Deacon
Spring came early in Nashville that year and he and Maddie headed up to the cabin for a day of fishing. It had been one of those things she'd loved doing with him and he suspected one day that would not be the case, so he took advantage of it whenever he could. They had been sitting in the canoe for most of the morning, with little to show for it. He caught Maddie looking at him thoughtfully, but he waited her out.
"Dad?" she said finally. "When did you decide you wanted to be a musician?"
"Gosh, Maddie, I was pretty young. Younger than you, I think. I used to mow lawns when I was a kid, to make money, and I bought this really seriously terrible guitar at a used instrument store." He grinned as he thought back on it. Compared to what he had today, it was probably as poor an instrument as the ukulele he'd bought Maddie when she was four, or the junior guitar when she was seven. "I didn't know how to play, but I'd sit on the steps out front of my house and pretend."
She smiled. "Did you take lessons?"
He shook his head. "Never did. Any chance I got, though, I'd watch other people play and I'd practice imitating them."
"But Mom says you're like the greatest guitar player ever," she said. She made a face. "And I've read that too, so it's gotta be true."
He laughed. "Well, thank you for that, sweet girl, but I ain't sure I'm all that. But I kept at it and learned by getting to be around some of the best and maybe that rubbed off. I still always feel like I could get better."
"When did you start writing songs?"
"I wrote lyrics a long time before I wrote the music. But I guess when I put 'em both together I was maybe fifteen or so. They were really bad though." He chuckled, thinking back on some of those early efforts. "I mean, seriously bad. I'd play 'em for your Aunt Bev and she'd laugh me outta the room."
She tilted her head a little. "Mom says she learned from you."
"Well, she likes to say that, but it ain't completely true. Your mama could write beautiful lyrics even as far back as before I met her."
She smiled. "I love the songs you two wrote together. How come you don't write together anymore?"
He shifted a little in his seat, which rocked the canoe a bit. When they'd smoothed out, he said, "Well, we have written a couple things together, but I guess, well, we wrote a certain kinda song and we just, well, we just can't anymore."
She sat and seemed to absorb that. Then she screwed up her face and looked back at him. "I want to be a singer and a songwriter, but Mom keeps telling me I'm too young and that I have to wait. That I need to go to college." She rolled her eyes.
He raised his eyebrows. "Well, it'd be good if you did, baby. Gives you lots of opportunities. But if you want to sing and write songs, well, I think you should do it."
She sighed deeply. "I wish you could talk to Mom about it. She's being such a pain."
He smiled. He could imagine Rayna brushing it off by telling Maddie she wasn't old enough. The two of them weren't quite on the same page about it, but he thought that if Maddie was starting to push, they'd need to find common ground. "I think she just don't want you running off to be an artist, Maddie. I don't either. Not now. You gotta lot a time before you're ready for that. And a lotta other life to live."
She made a face. "What, like taking algebra tests and playing soccer?"
"Well, yeah. Those are good things to do. You and your sister sing together though, don't you?"
She nodded. "Yeah, we do, and we're in talent shows too." She sat up straight. "Oh, we have one in three weeks. You have to come, Dad."
"I'll be there."
"Please, will you talk to Mom?" She smiled coyly. "I mean, I'm the daughter of country royalty, right? The Queen of Country Music and the top guitar player in country music." She giggled.
He smirked. She sure was a pistol, his girl. "You come by it honest, I'll give you that." He laughed. "I will talk to your mama, I promise."
When he took Maddie home at the end of the week, he took a few minutes to catch up with Rayna. He leaned on the kitchen island while she worked on cutting up some fruit. "So, Maddie's birthday's in a few weeks," he said. She looked at him then. "She was talking to me this week about playing music and writing songs and stuff and I was thinking maybe I'd get her a nicer guitar. What do you think?"
Rayna made a face. "Are you sure? I mean, she's gonna be thirteen. She's still young and she could change her mind the next day. I'd hate for you to give her something more expensive and then she decides she's interested in something else."
He frowned. "You really think she ain't all that interested? 'Cause she 'bout talked my ear off about it. Has been for years, actually."
She smiled. "Oh, Deacon, you know, she's at that age. Right now it's fun, but who knows?"
He raised his eyebrows. "Weren't you pretty sure about it at thirteen?"
She put her knife down and then picked up a dishcloth, wiping off her hands, not looking at him. "I guess," she said.
He looked at her thoughtfully. "I know I didn't know you when you was thirteen, but I did know you when you was sixteen, and I never seen nobody else as determined as you." She looked back at him then. "She's just like you, Ray."
She made a face. "Oh, Deacon, I hope you didn't encourage her. I mean, I know she thinks she's ready to just go out on the road. Be my opening act or something." She turned to face him. "We've gotta be on the same page about this."
He pushed up from the counter. "Rayna, have you really listened to her? Because she's good."
She frowned. "Of course I've listened to her. And yes, I do realize she's good. But she's not old enough."
He was quiet for a moment. "What happened to you ain't gonna happen to her," he said quietly. She looked away. "We support her, Ray. We got her back. We can help her."
She looked back at him. "I just want more for her…."
He raised his eyebrows. "More than doing what she loves? She's loved this her whole life. You know that." He shrugged. "I just think she could benefit from us already doing this. We can tell her what to look out for."
She smiled a little sadly. "Seriously, Deacon? The girl who wants to do everything herself? Without help? That girl?"
He shrugged. "I just don't want her not to have dreams, Ray. It don't mean we can't encourage. In the right way."
"Things are different these days. You know that. I mean, look at the girls coming up these days. First of all, they're struggling, many of them. And those who aren't?" She rolled her eyes. "Well, they're hardly the role models I want for our daughter. I just don't want her getting mixed up with the wrong people, who'll take her down a path that just sets her up for disappointment."
He nodded. "I hear ya. We just gotta stay close. But we also gotta let her know we support her, right?"
She took a deep breath and then she nodded and smiled. "Yeah, we do." She put her hand on his arm. "Go ahead and get her that guitar. But not too expensive, okay?" She wagged her finger at him.
He smirked. "Got it," he said. "Well, I'll get outta your hair." He reached over and snagged a piece of pineapple off her cutting board. "I thought you didn't like pineapple," he teased.
She swatted his arm. "I don't. But other people in this house do, so I accommodate." She smiled. "I'll see you tomorrow at rehearsal."
He lifted his hand in a wave and headed for the door.
Rayna
"The way everybody talks these days about the business, it makes me feel old." She breathed in. "It wasn't all that long ago that I was the future of country music." She was still out of sorts after what had happened at the Opry the night before. Being told by the label that she was one step away from being a legacy artist and that if she didn't want that to become a reality she needed to tour with Juliette Barnes, galled her. Juliette Barnes. Little Miss Sparkly Pants. It made her sick.
She'd had a diva dip at rehearsal. Part of it was the pressure from the label, but she also knew she couldn't afford to take a hit. Things were still dicey for her and Teddy financially and she couldn't afford a tour that wasn't selling out and an album that was a stiff. She'd made Deacon come walk with her, knowing he'd be able to talk her down.
Deacon looked at her. "Well, you been saying you wanted to cut back on dates now that the girls are older, be more involved in what they're doing," he said.
She looked back at him. "Yeah, but I want to make the decision. Not have it made for me."
"You can leave any time you want, Rayna. Come back any time you want. You're still the great Rayna Jaymes. You're not an overnight sensation." He tapped her arm with his elbow and smirked. "Although you are pretty sensational overnight, as I recall."
She gave him a little bit of a warning look and then stepped into one of the observation decks. She leaned back against the railing and sighed. "I'm just not ready to hang up my rhinestones yet," she said.
He leaned against the railing next to her. "Then don't."
She smiled. This was one of those times she was glad she and Deacon had remained friends. Actually, they'd had to become friends, consciously. It had been hard those first few years, after she'd married Teddy and after Maddie was born. Navigating shared parenthood and custody arrangements had been rough in the beginning. There were certainly times when she thought it would have been easier to do what Teddy had suggested, putting his name on Maddie's birth certificate, not telling Deacon, letting Maddie believe she was Teddy's daughter. But she hadn't done that and she hadn't regretted it.
It didn't mean it was easy. Since they shared custody, it meant Maddie spent a lot of time with Deacon, something that had made her nervous early on. But Deacon was a good father and it had turned out to be good for both him and for Maddie. And their own relationship had shifted into a more comfortable place, over the years. She tapped his chest with the back of her hand and sighed. "I just can't believe they want me to open for Juliette Barnes. Listening to her is like…like, I don't know, feral cats, or something." She made a face and shook her head. "Why do people keep pretending she's good?" She looked up at him and caught an odd look on his face. "What? Please don't tell me you think she's good."
He let out a laugh and turned to look out over the river, his hands in his pockets. "I think you're just mad right now, Ray," he said. "I know you didn't like what they told you last night. I get it. And I ain't saying they're right. But Juliette does have some kinda…."
She scowled. "Some kind of what?" She raised her eyebrows. "Did she hit on you or something?"
He still didn't really look at her, squinting out into the sun. "She wants to write with me."
She rolled her eyes and smiled. "Oh, there we go. She got you in your soft spot." He just shook his head and her smile faded. "You wanna do that?"
He shrugged. "Maybe. I don't mind working with other people." He looked at her. "I mean, me and you ain't writing together. And you ain't cutting my songs. So why not?"
She sighed. "She'll want more than just your songwriting skill. You know that, right?" She leaned on the rail. She felt an ache of sadness. "And she'll probably try to steal you away from me."
He leaned on the rail next to her and turned his head to look at her. "I ain't available, Ray. I got a job." He raised his eyebrows. "Until otherwise notified."
She breathed out. "Sometimes I wish I could just do everything all over again."
He looked over at her. "What would you change?"
She thought about that. Would I really change everything if I could? Would I change anything? Would I go back and fix what happened? She sighed. "Nothing." That didn't feel right. She lifted one shoulder and looked him in the eye. "Everything."
Juliette
She wanted him because he was the best lead guitarist and bandleader in town. She wanted him because he was an amazing songwriter and she was sure he could help her take her music in a new direction. She wanted him because, even though he was a lot older than her, he was still hot. But most of all she wanted him because he belonged to Rayna Jaymes.
Not literally, of course, but he sure did seem like someone who just couldn't let go of old habits. She didn't really understand why he was still with Rayna, after all these years. After she'd divorced him. After she'd had his baby, but married someone else instead. He was a legend in Nashville. As much as Rayna was, he was too, for his songwriting and his guitar skills. But she knew she could get him the recognition he deserved. Not like Miss Denim and Rhinestones, who kept him on the sidelines and wouldn't even record his songs.
He resisted her, for a while. Oh, he didn't seem to mind writing songs with her and he didn't mind getting between the sheets with her, but he wouldn't leave Rayna. And for no good reason that she could see, which frustrated the fire out of her.
She rolled onto her side and smiled at him. He smiled back. "What?" he said.
She made a face. "Who said I wanted to say anything?" she teased.
He chuckled, then raised his eyebrows. "Oh, I can see you wanna say something. So why not just say it?"
She pretended to look thoughtful. "I just don't understand why you won't come join my band," she said.
He shook his head. "I told you. 'Cause I already have a job."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. Working for your ex-wife? I mean, y'all surely do still act like some old married couple. Just without the benefits." She looked at him pointedly.
He frowned slightly. "It ain't like that."
"Isn't it? It's like you're just waiting for her to walk away from her life."
He rolled over and sat up on the side of the bed. "We ain't talking about Rayna," he said, gruffly, standing up.
"Oh, come on, I'm sorry. You don't have to go," she pleaded.
"Actually, I do," he said, walking over to pick up his clothes.
She groaned and rolled onto her back, closing her eyes.
She figured he'd have to come around eventually. She just needed to figure out a way to nudge him.
Deacon
"What the hell is that?" The way Rayna enunciated every word and the obviously restrained, yet angry, tone in her voice told Deacon he was in for a serious blow up. She looked at Bucky, who was standing there uncomfortably. "Bucky, could you give us a sec?" she asked.
Bucky nodded gratefully. "I'll just see y'all tomorrow," he said. Giving Deacon a sympathetic look, the other man scurried out of the room.
Rayna didn't say anything, didn't move, just tapped her fingers on the offending guitar case. Deacon broke the silence. "Sometimes a guitar is just a guitar, Rayna" he said, knowing she wasn't going to buy that.
She raised an eyebrow at him. "Is it?" she asked. "Is it just a guitar, Deacon? A fifty thousand dollar guitar?" He said nothing, just stood watching her, one hand on his hip. She shook her head. "What in the world were you thinking?"
He shrugged. "All I did was a little writing with her," he said, although he couldn't really look her straight in the eye when he said that.
She threw her hands up in the air and rolled her eyes. "Seriously?" She glared at him then. "Did you, for one second, think about how this might look to our daughter? Our thirteen year old daughter?"
He huffed. "Well, I know she's a big fan of Juliette's, even if you don't like it. And right now, we both know she's at that age where she don't think her parents are all that cool, no matter who we are." He knew that would get under her skin. Maddie was singularly not impressed with Rayna's status in the country music world right then.
Rayna shook her head incredulously. "But she is at an age where she surely understands what her parents are doing. And you want her to know her father is screwing Miss Sparkly Pants?"
He raised his eyebrows. "And you kiss Teddy Conrad with that mouth?" he asked, knowing he sounded snide and petty.
Her eyes flashed. "Shut up."
But he couldn't. "So it's better for her to see her mama married to someone she don't love near as much as he loves her? Or see that her mama sold out to everything she said she walked away from all those years ago? Is that it, Rayna?"
"I said shut up, Deacon." She turned away from him and put her hands on her hips, looking down at the floor. He waited. She looked back at him. "You know that's not true. I was kicked out of the house. And I willingly walked away from it."
He smirked. "I just know it was my doorstep you ended up on, Ray, thinking you didn't have no other choices."
She raised her hand up and frowned, raising her voice. "You just need to consider that Maddie's old enough to know what you're doing. She can see you running around with those tour whores and now you want her to know you're sticking your…your little brain into a girl who is young enough to be your daughter?"
He stormed over to her then and grabbed her arm, glaring at her from just inches away. Typical Rayna, she didn't back down an inch. "That ain't true," he snarled.
She raised her eyebrows. "What, that you aren't fucking her? Or that she's young enough to be your daughter? Because, you know she is." She pulled her arm away. "She's closer to our daughter's age than yours, babe. Think about that."
He stood just looking at her for a moment, rubbing his hands together. She was still a spitfire. It still nearly killed him every time he thought about her being married to Teddy Conrad. Still being married to Teddy Conrad. He'd done everything she'd ever asked of him but she was still married to that Mr. Vanilla. And raising their daughter half the time with him. "It really ain't none of your business what I do, Ray," he said, finally. "I ain't the one who's married, so I can do what I want. Maddie ain't judging me."
"Oh, but she's watching you, Deacon. You know she watches every single thing you do."
He raised an eyebrow. "And she don't watch you?"
She looked away. "All I'm saying is that you should think about what you're doing." She turned back to look at him, that carefully constructed performance face on. The one only he could see through. "Maybe you should get a real girlfriend, Deacon. Not one of your one-and-done's and not someone twenty years younger than you. Someone stable. So Maddie can see you know how to do that." She picked up her purse then. "I've gotta go pick up the girls," she said. Then she stalked out of the rehearsal space, leaving him to stare after her.
He made an angry noise and banged his hand down on the offending guitar case. Then he looked at it, thinking he did need to give that back. He didn't really need, or want, to be in the middle of Rayna Jaymes and Juliette Barnes. He also thought about what she'd said about needing a girlfriend. Maybe he needed to do that too.
Rayna
"Since when do you want to be mayor?" she asked. "You hate politics." What the hell is Daddy thinking?
"I don't hate politics. I just hate talking about it," he said, as they cleaned up the kitchen.
She was glad the girls were upstairs doing homework. "It's not even as though it was your idea," she said. "You just don't know what you're doing getting into Daddy's back pocket like this." She shook her head. "You don't want to be owned by him."
"Rayna," he interrupted. "Did it ever occur to you that he's just trying to help me? And that I could use a little help right now? If I serve a term or two as mayor, I could write my own ticket. You wouldn't have to work anymore."
She was stunned. She dropped the plate in her hand on the counter and walked towards him. "I don't want that," she cried. "Is that what you want? For me to just stand on the side of the stage and smile and shake hands?"
His face tensed up and he clenched a fist. "You wanna tell me something about standing on the side of the stage that I don't already know?" He put the glass down that was in his hand. "I know I wasn't your first choice. That you settled for me. So how about letting me step into the limelight for a change? Let me put my life back together?"
She just looked at him, not really sure what to say. All she could picture in her mind was how their lives would be an open book, for anyone to see. And that her life wouldn't be off limits. Things had been so strained between them and she knew much of it was due to his feelings of failure. It wasn't that she didn't want to encourage him, but just not like this. "Don't you know how much we're going to be on display, Teddy?" she asked, her voice low and irritated.
He raised his eyebrows. "It's not like you aren't already a public figure, Rayna," he said, very matter-of-factly. "I'm not really sure much changes for you." He picked up a napkin and wadded it up, tossing it in the trash. "I'm going to go check on the girls," he said, as he turned his back on her and headed for the stairs.
She stood at the counter, watching him. Her chest felt tight and she had a lump in her throat. On top of everything else going on, she didn't need this. She put her hands on the counter and breathed in deeply, looking towards the ceiling, forcing the tears away. I am not going to cry about all this. I'm just not. She breathed in again, pushing everything into its little box.
It could not have been a worse day. Her fight with Deacon, the dawning realization that her career was stalling and no idea how to correct that, and now Teddy wanting to run for mayor, putting all their lives out there. And for what? So he doesn't have to stand in my shadow? She felt the tears threaten again and she clenched her jaw. She looked around the kitchen and frowned. Then she picked up a dishcloth and focused all her energy into cleaning up. When everything was put away and the counter was wiped down, she walked down to her music room and slammed the door shut behind her.
Deacon
He knew Rayna was nervous about the small venue tour Watty had proposed. He got it that her album wasn't doing well, which was too bad. He thought it was a great record, one of the best she'd done, and it was a shame it wasn't getting radio play. They both understood the ups and downs of the music industry and they'd watched other artists fade away, but he knew Rayna still felt like she had something to say and that she could be relevant. He wished they would write together, but it had been years since they'd even tried. It was hard for them to write together and he got it, but he also knew those were the songs her fans loved most.
He didn't understand, really, her reluctance to scale down the tour. Watty and Bucky had been right, that a sold out tour made more sense than arenas half full, or less. Plus she'd have more time to spend with the girls. Maddie was at that age where she could use more of Rayna at home, not less. A lot was changing in her life right now, as she began her teenage years, and he felt like Rayna could help her navigate that. He knew Rayna was afraid if she stepped away for a bit that she could lose all traction she had, but he thought it was more than that. Something she wasn't telling him, which was unusual, because she told him most things.
He thought it might still have to do with Teddy, but they didn't talk much about Teddy. Her marriage was one of the few topics that they had learned not to put on the table. There had been the whole business deal debacle, and he knew that had been part of her push to tour more in the immediate aftermath of that, and now Teddy had decided to run for mayor, which he knew Rayna wouldn't be comfortable with. But she didn't talk about it and he knew better than to ask. So he thought it might be helpful for her to see what a small venue might feel like and he wanted to reach out after that argument they'd had about that guitar. And it happened that it was his every third Thursday at the Bluebird.
Rayna
After dinner, Rayna shooed the girls off to do homework and helped Teddy clean up the kitchen. She was still unsettled about his decision to run for mayor and was bothered by her father's involvement in that. The downsizing of her tour bothered her too and she was well aware that Teddy didn't like it. But there were no guarantees that Teddy would win and, if he didn't, they were still in a bad financial place. She still blamed herself for taking her eye off the wheel and not being as clued in on everything that had happened with that development deal that had sunk them.
As she put away glasses, she said, without looking at Teddy, "So, babe, I think I might run over to the Bluebird tonight for a minute. Just to see what's out there. Listen to some songwriters. Maybe there's someone I can hook up with to write." She looked at him then. He was wiping down a pot and when he was finished, he threw the kitchen towel over his shoulder. She thought, right then, that he looked slightly tense, but it was probably over his potential mayoral run, not over her going out. Although he'd aged a lot in the past few years, he still looked boyishly handsome, and she hated the bickering they'd been doing lately.
He looked at her. "How late do you think you'll be?"
She shrugged. "Well, you know, late. Probably past eleven. You don't have to stay up if you don't want to."
He smiled, that sweet smile of his. "It's okay. I don't mind."
She smiled back, then walked over and gave him a quick kiss. "Thanks, babe. I really appreciate you." And then she headed for their bedroom to get changed.
What was I thinking? This was such a mistake. Why did I think I could sing that song at the Bluebird with Deacon? Or anywhere, for that matter? Thinking they could do a small venue tour together – just them – and ride a bus together to do it was a mistake. She didn't know how she was going to manage this, but she'd have to figure out a way.
Maybe it was all the weirdness in the house over the last few years. Things had been less than ideal between her and Teddy. They weren't having sex very often, they were fighting all the time, it felt like. He was tense, distant sometimes, clingy others. She knew a lot of that was the business situation, but it felt like it was more than that. He'd never been as successful as she was, at least in terms of earning power, but it had never been an issue before. But it felt like one now. And the power thing, with running for mayor. Where was that coming from? He'd never cared about that before and now, for some reason, he did.
But she knew what was really going on. It was thirteen years of keeping her feelings bottled up inside. Thirteen years of pretending Deacon was nothing more than a friend, a well-loved ex. Thirteen years of wishing they could have raised Maddie together, figured out how to do that. Thirteen years of wondering if she'd done the right thing all those years ago.
They had spent the last five years building a friendship, that respectful place where they were comfortable and at ease with one another. That place where every look, every touch, every word wasn't steeped in their history and in all the leftover feelings. But that one song, on that stage, had undone it all. That one particular song.
It all came out on that stage, doing that song. The same stage where they'd first seen each other. The same stage where they'd performed countless times before. No one will ever love you, like I do.
Scarlett
She'd been excited when Avery had suggested they move to Nashville after graduation. She knew he was counting on some of her uncle Deacon's contacts, although he didn't actually say that. The only reason her mama didn't make more of a fuss about it was because her uncle Deacon was in Nashville and that Scarlett had promised she would not be shacking up with Avery. Of course, that last promise was made with her fingers crossed behind her back.
She'd never been to Nashville, never been to a city this big before, so it was all so overwhelming. Deacon helped her get a job at the Bluebird Café and she loved getting the chance, every night she worked, to hear great songwriters. She was certainly not planning for a career in music, but she wanted to support Avery any way she could, and she was able to help him secure open mic spots at the Bluebird. That she was finding a little bit of her own voice, with Gunnar, had been a surprise.
The night Deacon invited them to the Opry was like a dream come true. He got them seats on the stage, the ones reserved for family and friends of the performers, and they got to see a lineup of superstars, all there to salute Watty White. But the most exciting part, for her, was meeting Rayna Jaymes. Of course, it technically wasn't the first time she'd met Rayna, but that had been back when she was a little girl, when her uncle was still married to her idol. She felt all giddy inside when Rayna reminded her they were still family.
The thing that had stayed on her mind, after that night, though, was the way Rayna had looked at Deacon when she said that. And the way he'd looked at her. Scarlett might not be all that sophisticated in the ways of love, but she would have sworn that what she saw that night was the look of true love. Deeply romantic love. Like they'd never stopped loving each other love.
When she saw it again, the night Rayna sang 'No One Will Ever Love You' at the Bluebird with Deacon, she'd known it without a doubt.
Teddy
It bugged him that Rayna wanted to do this tour with Deacon. Not that Deacon hadn't been a constant presence in her professional life, as well as their personal lives, for thirteen years. But this was different. Just the two of them, without her band. And one bus. He shook his head. He didn't like it.
But truthfully, it wasn't like she hadn't been gone most of the last thirteen years anyway. And even if Claybourne wasn't on her bus, there were hotel rooms. He'd often wondered if they were having an affair. They had an emotional affair, at a minimum. She never seemed to be able to give Deacon up. Of course, Maddie being their daughter contributed to that, but he sensed that closeness between the two of them had never quite gone away.
He rarely went to see her perform anymore. These days it would only be her Nashville show, so he could take the girls. He'd tried harder, in the early days, making more of an effort to come out on occasional weekends, paying more attention to her music. He thought she was a good singer, knew she was a superstar, but country music wasn't his comfort zone. It felt awkward, but he tried to be a good sport anyway.
What he hated most was watching her on stage with Claybourne. Or even off the stage. There was always something there between them, that felt like more than just exes being parents together, or him being her bandleader and stage partner. It was the way they looked at each other, the way Deacon's hand would brush Rayna's arm or her back, the way she'd look back at him over her shoulder. It was hard to watch. It was so damn intimate. It had made him restless.
He wondered sometimes if he'd done the right thing. Maybe he shouldn't have married her at all. But then he'd look at Daphne and that thought would be instantly erased. Maybe he should have insisted she not tell Deacon Maddie was his. The man couldn't even remember being with her the night Maddie was conceived, so it would have been easy to keep that hidden. He loved Maddie the same as he loved Daphne and he would have been happy to claim her as his own. Too many what if's.
Since shortly after the Cumberland deal had tanked, she had increased her tour schedule. They needed the money and he had not been able to find other work. Not that he'd looked hard. The girls were at an age where they needed a parent at home and to take them to their activities, so he took that on. It also led to his running into Peggy Reid, now Kenter.
Peggy had been his college sweetheart, but they had broken up when she took a job in Atlanta after they graduated. By the time she came back to Nashville, he was married to Rayna. Their paths crossed again during the time he was on the credit union board. Peggy was working at the credit union and she had been his confidante and partner as they'd tried to save the Cumberland deal. When it inevitably imploded, he had distanced himself from her.
She came back into his orbit when he ran into her at the country club one morning, when he was there for golf and she was there for tennis. She had married Robert Kenter several years earlier and had moved into the Nashville social circle she'd always aspired to. They grabbed coffee in the coffee shop and chatted, catching up with each other. It turned into a weekly thing and then one day it turned into him following her to her house and having hot sex in the pool house.
They'd been seeing each other almost two years. Luckily, her husband traveled almost constantly, as, of course, did Rayna. And Rayna rarely ever initiated sex and she didn't seem concerned about the lack of intimacy or frequency. The only complaint he had about Peggy was that she was a little needy. Always had been, even in their college days. But she made him feel the same way Rayna did in the early days, so he chose to overlook that.
He was a little worried about all this, though, in light of his mayoral run. They would have to be extra careful, something that might be challenging with Peggy, both about their affair and their prior business relationship. But he sure wasn't ready to give her up. She made his life so much easier to bear.
Deacon
It did occur to him later that he should have known better, that this little thing, or whatever it was, with Juliette Barnes was going to make his life with Rayna hell. But it was a series of things, really, that had led them to this uncomfortable place. It was the performance at the Bluebird. It was the thing with Juliette. It was Rayna's lack of enthusiasm for the small venue tour. It was Teddy running for mayor. And then, finally, it was the appearance at Teddy's fundraiser. That's where it all just kind of blew up in their faces.
He didn't like Teddy Conrad even a little bit. As far as he was concerned, Teddy was a smug, condescending bastard, who liked to act like he was Rayna's savior. He hated that Maddie was growing up in that house, feeling caught between two fathers. And he put all that on Teddy. So, the whole fundraiser thing just got under his skin. Teddy and Lamar acting like he was doing them a favor when he really was doing the favor for Rayna. And he couldn't help but try to tweak Teddy while he and Rayna were on stage.
Maybe he felt a little full of himself after the Bluebird performance. He knew Rayna had been uncomfortable afterwards. She'd told him as much. She was desperately trying to put the genie back in the bottle, but it was clear that the feelings that had been lurking under the surface had exploded all over them that night. He had wanted to feel vindicated, but he could see the conflict in her and so he tried to play it cool.
But it had bubbled over on the stage at the country club. In front of everyone in the room. He knew it. She knew it. Teddy knew it. So after the performance, when they were in the dressing room, he tried to deflect it. "I don't even know what that was with Teddy," he said.
She raised her eyebrows. "You didn't know what that was?" she asked. "Seemed to me like it was you taking the bait." He looked away. "I don't know what you were thinking." He looked back at her. "You're not just self-destructive, you're destructive." She shook her head. "I can't believe you put us in this position."
He looked at her. "Which us, Ray? Which us?" She just stared at him, then looked away. "I thought you needed me," he said.
She looked back. "I do need you."
It felt like she'd reached into his chest and squeezed his heart. He could see she was fighting this, even sort of understood why, but it didn't hurt any less. "I don't even know what to do with that anymore," he said.
She had been pacing back and forth. "I don't know what to do either." She looked at him, with raw pain on her face. "But now I have to go home."
He swallowed. He knew what she was implying. No matter what feelings had been resurrected between the two of them, she still made Teddy her choice, and she would go home and try to fix what they'd done. "Are we done here?" he asked, feeling resigned.
She looked at him. "Yeah. We're done."
He picked up his guitar and his messenger bag and left, knowing that they weren't just done with the conversation, but that they were well and truly done.
He hadn't been surprised when she called him the next day and told him that the tour was off and that he'd been relieved of his job as her bandleader. He hoped she wasn't giving up on her career, but he couldn't even muster the nerve to ask her.
The awkwardness dragged on. He would wait for Maddie in his truck when it was his turn to pick her up and just drop her off at the end of the visit. The one time he and Rayna met, to talk about how things would go with Maddie, she wouldn't even look at him. An old friend invited him to join his band and he found himself considering it. He still wouldn't join Juliette's band, although she asked over and over again, but he did do some session work with her. He tried to stay busy, tried to keep from focusing on the schism that had formed between him and Rayna.
He heard, though, that Rayna and Juliette were joining forces after all, after Juliette's shoplifting adventure. He was glad for Rayna, knew that while she would chafe against it, she would be her professional self and give a great tour. She needed this tour, for so many reasons. Teddy's campaign was in full swing and he wondered how she was holding up with that.
He missed her. He had no idea if she felt the same.
Rayna
Even though it was April, it was a chilly day. One of the quirks about Nashville, you could never depend on the weather. She pulled her hair back into a ponytail and put on a light leather jacket and drove over to that quiet place in the park, next to the stream. She turned her face up to the sun and closed her eyes. When she heard the car door slam, she turned and watched Deacon jump over the wall and head down to where she was sitting. She was grateful he'd called. She really wanted them to get back on track. Things had been rocky between them since the fundraiser performance and her firing him and she didn't like it. And then all the mess with the photos of Teddy and Peggy and she just really needed a friend.
She smiled as he joined her. "Hey," she said. "Thanks for calling."
He looked away. "I just wanted to check on you, see how you were doing." Then he looked at her. "You're still my family, Ray. Family stays together."
She looked down. "I appreciate that. I feel the same way, you know?"
He breathed in. "So it's true then?"
She looked at him and made a face. "Sort of. It's complicated."
He smirked. "Somehow I never saw Teddy Conrad as complicated."
She smiled. "Well, we still have this family, you know."
He nodded. "Anything I can do?"
She shook her head, then she said, "Maybe you can stay extra tuned in to Maddie. If she picks up on any of it, let me know."
He nodded. "I'll do that. But she ain't said nothing, so you know."
"Well, that's good." She turned to look at him. "How're you doing?"
He looked away for a second, then back. "Well, that was the other reason I called. I, uh, ran into Cy a few weeks ago and they're looking for a guitar player. So…I got asked to tour with the Revel Kings."
She smiled, a smile of genuine happiness. "Wow, that sounds like the real deal. An opportunity of a lifetime. You gonna do it?"
He bit his lip for a second. "It could make things more complex with Maddie."
She shrugged. "We can figure that out, you know? We did all these years."
He nodded. "True." He looked off in the distance for a second, then back at her. "What do you think?"
She contemplated that. It was a relatively simple question, but it was also…complicated. Deacon had been with her for so long. Firing him had been a little bit of a knee jerk reaction, but she was thinking it might be time for them to untangle a bit. She breathed in. "I think maybe it's time for you to look and see what's around the next bend, you know?"
He breathed in. "Maybe for both of us." He reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Maybe we got too comfortable. It ain't like Maddie's traveling with us anymore, you know?"
She had a lump in her throat as she nodded. "Yeah, you're probably right," she said, her voice soft.
He let go of her hand and gave her a tight smile. Then he sat up straight and breathed in. "Well, I guess we're both gonna do some things we never thought we would." He gazed out over the creek that ran past them. "I'm gonna go be in a rock band and you" – he looked at her and smirked – "are gonna go out on the road with Juliette Barnes."
She smiled sadly. "Will wonders never cease," she said. She watched as he got up from the table, shoving his hands in his pockets. He seemed to hesitate for a moment, then he looked down at her.
"Good luck," he said. "Not that you need it. I'm betting you're gonna show Juliette a thing or two."
She grinned. "Maybe so." She squinted as she looked up at him. "Thanks, Deacon." He nodded then, and headed for the road. She watched him over her shoulder, feeling a deep sadness inside. There had been many points along their journey where she'd felt like it was the end of them, only to find that it wasn't. But this time, it kind of felt like the real deal, just like she'd described his Revel Kings offer. Their paths were going to diverge in very separate ways, taking them in purposefully opposite directions for the first time since they'd known each other. She watched him drive off and turned back to look at the creek, without really seeing it.
She sat for a while, not really thinking about anything. Finally, she lowered her head and let the tears come, the tears she wouldn't show anyone else. It felt like her whole life was exploding. Not just little cracks, like had been happening over the past few years, but a massive breaking apart that left her whole foundation just a pile of rubble. She truly felt like she was starting over, without any of the things she'd held fast to, the things she'd come to depend upon.
She didn't want to tell Deacon she was pretty sure the rumors of Teddy having an affair with Peggy were true. She didn't want to admit, really even to herself, how blind she'd been, how she'd allowed herself to wear rose-colored glasses where all that was concerned. She'd taken her eye off the road in her single-minded quest to keep the Jaymes/Conrad ship afloat and she had missed all the signs. She breathed in. I've gotta be strong. For my girls. We'll get through this, one way or the other. She sat up then, flattening her palms against her thighs and closing her eyes, tipping her head back to catch the sun. Then she breathed out, opened her eyes, and got up off the table.
She smiled a little to herself. I guess I need to see what's around that next bend too.
Deacon
He didn't know the whole story. Rayna alluded to the pictures of Teddy and Peggy being a factor, but she was very circumspect, other than telling him she and Teddy were getting a divorce. He didn't need her to tell him, though. He could see she was hurting. Regardless of what was going on behind closed doors, she was holding her head up, being the strong person she always was, even if she was hurting on the inside. But he knew her too well. He thought she was hurting more for the girls than for herself.
Cy had turned out to still be a jerk and he'd left the Revel Kings. Juliette caught him in a weak moment and convinced him to come out on the road with her. If he had hoped it would put him back in Rayna's orbit, she had shut that down almost as soon as he'd stepped foot on Juliette's plane. But it was all part of the dance they had with each other. After an initial period of sparring, they had worked out the middle ground.
He smiled a little to himself as he thought of the day he'd cornered her on the elevator and kissed her. Deeply, passionately, practically forcing her to respond, which she had. She had been badgering him about being on the tour with Juliette. It almost felt like she was challenging him to admit he was on the tour to be around her. But that kiss. He'd almost forgotten how soft her lips were, how sweet her mouth tasted, how good it felt to feel her respond to him. In that brief moment, it was like it had always been and the world around them ceased to exist. Until the elevator reached his floor.
He thought later that it had probably been a mistake. It had stirred up a lot more memories and regrets for him than he thought it had for her. But it had been a release of sorts and they had finally shifted back, again, into a more comfortable rhythm. Until the news of the divorce.
So now she was on edge again, although not really with him. But, as was her way, she kept a low profile, kept her feelings contained, and kept him at arms' length. It hurt, but he got it. He would wait, just as he always did.
And then he met Stacey.
Rayna
After Teddy left and after the girls went upstairs to their rooms, Rayna sat in the den and put her head in her hands. She didn't really have any tears, at this point. It had been inevitable, she guessed, especially when Teddy had finally come clean about his affair and his shady business dealings. That was the part that had thrown her though. My husband is a cheater and a thief. How did this happen? She wondered if it was his desire to be somebody in her eyes. She knew he'd felt like her second choice, he'd told her that. She hadn't ever meant to make him feel that way, but there it was.
The girls were heartbroken, probably Daphne more so than Maddie, but it would be a huge change for both of them. She couldn't believe she was actually grateful to have the Red Lips/White Lies tour to focus on. The whole moving in and out of the house was challenging. She would have the girls for the week, since she'd be heading back out on the road. Maddie had been with Deacon most of the previous week, then a few days with Teddy. That was going to be complex to resolve, since right now, no one was happy with the arrangement. Especially Deacon.
Deacon. Deacon being in Juliette's band was a distraction. He hadn't really said much when she'd told him about the divorce, but she was pretty sure she knew what he was thinking. But it was too soon. She wasn't ready for another man, and she especially wasn't ready for Deacon.
But there was that kiss. That had stirred up old memories. Old longings. Things better left closed up in their own little box. But it had felt so good, in that moment. She'd almost forgotten how it felt to be kissed by him. The feel of his lips, how he forced hers apart. The feel of his scruff against her chin and her cheek. The tiniest little noise he made in the back of his throat. It made her shiver just thinking about it now.
She sighed. It didn't matter that she'd loved Deacon all these years. It didn't matter that their connection ran strong and deep and that they had stayed entangled in each other's lives. It didn't even matter that they had Maddie together. She just wasn't sure she was ready to be with a man who'd already caused her a lifetime of pain and disappointment.
This isn't about whether I love Deacon or not, she'd written in her journal. Deacon sober is still Deacon. All of the things about him that I loved are still the same. But so are the things that made it impossible for us to work. He's impulsive. He walks away when things get tough. He still has demons, even if he's learned how to manage better. He makes me feel alive, but he scares the shit out of me too. Loving Deacon is messy and I don't know that I can live with messy. Especially not with two girls who depend on me.
Life is complicated enough. I don't need to run back to old complications.
Juliette
She finally got Deacon in her band, although not before he nearly went down the rabbit hole. She'd been right, though. He was good for her, for her writing and for her band. He elevated her game and he'd taught her a thing or two, although she'd not wanted to acknowledge that at first. He made her better and she supposed, now that she had an insider's view, that's probably what he'd done for Rayna too. What had changed though was that he didn't need Rayna. He could stand on his own for himself.
Rayna
Rayna, Tandy and the girls headed out of the hotel lobby onto the street. At the same time, she saw Deacon getting out of a cab. With a dog in his arms. Deacon has a dog? "Dad!" "Deacon!" She heard her girls shouting with excitement. She watched what unfolded next as though she were standing outside her body. Both girls were petting the dog – a puppy, really – and then Deacon set it on the ground. And finally looked at her, then quickly back to the girls.
Maddie stood up then and turned to her, an excited look on her face. "Mom, this is Sue," she said. "Dad's dog! Juliette gave him to him for his birthday." Deacon looked up at Rayna again, an odd look on his face, and she raised an eyebrow, still not saying anything. At least it wasn't another $50,000 guitar. Then Maddie got her attention again. "Oh, and this is Stacey. His girlfriend." Rayna finally turned her attention to the pretty blonde who'd been standing next to Deacon all along. She had not really even given her a second thought.
The woman, Stacey, held out her hand. "Hey," she said, with a smile.
Rayna saw Deacon, out of the corner of her eye, looking a little flustered and uncomfortable. It occurred to her then that Maddie already knew. Knew and hadn't said a word. She recovered then from her stunned silence and smiled, her performance smile. She took Stacey's hand. "Hey, I'm Rayna," she said cordially. "Nice to meet you." She flicked her eyes again towards Deacon, who was pointedly not looking at her.
"You too," Stacey said. She nodded at Maddie. "I just love your daughter. She's so sweet." Rayna glanced over at Maddie, who was still inexplicably grinning. She instinctively wanted to slap the grin off her daughter's face and ask her why in the hell she'd not shared this news before. And she wanted to scream and cry and stomp her feet and yell at Deacon, who really should have been the one to do that. She could feel Tandy staring at her back.
Rayna nodded and smiled again. "Yes, she is, isn't she?" She hoped Stacey couldn't detect the edge in her tone, but she could tell, by the look on his face, that Deacon had. She looked at him then and smiled a little bigger. "Well, we're going to get Chinese food, so…." She shrugged. "We'll see y'all later," she said, as brightly as she could. Then she put her hand on Maddie's shoulder and not so gently herded her and Daphne down the street, Tandy trailing alongside her.
Tandy slid her arm through Rayna's. "Deacon has a girlfriend?" she said softly. "And a dog? Seems like he's finally moving on."
Rayna shot Tandy an angry glare. "I'm just wondering why my daughter failed to mention any of this," she hissed quietly. "Especially since she seems to have met the girlfriend. Or maybe even more importantly, why Deacon failed to mention it. We should have talked about her meeting a girlfriend."
Tandy nodded. "Yes, that's true. But then the two of you have been kind of at cross purposes lately, what with you firing him and him switching alliances and all. Maybe it's his way of, you know, poking the bear."
Rayna made a face. "Except that it's our daughter who's in the middle of it. We will definitely have to talk about that."
After she sent the girls upstairs, Rayna made her way through the after party crowd. She found her way over to the bar, where she saw Stacey sitting alone. She started to turn around, but Stacey saw her and waved, so she couldn't pretend like she hadn't as well.
"Hey!" Stacey said, seeming to perk up as she approached.
Rayna took a beat and then said, "Hey. How are you?" She felt like the smile on her face was going to crack.
"Good. Good. Oh, I saw your show. Really good."
"Thank you."
"Oh, and, uh, Juliette's was good too."
Rayna smiled and nodded, making sure she had her best performance face on. "Well, Deacon has a lot to do with that," she said. She usually had no problem with small talk, but this was still too…unexpected. Still, she tried. "So what do you do?"
Stacey seemed a little star struck, Rayna could tell. "Oh, I'm a vet. That's how I met Deacon, actually, through his dog."
Well, that makes sense, I guess. "Great, great." She really needed to get away from Stacey.
Stacey leaned a little forward. "So you two used to be married?"
Rayna was a little taken aback by that, but she kept her smile on her face. "Yeah, we were. Like a million years ago." Stacey just nodded, as though she realized how forward she'd been. The silence was unbelievably awkward. "It's really, really nice to meet you."
"You too."
Rayna patted her arm. "I need to, you know…." She pointed towards the other room. Stacey nodded and Rayna headed into the next room, where she bumped right into Deacon. He looked like he wanted to go past her, but she grabbed his arm and pulled him to the side. She looked around a second and then up at him, keeping her voice low. "So, when were you going to tell me about Stacey?"
He tried to look surprised, but she knew he knew she could see right through him. "I'm sorry. I mean, it just kinda happened, so there hadn't been time…."
She raised her eyebrows. "And yet there was time for Maddie to meet her?"
He tried to laugh as he looked over her shoulder. "She just stopped by and Maddie happened to be there. And you know how Maddie is." He looked back at her then. "She's so damn inquisitive."
She frowned. "We're gonna need to talk about this some more, although this obviously isn't the place for it." She poked him in the chest. "This isn't cool, Deacon. I don't like surprises like this. And I don't want our daughter to be in the middle of something I don't know anything about. You know better than that."
He frowned back at her then. "Well, you ain't exactly been itching to have a real conversation with me lately, Rayna, so maybe there's that. Plus it's brand new."
"And yet you're apparently all in, bringing her on tour." She shook her head. "Can you not just take a minute and let a relationship breathe?"
He shook his head, looking a little incredulous. "Says the girl who jumped into a relationship with me back in the day. And didn't let it breathe."
She looked away, then back at him. She breathed in. "We were kids," she said. "And we didn't have a kid. So just think about that." Then she pushed past him and walked off.
Deacon
Deacon watched, amused, as Juliette took off immediately after her sound check, then shook his head. He never would understand her crazy weirdness about Rayna. Actually, that wasn't completely true. He understood, a lot better than she did, that she just wanted to be like Rayna. Juliette would never admit to that, he knew, but it was true. However, she did not like feeling like second banana to Rayna, he knew that. Being first for sound check meant she was opening that night and he knew that bugged her more than anything. He thought it was too bad she didn't look at it as an opportunity to learn from someone who'd had to come up the same way.
He was thinking about leaving the arena and checking on Stacey when he heard Rayna's sound check start. Only it wasn't Rayna singing. He walked back to the stage and was surprised to see Maddie and Daphne on stage, singing one of the songs they'd been playing around with. He was surprised Rayna had let them do that. She was fiercely determined the girls would not pursue a music career before they finished school, preferably college. He knew Maddie was struggling with that and he tried to be neutral, to keep the peace with Rayna, but he could tell that Maddie had something special. Daphne too, but his focus had been on his daughter.
He glanced over and saw Rayna watching the girls. She looked happy and he was glad she'd let them do this. When her band joined in, he felt a chill run through him. His eyes were focused on his girl and he could see how happy she was to be on stage performing. He felt a little lump in his throat then and his eyes were damp. Damn, she's good. He would have to figure out how to talk to Rayna about that again. As he thought that, Rayna turned and saw him and smiled, then turned back to watch the girls.
He couldn't take his eyes off Maddie and Daphne. When Maddie turned and saw him there, he smiled proudly at her and she beamed. It had been worth everything he'd gone through, all the complications of working out shared parenting, to be able to enjoy this as her daddy. He was reminded of back when he'd given Maddie her first guitar, a ukulele actually, and he'd told Rayna she was destined to perform, that it was in her blood. He knew Rayna wanted to spare her girls the heartaches she had gone through, but he hoped she wouldn't try to hold them back. They were both talented and he knew they both had caught the bug.
He saw Rayna between shows. He knew she'd be focused on getting ready for her set, but he stopped her anyway. "Those girls," he said, shaking his head a little.
She shrugged and smiled. "I know. What am I gonna do?" she said.
He laughed a little. "I think we're gonna have to have another talk about Maddie sooner rather than later," he said.
She nodded. "Probably." She had a wistful look on her face then and he wondered if that was about Maddie or something else.
He had two bottles of water and an orange in his hands and he just tapped her arm with his wrist. "Have a good show tonight," he said.
She smiled. "Thanks." He started to walk away and she called after him. "Hey." He turned to look at her. "I really like Stacey," she said. He was pretty sure the smile on her face was her performance smile. "I'm glad you're…well, that you're doing that. She seems great." She nodded. "I'm happy for you."
He felt a catch in his throat. "Thank you," he said, not really knowing what else to say. Then he just nodded at her and walked out. As he walked down the hallway, he found it a little hard to breathe. He smiled at the people he walked past, the people who spoke to him, but he couldn't speak himself. He'd held out that tiny bit of hope, now that she was divorcing Teddy, that she'd turn to him, but it hadn't happened. He did like Stacey, a lot, and he knew it was healthier for him to just move on with her. He breathed in deeply as he stopped to pick up his jacket and messenger bag and head over to the hotel, where Stacey was waiting for him.