Summary: After two years, Alice returns to Underland, to face a destiny far greater than she could ever have imagined.
Genre: Romance/Adventure
Pairing: Alice Kingsley & The Mad Hatter/Tarrant Hightopp
Rating: M
Disclaimer: I don't own any characters or locations from Lewis Carroll's novels Alice's Adventures in Wonderland and Through the Looking-Glass, nor do I own any characters or locations from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland. All rights go to Lewis Carroll, Tim Burton, Linda Woolverton, Disney, etc.
Warning: This chapter describes the aftermath of the trauma of sexual assault/molestation so it might be disturbing for anyone who has suffered a similar experience.
Alice in Underland
Chapter Twenty One
Day Four
The sleeping draught was powerful indeed because Alice slept well into the mid-morning. When she woke up her head was all muzzy and she was confused and disoriented. Looking around, she realised she wasn't in her chambers.
Then suddenly it all came flooding back to her. Stayne. In her chambers. Grabbing her. Forcing himself on her. Kissing her. Touching her. She shivered and began to cry, wrapping her arms around herself. She looked down and saw she was still wearing the same dress, and suddenly she felt dirty.
Hearing Alice's sobs, Giselle came in, a sad and distressed look on her face, and she began to rub Alice's back soothingly. "There, there," Giselle murmured gently, stroking Alice's hair. "It's alright. Everything will be alright."
"Where's the Queen?" Alice asked tearfully.
"Shall I get her for you?" the maid asked.
Alice nodded, wrapping her arms around herself more tightly. "Please."
Giselle patted her back reassuringly then left to get Mirana.
When Mirana came in and saw Alice holding herself and rocking back and forth, she rushed over to her. "Alice," she said gently. "What can I do to help?"
"I...I need a bath," Alice whispered. "I feel so...dirty."
Mirana's eyes widened, realising what Alice meant. "Of course," she said soothingly.
Giselle walked in at that moment and Mirana told her to draw a bath and to send someone to Alice's chambers to fetch a complete change of clothes.
"I want to burn this dress," Alice whispered. "I never want to see it again."
Mirana nodded gravely in understanding. "Come, let's get it off you then. Can you stand?" she asked, knowing how powerful the sleeping draught was.
"Yes, I think so." She got up and Mirana helped her out of her dress so she was left in just her bloomers and chemise. Shivering, Alice sat down on the bed and began to cry softly, covering her face with her hands.
It broke Mirana's heart to see her in such a state. She sat down next to Alice on the bed and gently wrapped the blanket around her shoulders. "Oh, my dear Alice," she said in an anguished voice. "I'm so terribly, terribly sorry this happened to you."
"I can still feel his hands all over me," Alice whispered, looking pale. Suddenly she felt her stomach lurch. "Oh! I think I'm going to be sick," she said, covering her mouth.
Mirana hastily grabbed the porcelain waste bin by the bed and put it in front of Alice, who leaned over and vomited into it. Mirana held her hair back and rubbed her shoulders as Alice heaved, vomiting several times until her stomach was empty.
Alice let out a choked sob and burst into tears. "I'm sorry," she whispered.
Giselle came back in and Mirana gestured for her to take the waste bin away. "It's alright," Mirana said softly, petting her hair gently. "There's nothing to be sorry about." She tucked the blanket around Alice more snugly, then began rubbing her back soothingly. "Your reaction is perfectly natural."
When the bath was ready Mirana led Alice to the bathroom and asked if she wanted her to stay with her while she had her bath.
"No...I...I'll be fine," Alice said softly. "I want to be alone right now."
Mirana nodded in understanding. "You just call if you change your mind and I'll be right there, alright?"
"Thank you," Alice whispered.
Mirana left and closed the door softly behind her.
Alice removed her undergarments and got into the bath then grabbed the scrub brush and began to wash, scrubbing at her skin almost frantically, trying to wash off the tainted feeling of Stayne's hands all over her. She scrubbed and scrubbed until her skin was red. Then she remembered his hands stroking her hair. She called for Mirana, who rushed in.
"He...he touched my hair. I need to wash it," Alice told her, a desperate edge to her voice.
Without a word, Mirana pulled up a stool and sat behind her, and gently began to unbraid her plaits. Then she filled a large pitcher with fresh warm water and poured it over Alice's head with care.
Alice shivered, and when Mirana asked if she was cold Alice shook her head.
The Queen poured out a liberal amount of shampoo into her palm then set to work lathering up Alice's hair, washing it thoroughly and rinsing it with a couple pitcherfuls of fresh water.
"The water's dirty now," Alice whispered, gesturing to the bathwater.
"Do you want to stand and I'll pour a fresh pitcher of clean water over you?"
Despite feeling an overwhelming sense of modesty and shyness at the thought of someone seeing her nude, Alice was too upset to really care. She nodded and stood up, covering her private parts.
Mirana poured the rest of the water from the pitcher over her, then went and refilled it and poured it over her again. Then the Queen set the pitcher down and wrapped a large towel around her, and a second one around her hair when Alice got out of the tub.
"Better?" Mirana asked gently.
Alice nodded.
"I'll just go and get your new clothes." She looked at Alice sadly, then went out to get them.
Alice dried herself and when Mirana returned, she thanked her softly.
Mirana nodded, her eyes filled with concern, then she left to give Alice some privacy.
Alice carefully got dressed then she found a hairbrush and ran it through her hair to brush out the tangles. She gazed at her reflection in the mirror and seeing the haunted look on her face brought fresh tears to her eyes. She felt so vulnerable. She wiped the tears away and splashed fresh water over her face. Then she left the bathroom and went out to the Queen's sitting room.
Mirana went to her and gently led her to the sofa. "I know you probably don't want to eat anything but I want you to try, alright? I have a calming draught for you but you musn't take it on an empty stomach."
Alice nodded and picked up a piece of toast and began to nibble on it. A cup of chamomile tea had been prepared for her and she sipped it, trying to wash down the toast which seemed to stick in her throat. After a few bites, she put the toast down. "I can't eat anymore," she said quietly.
"I understand," Mirana said, looking distressed by Alice's passive behavior and fragile state. "It's alright. You had enough to take the calming draught." She handed Alice the vial."Drink this," she said. "It should make you feel better."
Alice downed it then drank some tea to wash away the mildly unpleasant aftertaste. She took a deep breath then looked at Mirana. "Thank you for taking care of me," she whispered.
Mirana took her hand and pressed it with her own. "Oh, Alice," she said sadly. "You don't have to thank me."
Alice gave her a weak smile then asked, "Where's Tarrant?"
"He's just outside the chambers in the hall, waiting to see you."
The calming draught now having taken effect, Alice smiled a little wider. "I'd like to see him."
"Of course," Mirana said, then she got up and went to the door, ushering Tarrant in.
Alice took one look at him then got up and rushed over to him, throwing her arms around him and hugging him tightly. "Tarrant," she whispered.
He wrapped his arms around her protectively and held her close. "Alice," he murmured emotionally, kissing her cheeks and stroking her hair.
Mirana kindly excused herself to give them some privacy.
Once they were alone, Alice pulled back to gaze at him and Tarrant reached up and cupped her cheek tenderly, looking back at her with concern and worry in his eyes.
"Are you alright?" he whispered, stroking her face gently.
"Just hold me," she said softly, pulling him close. "I need you to hold me. I'll be alright as long as your arms are around me."
Tarrant wrapped his arms tightly around her and she melted into his embrace.
They stood there like that for awhile then Alice whispered, "I need to speak to you in private. Will you take me to your hat-making room?"
He nodded.
"Let me just tell Mirana's maid so Mirana won't worry."
Alice went to the bedroom she had stayed in and found Giselle there tidying up the room. "Can you tell the Queen that Mr. Hightopp and I are going for a walk, please?" she asked the maid. "I don't want her to worry when she sees I've gone out."
Giselle nodded. "Of course. A bit of fresh air might do you some good, my Lady," she said with a small smile.
Alice thanked her for looking after her and the maid said, her voice gentle, "No thanks are necessary, my Lady. I was happy to do it. I only wish..." Giselle trailed off, not wanting to speak of it and upset her any more than she already was. Alice nodded gratefully and gave Giselle a weak smile, appreciating her kindness and understanding.
When Alice came back out to the sitting room, Tarrant put his arms around her and hugged her to him.
"Let's go," she whispered.
Once they got to the hat-making room, Tarrant locked the door then turned to look at Alice.
She gazed at him then went over and took him by the hand and led him to the chaise lounge under the window. "I have to tell you something," she said softly, "but you have to promise me that you'll do everything you can to stay calm."
He frowned apprehensively, as if he wasn't sure what she was going to say, but nodded.
"I have to tell you what happened last night," she whispered. "I didn't want to tell you because I know it will upset you greatly but I don't want to keep anything from you." She gazed at him nervously.
He took both her hands and told her in a reassuring voice that he wanted to know so he could take care of her and look after her properly.
Alice took a deep breath and then told him everything.
Tarrant's eyes turned gold and he looked murderous as he said viciously, "I'm going to kill him. I'm going to rip him apart with my bare hands." He jumped up, pacing, and began to rant in Outlandish but Alice hastily got up and grabbed him and put her hands on his face, gazing into those gold eyes, and begged him to calm down.
"We'll deal with him later," she said. "Right now I need you."
His eyes softened and he pulled her into his arms, hugging her tightly. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "You're right. We'll deal with him later."
"Do you...do you still love me?" she whispered.
He pulled back to stare at her. "How can you even ask that?" he asked incredulously.
She buried her face into his neck and didn't answer.
"I love you. I'll always love you. Forever. Nothing could ever change that," he said softly.
She pulled back to look at him and seeing the earnest truth in his eyes, smiled. "I love you too." She gazed at him for a long moment, then whispered, "I need you to do something for me."
He looked at her questioningly, seeing the odd, hesitant expression on her face. "Anything," he said. "Whatever you need."
She gazed at him then whispered, "I want you to lay down with me. I want you to touch me. I want you to erase what happened."
He nodded, understanding, and his expression turned tender. "Lay down," he whispered.
Together, they laid down on the chaise lounge. Alice stayed on her back and pulled him onto his side then took his hand. "Kiss me," she whispered. "And then touch me...everywhere."
Tarrant leaned down and gently kissed her.
She reached up and cupped his face in her hands, letting herself go, losing herself in the kiss, because this was Tarrant, not Stayne, and he had the power to make everything good again. "Yes...keep kissing me," she murmured against his lips, "and touch me...now."
He kissed her and Alice took his hand and placed it on her, guiding him, showing him where she needed to be touched. Soon, his hands began to move of their own accord and Tarrant pulled back to look at her as he gently touched her, his hands sliding all over her body.
She gazed at him, her eyes fixed on his, and she knew she had been right to ask for this. The memories of Stayne began to fade as Tarrant looked into her eyes, his hands touching and caressing her so sweetly, so lovingly. She pulled his head down and kissed him softly, then she whispered, "More," and pulled him back to her mouth and began to kiss him ardently, wanting him to claim her, to touch her possessively, passionately.
He responded to her kiss and his hands became more urgent as she whispered, "Yes, this is what I want." He kissed her again, passionately, and she gave herself up to it as his kiss grew more fierce and his hands began to roam all over her body possessively, his eyes turning emerald as desire sparked to life inside him. "You're mine," he growled, and she clung to him, her hands all over him too now.
She gasped, "Yes, I'm yours. All yours. Only yours."
He kissed her fervently, his eyes blazing, and love and lust became one as his hands began to ravish her body the same way that Stayne's had the night before, but this was different, because this was Tarrant, and she wanted it, she wanted him.
Tarrant's hands and mouth and eyes were burning her, consuming her, and she loved it, wanted it, needed it, and she felt herself succumbing to it with pure abandon, filled with a desire so fierce and intense she wanted him to take her, and to claim her completely.
But she knew he wouldn't, that they would have to wait for that. As if reading her mind, he pulled back, breathless and panting, his eyes on hers, filled with so much longing and need, but also restraint.
"We can't," he gasped. "Not here, like this. Not now."
Alice pulled him to her and hugged him tightly, whispering, "I know, love. I know we can't."
They clung to each other catching their breaths, and once their breathing returned to normal and the passion had calmed down, Tarrant began to kiss her softly again. "I love you so much," he whispered.
"I love you too," Alice said, her hands in his hair, gently brushing it back from his face.
She gazed into his eyes and realised in that moment that Stayne hadn't won. He hadn't broken her.
Tarrant had saved her, just as she knew he would.