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HERE'S ANOTHER CHAPTER. THEY FINALLY TALK ABOUT IT. LET ME KNOW YOUR OPINIONS. ANY IDEAS? GUESSES?

DISCLAIMER: LAW AND ORDER SVU AND ITS CHARACTERS ARE NOT MINE.

CH21
Olivia doesn't need to look up to know who it is. She could recognize that voice any time she listens to it, anywhere.
"Elliot." Their eyes meet and she smiles at him waiting for a smile back but all she gets is a full of seriousness and even fear expression.
"Where is Elli?" She asks, turning her attention to the doorknob to open it.
"At home with his sisters." Elliot replies and walks behind her entering the apartment.
"They went to visit you?" She tries to continue the conversation not daring to turn around and face him.
"Olivia" Elliot doesn't allow her continue diverting the issue. From the moment he saw her eyes he realized the surprise that he had caused her ... She already knew that he knew. "Your partner came to visit me." Ell says making her looked up to his eyes.
"I know." She accepts with an evident annoyance in her voice.

Elliot takes a few steps from side to side in the small space not knowing what to say. Now he realizes that maybe he should have taken the time to analyze the situation before facing her. But prudence had never been a Stabler's quality.
"Elliot?" She calls him taking a deep swallow. "What did he exactly say?" Probably is better for her to know what Amaro had said in order to choose her words properly. She doesn't know what will be Elliot's position in all this but she knows that at the end of the day, and although she doesn't like to accept it, his opinion is the only that really matters to her.

"Not much." He responds by stopping his continued walking. "But honestly I did not like to hear it from him." As the words come out of his mouth he regrets them. Olivia's dace draws a grimace of frustration and pain. How he dared to say that? After what he did he had no right to complain.
"Are you serious?" She asks him leaving out a frustration sigh. "'I can't believe you."
"No Liv ..."
"No, don't you 'Liv'me!" Her voice goes up a couple of shades but she wasn't screaming. "I took the decision not to tell you. You shouldn't have even found out."
"But ..." He tries once more been interrupted again.
"Stop it!.. Elliot, is my life. And you stopped being part of it so long ago ..." those last words got out almost in a whisper. She really doesn't want to fight. She doesn't want to talk about it. She doesn't want to feel the pain that she has learned to control. "I want to be alone." She tells him walking towards the door to open it and with a gesture he is asked to leave. Deeply inside she is so afraid that with this he will disappear from her life again and maybe this time for good. But he is more afraid of him staying, of confronting a reality that terrifies her.

Elliot observes the hall and walk towards the exit. He turns to see her at the time that he passes in front of her but Olivia looks down waiting for him to get out. He continues his way without knowing what to do. At the moment he feels the door begins to close behind him without hesitation he turns stopping the door with his foot and pushing it open again. Olivia takes a step back by the force and suddenly she feels in Elliot's arms pressing her against his chest. In a couple of seconds she has no more to do than let her arms around his torso and bury her face in his chest. Words are not enough for the feeling. Both are silent absorbing each other's heat and familiar scent. They remain motionless for what seems like forever until she decides to separate.
"I'm really sorry, Liv. I never meant to hurt you." In his blue eyes his sincerity shining. "I know I do not deserve your trust Olivia. But ... I need you to ... give me a second chance. Understand that you are very important to me." She nods without removing her gaze from his eyes.
"As brothers." she says wanting to know if they were in the same page.
"No. You're more than that ... Please tell me, Liv."
"There's nothing to talk about. Whatever Nicola said to you is ... I already made my decision and ..."
"I'm not going to judge you, Olivia. I respect your decision, I have always done. I just want to understand what's going on." Liv nods and takes a deep breath.

She walks into the apartment again allowing Elliot to follow. She can remember that, indeed, of all decisions she had taken during the last thirteen years of her life Elliot had been present always supporting her. Even those that even she hadn't decided he had already choice to support her regardless what it ended up been. Always present without taking the decisions for her but guiding her trying to find the best. Always ... Until a year ago.
"I'll explain it all." Olivia doesn't know exactly what the young detective had told him or made him understand. But she needs to explain things as they are.
"A lot of things had happened in the last couple of months. The man that was here yesterday is a ... an ADA I met shortly after you ... you left." Elliot tries to remember the man's face. "Ahm ... We hang out a while but ... it didn't work." She decides not to talk in depth about what happened. "And I realized that maybe in fact it will never work with anyone Elliot." He just listens carefully trying not to interrupt. "And the truth is that my time is running out. So I decided to try the artificial way." A ghost of a smile appears on her face which makes Elliot smile too.
"It's a long and tiring process. It didn't work the first two times and the truth is that I was about to give up. Hormones injections and ... Well you know doctors have never been my fascination. Not when I'm the patient." Elliot recalls the accounting times he saw Liv in a hospital or clinic and he knows what she referring. And he knows her displeasure with these situations has a lot to do with the fact that she never liked being the center of attention. "But I think it was worth ..." Her hand rests on her flat abdomen as affirming her words. The little person growing inside her is worth it.
"So in the end it worked?" He asks knowing the answer.
"Yes, when I knew that ... It had finally happened ... I was so happy." Elliot notes her eyes filled with tears and her smile appear on her face again. Yet he knows that it is not all. He knows that something is wrong.
"I didn't want to tell anyone until I was sure but one day while working on a case I started feeling bad. I first thought it was normal but then ... I fainted while driving. Thankfully I was at a red light and Nicholas acted quickly." Olivia must accept, no matter how upset she is, that Nicholas has been a good partner.
"And then everyone knew." Elliot tries to guess.
"Yes. Everyone was in the hospital when I woke up." She lowers her gaze remembering the worried face of everyone in the room.
"They did some blood tests and all that." A grimace on her face is drawn. Olivia has never liked the needles.
"Olivia Benson in the hospital. I can imagine that." Elliot jokes a bit while waiting to hear the rest of the story.
"I was discharged the same day. But they didn't let me get back to work. Nicolas and Fin were responsible for bring me home and imprison me in that bed." She laughs but Elliot doesn't. Rather he remains serious and even frowning. He can't help but feel bad about not being with her, nor can avoid the anger that causes him to know it was Nicolas instead.

Olivia sighs and thinks for a few seconds on how to proceed. She had decided not to tell him before for several reasons. One of them, and the main, is the fear that Elliot may try to convince her to change the decision already taken. And the other was the fear that he will end seeing her as the others did. With pity.
"A couple of days later I received a hospital call to introduce me to the doctor that afternoon. Everyone noticed and offered me company but I really wanted to do it alone." She remembers how at the time she thought of the only person who she really would have liked to be at her side.
"The analysis showed a vitamin deficiency anemia."
"That's normal in pregnancies." Elliot stops her remembering that Kathy had suffered anemia with the twins' pregnancy.
"Yeah, that's what the doctor said. He prescribed me some vitamins but he wanted to be sure so he run some tests and then he found the tumor." She stops only a few seconds before continuing with the intention of not letting him to process information.

She tries to tell the doctor's explanations and how she could not help but tell everyone. All, except for Amanda, had called the same day worried about her. Elliot listens carefully arranging all the information in his mind. And especially trying to read her perfectly, trying to understand her feelings about the situation.
"It's advanced and the doctor recommended I start chemotherapy as soon as possible but ... I'm just in the first trimester and that would cause ... it would interrupt the pregnancy."
"Are there other options?" Elliot asks analyzing the situation

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