Chapter Twenty One
All there still was silence. Just still, haunting, quiet silence…as Karen Roe had been forced to bear witness to a confession that before had been too dangerous, too heavy, too heartbreaking to ever speak aloud.
Too untrue.
"Peyton…" Karen tried, immediately deserting the coffee she was sure was now cold.
Her daughter in law shook her head vehemently. "I was supposed to…" her tears took over and Peyton couldn't finish, her stress and her fears being unleashed all in one run of countless tears staining her cheeks. "I…"
Karen shook her head, and she hastily got up from the small black iron chair that sat across from the blond in distress. She kneeled, not caring about the sting she felt when her knees hit the wooden deck beneath her a little too hard, placing her hands on Peyton's knees and making sure her green eyes met her brown ones. "No. No. Peyton, listen to me…" She quickly assembles her reply, her plan to dismiss Peyton's statement in full swing. She did it, and she'd do it 100 times over- regardless if Lucas had ever really been better at reassuring her daughter in law. It needed to be done. "I know that the past few days have been difficult," Karen began softly, but truthfully. "I know that you're stressed. And believe me, I know that a lot of stress means that people say things they don't mean to say; do things they don't mean to do… it's all irrational."
Peyton's lips quivered, her eyes watering still. "But I…"
"No," Karen said firmly, her voice more steady and sure than she thought capable. "It's easy for me to stand here and be of help and watch you be an amazing mother," Karen assured her with hope in her eyes. She brought one of her fingers slowly to Peyton's cheek. "But I can not, and so help me I will not, let you live with this guilt!" Karen felt her voice rise ever so slightly, and she felt ever fiber in her being as she tried with such passion to dissuade her second daughter.
"It just.. it just happened," Karen told her more softly, and oh how she wished, she wished she had a better explanation for what occurred that day more than five years ago. She didn't. Although sometimes she thought that maybe, that two worded explanation was the best someone of more expertise had ever brought to the table.
"So many things just happen, Karen!" Peyton let out through a strangled cry, and she gripped Karen's hands. Karen nodded, on the brink of tears, because she knew what she meant. Not just that things happened, but moreso…why. Why did this particular thing, have to just…happen. A three month premature born at two pounds… stricken with Cerebral Palsy at nine months.
Why do things like that have to happen?
"That's right. They do. In life things happen and like it or not we have to be ready for them. And Peyton, I don't care what you ever say. You were ready to be Ella's mother. Regardless of anything else." Tears were coming from Karen's eyes now, but she didn't care. Not until she convinced the other woman who was holding her hands ever so tightly believed the words she spoke. "You may feel guilty...because you love her so," Karen said with conviction. "But that love that you feel for her…that needs to get rid of all that guilt. And it will. There shouldn't be any room for guilt Peyton, do you hear me?!"
"I love her so much," she said before bringing her hand to her face to cover her sob. "But I don't know…"
"It is enough," Karen said forcefully, successfully finishing the sentence. She brought her hands from Peyton's knees to the sides of her cheeks to wipe away what she hoped was the last of her tears. "For Ella, it's enough. You're her entire world. I can tell by the way she looks at you," she told Peyton with a smile, and she felt such joy when she saw a smile tugging at the corners of Peyton's lips. "It is not your fault. Now don't break my heart!" Karen semi joked, and she swore she heard Peyton let out a small laugh. She gathered Peyton warmly in her arms just to be sure, and she heard Peyton take a shaky breath to recover from her crying. She rubbed her back comfortably and kissed her temple, and whispered to her one last thing before the house lost its sense of silence. "Don't break my heart."
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Peyton had been sipping water that Karen had gotten her from the kitchen, wiping the last of her tears before both women's head turned at the sound of a loud door slam.
Karen thought she saw the tail of Ella's wheelchair advance slowly to the spacious living room, and she definitely saw her son slam the second set of doors harshly before bounding into the hallway. She shared a glance with Peyton, wary of Lucas' angry behaviour. Cautiously getting up because she knew Peyton was no position to console him right now, no matter she wanted to, no matter how much she felt it was her obligation because she was his wife, and she was the best at it….
"Lucas?" Karen asked carefully, telling herself to give Lucas space as she entered the airy kitchen. "What's wrong?" She watched Lucas grip the railing to the stairs hard, so hard she saw how red his hand was getting. He was about to answer her, however angry his reply might be. But instead his gaze shifted over to his daughter, who was facing the screen door to the deck.
"Momma," she calls to Peyton from her other side. It didn't take Peyton too long to see how Ella was acting so quiet, unsure. The way she twiddled with her fingers, and her uneasy gaze telling her mother that she sensed the hostility in the room.
Peyton wiped her eyes once more, just to make sure they weren't any tears and Ella couldn't see how distraught she was moments ago. She put on a small smile, one that wasn't entirely just an act at all, because the little girl that she loved so much was close to her again. And she's pretty damn sure that right now, it's exactly what she needs. "Hey baby," she greets her softly. "Back from your walk so soon?"
Ella didn't answer, she just nodded. She felt she didn't really need to say anything about how it all went.. how her Daddy had to hold her and hear her cry, and how she knew he was so sad about it too because he didn't say a word during their brisk walk home. Her fingers rested lightly on the mesh that made the screen door.
"Ella what's the matter?" Peyton asked carefully, getting an uneasy feeling from Ella's cryptic child signals. "Come here," she invited lovingly, knowing for sure that if Ella was closer to her it would make her feel better, no matter what was bothering her.
This time, instead of nodding, Ella shook her head fiercely. "No… can you come in here? I want you to come in here," Ella pleaded, with such desperation and a tone that laced her usual happy voice that it frightened her mother.
Peyton's brows furrowed. Something was wrong. Ella loved to be outside. Granted, it was a little hot.. but that could be easily fixed. Something was wrong. "How come?" she asked as gently as she knew how. "What's wrong?" she asked again.
At this, Ella's lips began to quiver and her eyes watered with tears; tears carrying her pain. The harsh pain that Lucas had to witness shortly before… as she remembered in that kitchen what she had to face… that inexplicable indescribable feeling that over came her in that park as the children pointed and stared. Never mind that she was only five… as she was stared at, as she was looked at, she knew. Ella was hit with an unbridled realization that she was now different.
In her heart she knew it was because of large plaster cast covering from her feet to her chest; of the wheelchair she had to be transported in; of the diapers she now had to wear because doing it the normal way was absolutely out of the question.
It tore her apart, because she just didn't know why. Why she had to go from one second being the girl who loved to go down the slide and play in the sprinklers… to the girl who was stuck in a wheelchair and thus became the object of such scrutiny by everyone else around her.
"I don't wanna go outside anymore," Ella revealed in a trembling voice, tears quickly rolling down her cheeks.
So she just resulted to embarrassment and shame.
For a moment Peyton was shocked… too shocked to say anything. She didn't expect Ella to say that. She sat there, her eyes full of heartbreak, before she saw even more heartbreak taking over her child.
She bolted from her chair and hastily swung the door open, not caring if the hinges were too old to take that kind of force. Her knees hit the floor, similar to how Karen's did earlier. "Ella…what…" She began, putting Ella's hair out of her ear and trying her best to rid the tears that had fallen. "What happened?" She gathered what she could of her daughter into her arms, and she Ella cry into her shoulder and soak her satin robe.
"I don't wanna go.. outside anymore…" Ella managed through her sobs, as if that was the only phrase she knew, the only thing she was so certain of anymore in this world of uncertainty.
As far as Peyton was concerned, the other thing Ella should've been sure of was that there was no way in hell her mom was going to sit there and let her remain in tears, the same tears that were at the same time ripping out the remains of her heart.
There was no way in hell.
"Baby…" Peyton tried to console her, but Lucas spoke too soon.
"You are going to go outside!" he yelled from the hallway. "I don't want to hear that crap!"
"Lucas!" Karen admonished, a look of disbelief in her disapproving eyes.
Lucas knew he shouldn't of said it, but he was so angry and downright pissed he couldn't help it. He was so angry, and he didn't think anyone would ever know how hard it was for him to see Ella so upset. That's part of the reason he insisted to stay in the hallway out of her sight so he wouldn't have to witness her tears.
So she didn't break his heart all over again.
"No, I'm not!" Ella shouted back just as fiercely, even though there were cries attached.
Lucas was fueled with anger as his grip finally let loose on that poor handrail and he let his feet stalk into the kitchen. If he could do anything at this point, it was to make sure that Ella never gave up…never let anyone or anything break her or change who she was. She was never supposed to give up, because through everything, she was the one that never did.
It was her faith and bravery and strength that kept him going. If that was gone, then hell, so was he.
"Yes, you are!!!" he shouted again, this time louder, and this time, his feet had led him to see Ella wrapped in his wife's arms; and for a second he was more than grateful she wasn't facing him. In that replacement, however, he was on the receiving end of Peyton's death glare.
"No!!" Ella shouted stubbornly. "All they do is…sta…stare at me! I don't wanna go out anymore Daddy!"
Lucas exhaled loudly, letting out some of his rage but not nearly all of it. She was giving up. Voluntarily losing the fight she was meant to win from the beginning. No matter how many stares, how many whispers, she was supposed to fight back… to hold her head high and keep moving forward, because no matter what she knew she always had people love her. Lucas knew it was hard, but she was supposed to be his brave little girl.
She had promised to be his brave little girl.
It was too much for Ella, and soon her body shook, not with tears, but with the sudden pain that was over coming her. The pain, too familiar now, coursing through her veins and making her face scrunch up and how she gripped to her mother even harder, begging without words.. to be saved. "Mommy…ow!!!"
At that moment, Lucas couldn't take it anymore, his heat couldn't take it. He couldn't watch his daughter in anymore pain, couldn't stand in a room of broken promises.
He turned quickly, and perhaps he didn't mean to knock over the tray of used utensils that hadn't yet been put in the awaiting diswasher… but still he walked out briskly with no intention of picking up the mess he made in his haste, rather he bounded heavily towards the front doors and slammed both sets behind him.
No sooner after Karen took Peyton's place by Ella's side did Peyton run after him.
It wasn't an issue for Peyton when her bare feet hit the stoop of the brownstone and she advanced down them to see Lucas and his retreating frame going and farther away… and for a split second she thought he wasn't going to come back.
The thought alone made her feel like her heart was disappearing from inside of her.
"Lucas!" she called. "Where are you going?!"
Fortunately, he was still close enough to hear her every word, but unfortunately, he didn't say anything back.
Peyton shook her head disbelievingly. She started calling after him before she could think of any reason not to. "You gonna run away when things get hard, Luke?" Some things never changed. She thought having a child with a disability, something that neither of them could ever run away from, but rather it was something they had to fight until the end; like they'd promised…. She thought that changed him and his unexplainable insecurities. The same ones that propelled him to leave her that day in that hotel room in Los Angeles after she hadn't down right accepted his first proposal of marriage when they were just shy of 20 and still trying to make their long sought out dreams a reality.
"You're a coward!" she spat, not caring if she made a scene.
Lucas heard her. He heard her, and it made him stop in his tracks and spin around madly on his feet, and suddenly he was walking towards her at a near rapid speed that it almost scared her.
He held his hands out at his side hopelessly. "What do you want me to do?!?" he yelled, loud enough for the woman walking her two dogs across the street to look warily in their direction. "What do you want me to do?" he whispered harshly, and she truly saw how angry and lost he was...how his face and neck had reddened, how heavily he breathed. She felt her throat close and she couldn't answer him.
"Hm, Peyton? What do you want me to do? I have my daughter breaking down in my arms, asking me why people have to be ignorant and stupid and stare at her, and she's telling me that she doesn't want to step foot out into the world and let herself be seen, all at the hands of those kids, those damn kids that labeled her as different because of that cast and that wheelchair!" he was telling his wife all of this with such fervor as he pointed towards that brownstone, that he wasn't sure if his feet would stay on the ground.
"And the best part is," Lucas continued as he let out a humorless laugh, "The best part is that Ella would probably want to make friends with them because her heart is so big," he clutched his shirt as he heard his voice break, and for the first time in a long, long while, he felt his eyes water.
Peyton's eyes watered too, and it was then she came to the realization that perhaps since her heart was so big, that there was more of a heart to be broken.
"Do you know what that feels like? Not being able to stop her pain? Because you're the one she runs to, right?"
Peyton shook her head violently, horrified at what her husband was trying to in sue. "You stop it. Don't you dare!"
"No!" Lucas shouted, emotions finally taking their toll on that headstrong blonde. "No. I won't. I need you to tell me!!"
"Lucas, you know I do! You know that I know what it feels like," Peyton shouted desperately, her voice scratchy. "Why are you doing this?" The question was voiced, and she sounded so tired and weary. It was no lie.
"Because I don't know who to fucking trust anymore!!!!" He yelled louder, and Peyton could feel his body start to shake.
Deep down she heard that voice that was telling her that what Lucas also meant was that he didn't know to trust her anymore either.
The one woman he vowed he always would.
Peyton stood rooted to her spot, staring at his blue eyes and seeing how empty they were. She was torn between running to him, wrapping her arms around him and never letting go, and running to him to (repeatedly) slap some sense into his senselessness.
She didn't get a chance, because they both looked to see a third party exit from those still open double doors.
Karen.
Lucas and Peyton tensed, expecting to be yelled at or having to listen a long but true lecture. But there was none of that. Karen was calm and collected, unusually calm and collected, as she made her way down the stoop and in between the arguing pair.
She stares at them both for a good two minutes, and simultaneously they both think that it's worse than her yelling or a big lecture.
When she is finished, the older woman takes a breath, and simply says to them both: "No one is to blame. For any of this." She said it with such finality that none of them dared speak again. "Your daughter needs you. Both of you." She turned to Lucas and refused to break her gaze as she said those last three words.
Lucas took a breath, and it was all too much. He couldn't go back in and see her, not after he had yelled. "I…I need to take a walk," he decided shakily. He turned to face the end of the block once more and began to move, faster this time in case his wife or mother tried to stop him.
As much as Peyton wanted to, with Karen's grip on her forearm and her silent advice not to do anything about it, she was forced to let him go and followed her mother in law into the house to attend to the other love of her life.
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Lucas only got as far as the corner, suddenly out of breath. His knees felt weak, and thankfully there was a vacated bench sitting outside of the french restaurant he wanted to go to if he ever got a chance.
He sank down into the bench, and suddenly the heat was overwhelming. Sinking his head into his hands, he was forced to think of what he just did…yelling at the people who meant the most to him, and running away when those very people needed him the most.
Maybe Peyton was right. Maybe he was a coward. The more he thought about it the more it made him angry, cursing himself because he never ever wanted to be that guy… instead he wanted to be a man of integrity.
Tapping his foot on the ground beneath him, he suddenly felt the cellphone in his pants pocket start to vibrate. He knew it was either his wife or mother… a part of him wanted to apologize, and then naturally another part of him didn't want to really say anything at all.
He took the phone into his hands to glance at the screen anyway. What appeared was a number he didn't recognize. Thinking it could be someone important, he flipped open the phone and brought it to his ear.
"Hello?" he asked tiredly.
"Erm….Lucas?" was the voice on the other side, a deep wise voice, that Lucas swore he heard somewhere somehow, he just couldn't remember.
"Depends who this is," Lucas answered cautiously.
"It's Sebastian," the voice supplied. "From the hospital."
Lucas felt himself smile. Sebastian, the wise man he met from Ella's days at HJD, the man who happened to be the father of Ella's roommate Elise. And the man Lucas suddenly felt he needed to talk to.
He placed his hand to his forehead as he felt himself smile. "Oh, Sebastian! Jeez I was stupid and I forgot to add your number into my contacts," he cursed himself for doing so. "But wow, how are you?"
Sebastian chuckled, and Lucas knew it was him because of the warmth in his voice and the accent that dawned over it. "I'm doing well. I'm very happy to say that Elise got out of the hospital a couple of days ago," Even through the telephone Lucas could hear the sheer happiness in Sebastian's words, and in turn he truly felt happy for him.
"That's fantastic. Congratulations," Lucas offered warmly… glad to hear some good news on a seemingly bad day.
"Thank you. How is Ella? I was actually calling because Elise was begging to speak to her…"
"She's…" Lucas began, debating whether or not to tell Sebastian the complete truth or to soften it up a little. But then he thought it was the least he could do, assuming that Sebastian and Vivienne told himself and Peyton the complete truth when they'd met in that hospital room. If they found a trust in the couple from North Carolina, Lucas didn't see why he shouldn't trust them too.
Little did he know it would later help him more than he could've imagined. "She's doing alright," he told him. "No one told us that this recovery would be so hard," he admitted, with somewhat baited breath.
"That makes two of us."
Lucas lets out a small laugh, and he now knows that it wouldn't be so bad if perhaps he did tell Sebastian what was bothering him. Before he could stop himself, he starts talking.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Go on."
"Did you….did you ever feel like you didn't know who to trust in all of this?"
Lucas felt his heart pound… he didn't know what he was doing. He only ever opened up like this to one person and that was Peyton. He felt grateful that he was opening up to someone who couldn't see his face.
The line was silent for a second, and Lucas wondered if Sebastian even heard him. "Absolutely."
It was Lucas' turn to take a deep breath; a deep breath of relief, for he felt in this time where he's been so lost, that maybe he could have someone guide him back; someone much wiser than him and someone who'd been there. "Really?"
"Yes. Elise is our only daughter… her diagnosis and her condition was forced upon myself and Vivienne and we didn't really know how to handle it. Before we were living a life together and then all of a sudden we were meeting with all kinds of doctors and experts telling us how they were going to help our child. I had no idea whether I should believe in them or not…for I thought I was the only one who knew Elise best."
In that moment Lucas decided that maybe him and Sebastian could be great friends one day. "What about Dr. Farrell?" He asked tentatively, remembering the advice the ginger haired man gave him.. the advice that spun him into a state of nervousness and worry, usually his complete opposite and that worried him.
"We've certainly been through a lot. But at the end of the day, I take Elise home with me and I have to believe that he is a good man with the best intentions. Besides the medicine, he taught me to have faith, more faith than even I held. He's human, he saw how hard it was for Vivienne and I to face… to accept… Elise's condition."
"It's been hard for us too," Lucas admits, remembering the sleepless nights and the tears he shed in Peyton's arms. "Sometimes I can't believe that it's been five years and I'm still questioning it."
"It's been 10 for me. My friend, I'd like to think someday the questioning will end. When it does, we can celebrate together."
Lucas agrees and tells him he can't wait for that day. And then he thinks about the books he's written that has made him a successful author, about belief and faith and love… "Do you think this is fate, for them?" He finds himself asking.
Silence for a few moments as Sebastian thinks about it.
"Depends if you believe in it."
Karen stood, leaning against the kitchen counter, just watching and feeling saddened at how tortured Ella was.. tortured enough to sit by the screen door and stare out at the cheery backyard.. the blue sky, the green grass. The world she felt she could no longer be a part of.
"Ella," Karen tried, walking over to her and crouching by her side. "Why don't we go outside for a bit." The kitchen felt too dark, the room was too somber. It wasn't helping any.
Ella shook her head gently. "No thank you," she replied quietly. "I don't want to go out anymore." She wouldn't look her grandmother in the eye.
"Ever?" Karen asked just to confirm, and Ella nodded sadly. "Oh, honey. Why?"
Karen saw Ella's lips tremble, and she quickly stroked her cheek to comfort her. "People keep looking at me…" she whimpered, and Karen thought she might cry. "I don't want them to stare at me anymore…"
"Ella…" Karen tried firmly, tilting Ella's chin. "Look at me." Ella met her gaze. "They stare because they don't know any better sweetie. They see that you're different than they are."
"I don't wanna be different," Ella pouted.
"But that's what makes you so special," Karen argued gently. "You're smart, kind, and so brave!" She tells her with a smile, poking Ella's nose, which made her giggle. "No matter what, sweetheart…you always need to be who you are. And if some people stare… let them stare. Ignore them, because if you act like there's nothing strange about your cast or anything else… than maybe they will too." Karen hoped Ella would listen to her.. and when she saw her smile, then maybe she did.
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Peyton stepped out of the bedroom, running a brush through her wet hair from the shower one last time.
"Mommy!!!!" Came Ella's shriek from downstairs. "Momma!" Peyton heard Ella's cries, and she knew right away that her baby was hurting again. So soon.
Immediately Peyton started moving, abandoning the brush. "Damn it," she muttered angrily, before bounding downstairs. All she wanted was for Ella to go a day without anymore pain. Apparently that was impossible.
"I'm right here," she announces, walking quickly into the kitchen. "What hurts?"
Ella didn't answer, she just kept crying, and she kept stiffening when she felt the pain boil underneath her skin. "Ow!"
Karen crouched by her side, trying to comfort her. "I tried looking for her medication, but I couldn't find it." Ella cried out again, and Karen put her hand on her back. "It's OK, honey…"
"I thought I left it…" Peyton mused, looking over the counter space. She must've put it behind something else by accident. "Here it is," she announced gratefully when she saw the top of the bottle. Picking it up, she slowly felt a frown reach her lips.
"What is it?" Karen asked, wary of Peyton's odd behavior when she slammed the prescription bottle a little too hard onto the counter top.
Peyton turned to her. "The bottle is empty."
Karen's face fell. "Oh…" She feared that Ella would hear, which she did. She began to cry harder. Karen was about to speak when her lips sealed themselves when her eyes came upon another adult in the room.
Peyton turned. She kept her gaze on him for a while, and he kept his gaze on her. When it became too much she looked away, but not before noticing the white paper pharmacy bag he held in his right hand. He silently walked to the counter top, reached into the bag, and pulled out a new prescription of Ella's medication. An orange bottle filled to the brim.
He looked at her and smiled softly, and she could see the forgiveness in his blue eyes. He could've easily slid the bottle to her on the counter top, but he decided against it. Walking slowly to her, Lucas pretended not to see Peyton slightly take a step back. Shuffling his feet closer to her, he decided he had enough nerve to try and put his palm on the side of her waist. Thankfully, she didn't exactly move away, but she put her hand on his stomach, trying her hardest to add in distance.
He kept his eyes on her, praying she'd look at him. She wouldn't. So he just clutched the small orange bottle in his hand, slowly bringing it to Peyton's hand, the one that rested on his stomach, and making sure she grasped it in her fingers. When she did, his thumb lightly grazed the skin beneath her knuckles, and this time she pretended she didn't get goosebumps.
She finally looked up to him, and she looked vulnerable and sad and everything he was meant to fix. He let out a breath, and he told his pride to go screw itself, as he opened her mouth to tell her how sorry he was and how much he wanted all this fighting to end so they could go back to being them again.
She moved away before he could hear his apology, but he quickly put a hand to her stomach to stop her. Turning his head so that it was above her shoulder, he spoke quietly into his ear. "I'm sorry."
Peyton said nothing, she just looked away from him and began to fill a glass with water.
"Daddy!" Ella called sadly, and everyone could tell she was glad he was back where he belonged.
Lucas turned on his feet and crouched down next to her. "Hey," he said with a smile as he tried to cheer her up. "Why're you crying, huh?" He asked her gently, his thumb wiping her tears away.
"It hurts," she whimpered, and she took a small breath of air.
Lucas took her hand firmly in his. "I know. Soon it'll be over," Lucas assured her, remembering Sebastian advised him to do so. He felt himself smile when he remembered what else him and Sebastian talked about. Sure enough, the house phone started to ring, and Lucas stood to retrieve it. "Now, no crying. You can't be sad when someone wants to talk to you," he couldn't help but grin when he pressed the talk button and placed the cordless into Ella's hands. She gazed at him with a confused expression on his face, and he only urged her to greet the person on the other line.
She placed the phone to her ear. "Hello?" Lucas watched her face light up. "Hi Elise!"
Ella smiled widely when she began to talk to her friend, all about her days and what she was up to. Lucas stood proudly and looked to his mother and wife, who at first looked thoroughly confused, but now she was smiling.
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The minutes passed and lunch had been made, and they decided they wanted to eat it outside because it was such a beautiful day. "Come on Ella," Lucas told her, and still Ella shook her head. "Why not?" Karen's face fall, she thought she'd gotten through to her.
"It's too hot," Ella answered, the sun was ruthless beating down on everyone else, and the cast would make it so much worse. There were beads of sweat starting to form on her forehead and her arms. Suddenly even the room was too hot and stuffy. She literally felt her skin baking underneath the plaster, and she couldn't move. She felt too sticky, and as she whines more she thinks she's never been more uncomfortable.
"Momma," Ella whines again.
"What?" Peyton asks her. "Ella please don't cry sweetheart."
"But I'm so hot!" Ella yells, and she really wishes she could take the cast off herself.
Peyton couldn't argue. If she had to spend August with most of her body covered in plaster she'd be hot too. Not to mention ridiculously uncomfortable.
"Everything alright?" Karen asked as she walked inside, Lucas following.
"Yeah, everything's fine," she took a breath, because she knew what she had to do next was never an easy task. In fact it was really, really tricky. "Ella needs a bath."
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The first time it had to be done shortly after their arrival from the hospital, it was a nightmare. Ella fidgeted in her seat and yelled that she couldn't get wet, and she hated the fact that she had no choice to stay in the wheelchair the entire time. And it was irritating that Peyton had to give her a sponge bath and she couldn't reach her legs…if only. How Ella wished the cast would come off already. They all wished.
Now that they'd all had a bit more practice, it was getting a little easier each time. Ella still didn't like it.
Since she had to stay in the chair, Lucas had to lift her up while Karen placed two large towels beneath her to sit on, and one behind her back so the chair wouldn't get wet. While this was being done, Peyton was filling up a basin with luke warm water. She placed it beside her and decided to scrub Ella's chest first with a sponge carrying just enough soap. Next was her arms, which was easiest since there was no cast there. Then her diaper had to be removed, and Ella immediately got embarrassed, almost making Lucas leave the room.
Peyton put the sponge in the basin and started to put more water on her chest and her arms, her neck. She moved to her feet, wishing she could somehow get under the cast for her. But the space between the plaster and her skin was too small to fit anything. Except maybe the plastic spoon she used to scratch an itch.
"Feel better?" Peyton asked her gently with a smile.
"A little," Ella admitted quietly with a small smile, the water getting rid of most of her heat. "Thanks," she said, and Peyton simply put a hair behind her ear and kissed her forehead.
"I wouldn't thank me yet, babe," Peyton told her regretfully. "We still have to wash that hair of yours."
Ella's face fell. "Ugh, Mommy I hate it!"
Peyton shook her head. "I know. But your hair has to be washed." Ella looked to her grandmother for help, who looked at her sympathetically as she dried any excess water with a small towel. "Your mother's right, kiddo."
Ella shook her head, and began to whine again.
"Ella, stop it. Come on," Lucas said sternly, and she quietened. "Sit still and lean your head forward."
However reluctant, Ella did as she was told, leaning forward and letting Karen hold the basin behind her hair.
Grasping Ella's hair in one hand and a small cup in the other, Peyton slowly poured the water, dampening her hair. She continued the process until she deemed it wet enough.
"Momma stop!" Ella begged, the wet water bothering her, and she felt it sink down to her cast.
"Ella," Peyton responded. "It's just a little water," she told her calmly.
"But the cast isn't supposed to get wet!" She cried out.
"Ella," Lucas told her firmly. "You need to relax." He grabbed her hand just in case.
Ella took a breath, and she let Peyton scrub her hair with shampoo and conditioner, before rinsing it out. When they were done, Lucas lifted her up again so a new diaper could be put in place, and the towels could be taken away.
"All done," Peyton announced, easily putting a comb to her damp hair and Ella sniffled. "Good as new."
Ella said nothing but rolled away to get her favorite books and escape for a little while. All adults took a breath and just looked at each other. Giving a bath took en casted Ella just above an hour.
It could take all of them 30 minutes at the most.
They were all asking themselves the same unspoken question.
Why can't it be a little easier?
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It was now dark outside, the house now quiet. The people inside the house now dreary. Peyton was getting Ella settled in her bed, as it was now time to sleep. Ella was entwining her and Peyton's fingers, and Peyton was stroking her forehead with her other hand.
"You're tired," Peyton told her quietly. She could just tell.
"No," Ella insisted.
Peyton giggled. "Yes you are," she told her simply, leaning down to give her a kiss. "It's good since it's time for bed."
Ella was about to reply when her head turned at the sound of someone else coming down the stairs. "Daddy," she called. Peyton met his gaze, and she quickly looked away.
Lucas pretended not to notice. "Hey you," he greeted her quietly. "Still up?" he asked, in his pajamas. He sat beside her on the pull out bed.
"Mommy says it's bedtime," Ella informs him, and he nods.
"I see," He looks to Peyton and she's totally silent. God, he hated that. He decides to change the subject. "Are you happy you got to speak to Elise today?" He asked her sweetly.
Ella nodded. "Yeah. I miss her."
Lucas looked at her for a moment. "I have something I can give you," he remembered, and what he wanted happened to be in his back pocket. He reached in to take out that small photo he'd been looking at what seemed like forever ago. Ella and Elise in the hospital room, arms around each other. A secure reminder that they'd always be friends.
Ella smiled widely. "I can keep this?"
Lucas nodded. "You sure can. Now you have something to look at if you ever miss her."
Ella reaches up to give him a great big hug; her thank you. Lucas hugs her back, and he sees Peyton smiling from over Ella's shoulder.
"Good night," Lucas tells her, knowing she had to get to bed.
"Daddy?" Ella asks quietly, her small hand on his wrist.
"Yeah?"
"Can't you stay down here? You never sleep next to us anymore," she told him quietly. All she wanted was her Dad. She was in a house she didn't know very well and she felt safer with him close by.
Peyton didn't say a thing. Maybe she felt the same way. "Oh, sweetie…" Lucas began, searching for what to say. "I don't know if there's any room for me."
Ella saddened, and she looked over the bed. "But there's room next to Mommy…" she tried. Sure enough, the space next to Peyton had been empty ever since their first argument. Only because she was waiting for him to come back. "Please?" she asked softly. After all she'd been through, he couldn't say no.
Lucas nodded, and he slowly walked over to the side of the bed next to Peyton. He felt her get a little cautious, and he hated himself for it. His heart was racing, and he wanted hers to race too.
Her back was facing his chest, and out of habit he put his arm gently around her waist. He was expecting her to immediately pull back. But she didn't. She put her hand over his and moved closer, turning to him.
She saw how he was looking at her, how shy he seemed and how his eyes were screaming for her forgiveness.
Boldly, he moved down closer to her. When their noses touched, Lucas was getting what he wanted. Because her heart was racing.
"I'm sorry," he whispered again.
She only nodded, because she didn't feel like talking anymore. She was tired, she was tired and she wanted to get used to sleeping next to him again.
When he kissed her cheek softly and wove their hands together…she knew she was going to be laying down next to him for many nights after this one.
That thought alone…and his warm breath on her neck…had her falling into a deep sleep.
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Next chapter, we have a birthday. Any guesses?