Here is another chapter and I hope you all enjoy it. As always I don't own the HON series and this is un-betaed so all mistakes are mine and I apologise for each and every one of them.

Thank you to: Chepi Aponi - Your reviews always make me smile, I am glad that you are enjoying the story and I hope you have a lovely weekend and week.

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Chapter 20 – Lavender is for being calm

Starks Pov

A feeling of stale numbness inhabited the beat up car. Zoey had laid her head on the window a long time ago and it almost looked like she was asleep yet her eyes were open.

The eyes were a window to the soul.

Even without the link of the imprint I could see and feel Zoey's emotions and they were stifling. She was just numb, whether in pain or in shock I don't know; however, there were underlying tones of pain and hurt and sorrow and anger. We were all worried about her but we all too shocked about what had happened. Neferet had sacrificed two innocent people in the name of Zoey's pain. One had happened to be Zoey's mother and that was painful enough because Zoey was now like an orphan, her father hadn't known her well enough to be properly called her father and her mother was now gone. The second victim of Neferet's ills was a boy named Heath, Zoey's ex-boyfriend and ex-imprint. I was too shocked on that one to say much more.

"Stark, you have to help her," Stevie Rae gulped. She herself was a ruined picture, tears streaming and hair a mass of fly away clumps.

"I don't know how," I say bluntly, it is very much the truth "What can I say to her? What can I possibly do to take away the pain, which we are all feeling by the way, that is about one thousand fold in Zoey?" It annoyed me to death that I was a helpless component of this defence mechanism. But annoyance rated about second on my list of crushing emotions right now.

"Say something, you are usually good at that," Aphrodite chided. She would never change; even in the moment of absolute grief she was able to keep that non caring, perfection persona. I knew better though. I knew that underneath that cold, lifeless exterior, she cared. She cared so much; she was probably scared beyond belief and sharing our feelings but she was more terrified to let those emotions show.

I moved closer to Zoey, if that was even possible. I was almost scared to touch her; too afraid that she was so like a glass doll and one mistaken touch would break her. I faintly recognised that the gang had all turned away and began to converse between themselves, to allow some privacy in the upcoming, one sided conversation.

It's gonna be okay.

That was what I was going to say, but I knew that that was so obviously a lie. Zoey didn't need to hear lies right now; she needed to hear the truth. I knew it was going to be hard to tell the honest truth. After all, most say that the truth hurts more than lies. But she would rather have that hurt then a pleasing delusion.

"I know you're hurting," I gulp in a whisper. The truth is only for her to hear. "But you're not going to hurt forever." My voice shakes and I try so desperately to get it to still "It may feel like it's the worst feeling in the world, you may feel guilty, or that you could've done something and if you had they would still be alive. I know how you're feeling Zoey. I've been through it and it sucks. But I'm okay now, how am I okay? Because I have a strong support system, I have you and the gang and that is my family. We, as your family are going to help you get through this; we are going to get through this."

I pull her close so she is practically on my lap, the seat belt straining against her body but I doubt that she neither notices nor cares. I rub unknown patterns into the skin of her back and I whisper my constant assurances into her ears. I sigh in relief when the tension drains from the sharp knots in her shoulders. "Make it stop," she whispers in a broken voice.

"Pain doesn't go away that quickly unfortunately, because it's a bully and a dirty cheating liar but I will try, I will try my hardest." I can't keep my voice even, not even for a second "It will go away eventually, with time, as they say time heals all wounds."

"Time doesn't heal properly; it just makes scars of the wounds," she sighs and rests her head on my chest. Due to our rather awkward position I can feel her erratic heartbeat. I find that it matches mine in perfect tandem and the sound becomes almost lulling. But I cannot sleep. Sleep never comes to those in such pain.

I look out of the window and at the fast moving scenery, trees blurring together to form a long line of green and spikes of brown. This situation hauntingly reminded me of William Chidsey. He was innocent too and died far too early, the situation couldn't have been helped either. My gift was never missing a single target, whether it was in range or not, it couldn't have been helped that it accidently caused the death of Will. Neferet would have killed Zoey's mother even if she had figured out the riddle. Neferet was just pure evil like that. Hopefully the knowledge that her mother would have never been saved in the first place and there was nothing Zoey could've done would help Zoey accept this cruel fate.

"James..." I looked up to see the driver, Thanatos, looking worriedly at me from the mirror. I hated my first name, it was what people called me before Will died and all I was known for was my great talent and my achievements.

"We've been calling your name for the last 5 minutes," Jack speaks up and I look at him first and then survey the rest of the gang, who share similar worried expressions.

"Bad memories," I simply answer and look down at Zoey. Even she is looking at me weird. I paint more pictures into her skin to appease her. It does quite the opposite.

She squirms away and goes back to her original position, body facing forward and her head on the window. She looks inquisitive. "We're going to the lavender farm," she says bluntly. Even I don't know where we are going.

"Your grandmother is a strong, independent woman," Thanatos chuckles, throwing Zoey a few looks in the mirror. "Once you were marked she came straight to the council to plead your case," Thanatos looks fondly at the road in front of her as if Zoey's grandmother is right there. "She won of course and you got to stay well beyond vampire sight until you deemed yourself ready,"

"It'll be great to see her again," Zoey doesn't elaborate further. It seems that her reserves of conversation are spent for the time being.

The car filled up with silence for a while.

"We're in the same sinking boat Stark," Zoey says as she looks at the barely there scenery.

"Zoey – "

"Don't." She doesn't even look at me. "You always call me Z but since it all happened you haven't. I'm not broken Stark," her statement is determined but it is so false. It didn't take a genius to see that.

"You're obviously not whole," Aphrodite snarks and Zoey ignores her.

She sighs "There is a hole in my chest right now," she points to a space just below her heart, "There's this constant void that aches and aches but I have to live with it don't I. Yes, I'm holy but not broken, there's a stark difference," she quirks a smile and tries to sprout a joke but it falls flat. I'm glad she's at least trying to feel a positive emotion or something.

The ride passes relatively quickly. The scent of lavender permeated the air sooner than we had thought. It was a calming scent. I was glad for it.

An old but pleasant woman steps out of the cute little house at the sound of the rumbling engine. She hurries forward at the sight of Zoey.

"U-we-tsi-ge-ya – " she starts as Zoey gets out of the car. She is the last to step out of it with Thanatos being first.

"Mom is dead."

The woman's reaction wasn't as drastic as I would've imagined. The laugh lines on her face seemed to deepen and turn into grief lines instead. Her eyes sunk into the aging skin a little bit more and softened. She may have been grieving herself but she was more concerned for Zoey, who was swaying from side to side and trying to hug herself, trying to hold herself together. The women opened her arms and hastily tried to hug Zoey and bring some form of comfort to her. Try is the keyword there.

"Don't." Zoey says again and moves past her grandma to walk around the house into the lavender farm.

Her grandma sighs and turns to us "In my experience it is best to leave her alone during her little strops, she works best with the filtering of her thoughts in her quiet alone time."

"This isn't just a 'little strop'" Damien splutters and then realises what he has said; he had went against the word of someone who knew Zoey far better than we did.

"Young man, I have been with Zoey every time she had come home from school with tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, with that vacant expression on her face, when she has hit rock bottom and tried to drink herself there. I know her more than anybody else," Damien seemed to deflate a little bit, Aphrodite smirked at the fact that the 'wonder boy' ,as she often calls him, was put in his place by an old woman. Zoey's grandma then smiles a little. "Now, I have guests I should be more pleasant. Call me Grandma Redbird and come inside..." she gestures to the door of the house. Without further ado she turns and walks into the house and we follow her.

The house is just as cosy on the inside as it was on the outside. "I'll get you all cups of warm tea, since you all look like you're grieving as well, and then I'll go see to Zoey," she sighs "That girl never had it easy,"

"How do you mean? If you excuse me for asking," I ask, I was given an opportunity to learn more about Zoey and this woman knew Zoey like the back of her hand.

"You are so polite young man, what is your name?" Grandma Redbird asks and I tell her it, the gang saying their names after me. "When Zoey's dad left her and her mother, my daughter, their relationship improved drastically, they were really happy in their one parent unit. Then Linda met a man named John Heffer, and everything went downhill. Heffer was a very religious man and made Linda turn from a very outgoing lady to a very reserved and resisted woman, the man practically hated Zoey because of her close relationship with Linda but doted on her other child Michelle because she was never really a threat. Zoey started to become more of an outcast in her family but eventually she was marked. Heffer refused to send her to the House of Night and fearing for her life Zoey fled to here." Grandma Redbird shook her head and distributed various cuts of tea. I was glad for the warmth that emitted from it, I hadn't realised it before but I felt cold all over for some reason, I think that was because of the shock and the overwhelming sadness. "That was a very shocking day, I found my granddaughter passed out amongst my lavender farm, I was terrified, but she woke up and told me that she was able to survive without going to the House of Night. I was nervous about this of course but accepted the choices that Zoey made. She moved in here, went back to school, had a rather topsy turvy relationship with Heath and we survived. You know the rest," she chuckled as she sipped at her tea.

"I hadn't realised that she had been through so much," Stevie Rae sighed. "Did ya'll?" she asked of us and we all shuck our heads.

"I hope she's okay," I say after a swallow of tea, the warm liquid slipping down my throat to rest heavily in my stomach.

"You care so much young man," Grandma Redbird chuckled and then she narrowed her eyes at me, "You're the man who she saved, aren't you?" I had no idea how she knew that but I simply nodded. "Zoey is very lucky to know a man like you," I was so pleased at that, to get appraisal from a woman who was so close to Zoey's heart meant the world to me.

"I'm worried about her," I say in a hurried breath,

"Aren't we all, Stark," Eric chimed in, for once I wasn't jealous or hateful towards his presence, huh that was a hell of a change.

"Maybe I should – " I stand up and make my decision clear, I am already at the backdoor when Grandma Redbird stops me.

"Maybe I should go after her instead," she says and I am about to protest but she beats me to it, "No offence young man – Stark – but she needs a face from her family to get her through this," I nod again at this suggestion, Zoey would do better to get comfort from someone she knew more, she would heal quicker and better as well. But Grandma Redbird didn't move from her position. "You have feelings for her don't you – Stark?"

"I do," I whisper, it is the raw honest truth that's ripped out of my barely opened mouth.

"Do you want my advice?"

I would be honoured to get this great ladies advice on that rather tricky situation, "I would thank you,"

"Grab the opportunity by the hand as soon as possible, the more you wait the more she is likely to dwell on past deeds and feel unworthy of you, she will drift away if not grounded." With that said she moved away from the door and made her way through the lavender farm to find Zoey.

I had a lot to think about, and I had to think about it fast.

Zoey's Pov

This place was so significant that it was engraved into my memory and I would never forget it. This is the exact place where I collapsed and saw Nyx. At the moment I sat and rocked amongst the lavender. The lavender did the opposite of what it was meant to do; it didn't calm me at all. My sobs racked my body; it drew ragged breaths from my torn throat. I thought that I was done from crying and I was but it was dry sobs and dry cries which hurt more. More pain was added. I hated pain.

You could get away from all of that delicious pain.

I heard that tone of voice before. It was the same evil voice that had came from Neferet's lips and Neferet wasn't here, any way this wasn't something she would do, she would want me to sink into my misery not come out of it. I knew who this was, this was darkness. It was here to tempt me but I wouldn't let it.

It's so easy. You know, it could all be done in a matter of seconds.

I wouldn't fall to its wills. Pain was better than being taken over by darkness, darkness was sickly and horrible.

You think I'm horrible?

It laughed. I did think it was horrible. I would rather be on Nyx's side then on his. I would never stray from my Goddess. My Goddess saved me and I wouldn't let darkness destroy that in a simply conversation. Darkness didn't decide what I did and what I said.

Everybody has darkness within them; you wouldn't be human if you didn't Miss Redbird.

I knew I had darkness within me, I had done some terrible things in my lifetime but I wouldn't let it destroy me no matter how bad I was feeling. Yes, losing my mom and Heath was like a thousand stabs in the gut and much more, but I would deal with it and not be won over by darkness.

I've seen into your mind Miss Redbird. I have seen those wonderful twisted thoughts, your plans for Neferet when you get your hands on her, your thoughts on every enemy that has done you wrong. You have just about the same amount of darkness that my delicious Neferet has.

I am nothing like Neferet. I wasn't a slave to the darkness. Why was it speaking to me, anyway?

I am speaking with you because I relate to you. You have so much potential that I wish to exploit.

I have everything that I could've wished for right now, well that was in the power department. I could control the elements for Nyx sake, I didn't want more power than that or I would get too cocky and lose my head. I never wanted more power than that. Darkness wouldn't win with me.

Yes, you have your affinity of the elements but you could be so much more then you are already.

I really doubt that.

Let me show you.

I would rather not. I'm quite happy with the way I am right now thank you very much. All darkness does is talk in a load of bulpoopie. I was not failing for it.

How will you know if you don't try it?

I don't believe in you, you twist your words to reap the benefits and I am not falling for that. Why did I start referring to darkness as a you? They weren't a person, darkness wasn't a tangible thing. That was what I told myself anyway.

Come on, you know you want to.

I don't want to. But curiosity was a very tainting thing. I don't...

"U-we-tsi-ge-ya?" Boy was I glad for the entrance of Grandma.

"Yes..." my voice was brittle from the lack of use and the feeling of a closed up throat from my crying.

"Are you alright?" Grandma was getting closer now,

"No," It was quiet but I knew that she could hear me. She was just behind me now, I could feel the warmth. She came around to face me and sat opposite me. She took notice of my face, of how pale it was and how sad I looked.

"Oh U-we-tsi-ge-ya – " She pulled me into her arms and I revelled in her familiar warm scent. It was comforting to say the least. I think she stopped because she didn't know what to say, neither did I. How did I describe my feelings? How was I even capable of stopping how I felt for a moment to speak? "I know how you feel."

"How? How Grandma?" I say twice into her chest.

"I lost my husband you know? I felt so empty then and I couldn't move on, my life didn't feel right to live if he wasn't with me."

"I lost two today though, Heath too, how can I live with myself that I caused the death of two innocent people?"

"You learn to accept it; you learn to move on,"

"But I can't..." I whined and I knew that I sounded like a whiny brat but I just couldn't shake it.

Grandma sighed. "I've just lost my daughter U-we-tsi-ge-ya, Linda may have had nothing to do with me since she married Heffer but she is still my daughter, it still hurts that she is gone."

"I'm sorry Grandma, I should've known how you – "

"Shh, shh, I know, I know U-we-tsi-ge-ya," She hushes me and brushes my hair with her fingers. It is soothing to my aching heart.

"You know, there was a moment where I was glad she was dead, I was glad because that was the end of the horror, of the insults, of the pushing away, of everything but that horror was replace with another. The horror was actually being glad my own mom was dead, does that make me a bad person?"

"No, no U-we-tsi-ge-ya, your mother did some bad things; it is only natural that the mind tries to justify the death to try to deal with everything."

"But Heath – "

"The boy is dead yes, but you can't dwell on that, think of it as he was going to drink himself into an early grave, think of it that he died trying to save your mom, died fighting, died believing in you..." she murmured assurances into my hair and rocked me. I just sniffled and she waited until my sniffles died to nothing, not even whimpers. "Pain assures us that we are still alive; pain makes us human." She whispered.

But I wasn't human, I was a vampire, I think that I was never really human to begin with.

Of course I wasn't going to voice my thoughts, it would only worry my Grandma further, and I wanted to get better not get worse. I let her have her wise words, I let her comfort me for a little while. All in all I felt better but I had to be alone.

"Grandma, could I be alone please?"

"Of course U-we-tsi-ge-ya, the lavender looks almost ready anyway," she chuckled, it wasn't of course, it was nowhere near harvest but she used it as an excuse and waded through the sea of purple. I watched as she disappeared.

It wasn't long before darkness came back.

You'll be stronger; better, you'll be more immune to those horrible feelings of yours.

It was relentless. It wouldn't go away until I let it in.

There you go the voice of reason works in you.

Don't try your luck. I was strong enough which meant that I wouldn't let it take over completely; just do what it wanted to do and then I would push it out and be on my merry way.

Let me in, Miss Redbird.

But there was a little bit of doubt in my mind, the what if? Was very real,

Let me in go on, you'll feel so much better.

It would get what it wanted. I threw caution to the wind. As soon as I did that my vision went black, then it came back but everything was darker, the edges were total black. This was so weird. I felt nothing. Absolutely nothing, no sorrow, no anger, nothing and it was pure bliss. Strength flooded my limbs, I felt like I could do anything. I stood up and the wind rustled at my unsaid command. This was wonderful. But I wouldn't get too cocky.

This wasn't good. This power was unnatural. This was wrong. I told darkness that. It laughed in my face.

Just a little longer Miss Redbird, just a little longer.

Darkness was a cruel son of a bulpoopie.

"Z!" I could hear Stark and that was when I panicked.

Let me go! Let me go!

You gave in to me; this is all of your thought.

Let me go! But I realised that the darkness wasn't going to let me go, I had to make it. I pushed with all of my might with that one little command. Darkness laughed at me at first but I would make it regret that laugh. I pushed and I pushed and I pushed and I was determined to get it to let me go. Stark's raising voice only made me more determined. Let me go! Darkness then had a change of heart, it got less cocky and then with one final huge push it screamed and it erased it from my mind.

That was an accomplishment.

"Z!" Stark was there now, in between the lavender and I waved at me. I hoped he didn't see. What if he did? Oh Nyx what had I done. I had gone against my Goddess and went with darkness if only for a second but I still went against her. What had I done?

"What's with the long face, Z," Stark came up to me.

"You're calling me Z again," I sighed.

"Maybe I realised that you're not as broken as I thought," he said and I rolled my eyes.

"No you were right, I am slightly broken but I am on the mend in some way,"

"That's good to hear." He chuckled but then he wrung his fingers together. He was sweating a bit too.

"You're nervous?" I say and he shakes his head adamantly.

"Me? Nervous? There's no such thing as a nervous Stark, there's no nervous Stark here," he murmurs over and over again and I look at him. He caved with that one look. That look must have been hell of a stern look. "Alright, so maybe I am a little bit nervous,"

"What for..."

"Well, somebody told me I should get my ass into gear, and pardon my French, but I agree with them and I may be really nervous and probably hate myself after this but i have something to confess."

"Spit it out Stark, the anticipation is killing me." I chuckle, I've never seen Stark so unnerved before, and it was a nice change.

"My confession is..." he cleared his throat and tried to start again, "Zoey I..." he rubs the back of his neck "Oh to hell with it," and then without warning he plants his lips on mine.

I was a bit startled at first but then I moved my lips in motion with his and it was pure heaven. Now, I know it's a bit cliché that you see fireworks or sparks at the touch of another's lips but it was so true with Stark. I through caution to the wind again and lost myself in Stark.

Stark was a good place to be.

We separated and we both chuckled. "I like you okay, like really really like you and I really want to be with you and – " he says breathless.

"Stark, Stark, Stark, stop babbling because I like like too and you have absolutely nothing to worry about," I chuckle,

"That's good because I had this whole speech prepared about why you should date me and everything but – " this time I shut him up with another kiss. Our tongues battle for dominance and we are suspended in pure bliss.

"There's a lot of perks to dating me you know?" He whispers,

"I'm only dating you for your lips," and we both collapse in giggles.

We kiss some more and we cling on to one another and I just know that everything is going to be alright.