Santana POV

I sighed as I turn around my head from the window and the dark view of the almost empty streets. Must be past eight pm already or something, it seems pretty late out there. Well not like the hours matter anyway.

Days like these where everything seems meaningless and the skies shows a noteworthy sadness, I feel like hell would be a nicer place, anywhere would be nicer than this shit, because everytime I close my eyes all I see is Quinn kissing Puck, and the ache in my chest is right back.

I still can't fit that thought in my head, is it okay for her kissing other people and then kissing me, having sex with me?

Five days away from Quinn and Bella and today it's my first day sober. Not that I am an alcoholic or something, but it's the easiest way to ease the pain and forget about everything. It has been my routine lately, but yesterday was kind of different, I had an unexpected and unwelcome visitor that came here with some interesting news for me. Brittany S Pearce.

I was right all along, all this movie and crazy theories as Quinn said were right. I never slept with Brittany, I never cheated on Quinn.

I can't remember everything that Brittany said because I was fucking wasted, but I remember the important parts.

You never had sex with me that night.

We planned everything with Puck.

I put a sleeping pill on your glass.

And then something about how sorry she was and that she wouldn't have done it if she knew I would be this miserable and some other bullshit.

What can I say, I wasn't surprised at all hearing her saying what she did.

I really don't know what made her tell me the truth, I'm just glad that she did now because I feel my heart lighter somehow. After that precious information I just told her that she needed to leave because I wasn't in the mood to be around her and keep listening how she fucked up my life.

Months ago, hell even weeks ago I would have been jumping in happiness, running towards Quinn and telling her that I was saying the truth all the damn time, but now I don't really care, I don't care at all honestly.

What for? She didn't believe me, like Quinn says she believes in what she saw. There's no reason to tell her the truth now, I think it's already too late. She hurt me with every bitter word, every cold glance and most of all, with her every doubt. She doesn't trust in me, and now I don't trust her. What is a relationship without trust? We can't leave doubting about each other our whole lives.

I'm not saying that I'm not going to be with her never again either, Jeez I don't even think I can do that, I'm just saying just not now. My heart is broken, her heart is broken. And doubts, mistrust and misunderstandings are still flying in the air around us.

We can't be together now.

I know though, I sense that she still loves me, that she still cares about me. But sometimes like a lot of people say love is not enough.

Though, she hasn't said 'I love you' for quite a long time, almost a year.

Maybe...

I shake my head before starting with these crazy thoughts again.

I head to the kitchen to drink some well needed juice after brushing my teeth like ten times to clean the taste of whiskey but then I hear the doorbell.

I bet it's Kurt again, stubborn guy.

I walked towards the door and I opened it, but it wasn't Kurt the person standing there. Instead of him, there was the most beautiful woman and the owner of my thoughts.

My breath hitched with just the sight of her.

Quinn didn't say hello, she just looked at me with those hypnotizing eyes of hers for long seconds before throwing herself at me.

The impact took me by surprise, but the smell of her fragrance and her arms tight around my waist feels like fresh air. Butterflies that I thought were dead are already flying through my stomach and fluttering near my heart. I really shouldn't, but instinctively I hugged her back. Quinn buried her face between my shoulder and where my neck begins, trying to surround all of me with an impressive desperation, so tight that I thought she would break me.

Her hot breath it's not what is wetting my skin there, she must be crying.

I closed my eyes sensing how my body lost all battle against her and relaxed completely. I tilted my head to the side and I subtly inhaled the unique smell of her hair that I've been missing.

I don't know how many minutes we stayed like that, I came back to reality when Quinn let out a small drowned whimper against my neck. I pulled slightly away and she lifted her head.

Her eyes are a mess, her whole face is.

With a good amount of inner strength I step back from her and I closed the door that was still open. I turned around and she was looking at me with her puppy eyes, a clear pout in her so kissable lips while the tears kept silently falling down her cheeks.

What the hell happened now?

"I'm so sorry." Quinn said, or more like whispered. "I'm sorry Santana."

Sorry about what?

Sorry about her and Puck? About keeping me apart the first months that she was pregnant? About her unnecessary indifference?

"What are you doing here Quinn?"

She looked down, playing with her fingers and closing her eyes a couple of times. She looks really fucking nervous and anxious.

"I'm here to say sorry."

"Yeah I get that already." I rolled my eyes for habit.

She sighed at my inhospitality before biting her lip. "I know the truth. Brittany show up in our apartment telling me what she did."

I blinked my eyes a couple of times, to make sure if I'm hearing right.

While the idea of Brittany visiting Quinn and for that matter, going to the same place where Bella is could be very worrying. The fact that she is here, saying sorry no less, because of what Brittany told her -who knows what- it's what is making my heart hurt.

She knows the real story. But she doesn't trust in me.

Brittany tells her a few things and she takes her word for truth immediately, this must be a joke.

I shake my head with an humorless chuckle as I try to ignore the ache in my chest.

"You're fucking unbelievable, glad to know that my word means nothing to you Quinn." I said as calm as I could, but my voice still sounded more loud and angrier.

Who the fuck can blame me though?

"It's not like that, you have to understand me."

"All those years next to me and you still don't trust me."

"You're sounding like Brittany." Her expression changed from heaven to hell, she narrowed her eyes at me for brief seconds and she pursed her lips. She seems to be excessively mad and I don't even know what the hell she means with those words, "I do know you, and I trust you."

I looked down to try calm my erratic breathing and the mess I'm having in my head. I'm already regretting having opened the door for her.

"I don't know what else to say San, I'm really sorry." Quinn confessed with a small sob that could make softened the coldest heart.

But not me, not this time.

"I don't want to have this conversation now." It's all still so fresh to do it.

"Santana please." She begged with her eyes in the verge of tears. Quinn actually begged me.

The only time that I remember her begging me about something was on bed.

"You're sorry, so what? What do you want me to do Quinn? Why you believed her and not me that I'm your wife?"

"I don't know." She whispered with another sob.

Her answer irritated me, because looking at her I can tell that she do knows, but doesn't wants to say it.

"Does she told you that she planned that sick thing with Puck too?" I asked her. "Did you know that your friend, friend with benefits maybe also helped Brittany?"

"What?" The surprise in her face it's what made me feel angrier. What it's so fucking surprising? "I mean, he's insane but, I never thought that-"

"Stop right fucking there Quinn, if you're here to defend him you need to leave." Honestly, and really, I'm not even mad about the fact that she trusted Brittany instead of me. She did saw us naked in bed after all, what freaking annoyed me and makes me want so punch something it's the fact that she still somehow, doesn't see the real Puck.

I made the attempt to open the door again but she stopped me. Quinn grabbed my arm and l turned around to glare at her hand on me, but she didn't pulled away. Her eyes were watching me with such intensity that I even thought for a moment she would start to cry again. Luckily that didn't happen.

"I'm here for you Santana." She step closer, a distance hardly considered as just a friendly one. "I don't care about him. I don't care about Brittany, about Rachel. I'm here just for you."

She's not playing fair.

I can't lie and say that her words doesn't affect me, because they do. They really do.

Quinn grabbed my face in her hands and she smoothly rubbed my cheeks with her thumbs. This is why I can't be close to her, my body doesn't know how to say no with this proximity.

"I'm so sorry." Quinn apologized again, her left hand lowered until it reach the back of my neck giving me goosebumps.

If I weren't so immersed in her warmth I would have laughed, I've never hear her saying sorry so many times before.

Her almost helpless voice it's what made me take her slim waist in my arms, pressing our bodies tighter against each other. Now that she's this close to me I don't think I can pull away.

After a while Quinn's nose touched mine and I closed my eyes.

"Why did you kiss him then?" I asked the only and real cause as to why things are on the edge right now.

"I didn't kiss him, I promise." Quinn answered me and her lips even grazed mine with that last word.

"Then why Rachel-"

"Rachel was lying." She quickly cut me off, I opened my eyes to see her and aside of sadness I find nothing but sincerity behind those eyes. They are almost as transparent as water, beautifully highlighting their color. "I love you Santana, I'll never love anyone but you."

I love you

She said I love you.

Quinn still loves me.

With those words and the closeness of our bodies and mouths I just couldn't take it anymore. I closed the distance between us in a fiery and needy kiss and she started to kiss me back with just the same rhythm.

I lifted her up from the floor grabbing her perfect butt in my hands and her legs were immediately wrapped around my waist. Acting for instinct, I walked us to my room.

We fall onto bed and she whimpered against my lips taking me in a fly to all desired locations. I didn't waste time and I quickly took her clothes off while she did the same with mine, we were in just our underwear in a few minutes.

There wasn't anything slow and soft about this moment, it was all need and lust. I needed her, and apparently she needed me too so I was going to have her.

Quinn pulled away her lips from mine to moan when my hand reached her butt to lift her hips a little bit, her center made direct contact with my dick and she bit her lip in such a freaking sexy way that I couldn't help but bit her lip too, she then grabbed my face in her soft hands and kissed my lips once again.

We shouldn't be doing this, but I can't stop.

I undo her bra with my talented hands and I threw it away without moving my mouth from hers. Quinn's hands reached my butt and she gave me a light squeeze before tentatively putting her hands under my panties.

It's always her hands and the gentle caresses, her lips and her taste, her unsteady breathing and how that makes me feel that never fail to set my body and heart on fire.

I know, that I could never hate Quinn. I know that I'll never stop loving her. I know the power she has over me with just a simple flutter of her eyelashes, but I didn't know how much her words mixing with her touches could affect me. She doesn't have idea the incredible things she could do to me without even try harder enough. Love can make the smartest person dumb, the coldest person be soft from the inside. But me, love can only make me love her even more. Against storms and against fate.

She's trying to take my tight boxers off of me but can't given my still injured shoulder. So I pulled away from her lips and I kneeled on bed to pull the cloth down before doing the same with my bra. Her eyes never stopped looking at me, they were a dark green with a shine that impossibly made her look prettier.

When my boxers were somewhere on the floor, I took her panties down as well, revealing her most private part of her body just to me. From where I am I can easily see that she's already wet, so once the work was done, I lowered myself between her legs connecting our lips and we both sighed to contain another whimper, sending vibrations through my body.

I grabbed my already hard cock with my left hand and I looked for Quinn's entrance, it didn't take me long to find it and start pushing inside of her. I pulled back from the kiss to see her face and recover some air and then I started to kiss my way down her neck. I kissed all her left cheek multiple times, I kissed her jaw and then I kissed that special spot in her neck that I know she likes so much.

I started to thrust into her slowly at first, adjusting to the feeling of being inside of Quinn again but her noises were driving me crazy, since I'm kissing her neck I hear her whimpers right in my ear and I tightened my hold on her hips releasing all the pleasure I'm feeling. Her fingers were all over my hair while my hands were all over her flawless body.

I don't know how much time passed, I'm just sure that it wasn't much longer when she panted my name, stretching in pleasure and arching her back against me. I cum right off after hearing my name like that and seeing her pleased face.

I collapsed on top of her and my hands began to rub her sides, touching the skin that not so long ago was mine. I kissed her jaw until I reached her lips again and Quinn sighed with a smile.

"I love you." She whispered against my mouth. "I love you babe."

Words can't get close to describe how happy I am, but for the first time in my life I didn't say I love you back. Instead, I kissed her lips, I kissed her without stopping in that way she loves; soft and caring.

...

I opened my eyes with a familiar ache in my muscles and sore shoulder, but I couldn't stretch, and that's because I have her toned naked body next to me.

I looked to my side and Quinn was glued on my right side. Her body was completely pressed against me with her arm possessively around my waist, her features were all relaxed.

My heart loves the view, but my head is telling me to run away.

She looks happy and content, pleased not only physically. Why I don't feel happy then?

I let my impulses and all the crazy things that she was making me feel take control of my actions. The despair clouded my reason.

This wasn't right.

This is not what I want now.

Things hasn't changed, wounds caused by her are still open.

I can't wake her up and kick her out of my apartment though, I can't do it.

So I just stood up, get dressed and ignoring my wild beats I didn't look back before leaving.