward so that she could see me appear, and within a second she had, and was now silently calling to me with panicked eyes to do something to steal her from the guy's attention. I couldn't blame her; he did seem boring.

"Sarah, hey!" she called to me, seeing I hadn't done anything yet. I found myself obligated to walk to her, which I did, trying to smile at her while finding it impossible to do so. Right now, my boyfriend was probably making out with the girl in my English class.

"Jade, Marc, how's it going?" I asked casually, because I truly just wasn't all that enthusiast to be there either.

"Marc was just telling me about this time where he -" she started to explain, but Marc didn't let her continue.

"Me and Danny were just chillin', you know –?" he started, but it was I who interrupted him this time.

"Marc, I'm sorry, would you excuse us for a sec?"

Marc seemed to hesitate. He was obviously disappointed not to be given the chance to repeat his wonderful story, but Jade made it clear that she wasn't by letting go of a relieved sigh this time.

"Uh, yeah, yeah, I'll uh, get some more beer," Marc said.

"Yeah, you do that," I agreed, and my cousin and I walked away from him without another word.

"Such a pain in the ass," Jade commented while we sat on a wood bench near the camp fire. It was spring now, but it was still pretty cold and I was happy there was at least a source of heat near the place to keep me from freezing on the spot in my mini skirt.

"Uh, yeah," I agreed while staring at the flames and it didn't take much more than that for Jade to figure out something was wrong with me.

"You okay?" she worried, and I didn't raise my head to answer her.

"Nope. Lucas' being a dick. He's out there, getting some with Monica."

"What?" Jade exclaimed, almost dropping her beer in the process. I glanced at her while she composed herself not to seem so weird to others, since some had turned in our direction, wondering why she was screaming out of a sudden.

"Whatever," I mumbled, tossing a dead branch in the fire.

"Sarah, what the hell? You're just gonna let him cheat on you?" she continued shouting, but lower than the first time.

"There's no proof he's cheating on me, alright?" I snapped, realising how stupid I sounded as I said it. I just couldn't keep lying to myself.

"I've had enough of this," she sighed, putting her beer down as she spoke.

"Of what?"

"Of you. You're not you anymore. Ever since that stupid party where Catherine convinced you to dress like... like a slut. I'm sorry but you just look like a slut!" she explained, her features contrasting with her harsh words by softening as she stared at me.

I looked down at myself, trapped in a white camisole showing my dark bra underneath; with a leather mini skirt way too short for anyone, matching with my black shoes. I did, indeed, looked pretty much like a slut. It's what had gotten me all my friends. It's what had gotten me my stupid drug dealing boyfriend with his shitty ass friends who were as thug as I was a fairytale princess. It was just pathetic.

"Great. Anything else?" I snapped.

Again, being a bitch. How could I be like this to her? To myself? It was clear something was wrong, and yet I couldn't see it. I was keeping myself blind to my surroundings, only giving importance to what should have been the last thing on my mind. I could blame everyone else for making me like this, while I knew deep down it was only me who was responsible for it.

"No. I just want you back, that's all. The old you. The one I could look up to."

It was the first time that it hit me. I was her model; she looked up to me to become someone better. She wanted me to approve of her and here I was, being mean and incomprehensive, and everything I had always feared to become.

"Well, she's gone. I grew up, shit happens," I shrugged.

Jade scoffed beside me, causing me to look at her.

"You didn't grow up at all. This is not growing up. And when you actually grow up, Sarah, you'll look back on today and realise how much of a fucking moron you are right now," she spat at me.

She finished by standing up and leaving me there, completely lost for words, unable to even put my thoughts in order as to what my younger cousin had just said to me. How much of a disappointment could I be to her if she had to call me a moron for me to get it?

"Fine," I breathed out, before standing up as well, walking towards the woods again, determined to get lost in them. I drowned my beer in a single sip, which wasn't the best idea I had ever had, but at this point it didn't really matter anymore. Now that I was the biggest disgrace to my parents and had been let down by all of my friends, Jade was just the icing on the cake. I thought I had nothing to lose.

How naive I was.

[...]

"Why do you have to be such a bitch all the time?" shouted Lucas at my face as I took a step back, getting away from him.

I had been walking for less than ten minutes when I had bumped into him, zipping the front of his jeans casually, when his eyes met mine. Guilt had passed in them, just a split second. And then he was back with his idiotic grin, which had always made him look more like a dumbass than anything else.

"Me, a bitch? Really? You're the one fucking around, and I'm the bitch?" I screamed back, too drunk to even consider finding a pertinent come back to his never-ending insults. No need to explain that I had made the mistake of mentioning how Monica had seemed loosened up after I had met her less than five minutes ago.

"Where the fuck did you get that idea?" he spat, getting closer to me again. I had to admit I was slightly scared of him when he did that, not only because he was so much bigger than me, but also because his various tattoos and spiked up hair did nothing to soften his look.

"Oh please, I've never complained about the shit you put me through, but don't mistake me for a fool, Lucas. I know what you do when I'm not around, alright? Just 'cause I don't say anything doesn't mean I'm blind."

Lucas seemed to calm down after that, and his hard features soften into more normal ones.

"Then why don't you say anything?" he wondered as I found myself lost for words. If only I did knew why I just lived with it, why it didn't bother me, why I just didn't care.

Other than the fact that I just didn't care about him, period.

"Because, the very details of your life are mostly of very little importance to me, honey," I admitted, letting go of a low chuckle as I realised what I had just said.

"Yeah?" I nodded, still smiling. "Well then, it won't bother you to know that that little cousin of yours, that little fine thing, yeah? It won't bother you to know how hard I tapped that, huh?"

He thought he was so funny. I thought differently. In fact, the first thing that I did was hit him real hard on his nose with my whole fist. The first real punch I had ever thrown.

That felt good, if you didn't count the unbearable pain, both mine and his. The guy was pissed; he almost hit me back, with his nose bleeding and all. But he held back, and he just slapped me across the face instead. And after calling me a bitch a few times, he left me there, with my hand possibly broken, in the woods, pretty much lost.

A fine gentleman he was. I can't believe I actually lost my virginity to that prick.

I don't know for how long I walked, all I know is that it had gotten darker, and soon I wouldn't even be able to find my way back to the party. So I stopped, and sat on a rock near where I was, a big one so that I wouldn't fall off. The alcohol sank in my veins more than I had expected, and to tell you the truth, where I was and how dangerous it was to be there mattered very little to me.

As I sat there and thought of how weird it was that the moon could shine so brightly out of a sudden, I heard voices coming my way. In my state, I thought nothing of it, but when I finally saw who it was is when I finally got nervous.

They were Lucas' friends; two thugs I knew nothing of expect that I had to stay as far of them as possible. It was for them the party was held in the first place, I think.

Lucas was two years older than me, but he had been to my school, and was a drop out who'd entered a gang and tried to be somebody, when really he was nothing but a shithead rolling around in his car, pretending he had something to give. These two were part of that gang, and I knew Lucas wasn't nearly as scary as they were.

Real gangsters. They were not wannabes.

"Yo, Simon, see that?" one of them said. I recognized him now, his name was Jonathan, but people called him 'Jay'. We had friends in common; mostly people who'd once been to my school and had been expelled, had been sent to a public school and ended up in the streets. Lots of them made it, but a good percentage of them had fallen in the deep and uncontrollable abyss of the gangs. We had met in parties once or twice, mostly because of how Lucas seemed to follow them around like a puppy dog and felt obligated to bring me along once in a while.

"What?" the other turned to his friend and glanced at where he was pointing to, me as it appeared. We were only a couple of meters away from each other but it had gotten so dark that they could barely see me, and so did I, although my eyes had gotten used to the lack of light after sitting there for so long.

"Look at that. It's that Sarah girl. Lucas' bitch?" Jonathan explained. Simon seemed to take a while to understand, and he finally nodded when he recognised me, furrowing his eyebrows and leaning his head forward to take a good look at my figure.

"Ah, yeah, that's her man. Hey baby, what's up?" he nodded in my direction again, this time as a salutation, before he started walking in my direction. Jonathan soon followed and they ended both standing right in front of me, looking down at the top of my head.

"What you doin' here all alone, sweet thang? Got lost?" Jonathan asked, just as if he'd be talking to some kid, or even a dog. Yes, he was talking to me like he would be talking to his pet.

"I-" I hesitated. The sound of my voice made me realise just how drunk I was. "Yeah," I lied, because explaining how shitty I felt after fighting my boyfriend didn't seem so appropriate at the moment.

"We can help you find your way back, baby," Jonathan continued is a soft voice, a voice he probably rarely used.

"You'd do that?" I said, my voice cracking as I realised that I was putting up with his game. He was treating me like a kid, and I was acting like one.

"Sure we'd do that, right Simon?" he proposed to the other who'd remained silent, and had just been staring at me. Something about the way he looked at me made me feel uncomfortable, but there wasn't much I could do about it, and Jonathan was already pulling me up.

"Yeah," Simon agreed, and watched as Jonathan grabbed my arm. I winced when he touched my hand and he noticed.

"What's wrong, baby, did I hurt you?" he worried, although he never took his hand away.

"Yes," I answered, and I tried to pull away, bringing my hand on my chest. Jonathan let me, but the space between us didn't change, and Simon was on my other side now, watching the scene. "My hand hurts."

"Does it now?" Simon finally spoke, and he extended his own, silently asking me to place it in his. I hesitated, and not because placing my hand in his was a problem, although I didn't especially want to, but that's not why I thought further about it. It's his voice, it wasn't like Jonathan's. He spoke like him, but his face never changed, and his wasn't sweet at all. It was blunt and monotone, and the way he looked at me scared me to no end.

I put my hand in his slowly, as he kept staring at me straight in the eyes, not even blinking. He seemed in a trance, and that did nothing to make me feel better.

"Don't worry, Simon's not mean," Jonathan spoke in my ear, which gave me shivers. I could feel his breathing on my neck; it was so much colder than the wind. "Right Simon?" he asked again. The way he always asked Simon's opinion freaked me out.

"Right," Simon repeated, and he smiled in his friend's direction for the first time. Never had I seen such a horrible smile: it made my knees go weak.

"Hey there, baby, what's wrong?" Jonathan catched me before I could fall to the ground. His arm circled my waist, and my head ended up resting on his chest, forcing me to straighten it up. I didn't want to lie on him. Just as I did that, Simon squeezed my hand, something I had not expected, which made me scream in pain for a second. "Shush, Sarah, you don't need to scream!" Jonathan said, whispering now.

"But it hurts," I whined. There was nothing more that I could do. I was trapped in Jonathan's arms, Simon was holding my hand and I was drunk like never before: overall not a good mix.

"I just wanted to check if it was broken," Simon explained. I turned my head to meet his eyes and he smiled sadly at me. "And it is."

"Oh no," I spoke, turning to Jonathan to see his reaction.

"Oh no," he repeated, imitating me ridiculously. I heard Simon chuckle but I kept staring at Jonathan. For some reason he didn't scare me as much. "What are we gonna do?" he continued in the same voice.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "Can I go home?"

"Home? Did you hear that Simon, she wants to go home," Jonathan said. I turned my head to Simon now, which shook his head dramatically.

"I'm afraid that's not gonna happen baby," he informed me. I didn't quite realise what that meant after I took a second to replay it in my head. That's when the air got stuck in my throat, and my lungs emptied. All I could think of is that I didn't want to stay here with them. I wanted to go home, and see Nathan.

Nathan. He was home right now, for only three days. But I insisted to go to this party, because Lucas had said it was important. I could have been with my brother, but I was here, and I wanted to go home. I didn't want to stay with them. I don't want to stay with them.

"Why not?" I heard myself ask, my voice getting higher. My mouth was dry, and I could only stay there as I felt my body rushing with panic and fear. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. It only happened to others, people I didn't know. I pitied them, I was sad for them, but I wasn't them and they weren't me. This couldn't be happening.

"Why not?" Simon repeated. "I just don't want to let you go, that's why," he whispered in my other ear. The one Jonathan hadn't been whispering in, I mean. "You're a very pretty girl, Sarah, you know that?"

I tried to pull myself away from Jonathan's grip, but he held me closer, and Simon still had a hold on my hand, and I knew he wouldn't hesitate to crush it to keep me from moving.

"Don't need to be scared, baby, I don't want to hurt you," he said, but I didn't believe him, and I didn't really listen to him anymore anyway. I was busy trying to figure out how to get out of there, but my mind was racing so fast I couldn't think of anything that would work.

"Please," I whimpered. My eyes were full of tears now, I was more than scared. I could honestly say I had never been so scared in my entire life, and I didn't even want to think about what was probably going to happen. But I knew perfectly well what it was.

"Say what?" Jonathan said, getting his face closer to mine. "Sorry, I didn't catch that."

I whimpered again as I tried to push him away with my available hand, but that only force him to hold me even closer. "Please let me go."

"Let you go?" Simon repeated, speaking like I had just said the most insulting thing to him. He grabbed my face with force, to which I responded with a surprised grunt. He squeezed my face between his strong fingers and brought it near his, and I closed my eyes, like it could save me from it by doing so. "Hey, hey, look at me," he asked, but I kept my eyes firmly shut. "Look at me!" he practically yelled, spitting on me in the process. I finally did as I was told and locked eyes with him, freezing at the fear consuming my body. His voice got softer then, and he just spoke firmly to me: "You're not going anywhere."

And that was it.

That's when I realised it. And I screamed like I had never screamed before, forcing Simon to move his hand and block my mouth instead. Jonathan let go of me, giving his friend the chance to take my neck in his other hand and yank me on the nearest tree, so hard that I remember thinking that he must have broken my spine.

It hurt like hell, but I couldn't think further about it because Simon was trapping me against the tree with his body, his legs resting between mine, forcing them up. His hand was still on my mouth, but the other was now pulling my shirt up as well while he kissed my neck, disgusting dry kisses that made me want to scream even more, and I did, but any sound got lost in his palm.

My eyes landed on Jonathan. He was behind Simon, watching us. He looked like he was about to run away at any second, but he stayed there. His eyes locked with mine, and I pleaded him to help me. He did nothing but look around in panic, making sure no one was there.

There was nothing I could do. I could keep on screaming, but no one could hear me, no one could help me, no one knew where I was exactly. If they killed me - which they probably would, I knew them after all, I would have no difficulty identifying them - no one would know who it was.

No one would know who took my life away. All my family would know is what had happened of me.

Simon had pulled my top over my head. The brief moment when his hand had left my mouth would have been enough to give me a chance to scream, to try to get someone to notice what was going on. But I was frozen, and all I was aware of were Simons's hands on my stomach, his cold lips on my neck and on my mouth, and the horrible and uncontrollable goose bumps all of this was giving me. My body was literally shaking, I couldn't do anything with my arms, they were just hanging there, or gripping Simon's shoulders when he would squeeze me on the tree too hard.

And my mind was racing, not focusing on anything. Not even Nathan, not even Jade, not even my parents. I could think of no one, of nothing, couldn't think of anything but him, and what he was doing to me. My body couldn't escape, my breath couldn't escape, nor my voice, and definitely not me. I was starting to realise that there was no way out: I was going to die.

End of story.

He had promised. He had said he'd always be there to protect me. But never would I have expected to actually hear his voice, to hear him calling for me, one last time. The sound of his voice was like a kick: I had to get away.

"Simon!"

"What, what?"

He turned to his friend, who seemed horrified as his gaze went from behind him and to Simon. He had heard it too.

"There's people coming," he informed him.

"Shit."

Simon's face turned towards me once again and he looked down on me with a mix of anger and anxiety.

"Listen to me, now, baby," he whispered. I kept on looking at him, my eyes burning with hot tears who hadn't even managed to fall yet. His right hand went for his pocket and he took out a little metallic object I couldn't quite recognize until he flipped it open. "If you make any sound, any fucking tiny little sound, I'll cut your throat. Hear me?"

I had no time to answer; his attention went back to Jonathan who was still standing there, cursing under his breath.

I heard it again. So far, but yet so close. Nathan was here. Jade must have had called him to pick us up, and since I was nowhere in sight, they went looking for me. I know my brother would have never left without me.

I couldn't help it.

"NATHAN!" I screamed, as loud as my voice could allow me to. "Nathan, over here!"

I didn't care if Simon was going to kill me right now and then, at least my brother would be there. He'd be with me; he'd take care of me.

I could hear Jade's voice now, they were getting closer.

"Little bitch," Simon said. His eyes were wide open, he was staring at me like a madman. I knew I had definitely just signed my death sentence.

He raised his hand up, he was going to do it: he was going to slit my throat open. In a last attempt to save myself, I shifted to the side, trying to escape him, since he was now holding me with only one arm.

I slid from under his grip as his arm went down, the blade directed towards my head, but I was faster. Instead, he succeeded in cutting my arm from my shoulder to my elbow, but I was so panicked and in such an adrenaline rush that I didn't notice it at first.

It's when I started running for it and that Jonathan tripped me that I felt the pain: my fresh wound had been the first thing to touch the ground.

"Stop screaming you fucking bitch!" Simon shouted himself, not helping his situation. "Jay, do something! Shut her up!"

I painfully tried to pull myself up, but it was hardly working, my wounded arm wouldn't work for me and my other was shaking so hard that I couldn't position it correctly. My heels were digging into the ground as I tried to go forward; I just wanted to run away, but nothing would work.

"Maybe we should just get outta here, man," Jonathan proposed. He was clearly getting scared, and I wished with every ounce of energy left in me that Simon would listen to him, but obviously, he wouldn't back down.

"Are you fucking kidding me?"

Simon tossed Jonathan to the side and dropped himself on his knees, one leg on each side of my body. Roughly, he turned me around so that I was facing him.

"No, please," I pleaded, a sob blocking my throat. For a second, I actually thought I was going to get away. That Nathan would find me and everything would be okay.

"No?" Simon laughed. He was obviously crazier than I thought. He was enjoying this: seeing me suffer, beg for him to let me go, see every sight of hope disappear from my eyes. What a freak. "Oh come on baby, you'll like it, trust me."

"No, please don't do this, please."

I screamed, I kicked, I hit, I even spit in his face: that only enraged him more. He slapped me, exactly where Lucas had earlier. I kept on screaming.

"Fine, scream all you want, you whore, you'll get what's coming for ya."

With that, he raised his hand up again, but this time to cut my skirt with the knife. Clearly the thought of just killing me had left his mind and he had gone back to his original plan: getting his way with me.

But I wasn't going to let that happen: I kept on fighting him until I finally heard the voice of the person I yearned to see.

"Sarah?"

My head turned in his direction instantly, and all I could do was scream his name in relief to just see him there. Our eyes met and that's when I realised how horrible it might have been to see me like this: half naked with a man on top of me, his knife pressed on my stomach.

"Who the fuck are you? Leave!" shouted Simon at him. Nathan was frozen there, and for a second he didn't say anything, he just stayed there, mouth opened. What could he do anyway? It was them both against him. Two gangsters, against my brother, and Jade, who was hiding not far behind. They were here to save me, and I had hoped for them to get to me in time with all my heart, and now all I wanted was for them to leave.

"Jay, kill that sunovabitch! Kill him!" ordered Simon.

"NO!"

Jonathan turned to Simon with panicked eyes, his hands shaking while he didn't know what to do.

"What?"

"Didn't you fucking hear me? Kill that fucker!" Simon yelled at his friend. I was trying to get away even more than I previously did, which got Simon's attention to switch back to me. "Stop moving!"

"Let her go!" Nathan finally found his voice, taking a step forward. It was the first time I saw him so lost for words, and for actions. He didn't seem able to find his legs anymore. "Let my sister go, or I'll fuck you up!"

"Oh yeah? Hear that, Jay, that motherfucker wants to fuck you up. Aren't you gonna do something 'bout it?"

Jonathan seemed to hesitate a little more before he finally took a deep breath and took out his own knife, turning to my brother with what was an attempt at a proud smile.

"See you in hell, captain."

He ran towards Nathan as if he'd be escaping the burning forest, my brother didn't have time to do anything that Jonathan had tackled him to the ground.

From then on I couldn't hear any sounds. Not even Simon who'd been cheering for his friend, not even Jade who'd gone running, calling for help, not even my own desperate, heartbreaking scream as I watched my brother fall.

After a moment, Jonathan got up, panting, his head looking down at my brother. I couldn't see his face, I didn't want to. All I wanted was to see if Nathan was fine, but the man's body was blocking my view. I could only see his feet, they weren't moving.

I called his name too many times for me to remember. I screamed, I cried his name with the energy I didn't even have anymore, but he stayed still. Finally, Jonathan turned to Simon with bloodshot eyes, silently asking for something he knew no one would give him.

That's when we heard the sirens. Simon instinctively got up, leaving me where I was. He walked towards Jonathan and grabbed his arm.

"Come on, let's get the fuck outta here."

Jonathan looked back down at my brother, then at Simon who just pulled him further.

"Come on!" he repeated.

Jonathan finally did as he was told and followed Simon in the woods, leaving me behind, like I was nothing. Like I had never been anything but a distraction until something happened. I wasn't dead, but they left me for dead.

And to tell you the truth, I felt dead too.

I looked down at myself, my clothes completely ripped apart, my arm drowning in its own blood, my stomach the same, although I didn't even remember how that had happened. It must have been when I was trying to get away from Simon.

I looked back up at Nathan.

He still wasn't moving.

I turned around in an attempt to crawl my way towards him. He was so far, and I was so broken, but I made it. I got to him, I lay next to him. He was barely breathing. I called his name, he wouldn't answer.

By the time I kissed his forehead, he was dead.

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