For notes, warnings and disclaimers see chapter 1. Also, please keep in mind that reviewing is good for the soul (hey, what can I say, I'm getting desperate here!)

Chapter 21
(Kara's POV)

I try to keep myself from grimacing but I know I'm not fooling anyone here and much less am I fooling the Old Man. The truth is that everything hurts... not to mention that my legs feel like they can barely support my weight and I frakking hate that. Sure, on a rational level I know that being sore as hell is probably to be expected considering that I've spent the last week or so flat on my back and that on top of that I have an eight inch gash in my gut but still it is embarrassing, to say nothing of the fact that it leaves me with no choice but to lean quite heavily on the Old Man and I can see that he is disgusted by me, that he can barely bring himself to touch me... not that I blame him.

Oh, I'm not denying that being able to pretend that he cares, that things are back to what used to pass for normal around here is nice... it may not be smart but it's nice and what the frak, no-one's ever accused me of being bright. Besides, as stupid as it seems the Old Man smells like the Galactica, he smells like home.

In fact that was one of the things I missed most down on New Caprica when Leoben... I don't know, sometimes I think that by now I can recognize a frakking cylon by scent alone and I can probably do it from a couple of miles away. Oh, I know that's crazy, I know that's not really true but that's how it feels at times.

Hell, even after the exodus I felt like I would never be able to get the stench of Leoben out of my nostrils!

In fact the Old Man's scent is one of the reasons why I'm leaning so heavily on him, even though I know I don't have the right, not any more... not that letting go of him is much of an option either.

I mean, I know Cottle said we should be out here for five minutes but the way things are going that is going to feel more like five hours. Sure, on a rational level I know this was to be expected but, frak, I've never done rational, I've never done patient and I'm not about to frakking start!

Hell, I knew from the very beginning that this was going to be bad but I didn't really expect it to be this bad. I mean, I remember the pain of making my way out of that frakking farm back on Caprica but at least then I had the adrenaline going for me, to say nothing of the fact that --as bad as whatever the cylons had done to me was-- it was still nothing but a scratch compared to this.

Of course, the fact that I really need the Old Man's help if I am to keep from landing on my butt does nothing to change the fact that it is pretty apparent that he would much rather be anywhere but here and I hate feeling like I'm taking advantage of him. He deserves better than that and I know it.

"I'm sorry," I blurt out when I can no longer stand the silence.

"Sorry?" he asks stopping and turning to look at me for the first time since we set out on this little excursion.

"That you got roped into this," I explain.

"I didn't get roped into anything," he says with a sigh.

"Well, with all due respect, sir, I seriously doubt that this is your idea of fun," I point out, knowing that 'human walking cane' is a job that is usually reserved for whatever medic happens to have pissed Cottle off last, not for the Admiral of the Fleet.

"It's where I'm needed... and it's where I want to be," he reassures me.

"You don't have to lie to me, sir," I hiss as I try to fight back a sudden wave of anger.

"I'm not lying, damn it!"

"You are disgusted by me," I insist.

"WHAT?!"

"You can't even look at me," I snap, knowing that it is too late for me to back down.

"That is not true."

"It's okay, sir. I understand."

"I don't know where you got that idea but you are wrong, you hear me? You. Are. Wrong," he says, punctuating each word.

"Right," I mutter.

"For the gods' sake, Kara, what is it going to take for you to believe me?" he growls, obviously feeling more than a little frustrated with this whole situation... not that he is the only one.

"I don't know. All I know is that you can hardly bring yourself to look me in the eye and that, even though you say that you are not disgusted by me, you can barely bring yourself to touch me," I point out, knowing that I'm crossing the line here, that I have no right to complain or make any demands, but just wanting this whole charade to be over with once and for all.

"Because I don't want to frighten you, damn it... I saw what happened with Sam," he shoots back, putting his hands on my shoulders and forcing me to look at him.

"You won't frighten me," I whisper after a couple of seconds, biting my lip and not wanting to have this conversation --not now, not ever-- though I know I am the one who brought it up in the first place, I know I am the one who challenged him to look me in the eye, so I really have no one but myself to blame here.

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because you don't smell like him... because you don't smell like a frakking toaster," I mutter.

"And Sam does?" he asks with a gentle smile and it is on the tip of my tongue to say 'yes' but then I realize how frakking crazy that sounds so I just look away, knowing that he has a point.

"It's okay, Kara," he reassures me as he steers me back toward sickbay.

"No, it's not," I reply, shaking my head as the realization of just how screwed up I really am finally sinks in.