Chapter Twenty One
"Hello?" Rose said as she opened the wood door of the Dwarfs' cottage and peered inside.
She made a face when she smelt the odor. It smelled like animal feces and she quickly realized why when she saw several small piles of it, fresh and dry and in varying sizes and shapes, all over the wooden floor.
"Oh, you have got to be kiddin' me. I'm not about to stay here and clean this mess up," Rose muttered to herself. "They made the mess, they can mop it up. I'm a modern woman, not some waif that lives in the middle ages."
She came inside and gingerly stepped around the piles of poo while she looked around. She noticed the house was empty.
"Probably still at the diamond mines if I remember the Disney film correctly," Rose muttered to himself.
She noticed several magazines lying on the wooden table in the dining room area. She walked over and made a face when she saw several naked women on the front of them.
"Playdwarves," she muttered, picking up one.
She thumbed through it till she got to the centerfold. A naked buxom dwarf woman with long blond hair, blue eyes and humongous tits lay on a bearskin rug. She was holding onto a pickaxe and had a come hither look in her eyes. Rose noticed something crusty and yellow near the bottom of the picture. Something that looked suspiciously like... Rose's eyes bulged when she guessed what it was and threw the magazine back on the table before running to wash her hands in the sink. Once she did that, she ventured upstairs and saw a long bedroom with seven wooden beds arranged neatly along the right side of the wall. Each bed had a name carved out on the headboard at the head of the bed. Apart from that, there was nothing in the room except for an open window at the back of it. Rose walked over to the beds and read the names on them.
"Doc, Grumpy…Weepy?" she murmured to herself. "Brainy, Silly, Bouncy and Randy? What the hell?"
She jerked her head towards the window when she heard singing outside.
"Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's home from work we go!" the voices sang in unison followed by whistling. "Hi-ho, hi-ho hi-ho hi-ho, hi-ho it's home from work we go. Boy, are we spent, this is copyright infringement, hi-ho, hi-ho!"
Rose went over to the window, kneeled down to get a better look and watched as seven tiny versions of the Doctor came out of the woods with pickaxes slung over their right shoulders. Unlike Doctorstiltskin, all of them looked like miniature versions of the Time Lord. Each one was dressed in a small shirt, pants and stocking cap that were in assorted colors. All of them looked the same except the one in the very back who was wearing the Doctor's glasses. She watched as they stopped short and she cursed under her breath when she remembered she had left the door hanging open.
"Hey!" one of them said, "the door's open! I thought we made sure it was shut before we left."
"What if someone's in there? What if someone's broken in while we were at the mines?" the one with the glasses said.
One of them began crying.
"I don't wanna go in then. I'm scared to go in!"
"Oh, put a sock in it, Weepy!" the one in front of Weepy said.
"Now, Grumpy, be nice to Weepy," Glasses said to him.
"Well, he's always turnin' on the waterworks like this!" Grumpy said. "He gets on me last nerve!"
"I can't help it if I feel like cryin' all the time!" Weepy said before letting out a wail.
"Maybe one of us should go inside and see if someone's in there?" Glasses said.
"Well, for the love of God don't send Weepy in there, whoever it is'll be tipped off before he gets through the door."
"I hate you!" Weepy wailed. "You're not a very nice person!"
"Yeah, well in case you haven't noticed , I'm Grumpy, you sniveling little git!"
Weepy wailed loudly and ran into the house.
"Now you've gone and done it," Glasses said to him.
"Oh, forget him! We don't need him!" Grumpy said. "If someone's in there, we can manage on our own. Now everyone in a huddle!"
Rose watched as they got into a huddle and then noticed they each had their names on the back of their shirts like sports jerseys. She heard Weepy wailing and realized he was coming up the stairs. She quickly ran and ducked down behind the far bed as Weepy came into the bedroom, crying uncontrollably as he flung himself down on his bed. Rose raised her head just enough to see over the bed.
"It's not fair," she heard Weepy saying as he kept his head down on his bed. "Nobody likes me. I'm all alone. Why can't I ever find a friend! Everytime I find someone, I end up losing them! Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!"
Rose's heart went out to him as he sobbed uncontrollably and buried his face in the folds of his duvet, muffling his weeping. Rose heard the others downstairs and then ducked down when she heard the thud of their feet coming up the stairs. On her hands and knees, she listened and prayed they wouldn't find her, although she knew in order for the story to advance she'd have to get up sooner or later and reveal herself. Deciding to do it so she could get out of the simulation, she stood up and nearly gave the Doctor dwarves a heart attack.
"It's a girl!" Glasses said, pointing at her.
"Too right, it's a girl!" one of them said while he leered at her. "Cor blimey, look at the size of those tits on her!"
"Oi!" Rose said, glaring at him. "Keep your eyes off my breasts, yeah?"
She ducked down when the dwarf started looking at her crotch instead. Glasses held up his hand and walked forward.
"Pay no attention to Randy, he's, well….randy," he said, coming up beside her. "Hello, Ms. Giant Woman, I'm Doc."
"I'm…Rose White."
"You can be Margaret Thatcher for all I care, just drop your trousers so I can have a go at ya!" Randy said.
"Leave her alone, she's nice!" Weepy said, sniffing as he slid off his bed and headed towards her.
"Yeah! She's nice, nice, nice!" another one said as he ran towards her. "Hello, I'm bouncy! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy! Nice to meet you!"
"Um, yeah, same here," Rose said, watching as Bouncy jogged in place while he shook her hand.
Another one came up to her and extended his hand.
"I'm Silly," he said.
He took out a tiny yo-yo and began to play with it.
"Wheee!" he said as he did around the world with it.
"I'm Brainy," another one said, coming up to shake her hand. "And you are obviously an Earth humanoid female who has seemed to have suffered some kind of hormone imbalance which has resulted in a growth spurt and now you are a freakish female Golliath. Golliath, a Philistine from the Earth Bible who was slain by David, a shepard."
"That'll do, Brainy," Doc said sternly. "Nobody likes a showoff."
"I wasn't showing off, mate. I was teaching her. She's obviously a naïve, sheltered freakish hormone laden woman and women in this time period were denied education because…"
He grunted when Randy pushed him aside.
"Name's Randy, love. Cor, you're well fit. Let me boink you until I leave for work in the mornin'! Come on, what'd ya say? You let me have a go at ya?"
"No!" Rose said angrily.
Weepy pushed past him and stared at her with his large doe eyes that glistened with unshed tears.
"Will you be my friend?" he said, sniffing. "I'm lonely."
Rose smiled at him.
"Yes, I'll be your friend."
All the other dwarves sighed when Weepy burst into happy tears, embraced her and cried on her shoulder.
"Could someone please find a way to surgically close this git's tear ducts?" Grumpy said, rolling his eyes.
"That would be dangerous, Grumpy," Brainy said. "The tear ducts are one way that the eyes get moisture and…"
"I DON'T CARE!" Grumpy thundered as he stomped away.
Rose held Weepy close while he hugged her and wept. She eyed Randy when he started going around her.
"Where do you think you're going?" Rose said.
"Just getting a look at the junk in the trunk, love. Cor, you got quite a bit of a rump there. I think I will have a go at ya. Never did a giant before."
"Get away from me, ya pervert!" Rose said angrily.
She felt something being placed on her head and turned to see Silly giggling as he stood by her left side. She reached up and pulled off a pair of tiny fuzzy bunny ears.
"You look silly with those on," Silly said.
"Yeah, thanks, but you keep em," Rose said, handing it back.
She gasped when Bouncy ran up to her and got in her face.
"YOU GONNA LIVE WITH US, HUH, HUH, HUH? YOU WANNA LIVE WITH US, SAY YES, SAY YES, SAY YES!" he rambled.
"Yes, I'll live with ya!" Rose said as Bouncy bounced in place and breathed heavily in her face. "Get out of my face, will ya?"
"Leave my new friend aloooooooooone!" Weepy wailed as he shoved Bouncy away.
"Will someone shut him up!" Grumpy said as he lay in his bed. "I'm trying to go to sleep!"
"LEAVE ME ALOOOOOOOOONE!" Weepy wailed back. "I'm not bothering yoooooooooooooo-who-who-who-whoooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
"Oh God," Rose said, shaking her head as Grumpy and Weepy got in an argument, Randy got a look at her ass, Brainy was trying to lecture everyone on his theory of why Rose was a giant and Bouncy and Silly did a silly dance while Doc shook his head disapprovingly at all of them. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?"