"Alex, c'mon, this order's been ready for ten minutes!" a voice from the kitchen called, snapping Alex from her daze.
"Sorry, I'll be right there," she apologized, sighing and walking over to where, sure enough, two plates were waiting on the ledge separating the cooking area and the dining room.
"Excuse me miss," an annoyed girl that looked to be about her age flagged her down as she made her way over to the other table to deliver the order.
"Yes?" she asked, biting down on her tongue. This customer had been constantly demanding her attention ever since she had arrived and sat down.
"Um, clearly I need more iced tea," she said with gross overdramatic flair, dangling the still half-filled cup practically in Alex's face.
"I will get you a refill in just a moment, ma'am," Alex reassured her as calmly as possible, suppressing the urge to throw the glass right back in her face or chuck the tray of food she had in her hands at her.
"I would really appreciate that," she snapped as Alex took a deep breath and walked away, setting the plates in front of the couple.
"I'll get you that refill. Anything else you need?" Alex asked the impatient lady as she grabbed her glass off the table. She might as well ask. Maybe it could save her a trip or two.
"Umm," the woman put a perfectly manicured fingernail to her chin, obnoxiously dragging out her answer. "Hmm," she tapped her cheek. Alex tapped her foot. "No," she finally said, casting a nasty glance at Alex's foot to let her know she recognized the impatient gesture. "I think I'm good for now."
"Great," Alex said shortly, making her way back into the kitchen preparation area to pour more of the snotty girl's drink.
She sat the cup on the counter with more force than necessary, taking this opportunity to grab the counter and take a deep breath, swallowing back the tears and emotions that had been threatening to explode all day. The news she'd received last night mixed with the ungodly customers today was overwhelming to the point where it was taking every ounce of strength she had to keep her feelings at bay. She knew she had to be careful and keep herself calm, because at the drop of a pin, she could lose it.
"Aye, you all right there, chica?" one of the fry cooks asked, placing a hand on her back.
She took a deep breath, but looked up, trying to manage a smile for Chico. Chico was sweet, and one of her favorite coworkers. He was only a few years older than her, and although his English wasn't the best, he was still one of the nicest and funniest people she'd met at work, or even California, come to think of it. He could usually cheer her up when she was having a bad day. But this wasn't just another bad day, and no amount of Chico's kindness was going to be able to solve her attitude. Of course, it certainly didn't hurt.
"I'm okay," she said. "Just a long day," she said, willing her voice not to crack.
"Yes," he agreed, turning back to the grill. "Very long. I work ten hours today. Diez horas en un dia," he shook his head. "But you get though it, chica. You are strong girl," he said, the smile lighting up his whole face.
"Thanks, Chico," she said quietly, patting his arm before pouring a glass of iced tea, biting her lip before making her way back out into the seating area.
"Here's your refill," she announced, placing the freshly topped beverage on the blonde's table.
"Great," she smirked. "But, um, actually, I do need something else after all. You see, my burger and my chicken are actually touching," she said.
"Okay," Alex nodded, wrinkling her eyebrows. "What would you like to be done about that?"
"Well," she huffed, acting extremely put-out. "I guess I'll let it slide this time, so you don't have to do anything. But I just want you to know that that's cross contamination, and other people might not be so generous. You could like sue for something like that."
Alex bit down so hard on her tongue she could taste a little blood. A well-cooked burger and crispy chicken strips touching definitely didn't qualify as cross-contamination, but she was in no mood or condition to tell the girl this, so she just nodded and turned on her heel.
"Oh, and miss?" she called, but not before Alex was half way back to the kitchen.
Alex could feel the tears coming. The frustration. The fear. The anger. The sadness. The mix of last night and tonight burning the back of her eyes. She couldn't catch a break.
"Yes?" she asked, when she got back to the table, cursing her voice for coming out sounding defeated.
"This burger has a little too much ketchup," she complained.
"You put the ketchup on your burger," Alex accused shortly. She was so tired of this. She was treading into dangerous territory. She felt the hotness of her skin and knew she was either going to fight or run to the back and cry – neither way would turn out well, but it was too late to change the outcome.
"Yeah, but that doesn't change the fact that there's too much now," she twirled a piece of hair around her finger, swinging her legs. Clearly her goal was to make Alex's job as hard as humanly possible. She was doing a pretty good job of it too.
"Well, I'm sorry, but I can't get you a new one unless you want to pay for it. It came out of our kitchen exactly how you ordered it," she stood her ground.
"Your ketchup dispenser was loose. The condiment came out way too fast," she argued irrationally.
"Well how about you just dab some ketchup off," Alex suggested, her temper flaring.
"Um, excuse me?" the girl wrinkled her eyebrows at being talked back too.
"You have napkins."
"Don't you think you should do that for me? I am a paying customer after all," she crossed her arms.
"You also have hands," Alex gritted through her teeth. "I'm your server not your slave."
"You're also not going to be getting a tip."
"Well good, but I'll give you one anyway. Don't treat people that serve you food like crap."
"Why?" she challenged.
Alex leaned in close to her ear. "Because they have the power to spit in your food."
The next few moments were all a blur. She could hear a shriek from the girl in front of her. She heard plates and cups tumbling to the ground, clanking and smashing around her. She could feel herself being pulled back from the table by her manager and led to the office in the back of the restaurant. She felt herself being sat down in a chair and talked at. There was a stern lecture involved, but she only caught bits and pieces. "…customer with respect…inappropriate misconduct…really ought to fire you…extenuating circumstances….so I'll keep you…but I have to write you up…do you understand?"
Alex nodded. She understood. The parts she caught at least.
Her manager sighed. "Look, it's almost the end of your shift anyway, why don't you just go on home."
Alex nodded again, standing up to leave.
"Oh, but Alex, I'm afraid I'm going to have to doc your pay for the plates and stuff that broke in the incident. And it ain't gonna be cheap. I'd say you can kiss your next week and a half's worth of paychecks goodbye."
"That's fine," Alex said distantly. "Can I go?"
Her manager nodded and signaled towards the door.
She got up and walked out. Any other day it might have been a walk of shame towards the door. Almost everybody in the restaurant was staring at her, some people still sweeping up some debris near the table where the altercation had occurred. But Alex barely noticed. There were much bigger things going on than a broken glass.
It all felt like sort of a dream, like none of this bizarre, horrible day could've been real. Like her reality wasn't really happening.
As she walked the short trek back to the Foster house, the warm California breeze gently blowing in her face, all she thought of was her mother.
Their past together, their long, rocky history.
What could happen between them in the future, what she should do.
But most importantly, she thought about their present. About their relationship that could hardly even be labeled that at all.
And the fact that they might not even be able to have that – that toxic, painful, nonexistent connection – for much longer.
xx
"Why do we never bake together anymore?" Stef asked, icing some cupcakes for Anchor Beach's annual bake sale.
"Because, babe, you can't cook," Lena replied bluntly, smirking and tossing some chocolate chips into a mixing bowl.
"Uh," Stef said with mock offense. "That's not true. I make great cereal."
"True, you pour a mean bowl of that," Lena rolled her eyes. "And let's not forget your talent in the toast and pancakes department either."
"Oh!" Stef added. "I'm good at cookies."
"Only the kind that comes premixed where all you have to do is break them apart and put them in the oven," Lena laughed.
"Hey now, why do you have to get all technical on me?" Stef shrugged and crossed her arms.
Lena smiled, hugging her from behind. "I'm sorry, sweetheart; I promise I won't downplay your immense talents again."
"Yeah, you better not," Stef squinted her eyes.
"Maybe I can make it up to you?" she asked, arms still around her wife. She rubbed a hand up and down her arm.
Stef sighed. "I guess you could try," she said before smiling and turning to kiss Lena.
The two leaned into each other, enjoying one of their rare moments alone. They hardly ever got a moment of peaceful solitude together where they could just be a couple without worrying about one of the kids or discussing important scheduling or financial matters. It was nice to have a moment to relax into each other and remember why they continued this hectic schedule for each other day in and day out.
However, their moment of quietness was interrupted by a door slamming shut, harder than usual. They spied Alex making her way towards the kitchen, stone-faced and determined. She was walking fast, and her steps were almost like stomps on the ground.
Alex had had her time of vulnerability to think on the way home, but she'd regained her composure since. She knew it was time to put her game-face back on.
It had worked back at the restaurant, granted, with some undesirable consequences, but she hadn't broken down. She was looking forward to holing up in her room until dinner, buying herself some more precious time to process and relax before having to face everyone.
"Hey, how was work?" Lena asked, pulling away from Stef and grabbing and knife and cutting board again, returning to her mundane task after her brief romantic interlude.
"Fine," Alex grumbled vaguely, quickly hanging her purse on the hook on the wall and preparing to dart out the room.
"Wow, you sound thrilled," Stef joked sarcastically, picking up a dishtowel.
"I'm tired, okay?" Alex replied with an edge, defensive at her humor.
Noticing the snap, Lena set her knife down. It wasn't like Alex to be so short, especially to Stef and especially when she was kidding around. Usually Alex jumped at the opportunity to engage in some exhaustingly snarky and cynical banter with her wife.
"Did something happen?" Lena asked gently, examining her closely.
"No, nothing happened," Alex raked a hand through her hair. She was jumpy, tapping her foot vigorously like Jesus sometimes did if he forgot to take his ADHD medicine. She looked like she wanted to bolt, which made Lena want her to stay that much more to get to the bottom of things. She shot a glance at Stef, who questioned her next.
"You sure?" Stef prompted, narrowing her eyes.
"Yes, I'm sure," Alex said snippily.
"Calm down, Alex," Stef commanded calmly, biting her tongue from tearing her apart for her attitude.
"I'm not not calm!" Alex threw her hands in the air. "God, I'm just tired, okay? The only thing making me not calm is you two and your damn third degree," she said with finality, turning on her heel to go into her room, praying this could be the end of it for now.
But of course, it wasn't so.
"Alex, come back in here please," Stef ordered evenly.
Alex took a deep breath before turning around. All she wanted was some privacy. Couldn't they see that? Couldn't they just give her that?
She closed her eyes, determined to keep it together, but knowing it was going to be hard. Rude customers and flighty bosses were a piece of cake compared to these two.
Not only did nothing get past them, but their loving concern was dangerous.
She didn't trust herself not to trust them, and that was the scariest thing of all.
"What?" she snapped, trying to keep up her snarky façade. Maybe she could play it off as teenage rebellion so they wouldn't notice the whole world was falling apart beneath her and she was powerless to stop it.
"You want to maybe try that again?" Stef crossed her arms, matching her stare. Alex knew this trick. She was trying to break her down, which made her all the more determined not to show her emotions in her eyes.
"Try what again?" she matched her stare.
Stef sighed. Alex was trying so hard to fake it. She was doing a decent job of it too. Had she not been a cop and around Alex for this long, she might have even believed this was a surface stubborn reaction. But she caught the small glint in Alex's eye that told her this was much more deeply seeded than that.
However, that small hint of vulnerability still didn't excuse the attitude Alex was taking with them, and Stef was going to be sure to tell her that.
"All right, Alex, the disrespect needs to stop now, because I'm really not fond of the backtalk," Stef held up a hand, lifting her eyebrows. "So how about you sit down, readjust the attitude, and talk to us for a minute," she gestured to the barstool facing opposite of the way Stef and Lena stood behind the counter.
"Why?" Alex asked, though with less of an edge since she knew there was no way she was winning this one.
"Alex," Stef said firmly, forcing Alex to sigh and reluctantly sit on the edge of the seat.
"What?" Alex asked quietly, sass lacing her tone, though she was growing more defeated by the second. She was quickly getting exhausted. The day was catching up to her and wearing her out. It was hard to be on guard when secrets, guilt, and fear weighed you down so much.
"What happened? What's got you so upset?" Stef tried again, now that Alex was finally winding down and in a more permanent seated position.
"I'm not upset," she argued, defensively and unconvincingly.
"Well you're something," Stef replied, not fooled. She tapped her fingers on her crossed arms. "Something must have happened for you to suddenly start acting like this."
"I told you, it's nothing. Just a long day," Alex stared at her nails.
"Yeah?" Stef questioned, unfazed at her short, noncommittal answers. "How so?" she pushed further.
"Just rude customers," Alex said, giving her a more specific answer. It wasn't a total lie, and maybe it would pacify her enough to drop it for now. "We all have to deal with them, right?"
"You sure that's all that's going on?" Stef pushed, sensing this was just the tip of the iceberg.
"Yes," Alex replied shortly, frustration creeping back into her tone.
Stef bit her lip at yet another outburst. "You're walking on some thin ice here," she warned. "I really don't appreciate this change in attitude, and I can promise you if it doesn't change, there's going to be some consequences," she said sternly, causing Alex to look up at her for the first time. Stef raised an eyebrow to let her know she was serious.
Alex sighed, looking back down again. What was she doing? She was stupid and selfish to think that she could use the same tactics on Stef and Lena. Not only were they not going to buy it, but they didn't deserve it either. They shouldn't be on the receiving end of her anger all because she couldn't control her emotions. It wasn't their fault this was happening, and deep down she knew they just wanted to help. They couldn't, of course, but they were trying to. And that didn't warrant how she was treating them. Although it was going to be tougher, she'd have to find another way to deal with it around them.
"I'm sorry," she apologized, and she meant it. She met both Stef and Lena's eyes to let them know she was sincere and not just trying to get out of trouble. "I'm sorry," she repeated. "It's just been a rough day and I'm taking it out on you. But you don't deserve it and I apologize."
Stef studied her carefully, wondering if this was all a last-minute act, an attempt to avoid punishment or chastising, but she saw no malice or trickery in her eyes. All she saw was sadness and exhaustion, and truthfully, it broke her heart. She was about ready to say something when Lena beat her to it.
"You know you can tell us anything," Lena said, placing her own hand on Alex's. Alex tensed up, but forced herself not to swipe her hand away, although the contact made distancing herself from them that much harder. She braced herself, staying strong even after Lena added, "we're here for you."
Alex nodded, relieved but a little saddened when Lena pulled her hand away.
Stef smiled gently at Lena. This is how they worked. The ying and the yang. She was amazed the impact her wife could have, staying silent and then swooping in and practically stealing the show, her gentle, calming impact with just a few simple words.
It made Alex want to spill everything, and before she knew what she was doing, her she felt her lips parting before she could lose the nerve.
How'd you like this chapter? Pretty rude customer, aye? Do you think Alex is going to tell Stef and Lena what's wrong? What do you think is wrong, anyway? Thanks for all the reviews. It seriously amazes me each and every chapter how generous and awesome you guys are with feedback. I firmly believe you people are the best readers ever. Thanks so much!
Thank you Liz and Grace for all your tremendous help.