Thank God GIT was alright today! Just another 3 more subjects to go.

Ps, Circe is nice sometimes because there are people who are nice to her sometimes. But don't worry, it isn't Circe's nature to be really nice. At the end of the story, she will do something so terrible that even I would have been so appalled and shock if I were in HP world.

"You!" shouted Circe when she spotted Ninetails nosing around Astoria Greengrass's black lace bra. "You have got a lot to explain, Ninetails!"

Ninetails lifted up his furry neck but showed no surprises at his mistress's shouting as though he knew it was coming. He continued bending down sniffing around the beds.

"Oh, don't you pretend to ignore me!" she bellowed, reaching for a pillow and threw at the Kitsune.

Ninetails growled, revealing his sharp canine when the pillow hit right on his head.

"Oh, showing teeth now, are you?" mocked Circe, totally unperturbed by his sudden. "Did you use my wand?"

Ninetails looked around with a bored look. As if he found nothing interesting to poke about, he curled himself on a rug.

"Hey! I'm talking to you!" Circe yelled, throwing another pillow at him but this time, Ninetails completely ignored her. "I know you saved me from the Dementors, I know, thank you. But didn't I say before that no one uses my wand?"

But then Ninetails slipped into a slumber, making Circe even angrier. "Okay, fine!" she said sarcastically. "Don't answer me."

Stepping over Ninetails, she threw herself on her bed. There wasn't anyone since classes were still adjourning. Her body hadn't full recovered; there were mild sores around her back and the bruises on her stomach were still visible even though they were slightly smaller now. Then, something dawned to her as she jerked her body up and eyed Ninetails.

"You didn't use me wand." She said incredulously. "No, you didn't, did you?"

Ninetails responded by flipping four tails and no more as he continued snuggling on the rug.

"But if you didn't cast the red sparks, then who did it?" said Circe to herself as she slowly got up and pace in front of Ninetails. "Wait a minute...you saved me from the Dementors," she stopped, pointing at Ninetails. "Then why didn't you save me from that poison plant? I know you could have but you didn't, which only means you saw someone coming and took off. Who is it, Ninetails?"

Circe stooped down and began shaking the kitsune, ignoring the fact that he wasn't it a particularly good mood. Ninetails barked and came close to biting her hand if it wasn't for Circe's quick reflexes as she retracted away. "Fine! Don't tell me! I just wanted to thank whoever it was." She shrugged. "But since you wouldn't let me, so, fine."

But it wasn't fine. Someone touched her wand, used it. That someone saved her life too, she was thankful but still...it disturbed her that someone else had wielded her wand. She already hate it that Snape kept her wand will she was sick, how else more if someone used it. And whoever it was, why couldn't he just bring her to the castle? Why cast the red sparks and ran? Questions and question were all that came rushing into her head but no answers came following them. It was frustrating and only gives her more things to do. She sighed loudly.

She held her wand high up, staring at the intricate carving on the handle. This mighty weapon was hers only. It chose her. She recalled the jolt of energy seeping into her skin the first time she held it in Ollivander's shop. An evil smile appeared on her face.

"Expecto Patronum!" she said clearly but nothing happened. She frowned. "Well, it's the first time."

Happiness. What does it mean, anyway? Circe pondered as she searched through her memories, careful not to pry into those she wanted to remain buried. She remembered the first time she cast a fire. What was it that she felt? Anticipation? Excitement? Thrill? All of those...but what of happiness? She had all the positive emotions but she couldn't point a finger at happiness because it wasn't. It just wasn't that. Murdering her father only gave her a sense of delight in sweet, cold revenge. Coming to Hogwarts fed her with the confidence and surety that she could do something better. Her wand, the peak of all good things, was a confirmation that she is the best of all.

Happiness?

The love of her mother was fading away the minute she urge Circe to curb her habits of magic, something Circe couldn't do.

"You are a cursed child that he gave me!"

Her mother had said to her just before she kicked the stool beneath her and slowly died. Surprising herself, Circe smirked at the thought. She didn't think she was cursed, on the contrary, in fact. She felt that she was blessed, blessed by the gods, bestowing on her powers that no one can ever imagine. Even though she wasn't making headlines now, like Harry, she knew one day, the glory will be solely hers. Circe, do not get ahead of yourself, she said but still, the feeling of pleasure was still coursing through a body. You still have got that Patronus to conjure.

Two weeks before the end of term, the sky lightened suddenly to a dazzling, opaline white and the muddy grounds were revealed one morning covered in the glittering frost. Inside the castle, much to Circe's annoyance, there was a buzz of Christmas in the air. Professor Flitwick, the Charms teacher, had already decorated his classroom with shimmering lights that turned out to be real, fluttering fairies, which Circe jinxed some of them because they were always coming in front of her singing Christmas songs. The other students were all happily discussing their plans for the holidays, making classes noisy and not a very conducive place to study. But when Circe made her way to the library, the racket there was also unbearable. It was probably safe to say that Circe was the only one unhappy with the coming cheerful season.

She told herself it was because the lack of peace in the castle, the multiple unanswered questions, the many nights Ninetails was always missing, and the fact that she still couldn't conjure the Patronus that was causing her grumpy mood. But when she saw the other students, haggling together happily as they walked through the corridors, she couldn't help feeling the intense feeling of numbness. But she waved it away the minute it touches her heart, reminding herself that this fuzzy, warm feeling was not something she needed to survive.

But Christmas did remind her one thing, that Harry too was staying in the castle rather than spending it with the Dursley's. Still, (according to Fred) Hermione insisted that she needed to use the library and Ron said he couldn't stand two weeks with Percy and they both decided to stay back. Of course, Circe knew that they were doing it to keep Harry company.

The Weasley twins did not go home either. She knew this when she woke up on Christmas morning, the first thing that she saw at the food of her bed was a house elf and on her tiny hands was a red packaging with a bright green ribbon on it and a card. Circe had a late night of practicing the Patronus Charm that she wasn't surprised or curious about it. She gestured the elf to come closer. As she lifted up the packaging from her hands and laid it on her bed, the green ribbon untied itself. The card on it too opened itself and 'Merry Christmas from Merlin' began to shrill in the air. The red paper tore itself into pieces and revealed a brown box. Feeling slightly irritated that she did not woke up to a peaceful morning; Circe opened the box without caring that it was a Christmas gift from someone.

Peering inside the box, she took out a small piece of paper which duly read,

Dear Silent One,

This is a Christmas present, yes, please do not throw it at the wall with disgust that you are receiving a present on Christmas. It is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with it. Truthfully, we had a hard time thinking of what to get for you, but we got you this. Do please find some time to fill it.

Your ever faithful servants,

Fred and George

Ps, it's our money we used to get it so George thinks it's rightful that we put both out names but really, it was I who picked the colour.

Circe smiled weakly as she set the paper on one side. Then she focused on the real item inside the box; it was a picture frame.

A rather pretty one, in fact. It was a soft yellow colour with a large daisy on the top left of the frame that kept swaying its head; its two leaves on the stem that acted as hands, waved merrily at her.

"You look beautiful, Lady Circe." It said happily in its whimsical voice. "You are always beautiful."

Circe looked at the picture frame with a sudden tiredness; it was another thing to do, finding a picture to fill it. Sighing, she put it on her table next to her table, receiving a present might just do the trick this time. Reaching for her wand underneath her blanket, she concentrated.

"Expecto Patronum!"

Nothing happened as per usual. Circe pursed her lips and got up to get dressed. She wasn't feeling happy enough, she gathered.

The last visit of Hogsmeade marked the day when Circe decided to give it a rest trying to conjure the Patronus Charm. She had kept on practicing everyday for at least 6 hours. She was sure that she got the incantation right; she had went to the library seven times just to make sure it was. So the best probability that fits her problem was that she couldn't find a happy memory that is happy enough and it drove her mad. Circe just couldn't accept that there wasn't a single memory that could function for her Patronus Charm. She wouldn't think that her life has been so bleak but when she dared herself to embrace the truth; she knew it was. Even from the day she was born, all she received were conditioned love from a mother, bullies from neighbours, cold stares from people, a father who she wants to murder and a guardian and headmaster to always think the worst of her. True, she had Fred Weasley who was seemed to be very comfortable with her but why couldn't she use their friendship as a happy memory. Wasn't she feeling happy when she was with Fred?

Slipping into a pair of jeans, a red knit top and a fuchsia coloured overcoat, with a grey plaid shawl loosely wrapped around her neck and finished up with black boots; Circe gazed at herself in Samantha Perry's full-length mirror but couldn't smile even though she approved of her winter attire. After a quick breakfast of bread and butter, she hurried off towards the Forbidden Forest where she had an appointment with Ninetails. It was their weekly routine to dual in the forest. The density of the forest and the silence made it a challenge that Circe saw that it was essential.

Across the courtyard, she saw Fred and George enjoying themselves in the snow, making a snowman. She told herself that she didn't want to bother them but in fact, she didn't want them to bother her! Her bright fuchsia overcoat was such an attractor amidst the white snow and they were sure to notice her no matter how quiet she slipped pass them. She opted for another route, passing the vegetables garden and the Whomping Willow. No one was around and most importantly, not Pansy Parkinson. It has already been 2 weeks she hadn't practice and Circe was quite upset that she couldn't arrange her time properly; if Pansy were to appear and disrupt her plans, she was sure to make sure it was the last thing she does to her ever.

She saw the Whomping Willow, covered in a thick blanket of snow and so were the distant mountains. The view was so spectacular that Circe just couldn't help but to stop and stare.

"Your coat certainly has a very bright colour. It makes you stand out."

Circe wheeled around. "Professor Lupin!"

And there he was standing a few feet behind her. How he managed to come so near without her realising, Circe really didn't know. He had fallen ill again and could not make it to the Christmas feast. Now that he's out and about, he must have recovered. Still, it was quite obvious that he lost weight, with his sunken cheek and cloak that hung loosely on his shoulder.

"Circe Grace." He grinned at her. "And where are you going?"

Circe smiled sheepishly. Apparently Pansy wasn't the one who will interrupt her programme of the day. "I was going into the forest." She said with a sigh.

"Even after what happened to you?" Lupin arched an eyebrow.

"What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger." She quipped.

"Well," he said, walking towards her. "It is still against the rules; you do know that, do you?"

"I know." She said guiltily. "I just like to be somewhere..." she looked about the forest, where the tip of the trees was covered with icy frost, almost like a topping of a cake. But she was sure the heart of the forest was almost untouched. "...somewhere quiet and far away."

"Has Professor Snape talked to you about that incident?" asked Lupin.

Circe thought for awhile. "He didn't lecture me about wondering in the forest, if that's what you're asking about." She said. He was more interested in the Dementors, that's why.

Lupin's grey eyes were steady on hers and Circe suddenly felt conscious. Stuffing both her hands into her pockets, Circe broke their gaze as she studied the Black Lake.

"Well, then I think I should instil this thought into you." He said firmly although the smile on his face never disappeared. "It is forbidden for any student to enter the forest, which is why it's called the 'Forbidden Forest'. I hope you understand that, Ms Grace."

Circe dug a hole in the snow with her boots. "Yep, I got you."

"So, what were you going to do inside there?" said Lupin, looking at the forest. "Another charm you want to practice?"

"Erm...not quite. I just needed to be alone with my thoughts." Said Circe hesitantly.

"The castle is quite empty." Frowned Lupin. "How's the Patronus?"

Circe felt as though there was a lump in her throat. She really wanted to forget that she still couldn't conjure anything except for a small wisp of silver appeared at the tip of her wand and then disappeared after a few seconds. That was hardly a shield against Dementors. "I'm having...a hard time, actually." She admitted, even though she preferred if she had just shut up.

"Really?" said Lupin. "I'm surprised."

"Yea...well, you did say that it was advanced magic." Said Circe uncomfortably. "I can't find a happy memory."

"I can't help you much if that's the case." Said Lupin. She could tell that he was genuinely concern from the tone of his voice. "Are you sure you can't find one? Isn't there anyone that could help you with it?"

Circe frowned. "What do you mean?"

"It's a way of cheating actually. If you can't find a happy memory, then create one. Do something you enjoy with your friends, have a great time with them, and laugh hard about something. Make sure you're enjoying yourself." Said Lupin. "Make it so enjoyable that you'd wish you could do it again."

Circe smiled. It wasn't something she was ashamed about. "I don't know if you realised, sir, but I don't have friends." She looked at him, waiting for a reaction.

"Fred Weasley?"

Now, Circe laughed. "Why is everybody saying Fred's name? I don't like him! I mean, I like him but most of the time, he's a pain on my side."

"He doesn't have to be a romantic interest to make you happy. If he is able to make you laugh, which I know he can, then he will do. Try remembering a time when he made you laugh your head off. Try using that memory." Encouraged Lupin.

Circe shook her head. She may laugh at Fred's jokes but she still couldn't forget who she was in the first place and how Fred would have cringe at the sight of her if he ever knew that she murdered before, that her father was Lord Voldemort. She may be laughing but Circe really wanted Fred to leave her alone. "I've tried that, sir. It's not working." She said.

"I know you always put your mind on something you want to achieve, Circe. So it wasn't because you didn't concentrate hard enough." Said Lupin, in a way that Circe was wondering if he had something in his mouth since the words came out with difficulty. "Circe, you should really open up to people."

"You're asking me to make friends?" she said with a smirk and before she could help herself, the words have blurting out of her mouth unknowingly. "Even after your friends became either a convict, dead and...well, I don't really know what happened to Peter Pettigrew."

Lupin tried to smile back but found it difficult and it end up with a crooked one. Suddenly, the muscle on his cheeks became hard and the warmth in his voice disappeared. "How did you know?"

"I looked through the year book during the summer." She said confidently. "Sirius Black, James Potter and Peter Pettigrew were your best friends. And how did having friends end up for you?"

Lupin swallowed hard. "Circe, I do not like the way you put your words together." His voice was now strained and stern.

Circe double blinked, feigning surprised. "I'm sorry. Let me rephrase then, how come you four ended up like that?"

"Ms Grace, my personal life is no concern of yours. I want you to go back to the castle this instant." He said seriously. But she could tell that she hit a raw spot where if she pressed hard enough, Lupin would break.

"Sir, I was just debating on the benefits of having friends. I think that they only hinder your way and take up your time when you could be doing something else rather than with them. And when you give them your trust and when they break it, it in turn, breaks your heart." Said Circe firmly, making no moves to retreat. "Black betrayed Potter and now, he's dead, leaving Harry an orphan. It must have pained you seeing Harry, knowing the fact that his godfather betrayed his family."

Lupin became rigid and his breathing became deep and rapid. "How did you that Black was Harry's godfather?"

"I know I appear very silent but that's when my ears function to the fullest. I heard rumours." Said Circe calmly. "And most rumours tend to be true."

Lupin came closer. "Circe, you must NOT tell Harry! Promise me!" he demanded but it looked almost as if he was begging her.

"I have no intention to tell Harry anything, sir." Said Circe softly. "I'm sorry if I brought up something unpleasant. I didn't mean to."

"Right. How long have you known about this?" Lupin asked as he retreated back slowly.

"Since the beginning of school. But no worries, I rather someone close to Harry tell him about this. It's a personal matter; I think is best if I do not intrude."

"Yes," Lupin nodded vigorously. "Besides, it isn't safe for Harry to know."

"I understand, sir." Said Circe. Now was the time. "But, sir, what happened to Peter Pettigrew? Do you still keep in touch with him?"

Lupin looked tired. "He's dead."

"Dead? How come?" Circe said with a real surprise.

"It's no use to linger in the past, Circe." Said Lupin so intimately as though he was talking to an old friend. "We can't do anything to change what has happened and so it's fruitless to hang on it."

"Did Black kill Pettigrew, sir?" Circe asked, not wanting to let go.

Lupin turned to her and Circe almost felt sorry for him, seeing the pain in his eyes. "Yes." He nodded sadly. "I don't know what happened then, even when I think about it, I couldn't find out where we went wrong, where we have slipped."

Circe heard a sniff and knew it was time to go; she had got what she wanted. She laid a hand on his shoulder. "What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Good day, sir." And then, she walked off, leaving Lupin standing in the snow.

Right, I'm feeling sleepy now. Slept late and woke up too early. But that's what happens when you have exams, right? Thank you for all your reviews and those who favourited this story! Thank you so much! Keep reading and reviewing, makes my day always :) Off to sleep!

lOVE, Wildreams