Hello there! So here is the supra mega ultra huge giant chapter I talked about few chatpers ago. I'm pretty proud of this one, but I have to warm you: this chapter is RATED M! You will see when you will read this, but as I said I'm proud. I hope you will like it and let a review before goind back to your activities :)

SPECIAL THANK YOU to Sarrabr4 who corrected this chapter -except the flashbacks for some reason you'll understand-

Enjoy!

It was almost 10pm, but this didn't seem like the case. Everyone could still see the sun dancing with the burning horizon, kissing the sky and the lake at the same time. The day was so hot, nobody wanted to go out of their house before 6pm. This was strange to see that in a big city like this was completely frozen by this amazing sun for a week now. This wasn't ever seen in the entire history of Chicago. And apparently, this was the same everywhere.

The sun was beginning to go down to let its place to the moon. After long hours of agony for the population, everyone could finally breathe comfortably, and enjoy the limited time of respite before the return of that burning sphere that consumed everything in its way. With this weather, he went out of his house, slightly dressed like so many others. He was wearing grey and black pants, a white shirt and brown shoes. In his right hand was a green and white hat, his left hand in his pocket. Hesitantly, he walked to the edge of the city, trying to make his way through the huge crowd littering the streets. Out of this human wave, he looked around him to see where he was. After some long and panicking minutes, he continued on his way. He seemed more reassured and his steps accelerated increasingly. He stopped at the lake, the place he liked so much and he thought about these days at its edge. He liked all of these days so much. With an almost sure step, he turned to it, to the lake, and walked, then stopped a few strides to the edge. He was attracted by the bluecolour of it. A little wind passed through his hair, letting them dance with it. He appreciated all this. He decided to sit, watching entire families move, couples, children wriggling, running and laughing. This made him smile a little. Just a little bit. And then he thought about what the woman he loved said to him and he cried. Little tears, then big and warm tears began to come down his cheeks, but didn't fall to the grass, dried by the sun that was still hot on the horizon. He watched his hand, the cut he did to himself without realizing it, while he had fever and was delirious. But just thinking about his present life, his cries increased. Why was life so hard on him ? Why hadn't he died there, that day when they came to bring him back to his family? He depended of his friends because he couldn't do a thing by himself without ruin everything. Always guarded, always pampered, again and again. Never alone like he wanted to be, like he wished to be. There was always someone to stop him to do this or that. ''No you shouldn't do this'', or ''no you wouldn't do that''. He couldn't tell them he wanted to be alone. He was just tired of it. Tired of his entire life, his new life. He wasn't the same anymore, and nobody was the same with him either. Everything changed now. The only thing that didn't change, and it comforted him, was this awesome lake...

Flashbabk, external POV (few minutes ago)

She fell asleep on the couch, near the man she loved. He authorized her to do it despite his fear he could have. She saw he was scared to death, he was terrorized by that idea, but he wanted to make her happy, make the woman he loved happy and he took it upon himself to do it. Just touching her made him have a huge thrill. Not a thrill he liked, a thrill of panic. But he wanted to stay with her, and with this unborn baby who was growing too. After eating a little, they sat on the couch. He wanted so much to touch her belly, to feel that this baby was real, feeling he was indeed in her belly. But he was scared, so scared this was just an illusion. For half an hour, he only watched her belly.

''You... You can touch if you want. I know you want to do it.''

He stared her in the eyes and she lowered her head then, a sign for him that he could do it for real. Slightly, with a trembling hand, he first put his fingers on it, then his hand. Her belly was warm, in contrast with his frozen hand. The sun came between them, enlightening the room and this frozen hand laying down her warm belly. She loved this and she smiled. She wanted to touch him, but she didn't want to scare him. For nothing in this world she wanted to end this pure moment. For nothing in this world... So she didn't move, just her breathing came to interrupt it. And then, the man she loved was sleeping on her, a hand in her belly, a slight smile in his lips. She fell asleep just after him.

End of flashback

Four steps. He got up and looked at the mixing of blue and orange : blue for the lake, orange for the cloudless sky. The wind passed through his hair again, his cheeks and his forehead. He liked it here, on the edge of the lake. Letting the sky take him, he thought about his life and his family that he couldn't protect, his broken family.

Flashback, external POV

Matt was thirteen. He was living with his mother since she divorced to Matt's dad. His older sister was on the other side of the country for her studies, so he was alone at home and she couldn't know what was hapening at home. For many years, their dad hit their mother. Christie was doing nothing apart crying and trying to comfort her little brother. But when Matt began to understand what was hapening, at the age of ten, he began to come between his dad and his mom. Quickly, the violence his mother was overgoing was reoriented toward Matt. His father hit him, humiliated him as never he had been before. Physically, mentally. Being in front of someone with so much hatred made him sick, but he hold up. For his mother. He had to be strong to protect his mother despite his young age. And soon, he turned his dream to firefighting. This day he decided this, his father laughed in his face, telling him it was for strong male, and he was just the weakest kid. Matt wanted so much to show his father he was wrong, so he trained hard. Very hard. Until exhaustion, until end up in hospital. But being here, in this hospital bed was too much humiliation. According to his father, he was so weak that the slighest effort and he found himself in hospital. So his mother decided to protect her children against their father, who became unhealthy for everyone, and she filed to divorce. The father accepted to take Matt for the week-ends and some afternoon after school. This lasted three years. Until the day his father pronounced the extra word. When he came home, to his mother, he let his keys on the buffet and went to his bedroom. And she had a phone call from her ex-husband, telling her Matt will never be someone, he will ever be useless and his dream to become a firefighter was unrealistic. He was a nobody. She saw all the progress he made to live his dream, she saw he was training hard physically and mentally to become a firefighter. She wanted to protect his son, whatever the price was. So she grabbed the keys of her son, took the gun, and went to kill her ex-husband, the father of her children. When she came home, she was covered by blood, and Matt found her like this on the couch, the gun and the keys on hand. He quickly understood what she had done. He understood his life had been destroyed.

End of flashback

Three steps. He heard someone calling him from far away. Calling him with so much strength and distress... But he was determined. The blue water was also calling him. With more strength, more sensibility and envy. He thought about what he missed, what he ruined, what he lost. Or rather who he lost, his brother, his first love, his past life.

Flashback, external POV

Matt was twenty-six, and this was his seventh year as a firefighter. He made his mom proud, even if he didn't talk with her very often. One day, he hurt himself on duty and had to go to Lakeshore. And he met Hallie in the ER. And then they were always together, seeing each other on and off shift, they found a place together, they get engaged. And again, his world had been destroyed. In november 2012, when his brother died in the line of duty. He and Andy were on the aerial to go on the first floor by the window while Kelly and his squad checked the main floor and were going to vent. But they didn't and Andy broke the window and went in the house. There was a huge blowback, and Andy died just in front of him while Kelly broke a cervical without knowing it. His brother died in front of him... And less than a year later, Hallie died in a fire in which he was called with the entire firehouse 51. After all this, he said he was fine, and everybody seemed convinced, including him. Mais he wasn't fine at all. Hallie's death was the straw that broke the camel. In less than a year, he lost two of his most precious people in his eyes.

End of flashback

Two steps. The voice became stronger, desperate even. Somewhere, he told himself he knew that voice but he didn't care. All this blue hypnotized him. He closed his eyes, trying to remember that voice. Trying to escape to these bad memories of these infernal days he passed in this room. Desperately trying to remove the image of these four men ready for anything, every vices, every beats to get the information he had.

Flashback, external POV

The day began as usual by a torture session. It was a ritual now. A bucket full of cold water, he was tied in the back with barbed wire, lying on his stomach, on a board about three feets above the ground. At the beginning, he fought them, he talked to curse them or to be sarcarstic. But the more time passed, the less he talked. He didn't have the strengh to do it anymore. Before, he used this kind of torture to drink some water, but now... Even swallowing was painful. His throat was on fire, his stomach was grumbling kile hell, he was tired. This time, they were three. Oleg, Jack and someone he had never met.

"Matt? Meet Yuri. He is the one who will take care of you today."

Take care of him? What was he talking about? Jack taped the shoulder of Yuri and made him come toward Matt.

"I offer you a deal Matt: either you give me the information I want, or I will find your little gorgeous girlfriend and hurt or kill her and your family of firefoghters..."

Matt opened his eyes because of the sound of a zip. What he saw disgusted him: this man he didn't know had lowered his pants and his underwear. He was totally naked... and with an erection.

"Or you open your mouth."

Disgust and fear invaded him. Three choices then: talking, letting Jack kill Gabby and the people close to him, or letting this man torture him. Deep down, a voice kept telling him he didn't have a choice. A voice he knew and he trusted. It kept telling him to not give up, not give up hope to be found. He closed his eyes, not thinking about what he was going to do, but thinking about what he was going not to do. He lifted his head. The smell of this... Thing made him want to vomit. Never in his life he would have thought to live this one day. This disgusted him. But he was ready to do everything to protect his family and the one he loved. Eyes still closed, he opened his mouth.

"So you made your choice? You prefer to have this in your mouth and your ass than to say a word to me? You prefer to protect your family and to be tortured?"

Matt was determined. He opened his eyes and faced his captors, showing them he wasn't afraid. They could try everything against him, he wouldn't say a word. Oleg signed to Yuri, that he could begin. He grabbed Matt's hair with a firm hand, and with the other he grabbed his chin. He has cold hands, frozen hands.

"I warn you: you bite me and you can say goodbye to your girlfriend."

Matt swallowed his saliva, reopened his mouth and waited. His stomach tightened, knotted, his heart beated faster, his breathing was faster too. He waited his time coming. And slowly, this thing that was repulsing him came to his lips, then to his teeth, to his tongue. It was cold, strong, awful. He was asking himself how women could like it. He closed his eyes, let him touch his skin, let him torture him. This thing rushed deeper, slowly, was approaching his glottis. Now he was breathing through his nose, but even like this, breathing was diffilcult. He felt something stir inside his mouth, like a tickling. He felt stifling because he was holding his breath. This thing kept going, playing with his glottis, even go deeper. He felt tears rising to his eyes and he held them as he could. This thing went out for a moment. He could finally breathe, but he didn't open his eyes.

"And now? You still don't want to talk to me?"

he wanted so much to scream at them to go to hell, but holding his urge to puke was taking all his strengh and his attention.

"Yuri? Please continue."

He returned to his lips, to his teeth, to his tongue, to his glottis. But this time he went deeper. The urge to vomit was higher. The up-and-comings made him cough, salivate. This time, he felt another part of the body of his torturer on his lips and his nose. He could feel his lower belly. This man was a sick man. And this thing... It was too big for him. He felt something hot coming up from his stomach to his throat, pass his glottis and coming out his mouth. It was disgusting, and Yuri went out his hard member imemediately. This made Matt cough betwen the inhalations he was trying to take.

"Yuri? Wait a minute."

His eyes still closed. He felt his head fall. He had stopped to hold it.

"Oleg, are you sure it's his first time? Because your toy is talented!"

A toy? Matt shivered. This was what he had become after hours and hours of torture. A toy. Jus a thing.

"Do you think you can try something else later?"

"Yeah, sure... Maybe later yes. When he will be ready."

Matt opened his eyes, his mouth was still slightly half open so he could breathe. He looked at the ground, at the bime which had just come out his mouth.

" You didn't feed him as I see..."

"Why?

"He will suffer Oleg."

"Not a big deal. That's what it's called torture Yuri."

He felt the hand of Yuri grip his hair, the othernunder his chin again. He forced himfelf to keep his mouth close, but this awful thing forced him to reopen it. It made the same route for the third time, but this time, these up-and-comings was much more faster. Matt held his breath again, he closed his eyes, frowned and felt himself cry. I was seeing the face of Gabby, the face of his brother Kelly, the face of all his friends, his family. Of his big family. He couln't betray them. Not like this. He didn't have the right. Even if this time, I thought he will burst, he couldn't endanger them. The up-and-comings continued to accelerate, his breathing was still cut off, and suddenly, everything stopped. This thing he hated to much was deep down his throat, he felt it move, he heard Yuri emitting a cry of joy and intense pleasure. Then came a horribly salty taste to his buds. It was hot, salty, horrible, humiliating. Matt was no longer able to describe what he was feeling in this moment. He didn't know if it was disgust, humiliation, shame, hatred. This forced himself to swallow the whitish substance before Yuri came out his mouth. He coughed, spatted, vomitted. He was crying in silence. He heard this awful man put his clothes back in place. Then he tapped the head of Matt and put himself at the height of his face.

"If you are wise, next time we'll try something else."

The worse of it, he said this to him with a huge smile. Oleg came to take away the barbed wire around his wrists and left him on the board. It was the extra torture, the extra humiliation. This could not last...

End of flashback

One step. It was almost done. Finally the freedom, soon. But the voice came closer, more lost, stronger. He could feel it this time, the person with the voice was crying. His body shivered at the sound of the voice, a voice that was calling him but still didn't envelop him. His eyes were still closed. He was thinking about the words. These painful words she pronounced, these hurting words he kept deep down inside. Words from the woman he loved.

Flashback, external POV

He looked at this plate, its content. Scrambled eggs and French toast. Kelly was near him and didn't move an inch, but he seemed to be worried.

"You still have enough energy to stay conscious a few more minutes?"

"I think so. You... You need me for something?"

"Actually... We would like to talk to you five minutes."

"We?"

"Gabby and me."

He clenched his fists to that name. He was still struggling to know her close to him.

"What? What it is?"

He began to be on the defensive again. Each time the conversation was turning around Gabby, he remade the same gestures: clenched fists, the gnashing of teeth, eyes full of rage.

"Nothing We... We just want to talk to you."

He tried to stay calm. Deep down, he loved Gabby to death, but the lastest events had a bit traumtized him.

"Okay."

Kelly turned to Gabby, who was in the kitchen. She had heard the whole conversation. He signned her to come near them. She dropped her towel, and sat close to Matt. Within a week, she had never approached him so close, to what he remembered. Matt avoided the gaze of Gabby, feeling uncomfortable to his side. He heard her taking a deep breath and felt she was taking his hand.

"When... You disapeared, I-"

"Don't!"

Matt removed his hand, tried to get up, but still too weak to do it too fast, he almost immediately fell back on the couch. Soon after, he put his hands over his face and closed his eyes.

"I... Don't want to hear it!"

He felt that his head was going to explode. Lots of memories went back, memories he had tried to bury deep down him.

"Matt I-"

"NO! Please, no! Leave me, please!"

This time, Matt was crying. On the couch, in front of the most important people for him. He didn't see that Gabby was also crying, she was also clenching her fists. She rose abruptly.

"You know what? I will tell you, even if you don't want to hear it!"

Matt put immediately his hands over his ears, even if he knew it would be useless.

"When you disapeared, I found Katya's Body in the kitchen. I tried CPR, even if I knew she was already dead! I wanted to talk to you! And now, you don't want to face me! I don't know what I've done, but here what I wanted to tell you this night! Do you remember when I said my system was down when we left our shift? Do you remember? I discovered later that I was pregnant! I am pregnant, and it's yours Matt! But I think I can handle this without your help! I'm tired of all this! I'm tired about hearing Kelly telling me it's because you're damage and you need time! I'm sick of it! I wanted you because of this child! But don't worry, it will be fine! I'm done!"

Those words, those words she had pronounced that day had destroyed him. A child he wanted so much, the greatest wish he had in the world, had escaped him because of all this history.

End of flashback

No more steps. A foot set in the void, a foot standing on the ground. The voice resonated now in his head. It was close, so close that he wanted to reopen his eyes. The voice enveloped him, the voice had arms. Arms so soft and so warm. Arms that pushed him violently on the ground. The voice had a head, a head on which he could feel tears. Tears coming down its cheeks, then falling on his own cheeks. The voice had a body, small and as warm as the rest. A trembling body that was raising and falling on him rapidly. The voice had a heart, a heart beating a hundred miles per hour. A heart that could explode at any minute, any second. And the voice had hands. Hands as soft and as warm as its arms. Hands were shaking him, hitting him slightly on his cheeks. He opened his eyes, and saw that the voice had a face. A wonderful face with redish eyes full of desperation, full of sadness and fear. Lips were shaking like never before. A frowned forehead he loved much more than this lake. And suddenly, the body encircled him. The body cried all its tears, it continued to call him, the body was beginning to hypnotize him, the body had won. He stayed there, looking at the orange sky burning, burning at the same time as her, at the same time as the woman he loved. He finally understood what was keeping him here. It was her. The woman he loved and who was carrying their child. The product of their love.

I really hope you liked this one and pleaaase let me a review so I can know if you liked it or not