Hello hello, I'm sorry for vanishing. Too much is happening at the moment. I'm helping Tomek, my cousin, who came from Poland to work here and needed a place to stay. So we had to move my bedroom into the huge sitting room, all the furniture and everything. At the same time we've brought shit away I've managed to collect over the years I'll never need again. It took a good week. Then summer's arrived, yay. Been to the Heide Park all the time, it's from the Merlin attractions group (You British people will know what that is) an amusement park here in Germany. I'm having a shoot in a few weeks, been to castings in the last weeks (not allowed to tell what it is, because it'll be shot next month but airs in winter and I'll be sued if someone knows if I wont something/someone or not). Then festival time has started and I'm ready to go to WACKEN (hard rock festival in germany), Hurricane, rock am ring/ and rock im Park, Southside and so on. Tegan and Sara gig is soon where I'll meet them for a business related meeting and my laptop's just got back from the ship it was sick. :) but it's fine again. So you see, life's pretty hectic and so much more's happening that I haven't really found the time to update.

That chapter was halfway written, only edited a couple things. The next one is almost done though, so it shouldn't take up too much time.

With that said, say goodbye to depressive times, only good things are ahead of us.

Naomi was eagerly awaiting Katie's return, she couldn't relax. After she had taken a shower it dawned on her where Katie had run off to. She wasn't stupid. Of course she should've seen the signs before but her mind wasn't working as it was supposed to, too overwhelmed with grief and arousal to function at all. But now, now she knew Katie was out to deal with Ashley the blonde couldn't stop worrying. Her fingernails were suffering badly under the tension, she was biting them off to the bitter end, making her pinkie bleed because she'd chewed too far. Just as she was blowing on it, why were people doing this anyway? It didn't help, she'd heard the door lock turn.

Before Katie had had the chance to take off her heels Naomi was on her, bombarding her with questions and tugging on her everything, arms, shoulders, even her trousers.

The twin widened her eyes at the, obviously, scared blonde who thought she might had to take up her mum on the new papers for them now that Katie'd killed the girl. "Oh my god, how bad is it? You didn't kill her, did you? I've to call mum, she said she'd have 30 grand in a couple weeks, for new identities. I have no idea how we'll get you out of this now, no barrister will be good enough." Katie stopped her girlfriend's nervous rambling with a soft chuckle, silencing her with her lips pressing to hers. "Oh." Smiled Naomi, a bit embarrassed by her hysterical outburst. She ran a shaky hand through her, still dripping wet, hair.

Katie's eyes followed the path of a bunch falling water drops, watched them flow down her shoulders and then disappearing in her cleavage. Subconsciously licking her lips, Katie's eyes stayed glued to the visible parts of Naomi's still rosy skin, flushed from her shower. She would had been happy just standing there, forever, and stare at the tiny traces of the drop's way down Naomi's body hadn't the girl snapped her fingers in front of Katie's eyes with an smug smirk. "You're looking awfully hungry Kay, hadn't had a nice meal in a long time huh?"

Naomi enjoyed seeing Katie's eyes darken at the suggestion of sex, but she had to tease her a bit. "'d ya get the groceries then? I'm starving." And she walked away, chuckling voicelessly when she heard Katie's sad sigh. "Uh, no. Sorry. Fancy pizza?" And she didn't sound enthusiastic at all suggesting actual food, a pout practically heard through the words. "Naomi?"

"Yes?" The blonde turned to her then, smiling brightly with a raised brow as she prepared coffee.

"You have to put on clothes if you wanna talk. You seriously need to put on some other clothes, don't think can get my brain function properly when you're here, wearing that, that towel." She gestured at the towel barley hiding Naomi's private parts. She hadn't had any time to change yet, not when she was going mad in worry for Katie, well, and Ashley's life.

Laughing a bit Naomi leaned on the counter with her shoulder, looking as smug as one could. "Really."

"Yes." Mumbled Katie, embarrassed now that Naomi clearly wasn't planning to seduce her. "Just, just go get dressed."

"I think not. Quite comfortable actually." She grinned. "Want some?" Breaking out in laughter at Katie's enthusiastic nods, Naomi pointed at the coffee maker, watching her girlfriend's face fall. Rolling her eyes she walked over to Katie and took her hand, pulling her along wordlessly. "Where we going?" Wanted the twin to know but Naomi kept on walking, up the stairs, two doors down, until they were in their bedroom. She'd had changed the sheets the very second they had arrived, mumbling about how she couldn't sleep under the same ones Ashley had. So, that out of the way, Naomi gently placed her hands on Katie's waist and pulled her close.

The twin's brows were furrowed, she was surprised. Were they going to have sex now? Like that? Wasn't that weird?

Seeing her confusion, and hesitation Naomi grinned, pressing her lips to her nose for a tiny peck. "Stop that. You're horny, I'm here and almost naked. What's the problem?"

Shifting uncomfortably Katie averted her eyes, blushing. "Uh, well that is. I mean, we're not, are we? And then just only because I'm turned on is a bit, don't know, awkward. Not the heat of the moment and all."

Naomi's laughter filled the room and had Katie look up meeting her eyes with a curious glance. "You really don't expect me sitting down, asking you to be my girlfriend, are you?" There was a teasing glint in her eyes now and Katie blushed a bit more, hating feeling stupid. "Don't know."

The blonde took pity on her then and pulled her in a hug, chuckling. "I wont. We're adults and I think it's pretty fucking obvious we're back together. Except if you wanna wait for Nessa or Candy that is." Katie hit her bare shoulder with a glare, not liking the mocking, but secretly being over the moon by the situation. Naomi was comfortable enough to tease her, bickering like they'd used to since day one, it was making Katie fucking ecstatic. "Oh shut up, you're a cow."

"A bitch Kay, I'm a bitch. And you'll be Nessa's bitch, just wait." She dodged the next attack, which resulted in her landing on the bed with Katie straddling her as she tickled her. Knowing all the tickling spots Naomi had, the brunette went to work, poking each and every one until the girl under her was almost gasping for air.

Taking advantage of her position Naomi pressed her hips up, arching her back. Katie's groan, how she closed her eyes and bit her lip to keep herself from moaning made up Naomi's decision. She pulled her down, flush against her own body and they kissed without another moment of hesitation. Katie's hands were already underneath the tiny towel, desperate to feel as much of Naomi as she could. They were too far gone to realise how not-awkward that was.

"Water." Husked Naomi, letting herself fall flat on top of Katie with a sigh. "I'm drying out. That'll be the end of me, knew you'd finally manage to make me see stars." She shook her head at a smirking Katie. "No I'm serious. There are tiny dots I see, they're flying round randomly and I know I'm not supposed to follow them or I'll pass out."

But Katie didn't pity her, she didn't show any sympathy, that cow. Instead she rolled over so she was topping Naomi, smiling lazily as she stroked her naked skin aimlessly. It made her a bit less of a cow. "You'll live."

"Oh will I? Sorry, forgot for a moment you're a doctor." Teased Naomi with a content expression. She enjoyed this, just laying about, all relaxed and blissed out after hours of passionate shagging. The best part was that she didn't need to have her eyes closed during it, she was able to watch every little bit of what Katie had been doing to her, and what she'd done to Katie, continuously. "Yeah, since I'm really good at my job I should order you to do that more often. Preferably three times a day, at least. It'll help you get back your stamina and your body wont make you think you're going to die without water."

Naomi pinched Katie's bum, swallowing the yelp with her own mouth when she kissed her.

"So, Effy's got a new girlfriend, huh. Weird that. I thought she loved you." Without realising it Naomi tensed at the girl's name being mentioned. Katie felt it, and her eyes narrowed for a moment before she sighed, kissing Naomi's bare shoulder. She was the big spoon, holding the blonde close and wrapped up in her arms and legs. She had always loved to do that. People always thought that the smaller person should be the one being held, but Katie thought it was bullshit. She wasn't that much smaller, in fact, they were almost the same height. "Sorry."

"Na, 's fine."

"So now that we're back together, back home, happy again. I assume she'll be gone?"

"What?"

"Well, she's got a girlfriend now, in America. And we don't get on really well so it's probably best you distanced yourself a bit, don't you think?" Her voice didn't contain the malice it usually would be bathed in when talking about Effy, but still, Naomi turned around sharply with hard eyes. Her girlfriend shut her eyes for a moment, sighing, before she opened them again only to be looking at her in the same, war-prepared-way. "What? I think we need time for us now, don't want your ex butting in all the time. Effy's got a bit of a problem with boundaries."

Shaking her head in silent disbelieve Naomi tried to untangle herself from Katie's claws, hands and legs that felt like claws. Of course she didn't get very far. Before she could actually get up Katie had her back on her back, covering her body with hers. She was staring deeply into stormy blue eyes, trying to make her see that she was just scared Naomi'd leave again if Effy were around. "I didn't mean it that way. I just, I don't wanna see you leaving me again."

Watching Katie sceptically Naomi's eyes were narrowed, regarding her. "I'm serious. I'm scared you'll find that you're utterly in love with her or something. Now she's got a girlfriend she might realise she wants you after all."

Scoffing, Naomi shook her head. "Yeah, no, she wont. She's Effy, not you." And to make it worse Naomi's tongue lashed out another time. "She's easy. When she wants something, she takes it. Doesn't need months of preparations and tactics for it."

She didn't have to fight her way from under Katie this time, the twin rolled off of her, staring at the ceiling with a thoughtful expression. "So that's true then. Ash said you were planning all this shit to get me back, never believed her. Couldn't believe you'd manipulate me that way."

But Naomi didn't cower and apologise, opposite was the case. "What, manipulate you into thinking you love me? Please Katie." A scoff. "You've never stopped. You were just too stubborn and furious to see. Had to remind you of that. That's what I've been doing for so fucking long." Getting up she searched the room for her clothes only to realise she hadn't brought anything upstairs yet and earlier she'd worn the towel. "Fuck." Naomi mumbled, kicking the bed. "The fuck are all my clothes? Burned them, has she?"

Katie didn't find it important to contribute to the monologue, it'd only end in a huge fight.

When that thought hit her, the twin glared and marched up to Naomi. Pointing a finger at her Katie forgot all about nakedness, scowling. "That's not working."

"I know it's not." Snapped Naomi with cold eyes, pushing past Katie to get to the dresser.

"Obviously I didn't mean that." Hissed Katie through gritted teeth. "We've gotta fight."

Blue eyes looked back at her, incredibility washing off Naomi in waves. "Right."

"I'm serious. There's too much anger bottled up in us, we need to deal with it. We just do, otherwise we'll always avoid confrontations until we explode and this'll never work. I know that."

"Oh you do, don't you?" Was Naomi's sarcastic response when she pulled a shirt over her head, not caring who's it was. "Forgot you've eaten wisdom with spoons."

"That's not even a thing!" Yelled Katie, exasperated. "You cant translate German sayings like that. They don't make sense! How many times do I have to fucking tell you that?!" Naomi walked slowly towards Katie, stopping only inches away. "Oh I don't know, until the day I fucking care what you have to say, maybe?" She yelled right back into her face, seeing the fury build up behind brown eyes.

They were shaking with anger, both holding their ground.

Naomi's hands shot out then unexpectedly and grasped Katie's shoulders, almost painfully digging her nails into the flesh when she pulled her close. She kissed her angrily,biting, chewing, almost drawing blood with her teeth. She hissed in pain when Katie caught her bottom lip with her own teeth and bit down, hard, tugging it back so she had to follow. "I fucking hate you." Growled Katie, letting herself fall backwards on the bed she took Naomi with her.

Gasping at the impact Naomi straddled the twin and locked her arms above her hand, one hand already working its way down. "Hate you too, darling." She mocked the fuming girl, pressing her hips into hers strongly. Naomi's tummy felt like she was on a roller coaster when Katie moaned despite trying so hard not to while she clinged at the blonde's skin, pulling her closer still.

Her right hand was holding Katie's back upwards, close to her, and her left one was ramming into her girlfriend at a pace that'll make her regret it in the morning. But she couldn't stop. Not when Katie was going wild, trashing about, clawing to Naomi almost painfully. "Fuck" Mumbled the blonde when another flash of pain made her arm hurt, she had to reposition herself again. So, without stopping, she pushed herself up so she was straddling Katie's right thigh, her left hand finally free of her own body slamming against it. A guttural groan was ripped from the twin's throat then, her hips making random, frantic movements as she couldn't keep up but tried so desperately. "Don't stop", hissed the girl through clenched teeth, a weird 'Joker' expression on her face. That's clear signal of her being so closer, making the blonde sigh in relief, she wouldn't need to get her arm amputated after all.

With an intake of a huge breath Naomi brought Katie closer to her own body, having the girl almost sit up, she was helping her holding her balance with a hand on her back. Since this wasn't new or weird or strange Katie knew exactly when to fling her hands out and grasp her girlfriend's shoulders so she wouldn't crash back into bed.

The pain was getting almost unbearable and Naomi knew that if Katie didn't cum soon, she'd have to stop. And the worst thing of stopping to change hands in that moment? Katie'd be propelled down from the high she was up at and Naomi'd have to start back at the beginning, it would take much longer to get the twin back to be ready for the explosion. So not making the mistake she had done in past when she was still not experienced enough in fucking Katie Fitch the way she needed to be fucked, Naomi grit her teeth and kept slamming her fingers into her girlfriend, ignoring the painful ache making its way up to her shoulder. "Naomi" Panted Katie, her body trembling and sweating as she worked her body to its fullest.

It was enough for the blonde.

With one, fast movement she had Katie pinned to the bed, laying flush on top of her as her hand kept its rapid mission. Her eyes locked on wild brown she whispered, almost wordlessly and too gently; "I hate you."

All the pain she knew she'd have the next day for pushing it was well worth it when she witnessed the most beautiful thing ever happening on earth. Katie came undone, right before her eyes. And it was her face, almost angelic, losing all the trouble and stress and it were her eyes losing their focus and it were also her lips, turned upwards in a smile when she groaned;" Love you too" that made Naomi's eyes prick with tears.

Because as much hate as there was, Naomi realised, there'd always be more love hidden and they'd simply have to remind each other of that.

Nothing had been ever perfect or easy when it came to being with Katie. From the first moment there'd been anger, fun and mots crashing against her ribcage and she knew that she couldn't expect that to change. She wouldn't want it to even if she could. It's them, Katie and Naomi, fire and ice, deadly collisions, beautiful.

She was brought back from her thoughts by Katie's shaky fingers running through her newly bleached hair. Their eyes locked and the fingers which were in her hair a moment ago were suddenly on her face, softly wiping salty wetness away. "I love you." And Katie's voice had never held that much meaning before, never had three words meant the world, and never were whispered promises more important.

Naomi nodded, sighing as if a huge weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. "I know." Turning her head to the side, she kissed the palm stroking her face. "Love you too. Loads."

"What you wanna eat?" Asked Naomi, her eyes roaming the fridge where various take-out-flyers were pinned to. "Chinese, Italian, Korean, oh look there's that old diner you love the chips from. Want some?"

A very naked Katie, 'cept for socks (a habit she'd had to adapt since Naomi'd given her the silent-treatment for over a week at the beginning for walking round barefoot), sauntered over to her and wrapped her arms around Naomi's shirt-covered waist. Her shaking head was resting on the blonde's back. "Want McDonald's."

"They don't deliver."

"I know."

Rolling her eyes Naomi reached for the phone and dialled the taxi station's number. "Yeah hello, d'ya think you could send someone to get us Big Macs?" She nodded, biting her thumb when she listened to the response. "All right. Thanks. Uh yeah, that's the number. Thank you."

Turning to Katie she smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "She'll ring the cabbies and ask if someone's up for it. Could take some time though." They had ordered McDonald's before. One time when they were stoned beyond words Katie had demanded a Big Mac and Naomi had had no idea how to get her one. So she had called the taxi station and asked. Delivery routes weren't obligatory so they had to wait until a cabbie had time and offered to bring them the food. They had never eaten as expensive Big Macs, but from time to time it's worth it.

The phone was giving off its shrill tone and Naomi grinned, telling the nice woman their address and order. "Four Big Macs, four Cheeseburgers, a bag of chips, twelve nuggets sweet n sour" She looked to Katie who was gesturing widely. With a chuckle she added another item to the list. "And an Milkshake, vanilla please. Uh huh, right. Thanks, yeah no problem. Thank you. Bye."

"How the fuck I knew you meant a milkshake I'll never know." Laughed Naomi. The image of Katie pretending to milk a cow and then spreading lotion over her body still in her mind.

Almost tackling the blonde Katie tangled her fingers in her hair, watching her adoringly. "Because you know me."

"Yeah, I do."

"I'm bloody stuffed." Groaned Katie, stroking her upset tummy. She was draped across Naomi's torso, her girlfriend sitting on the sofa, almost laying really, her legs propped up on the couch table. Katie had her head on her lap and the rest of her body was curled up on the sofa as she was cuddled into the blonde. "You think it's right to heat them up in the oven later? Wont they be all mushy?"

"Na," mumbled Naomi, too tired to open her mouth fully. "micowath mas em mushy."

"Right. Good to know, never knew why I couldn't get it right. No wonder. What I'd do without you, starve I'll say...You're staying mumbly for the whole day then?" She teased, whimpering when her tummy protested. Naomi hummed, her right hand tracing random patterns over Katie's bare back. The twin was wearing nothing but a bra and panties.

Naomi had demanded she'd cover herself up when the cabbie had arrived. Katie had protested of course, vehemently, that he wouldn't get to see her anyway and why should she be dressed when they'd shag afterwards she'd never understand but Naomi had known that after that meal they'd be as good as dead. Certainly not ready to shag for hours at least. She'd been right, of course.

"When's your next meeting with the barrister?" Wanted Naomi to know, still curious what had happened between Katie and Ashley earlier. "You'll have to tell her you went over to Ashley's."

Brown eyes rolled before looking up through thick lashes. "Just ask Naomi." There was annoyance, badly hidden, heard and the blonde scoffed once before meeting the defensive look Katie was sending her way. "What've you done to her? Did you make it worse? I mean, aren't you in shit deep enough already? You really had to go and make things worse, didn't you. What did you want to go and do that for?"

Nodding Katie sat up, moving subconsciously to the other end of the huge sofa, her arms crossed. "What do you think? Beat her up, good and proper. Wont tell one single lie, my lovely ex wont." She was staring at Naomi, almost challengingly and the blonde knew what that meant. So she rolled her eyes, scooting a bit over so she'd place her legs over Katie's and take her hand, playing with it. "Why cant you give me a straight answer for once? This isn't a joke Kay, it's serious shit you're in."

"I know that."

"Yeah? Act like it. You're an adult for fuck's sakes." She kept a hold of Katie's hand which was trying to get away, but she wouldn't let it. "Stop it. We can argue, Katie. It's not the end of the world. Stop fucking fidgeting." She groaned when Katie had finally succeeded to get her hand free, her face a picture of rage. "And stop glaring at me."

"Something else you'd like me to stop do or say? Should've thought of it before you've decided to play games with me. What they say? Careful what you wish for, you might just get it." Naomi's face fell, her eyes turned that one shade they always did when something had hurt her just a bit too much. Making her speechless, making her distance herself.

Katie realised what her motor mouth had done, again, and she tried to back-paddle. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that."

"I know. But it'll always be there, now, wont it? You'll always throw it back in my face." She knew, they'd been in that situation before.

Even Katie's shaking head and promises of it not going to become a constant problem couldn't make Naomi relax. "Italy's out of the way but now you'll find this whenever you'll not get your way." She shook her head, sadness covering her whole face, and body. "This wont work, will it? We'll pretend it's working, then it'll explode right into our faces and we'll only have lost more time." Katie nodded, deeply in thought agreeing and moved so she was right next to Naomi.

She gently moved the blonde's legs and wrapped them around her own waist, bringing the girl closer with her hands on her bum. When they were only inches apart her sad eyes locked on Naomi's and she leaned in to kiss her, only for her lips to meet the blonde's cheek. "Naomi." Whimpered Katie, feeling the change, feeling what was happening. She hated it and it scared her. "Baby please look at me."

And because it wasn't a common fight where they'd bite one another's heads off, blue eyes locked on brown and made Katie want to always make sure they'd never look that sad again.

Thinking hard about the words she needed to choose carefully so Naomi'd not get it mixed up again Katie was buying time with a meaningful look. She felt weird, being openly watched by Naomi that way, as if she were grading her. Her eyes ran all over Katie's skin, every little inch and the worst was that the twin couldn't read that expressionless face. "Naomi, you need to let me speak without interrupting baby. I don't want you to confuse it, read things in it, or run. You'll stay right here and listen, can you do that?"

Naomi's eyes were still fixed on Katie's features, on the thin lines around and between her eyes, the ones from laughing and glaring. The ones forming slowly on her lip's sides, her forehead. Her eyes followed their paths, seeing still surprisingly smooth skin, void of any make up.

When Katie gently cupped her chin they met brown ones, and she saw that her girlfriend had aged. She wasn't the same, fit, young girl any more. There was a maturity which she hadn't seen before. It made her wonder if she was the cause for it.

Had she been the reason for the worry lines above Katie's eyebrows? Or the ones between them, from when she'd glare and scowl at her for years? How had Katie looked back then, that was the question. She had been so obsessed with getting back what she'd had that she hadn't guessed that it, perhaps, wouldn't be possibly because it was all long gone.

Could they ever be with each other the way they had been? How much were humans able to ignore, not forget but only ignore to pretend being somewhere else in life?

Why did she have that urge to flee whenever a conversation took a turn she didn't like?

Naomi knew the reason and it was ripping her apart. She was scared that they'd both see it, that they'd be forced to see that you cant just pretend all life long. You cant hold on to memories as reality, you have to give in and acknowledge that that's what they were, memories. Fading. No matter what you'd do, you cant bring them back. Ever.

You can try, get your heart broken in the process, but you wont be satisfied. When she was that scared, that frightened of the future, how must Katie be feeling?

She owed it to her, no matter the consequences, she owed it to her to let her see it too. "Yes, yeah of course." It came out stronger that she'd imagined, and even though she was scared she was feeling really good. Almost like in that one moment when you're on a roller-coaster.

You're all excited when you wait to get on, but then, when you're sitting in the little wagons and you're all strapped in, ready to be shot somewhere, you're quite. Almost serene knowing that what you knew was gonna happen was now there and there'd be no turning back, you'll be driven three hundred meters high only to fall vertically right into a sharks open mouth. You know what's coming and you have made your peace with it because it cant be changed any more. "I promise."

A small smile was her reward, then Katie went to explain, her body and hands carefully keeping to touch Naomi's all the way through. "I know that it's not how you've dreamed us being back together. I'm sorry, I really am, but things are never the way we wish. We fight, we have soo much to fight about that it's scary. And I am scared too, you've to know that. It scares me that you could walk out of that door again if I said too much. If I took it far. If I looked too angry. It scares me because Naomi, being without you has been tough. Please don't look at me that way, it's true. I know Ashley's been a great distraction, I think in a fucked up way I've really needed her at that time. You were right there. I've needed her to wrap my head around things. I had to stop...resenting you."

"Resent me?" Croaked Naomi, truly shocked. She had tried to stay silent but that was something she couldn't had ever guessed and Katie didn't seem to mind, thankfully. Instead she smiled lightly, stroking Naomi's palm absently.

"Yes. It's always been extreme, from day one. You were the one that has made me the happiest, but you're also the one that has made me a monster. I love you sooo much, soo hard that it's making me mad. I cant control myself around you or others. I don't know if you remember but shortly after we'd met there's been that incident with the bartender."

Naomi remembered.

She was smirking at the cute blonde when the girl handed her a beer, winking. "On the house, love. Couldn't take your money Naomi, could I? Not after what you've done for me." The flirty tone had the blonde's smirk grow and lean over the counter. "Well, cant say it wasn't a win-win, don't think I've ever managed to please that spectacularly like on that day."

Naomi almost crashed into the counter when an arm squeezed her waist, pulling her roughly to the side. She had to almost shake herself out of the shock and only then did her mind grasp that it was Katie, pissing on her territory with a sickly sweet smile. "Hey darling, you were gone so long. I've missed you." A long, over-the-top kiss was smacked on Naomi's grinning lips, leaving a vanilla taste behind. "Awe, didn't see you were talking to someone. Want to introduce me to your new friend?" Her eyes were a weapon, Naomi had known from the moment they had shot daggers at her for the first time.

Instead of cowering and crying, the girl behind the counter laughed and reached for Katie's hand, catching her off-guard. "I'm Mel, I'm working at Naomi's pub sometimes. You must be Katie. Jesus," She whistled, winking at Naomi, "you said she's a stunner but that's making even my straight heart race." She had walked around the counter to get a better look at Katie who was blushing stealthily in the dark light for acting like a huge tit. When she was hugged by Mel the twin let out an embarrassed groan and apologised for being a gigantic twat. "Ha, it's fine love. Think it'll be good someone's got an careful eye on that one here. Naomi's quite the flirter you must know."

"Is she now."

"That she is." They grinned at each other when Mel started a speech about embarrassing things that had happened to Naomi during college.

"That was what, the third week we were together? What I'm trying to say is that you always, you always have made me insecure. So fucking insecure Naomi. I never knew that feeling. I'd never had felt so much for anyone before I met you and I was living in constant fear of it being ripped from my fingers. I thought you'd leave me because Bence would be a problem after all, thought you would realise that you loved your life the way it were, without nappies and a crying toddler crawling into our bed because of bad dreams. I thought you'd get bored and you'd leave. I'm sorry, I know it's not fair because you've never given me the impression something like that would ever happen, you were in it from the beginning but it was too good to be true. So, as happy as you made me, you've made me just as mad. I was constantly switching between being happy and in love to being a huge bitch that got jealous over everything to a miserable clingy git." Katie stopped.

The blonde didn't know if she was supposed to say something or stay silent, opted on the latter and let Katie give her a lit fag they were sharing. "But that wasn't the only problem. You are so stubborn Naomi and everything I never knew. I had no idea how to get my head round it. When I yell, you yell back, louder than me. When I storm out, you don't run after me, you slam the door shut. When I left, furious, you didn't call me until I let you apologise and talk me into coming back. You were the opposite to everything I knew. So it lead to us constantly fighting. And, perhaps I'm really mad, but I've always enjoyed fighting you. You're the first one that's been equal to me. Not a back-boneless whimp. You're able to make me feel invincible to the world, but you're the one that's hurting me the most. My kryptonite. Always, Naomi you've always made me feel loved, so raw and passionately loved that I knew I'd happily wear socks 24/7 until the day I die. I guess we had reached a point where I took it all for granted. You left because you were overwhelmed, left alone. That was the biggest mistake I'll never forgive myself for. Yes, yes you've hurt me. More times than I could count. But I know that I've made you live in hell for a very long time." Her face was so open Naomi had to look away, almost feeling like she was intruding.

Katie didn't let her though. She leant back and with her arm around Naomi's shoulder she took her with her, their eyes locked again. "You know, I see our relationship in three parts. The first one was before Italy, that's the one we were running round on clouds. Then part two, my pregnancy with Bay and the beginning of our new life where we've been biting our way through tragedies because we weren't able to be without one another. Part three Naomi is the one were we were getting tired of fighting. We've given up, and it'd made me soo sad and heartbroken I was angry all the time, leaving it out on you. Making you pay. I was resenting you for giving us another chance, for webbing our life together so much firmer, so constant. I was resenting you because you weren't happy, neither was I. Everything you did, everything you said was like a punch to my face and I couldn't deal with it. I had never experienced what it was like when you put others before me. I wasn't used to you taking my mates side instead of mine. And I'd certainly felt like I had lost you, when it was so easy for you. I guess it hurt too much to realise what really was the problem. It was easier to make you the bad guy, the cheater, the one who had broken me. And I know that it's sick, believe me I do, but that's what was happening to me. I woke up angry at you because you had stopped needing me some time during the third part. I wasn't used to that. I wasn't used to feeling anything than loved by you. It really did my head in.."

The gentle tone in her voice took a sudden change, it was almost breaking and she had to look away. Wiping her wet eyes.

Naomi wasn't sure if she should speak, too frightened she'd break that, that spectacular moment. Katie was explaining things she had never even questioned. It made her feel a twat, that she never once had sat her girlfriend down and asked properly. She had just assumed that Katie had changed into an angry bitch because of Italy. She had never known the gravity of what she had been for Katie, how much she had made her deal with. It was weird, sitting and listening to all those stories she remembered differently.

Her hand, softly stroking Katie's bare thigh was the only indication that she was listening. She didn't want to spook her, or make her uncomfortable. It had to be one of the most intense conversations and revelations Katie was going through, she didn't want to make it worse.

After coughing, the twin continued, her vice small and regret filled. "I think, without trying to find excuses, that something has died when Italy and Bay happened. We glued it together, but, well you know, it wasn't enough and we weren't brave. We wouldn't talk about it. It got worse. I, uh, I always had that feeling that you were feeling obliged to stay with me because of the kids. Because of Bay. You're the type who fights to the bitter end, no matter the consequences. Guess I thought that you've given up on me already and were round for them only. I was losing you, bit for bit. For a whole year I've had been thinking that you were cheating on me with Effy. You have no idea what kind of anger and confusion that's left in me. I'll never forgive myself for the way I've treated you, Naomi, never. And this isn't about me trying to make myself feel better, not at all. We knew that I've always had a bit of a temper issue, but I would have never believed that I could actually hurt you, physically hurt you. I was, god, I was abusing you, and you were swallowing it. We both did it out of avoidance." Katie was shaking her head, her eyes fixed on her hands that were on the backrest of the sofa, she glared at them. Hardly believing what they'd done. "You see, when you were gone, properly gone, I needed to distract myself. Everything I've ever been scared of had happened and I had to find a way to deal with it. Ashley, so fucking sweet and fun, she was the best distraction. Of course I'd go find a girl that's a spitting image of you, so likely." She chuckled. "Of course I couldn't admit it to myself. I was alone, my sister gone, my best friend gone, my girlfriend gone. And she was there, making all better. You know, I remember that you told me once what you're mum's said to you when you met me. If you find someone who can make you laugh, hold on as tightly as you can. I've stopped allowing you to make me laugh Naomi, and I think that that's been a huge problem. We've forgotten how to have fun together, when fun was one of the most important things in our relationship. Not going out getting shit-faced all the time, mind you, just having a laugh together. And Ashley was doing all that. But at the same time I've started to realise that she couldn't fit that giant hole you've left in my heart. Never fully. There's been moments, random ones, where she'd say something unimportant and I'd just stare at her, not knowing why I was feeling sad. It took me some time, figuring out that I was missing you being here, doing and saying random, unimportant things. That it felt wrong having her walk into the kitchen in the morning and get coffee. Or how she'd be all chipper after opening her eyes. Id lay there, staring at her and thinking; she should be a walking, glaring zombie til she's had her third coffee at least. When I learned you and Effy were together it made me shake, Naomi. It made me so fucking angry I couldn't catch a simple thought."

Remembering that, Katie tensed. Her jaw was set and her eyes slowly narrowing into angry slits as she glared at the wall. "You're mine, Naomi." It was pushed through gritted teeth with so much feeling and pain that the blonde stopped stroking her thigh. Instead she shuffled towards her, placing both arms around her waist. She turned Katie around in her arms then, making her look at her. When she had her full attention, the furious grimace still evident on Katie's beautiful face, Naomi's head dipped and she kissed her, as softly as she could.

She knew that she shouldn't encourage that jealousy. But she also knew how it had torn her apart seeing Katie with Ashley. Naomi knew that this was justified jealousy, Katie had tried, all through her and Effy's 'relationship' to act the way she was expected to, but now she couldn't hide it any more.

And if they wanted to make this work didn't Naomi have to show her that she was, in fact, still hers? Especially after what Katie had just told her.

"I'm yours." She mumbled against Katie's unresponsive lips. "I'm sorry I've let you doubt it back then, but I am." A sigh of relief left her when the twin, finally, kissed her back. Just as gently. "Keep going." Naomi asked, wanting to know what else had been hiding in her girlfriend's head she hadn't cared about before.

Katie stayed in her arms, snuggled close unconsciously. "I need you Naomi, I really do. I don't think I've ever known how much I actually need you. You know that bullshit about people making others better? I think it's not bullshit after all. I do need you, you are making me better. Well, you could. And I hope that I'd let you again. If you give me another chance, the last one, I'll show you. I'll show you how good I can be, how fucking amazing we could be. I'll talk to someone. Never thought I'd say this but I think I really need to see a therapist. I don't mean couples therapy, not yet anyway. I think we need, separately, to deal with everything so we can unload all the anger and work through it together. Mum's said that Emily's seeing someone, seems to be pretty awesome the man she's in therapy at. I'll ask her for his number. So, I don't know. I guess I just need you to know that this wont be a piece of cake, it'll be hard work. For both of us. And if you cant, or wont do it, you need to tell me now. We still can go back." She was giving Naomi the way out, even if it killed her. Katie knew how much she was asking after everything but she felt the need that she needed to, otherwise she'd always wonder.

It didn't take for Naomi to make her decision. A low; "I'll be with you, all through it.", left her lips and she tried to smile reassuringly when she was, from the inside, pretty scared. Therapy always brought up things one desperately learned to live with, to ignore. It'd be a very intense time, like Katie said, not a piece of cake. "What do you need me to do?" She asked, tracing random pattern over Katie's soft skin.

"I want you to see someone too."

The response was firm, and so serious Naomi knew she wouldn't get out of it. "You need to deal with everything that's happened as well. And so much more baby. We'll seek out different therapists, so it wont mess around with us. But I'll do it either way. Don't think I'm backing you up against a wall here. I'm not. I wanna do this, don't think there's a chance for us otherwise. It would be fucking amazing if you'd take part in it too though."

Breaking eye contact Naomi's jaw set, facing straight ahead her mind was twirling at rapid speed. In the end Katie made the decision for her, with a couple words. "Ginia's been bothering you all the time with how we should get back together, hasn't she? How fucked up would it be if she were the reason we couldn't make it. Because we couldn't get past this." For the first time her tone didn't hold any demands or anger. She was truly wondering and that made Naomi see it too. Yes, it'd be right fucked up that.