The Secrets They Keep
The Great Hall, Valentine's Day
The fourteenth of February had fallen on a Sunday this year, which was good and bad for the students of Hogwarts (but five in particular). The annual Valentine's Day Hogsmeade trip had been the day before, and no classes meant that they could spend the duration of Mary's visit with the girl in question in the Common Room, instead of dragging her to class with them. However, it also meant that the Great Hall was full when Mary arrived at ten o'clock, and the entire Hall turned in her direction while beginning to whisper animatedly.
Sirus, who had been unable to sit still previously, froze as the Hall grew subdued and cautiously faced the entrance. To his delight – and relief – Mary was indeed walking into the Great Hall, and as their eyes met, his face broke into a wide grin.
In seconds, he was out of his seat and by her side, pulling her close, not able to express in words how he felt. His actions broke the dam of the students' speculations, and suddenly it seemed as though the whole Hall was surrounding the two of them, a wall of well-wishers happy to see one of their own back home.
As flattering as the gesture was, Mary knew it was hindering her reunion with her friends, and therefore, she was pleased to see James, Peter, and Alice making their way through the ocean of bodies to meet her.
"Let's get out of here," Sirus muttered as soon as James was within earshot. The group nodded, and they finally were able to escape the crowded room. James took the lead almost immediately.
"Where's Lily?" Mary asked as soon as they were freed of their confined quarters.
"Heads' Dorm," James replied without thinking about it.
"Which would explain why we're not anywhere near the Tower," Sirus realized.
"It's more private anyway," James added. "We don't want you to regret this visit."
"Not possible," Mary declared firmly.
"Fine, we don't want to share you." Sirus hugged Mary close from where his arm was still wrapped around her waist. "I missed you so much," he murmured.
"It doesn't seem like you're the only one," Mary replied, referring to the scene in the Great Hall.
"Yeah, but you're not spending the entire day with them."
"That's because I missed you guys the most."
James, Peter, and Alice turned away discretely as Mary tilted her head up to meet Sirus' lips with her own. Then, before they knew it, James was giving the password to the bickering male and female who stopped their argument long enough to welcome Mary.
"They seem to be getting along better," she commented after returning the greeting.
"And I see you were able to get the password set on time."
"She's always here," James mumbled under his breath, and Mary was surprised to hear what sounded like regret in his tone. She raised her eyebrows at Sirus who just shook his head in response. Now was not the time to get into that.
Lily didn't move from the couch she was on when she heard the portrait hole swing open, incorrectly assuming that it was only James (never having heard that Mary was arriving this early), which allowed the visiting Gryffindor to sneak up behind her seated friend.
"I've missed you so much, Lily-Flower!"
Lily had stiffened slightly when she felt a pair of arms wrap around her shoulders, and the relief and shock when she realized it was Mary was evident in her face – and her breathing.
"Mary," she began, trying to keep her voice steady but not able to keep out the tremble, "how many times do I have to tell you not to call me that?"
Mary came around to the front of the couch and took a seat, prompting the rest of the group to do the same.
"Three months, Lily, and that's the first thing I get from you?"
"I'm sorry, Mary," Lily replied, pretending to sound sheepish. "Did I ever tell you how grateful I am that you had the foresight to leave me a dress for the Yule Ball because you knew that I'd managed to be a wreck somehow?"
"Only about a hundred million times, in every letter you've sent me." Mary laughed, and the crystal clear sound caused Lily to hug her friend even tighter.
"I've missed you so much."
"I know, Lils, but don't think about it. We have the whole day."
"You're not going to want to spend some time with Sirus later?" Lily asked bluntly.
"You don't honestly think that he's stayed away?"
Lily partially turned to Alice with a smug look on her face. "Told you so." Alice just rolled her eyes.
"Have you guys been talking about me behind my back again?"
"Of course, Sirus. What else is there to talk about other than your love life?"
"Your choice of apparel?"
Lily sighed as she looked down, realizing that she was still in her pajamas.
"It's Sunday morning, I hadn't realized that you guys would be invading so early."
"Ten? I didn't realize you had a new definition of early, Lils," Mary laughed and the rest of the room joined in her mirth. "What have you done to her, James?"
Sirus shot his head over in warning, but James just shrugged harmlessly – as did Lily. The incident blew over quickly as Mary turned to congratulate Alice on her engagement, and the day began to fly by.
About an hour before dinner as Mary was explaining the futile attempts her parents were making at keeping her occupied away from school, an owl found its way through one of the windows of the tower that the six Gryffindors were in and deposited a thin letter on Lily's lap. She glanced at it briefly before seeming to return, engrossed, into the conversation before her. If anyone had noticed the incident, they made no comment, and to an outside observer, it seemed as though Lily had forgotten about the message on her lap.
The sound of someone's stomach growling suddenly broke the easy conversation to remind everyone of the time.
"I guess that means dinner," Mary noted regretfully.
"Cheer up, Mary," Sirus said, keeping his tone still light, "you know how long it takes us to eat."
"How could I ever forget," Mary laughed and stood up with everyone else.
"I'll catch up with you guys in a few minutes," Lily said as she too stood.
"Are you sure?" Sirus asked while Mary questioned, "Is everything okay?"
"It's fine. I just have to change." Lily gestured to her pajamas with both hands, the letter suddenly tucked away. "I can't really go down like this."
"Do you want us to wait?" This time it was Alice. "We really don't mind."
"No, it's fine. Don't deprive your starving bodies food on my account." With that, Lily turned away form the group and calmly walked into her room, leaving the whole room to only be able to glance back and forth among themselves.
"So, should we wait for her?" Alice asked again.
"She said we should go, Alice," Sirus replied. "She probably just doesn't want us waiting around while she changes."
The five finally left, following Sirus' lead down to the Great Hall, each one hoping (though Mary particularly) that they wouldn't be swarmed again like upon her arrival. Luckily, everyone seemed to take their presence as a given this time around. Unluckily, Lily never showed up for dinner.
"Say 'good-bye' to Lily for me," Mary was saying as she was standing outside of the Headmaster's office after dinner with James, Sirus, Peter, and Alice. Lily still hadn't shown up, even though she knew exactly when Mary was going to be leaving. "And let me know what's wrong. I wasn't the only one who saw that owl or the way she tried to pretend the letter in her lap didn't exist."
"We will," Sirus promised, and with the last farewells, last hugs, and a last kiss, Mary gave the stone gargoyle Professor Dumbledore's password. The other four watched Mary disappear, their moods falling with every inch she moved away from them.
"Why do I feel like I'm never going to see her again?" Sirus asked rhetorically.
"She's just gone from the castle, Sirus," Peter replied, trying to sound more lighthearted than he felt. "It's not like you don't sneak over there at least once a week. Why don't we go back to the Tower instead of standing here in the middle of the corridor?"
"Good idea, Pete," Sirus responded after a few seconds of silence. "Coming, James?"
"You guys go ahead," James said almost absent mindedly, already heading in a different direction than the Gryffindor Tower. "I'm going to go back to my dorm."
"Alright, see you later, mate," Sirus called hesitantly along with Peter and Alice who were also bidding good night to James. He didn't like it though. Lily was in the Heads' Dormitory, distressed over whatever was in that letter she had tried to hide, and now James was going to find out. The facts didn't sit well in Sirus' mind, and he was becoming more and more convinced of two things: one, that James really did fancy Lily, and two, that the mysteries behind their mutual animosity were soon to become unraveled.
When Sirus turned to call out to James once more, he found that the messy-haired boy had already turned the corner and was no longer in sight.
The walk from the Headmaster's office to the base of the Astronomy Tower seemed to take decades as James tried to keep himself from running. There was no point, Lily would still be in their dormitory, worrying over the information in the letter, not wanting to se anyone – him least of all. It was news about her dad, undeniably, though why she felt the need to pretend the letter itself didn't exist, he couldn't fathom. It wasn't like Mary was there to snatch it out of her hands and read it aloud to the whole group. Alice surely would ask if everything was okay but let the matter drop as soon as Lily's lie crossed her lips. Sirus would send her a curious glance that she would ignore. Peter would be too close-mouthed to say anything. What about him? Could it be that she was fearful that he had guessed and would expose her trial to the rest of them causing them to shower her with concern and pity that she neither needed nor wanted? She should know…
However, what Lily should have known was cut off abruptly as James reached the portrait of the bickering pair ensnared in a mass of vines. James quickly gave the password and climbed inside to find the Common Room just as he had imagined: deserted. Just as he had feared, Lily's door was closed (and locked, he assumed), only further confirming his suspicions. He would have tried it, for good measure, but one always had to be wary around the girl when she was distraught; today was not the day to end up in the Hospital Wing.
"I know you're in your room," James called, "behind that closed door, trying to hide from something that you can't even hide from." The words themselves sounded harsh, but James' tone conveyed more than just the literal meaning. He brought with them the more gentle, soothing meaning that few would believe him capable of. He wanted her to stop hiding, stop shutting herself off from her friend, because they wanted to care too and couldn't while she hid. James was surprised that he cared – not surprised that he did care (because he always had), just surprised how easy it was to admit it to himself. "What's the news, Lily?" Let me help you. A silent plea.
There was no answer from the other side of the door, but James thought he heard wood reverberate on other wood, an indication that Lily was shaking, causing the door to vibrate slightly against its frame.
Suddenly, there was no hesitation. James entered his bedroom, slipped into the bathroom, and, as if he had known it would be open the whole time, crossed through the door into Lily's room. As he had suspected, she was curled up against the door, head buried in her knees, arms wrapped around her legs. James immediately raced over to her, sat down, and took her body in his arms. This time, Lily didn't struggle but allowed herself to be comforted by James' warm embrace.
"What's the matter?" he asked again, finally. James ran his finger down her check wiping at the tears that had dried there. "What did you letter say?"
Lily didn't answer, just reflexively closed her fist tighter. There was no way he could let her go on like this. It had to come out, if for nothing more than her own sanity.
"Lily…" he let the name out slowly, carefully, as if afraid of what it could do, "what's the news about your dad?"
Again, Lily didn't respond right away, but out of the corner of his eye, James saw a crumpled sheet of paper fall to the ground. He tried not to move too much as he reached for it and then scanned the contents quickly. Per usual, Mrs. Evans was telling her youngest daughter not to worry, not to try to leave school to visit her father, but there was an undertone of hysteria that he had never witnessed from the woman. As she was telling her daughter that the doctors were doing everything in their power, James could sense what the woman was hiding: it's not enough. Her husband was rapidly deteriorating, and nothing anyone was doing was slowing down the inevitable. It was no wonder Lily was telling no one; the pain from every heartfelt look would kill her within minutes.
"I love him," Lily finally whispered, desperately struggling not to have the tears overpower her again. "And I'll never be able to tell him."
"He knows," James whispered back. "He knows."