Wynne called him an obstreperous, obnoxious, odious, little man the first day they were in the Deep Roads. Being just a little drunk at the time, he thought she'd been saying something much worse.

Not that he knew what obstreperous was. And Oghren wasn't about to admit it to the...woman.

Funnily enough, he found out what it meant from Alistair of all people much later. The pike twirler had reluctantly asked, "What did you think it meant?"

Not wanting to upset the guy, he just grunted. But after learning what it meant, he decided he liked it. It had a nice round sound to it, like his name.

And now that he was facing a human that seemed even more obnoxious than he was, being obstreperous sounded really damn good.

The slovenly human, which meant he was truly disgusting by human standards since Oghren wasn't exactly the neatest dwarf in the world, sneered down at him as Oghren tried to politely ask, "You Colbert?"

"What's it to you?"

Knowing what Lana would do to him if he pounded on the ass like he wanted, he kept his fists to himself. For the moment. "Name's Oghren, I was sent by the Warden-Commander bout yer story of a chasm full o' monsters."

The sneer deepened as the man surveyed the Wardens, "So you're saying you're some sorta Grey Warden?"

"Not some sorta, I am. So, what's the deal with these so called monsters? They darkspawn or not?"

Colbert looked him up and down, then the other men with him, and snorted derisively, "As if any of you sorry sods are actual Grey Wardens. You're way too scruffy for one." Then his sneer turned truly ugly, "Besides, I doubt a woman as fine looking as your Commander is would surround herself by piss-ants like the lot of you."

That gibe made him see red, and an ominous growl came out of one of the others. He could live with the insults towards him. Well, sorta. Since he was as sober as he ever was, Oghren could hold back the mad. But the insult towards Lana? That was just. Not. Done. She may have the scariest and complicatedest mind he'd ever encountered in a female, but he saw her as an adopted niece.

And no one insulted Oghren's family and got away with it. No one.

So he was gonna go all obstreperous on the idiot. Or maybe that was too mild of a word.

Not giving any sign of his own thoughts of the matter, his hand snaked out and grabbed the piker by the family jewels. Then gave them a little twist and squeeze. Howling in agony, Colbert fell to his knees.

For once being shorter than humans worked out just fine. He didn't have to bend down all that much, just leaning a bit, which put his mouth right next to the idiot's ear. "Lissen up, you stupid blighter. Yer insultin' my friend. More than that, that was yer Queen you were just insultin'. 'Er littlest toe nail paring is worth more than you, an if I ever learn that you insulted her again. Well..."

He gave a loving little squeeze. Breathless from the last one, the human just whimpered. Oghren gave a satisfied little nod. "Now that we're all understanin' one another, how 'bout we start over? Name's Oghren, Imma Grey Warden sent to look into ya story 'bout monsters comin' outta the ground."

All through his little speech, the pansy had been whimpering, whining and moaning. With one final moan, the man fell over unconscious. That's when he realized that he never did let go. Oops.

Letting go of the now useless human, he turned a baleful eye on the elf. Smarter than his partner, he raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, "Please don't hurt me."

Well Stone bless 'im, Kendrick did prove to still have the power of speech as he said, "We won't, as long as you cooperate."

Annoyed, the berserker eyeballed his fellow Warden, then fixed his gimlet glare on the elf, and growled, "Start talking. Monsters. Big gapin' hole in the ground. Where?"

The elf blinked at him a bit. "Well, it was about a week, week and a half ago, Colbert and I... Um, speaking of whom. Is he gonna live? Because I don't want to have to break in a new partner."

Colbert groaned as he curled up into a fetal ball with his hands covering his damaged groin. Mal gestured as he cast a spell, then nodded, "Oh, he'll live. He'll just be walking funny for a day or so."

Rubbing the back of his head, the elven hunter sighed, "Good, good. Name's Micah by the way. Anyway, 'bout the monsters. I'm guessing they're darkspawn, look like 'em based off the stories I heard."

"Guessin'?" Oghren asked incredulously. "You do remember the Blight right? Been only a lil under a year since it ended? I know the damn things made their way up here."

Micah shrugged, "Didn't see much of anything up here, besides the Arl going even more insane. But we spend most of our time in the woods, only coming to the city when we have enough skins to sell or need supplies. Didn't see nothing like them before this. They looked like humans and dwarves with, well, fangs an' claws an' diseased looking skin. No hair either. Like it rotted out or something."

That was an interesting way of describing the beasts, but he supposed the guy had a point. "Fair 'nough. Where is this chasm?"

"That's the weirdest thing. The ground just opened up almost right under us! And the things just came pouring out."

Delindro finally spoke up, doubt creeping a bit into his voice, "And they just ignored you?"

"Yes, thank the Maker! We got away from there as quickly as possible before they could change their minds."

The Antivan caught Oghren's attention and shook his head slightly. He really hoped it meant that the hunter was free of the Taint. He was just starting to be able to sense the other Wardens, but not very strongly. He didn't think he'd be able to pick up if anyone was just merely corrupted. Since no one said anything about the elf being Tainted and that he had to be dealt with, he was going to leave it at that.

It was Oghren's turn to shrug slightly, "Right then. So where is it?"

Micah launched into a long, stupidly complicated series of directions. It was worse than trying to navigate the Deep Roads. Unable, and unwilling, to keep up, Oghren grunted in annoyance, cutting off the man's stream of verbosity, "Can ya show where it is on a map?"

After giving him a peevish look, the hunter sullenly marked the approximate area of the chasm on the map Kendrick had. Not for the first time Oghren marveled at the surfacers ready access to maps of their area. Granted, said maps weren't always the most accurate, but still just the fact they had the means to figure out where things were was still amazing to him.

Not that they didn't have maps of Orzammar and its immediate surroundings. But they had maps of whole damn countries.

Figuring that he owed the hunters for the information, and possibly damages, he fished out a sovereign. He wasn't sure if he should be amused or insulted at the way Micah eyed the coin like it was covered in something nasty. It wasn't like he kept it in his boots or something. He huffed, "Fer yer help." He looked down at the softly groaning human, "And maybe a lil somethin' fer his pain an' sufferin'."

The way the elf looked at him with huge eyes was more than a little disturbing, but he did eventually accept the coin before shifting his stare down at the human. Figuring it couldn't hurt to ask, Oghren said, "An', uh, one more thing."

Micah looked ready to run or cry, or more horrifically, both, "Yeah?"

"Know any good apothecaries?"

Getting thrown out of the apothecary shop some time later was a new experience for him. He was used to that with various bars, and brothels between the time Branka left him and he got back to Felsi. But not any type of healer. It didn't help that it was done by a wizened old granny that seemed shorter than him. "Make sure to wash your feet more often! And change those Maker forsaken socks more than once a week!"

The old hag didn't need to holler about it so loud. People were looking at him funny. Well, funnier than usual at any rate. Including the other three Wardens. He glared at them pugnaciously, a word he'd gotten from Lana, and that too was another fine round Oghren-like word. "Got somethin' on yer minds, do ya?"

Delindro nodded, "Yep. Where to next?"

"The big gapin' hole in the ground of course. But first, I need to get some more socks."

-oOo-

Rereading the letter for what seemed the millionth time, Fergus Cousland, Teyrn of Highever, pursed his lips and drummed his fingers on the scarred surface of the desk he sat at. It wasn't the gleaming majestic thing his father had used all of Fergus's life. That had been banished to storage until someone who had need of a desk, and none of the emotional baggage, dug it out. In its place was an ancient monstrosity that looked as if it had been used to teeth babies, human and mabari, hacked at and somewhat singed around the edges.

It fit him perfectly given the way he'd felt for the past couple of years.

"The last time I saw someone look like that, it was your sister's friend Oghren when someone mentioned pickles around him," commented the man whose visage was as battered as Fergus's desk. His voice was deep and raspy as if he'd been breathing smoke for far too long. His brown eyes were almost lost amidst the smile lines around his eyes, and whatever color his hair had been was unknown since he'd lost it all some time ago, even though he was around Fergus's age. "And no one ever did explain why."

More than a little absently, he said, "Oh, that, Shawn. Teagan challenged Oghren about not passing out while drinking a barrel of pickle juice. He managed it, out of spite I imagine, then got very messily sick afterword."

Shawn's face screwed up comically at the thought. "Charming. So. What's with that letter you keep reading? I know that your sister isn't one for correspondence, but I doubt it's that rare for her to send word to anyone."

With a sigh, he set the letter down to focus his attention on his friend, and temporary Seneschal. Though it seemed like temporary may not apply given that the man had been showing signs of settling into the position. "Oh, it's not that at all. It's the news that's in there that's so...interesting. At least, that's the only word I can come up with right now."

"And that news is?"

Trying to control the messy stew of emotions that were churning away in him, he said, "Nathaniel Howe has returned to Ferelden. And my darling sister Conscripted him into the Grey Wardens."

The not-so-temporary Seneschal gave a low whistle. He'd known Nathaniel for a brief time before the young nobleman was exiled to the Free Marches and how like brothers the two had been. Other than his immediate family, Shawn had been the only one to see how devastated Fergus had been at the continued silence from his once best friend, so he would understand the tangled feelings. As Fergus brooded some more, Shawn ventured a question, "I'm guessing you're planning something?"

Pinching the bridge of his nose for a moment, Fergus was silent. After dropping his hand, he nodded, "Yes. I'm going to pay a surprise visit on the Wardens. The majority of the planting for spring has been done, you know Highever well enough to keep things running while I take a short trip."

"Yeah, I figured that much, but didn't that message come with a warning about the Keep not being safe?"

"The messenger mentioned something about an increase of darkspawn, but since Lana is fine, I'm sure that it was just blown out of proportion."

Not saying anything, Shawn snatched up the letter as Fergus yelled, "Hey! Put that down!"

Ignoring the man, Shawn skimmed through the letter, "Right, it's what I thought. She said not to come to because of an increase of darkspawn, that the area isn't safe for traveling. And I know your sister, she isn't one to exaggerate things like that." Still perusing the letter, Shawn muttered, "And don't look at me like that either."

Feeling a little sheepish, Fergus closed his mouth on what he was about to say. Finally done with the missive, Shawn shook his head, "Do you think you have enough guards to provide a proper escort and still be able to patrol the roads of the teyrnir?"

More than a little surprised, he eyed his Seneschal warily, who in turn gave him a humorless smile, "I know you, my friend, once you've made up your mind on something, you follow through. So rather than engage in a useless battle that'll just piss us both off, I might as well give in to the inevitable. And this way I can make sure that you don't go haring off into the unknown with just a horse and a pack of supplies."

Since that was what he had been planning, Fergus kept quiet. Shawn gave him a knowing look, "Fine then, I'll start getting things organized. I'm sure there's some Teyrn-like things to keep you occupied for a bit."

The man had the gall to walk off with the letter clenched in his hand. And the worst part of it all, Fergus couldn't go after him without looking like a fool, which was probably his intention. Gritting his teeth, he returned to his proper duties as a means to distract himself.

After all, he was going to have a few days on the road with nothing else to do but stew over the situation.