I've never done this half flashback, half present day style so please, please, please let me know what you think!
It was the detective's third week of chemotherapy when the doctor slid her key into the door of apartment #12 and managed to open the door a few inches before the chain stopped her entrance.
"Jane?" she called out, panic instantly taking over her body as she thought of how much of a shell her best friend had become in the time since her diagnosis and at what the brunette could have done to herself in the hours since they'd spoken.
"I'm not going to chemo today."
Relief washed over Maura when she heard Jane's voice from within the apartment, thanking a God she didn't believe in that her friend hadn't acted on the horrible melancholy that was eating away at her.
"Its your last visit for this cycle," Maura tried to reason through the small gap between the door and its frame. "Then you'll have a rest period."
"Doesn't matter," Jane said. "I'm still gonna be puking and tired all the time and fucking useless at work. Unless the higher ups throw me on full medical leave."
"Please, Jane. I know you're tired and you're in pain but please. You have to keep fighting."
"I'm sick of fighting!" Jane snapped, her voice cracking on the last word as she dropped her head into her hands and took a ragged breath.
"Hey, Maura?"
"Hi," Maura smiled as she looked up from her reports to see Jane nervously standing in her office doorway. "You're here late."
"Yeah, I, uh, wanted to talk to you about something but didn't wanna get interrupted."
"Is everything okay, Jane?" Maura asked, noticing the way Jane fidgeted and appeared almost fearful of standing before the doctor.
"I don't think so," Jane admitted, terrified brown eyes coming up to meet concerned hazel eyes. "I think I'm sick."
"What do you mean sick?"
Taking a step into Maura's office, Jane pulled the door closed behind her before moving to sit on the edge of Maura's couch, hunching over to rest her head in her hands.
"My periods come at the start of the month but all month long I've been cramping like crazy and bleeding randomly," Jane stated. "My whole lower abdomen feels like it's under attack almost every day and sometimes it hurts to go to the bathroom."
"Have you-"
"I went to the gynecologist today and she…" Jane trailed off, moving to begin anxiously rubbing at the scars of her palms. "She made an emergency appointment for me with an oncologist."
At the final word of Jane's sentence, Maura's hand flew to her mouth to attempt to stifle the gasp at hearing her best friend admit she might soon be diagnosed with cancer.
"My gynecologist is just like you cuz she didn't wanna guess but she said it looked like it could be uterine cancer, stage two or three. But the oncologist will run tests and stuff on Friday."
"We are going to fight this together," Maura stated as she quickly crossed the room to take Jane's hands in her own. "Do you hear me, Jane? You and I will fight this. And when we need a break, your mother and Frankie and Frost and Korsak will all fight until we're ready to re-join them."
"Then we'll go to this round of chemo, come home so you can rest for a bit, and then we can go away for a while," Maura suggested. "I promised you the day you told me about this that we'd fight this together and if that means taking a week or two off to relax at Cape Cod or somewhere else, then I'll make it happen."
"Please, Maura, just leave," Jane sighed, her voice defeated and holding back tears.
"I can't leave," Maura insisted. "Not until I've taken you to your appointment, brought you back here, and ensured you had everything you could ever need or want."
"I can't go out like this!" Jane said, her voice thick with anguish.
"Go out like what, sweetheart?"
The door to the apartment was pushed shut and Maura reached for her keys before she heard the jingling of the chain and the door was swung open to reveal a weakened looking Jane holding a fistful of dark curls in her hand.
"There was about fifty times more hair than this on my pillow this morning," Jane said as she looked into Maura's eyes. "Every time I push my hair behind my ear or run my hands through it, more and more just keeps falling out."
The usual hodge podge of guests had been gone from Sunday dinner for the past hour and for the past half an hour, Jane lied curled on the couch with her head on her mother's lap while Maura knelt in front of her. Sobs were wracking her body after announcing her chemotherapy was to start the next day and seeing the faces of her friends and family fighting back tears,
"I can't do this," Jane said, repeating the mantra over and over.
"Yes, you can, Janie," Angela soothed as she ran her fingers through Jane's hair in the way she'd done while Jane was a child. "You're a Rizzoli and us Rizzolis can do anything."
"Not this," Jane tried to protest.
"Yes, this," Maura insisted as she reached out to take one of Jane's hands. "It's three weeks of chemotherapy and then you'll have a two week break. Three weeks is nothing compared to how long it took you to regain full use of your hands or recover after the bullet wound to your gut."
"Those things had goals," Jane said, using her free hand to wipe her tears away. "I had a goal to squeeze a stress ball or hold a gun or get back to work."
"And you have goals with this, too," Angela said softly.
"Yeah, cuz 'don't die' is a good goal to work towards," Jane huffed, though fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "I don't wanna die, ma," Jane said, her voice cracking with each word.
"I won't let you die," Angela promised. "No one will."
"And my hair," Jane added, looking towards Maura sitting in front of her. "I'm gonna lose my hair and I don't wanna do that, either," she admitted.
"I'll shave mine off so we match," Maura offered with a gentle smile.
"No," Jane said as she shook her head, using her free hand to fiddle with a bit of Maura's hair. "Don't do that. Just...Just promise not to judge me when I'm more bald than Cavanaugh."
"Oh, Jane," Maura breathed when she saw the thinning hair on the detective's head, some areas nearly devoid of the long curls she'd come to love.
"I swiped an electric clipper from Tommy's place cuz he had more than he needed but I was hoping I'd get to put it back without using it," Jane admitted.
"Would you like help?" Maura asked softly.
A small nod was her reply.
"We can wait until after your round of chemo today or you can let me drive your cruiser with the lights and sirens to the hospital and we can get it done now," Maura smiled.
"Lets just get it over with," Jane said as she walked towards her bathroom, trusting that the doctor would follow.
And follow is what Maura did, joining Jane in the bathroom a minute later. She barely managed to keep a sob at bay when she saw Jane had pulled her hoodie off and the jaundice skin with prominent bones was displayed as her best friend sat on the toilet seat.
Knowing what Jane needed, Maura wasted no time before grabbing the clippers and flipping the device on. A cry flew from Jane's lips at the sound, breaking Maura's own heart in the process.
"You are so beautiful," Maura reassured the woman sitting in front of her just before making a steady swipe with the clippers. "And you will always be beautiful, with or without hair," she continued, pressing a gentle kiss to where Jane's hairline used to lie. The doctor's gentle words prompted fresh tears to leak from Jane's eyes.
The pattern of making a swipe, complimenting her best friend, and offering a gentle kiss to the balding head continued until Maura finished with the device and all that was left on Jane's head was a few millimeters of hair unable to be reached by the clippers. The detective gestured to the hair removal cream on her counter, clumps of her former curls held tightly in her hands.
Maura obeyed Jane's silent request, rubbing the cream onto Jane's head and waiting the required time before wiping it off with a damp wash cloth.
"I love you," Maura whispered as she took in the hairless woman in front of her.
Jane shook her head vehemently.
"I do," Maura murmured as she pressed a kiss to a cool forehead. "I love you," she stated before kissing the tip of Jane's nose. "I love you," she repeated before kissing two eyelids salty with tears. "I love you," she continued, placing her hands gently on either side of Jane's face and looking into the other woman's sad and tired eyes.
"I don't have my hair anymore," Jane murmured.
"I don't care if you have all the hair in the world or none at all," Maura stated firmly. "I will love you no matter what, Jane Rizzoli."
"I'll love you no matter what, too," Jane said with a soft smile, letting the clumps of her formed hair fall from her hands so she could reach her arms out to wrap around Maura's waist. Jane rested her head against the soft shirt over Maura's stomach, inhaling the calming scent before both women spoke at once.
"Don't let me die."
"I won't let you die."
"It's January 23rd."
"Yeah, and the coldest January 23rd Boston has ever seen," Jane whined as she grabbed the thick quilt from the back of Maura's couch and draped it over her shoulders before sliding onto the barstool at the kitchen island.
"Jane, you know there's more to today than just the temperatures."
"Really?"
"Yes, really," Maura smiled as she pulled a home made cake from the fridge, the chocolate icing decorated with blue piping in Maura's handwriting. I love you, complete with a smiley face below the final word. "One year in remission."
Jane ran a hand through her still short curls, a large smile on her face as she looked between the cake and it's proud preparer.
"How much did you have to beg or pay my ma to keep her away tonight?" Jane asked.
"Oh, she'll be here tonight," Maura laughed. "Along with everyone else. I told them to arrive at 6 for a celebratory dinner and made sure to remind Sean to keep your mother occupied until then."
"Did you really have to mention my boss and mother?" Jane groaned. "God, I'd rather shave my head again than have any sort of mental image of those two in my head."
Maura simply arched an eyebrow at Jane.
"Okay, maybe not," Jane grinned as she leaned forward to run her finger through a small bit of icing and lick it from her finger. "But the day I shaved my head was the day you spent hours telling me all the things you loved about me after my chemo appointment. So I guess I'd go bald to hear you do that again."
"I'll gladly do that for you anytime, no bald head required," Maura promised. "And I'll also tell you I love you, since I do believe that also happened the day you shaved your head for the first time."
"True," Jane said. "This party tonight…" she began, looking up at Maura's expectant eyes. "It's just as much for you as it is for me."
"Jane, I hardly-"
"Nope, ya can't change my mind," Jane interrupted. "Ever since my diagnosis, you've been there with me. Chemo, shaving my head, waking up from having my uterus removed, puking non stop, not having the energy to leave my bed, crying all the time, being pissed at everyone and everything,...You never left, Maura. So yeah, this party is just as much for you as it is for me."
Before Maura could reply, Angela burst through the front door followed by an apologetic looking Cavanaugh, mouthing apologies to both women in the kitchen. The Rizzoli matriarch pulled a purple sash from her bag, draping it over Jane's torso to proudly show the word 'Survivor' before placing Maura's matching sash on the blonde, letting everyone know she was a 'Caregiver.'
"Sean, come take a photo of my girls before you put the food into the oven to keep warm!" Angela demanded with a smile towards her daughters.
"You sure you still love me with this crazy ass mother?" Jane stage whispered, though she held open her arm and beckoned Maura to her side, the quilt draped over both of their shoulders.
"I told you then and I'll tell you now," Maura said, turning to look at Jane's smiling face. "I'll love you no matter what."
Not entire sure where the idea for this came from but I do hope you liked it! Let me know how you liked the flashbacks mixed in, pretty please?