A/N: Edward's POV. Can you believe an update so soon? As usual, please leave me a review even if you hate it...
Disclaimer: SM owns everything but my plot.
She wasn't breathing... I knew she wasn't breathing... She'd sucked in a breath just a moment ago. Even in the dimness of the room I could see her eyes wide with terror.
"Huh... Bella?" I insisted... But her eyes were vacant. My mind was racing, I got up and was fumbling to put on my jeans when I finally heard her. A low guttural sound coming from her throat, a sob, a wail. I kneeled beside the bed. Ran my fingers through her hair. Sang her the same ballad I'd sung at the hotel, back in Chicago. She slowly began reacting, the sobbing subsided, her eyes focused on me.
"Sor...ry!" She apologized again. I shook my head, kissed her forehead. Shushed her. "I don't think I can do this."
"Do what?" I sat next to her on the bed, she turned and looked towards the window. "What happened? It was like you disappeared... Did I say something wrong?" My fingers found her hair again.
"Let's go to sleep..." She pleaded. It was late, the house was silent around us, but I needed her to tell me... I felt myself getting angry, impatient... She'd been abused, that much was clear to me, but to what extent... I didn't want to hurt her, in fact I was pretty sure I was capable of killing whoever had hurt her, but... "I will not be kept on the outside of this Bella. You need to let me in, let me help you." I slid down the bed and gathered her against me. "You need to let me in, please, love... No more secrets."
"I'm ashamed." She said quietly.
"Ashamed? Honey, if anything, whoever did this to you, is going to have to answer to me..." I felt my anger flow in waves. So typical of assholes, blame their own victims. I wanted to tear him limb from limb.
"I did this to myself." I didn't say anything. I knew she was repeating a line he'd trained her to say, convinced her she was to blame... "I let him do it... So yeah, I did this to myself." I tightened my grip on her to stop me from snarling. Bozo, I'm going to find you and cripple you.
"Bella..." I tried to turn her and make her look at me.
"No, stop! Let me... I need to say things I might have never said to anyone, please don't... It needs to be like this, in the dark, so I don't lose my courage."
"I've known James my whole life. His family lived just two blocks away, I was friends with his sister from the time we were toddlers, our mothers had been best friends since school... He was the older brother, always a year ahead of us... He used to tease us that we were his little sisters and we needed scolding, but in reality he kept many bullies away from Victoria and I. By the time he was a senior in high school, I had a crush on him. He was kind of a celebrity in town, he was in the swimming team, and that was the year Forks High won the state championship, he had a garage band that played twice a month in his uncle's restaurant, every guy wanted to be him, every girl wanted to be with him. He never gave them a chance. I never saw him with anyone. He kept to himself. He used to get teased by his team mates that he only had eyes for his sister, because he was always with us. Every break he could, he'd walk us to class, every lunch period he sat at our table. He drove us home or to the library or shopping. He'd take us to LaPush beach or into Port Angeles to the movies. By then, both Emmett and Jasper were gone to college... I was alone with Charlie, Victoria and James were a surrogate family. I had a crush, but that was just it, nothing ever happened, it was always the three of us, Victoria, James and me. He graduated with honors and a full scholarship." Bella sobbed. I didn't interrupt her. I knew she needed to get this out, the thing that was eating away her soul.
"That was the summer his parents died in a fire that burnt down their home, James moved to Seattle for college and Victoria went with him."
"When I graduated from high school, I had a scholarship to Seattle Culinary Academy. Dad was livid, he's always wanted me to go to law school, and he didn't want me in Seattle alone, much less training for a career that would lead to nothing but 'kitchen duty', but Jasper and Emmett supported me and Dad finally gave in... I had a rough time finding housing, so when Victoria offered me her spare room, I jumped at the opportunity... I think I wanted to believe we could all go back to that time in our childhood, when we were close." Bella finally turned around, her face was swollen from crying. I didn't know what to say, I just pulled her close and hugged her. I didn't want her to hurt. I didn't want her to ever question if she would be safe with me. I kissed the top of her head.
"It's true, I did this to myself... I should have taken one look at Victoria and James and run back home... But... I thought I could save them..." She buried her face un my chest. Bella sobbed uncontrollably. There was a new pain in my chest, I was angry. But there was nothing I could do to let it out. It flowed through me, my hands itched, I wanted to punch something. I needed to punch something. She felt it because she shifted again, raised her head to look at me. I looked away because I never wanted to see those swollen eyes again.
"Bella.." I hissed... I couldn't help it. She needed to get it out, I just needed her to stop. I needed to get her away from everything, keep her safe. "I'm sorry." I felt the anger rise again. I wanted to be so far away from here. I wanted to be in my own house, overlooking the ocean. I wanted to be there instead of this small excuse for a house in the middle of nowhere. I was angry at myself for wanting to be miles away, Bella needed to be here with her dad... But this was too confining. I wanted away, ride my bike, feel the wind in my face, salt water in the air, how good her hands had felt holding my waist, cold sun of a crisp morning, waves crashing... I needed to drink a shot of tequila and then another, smoke a joint, see the sunrise again, have music flooding my head, her lips urgently kissing my neck, her hand in mine as we make our way to my bedroom. Anywhere but in this tiny room, in this cold, sad winter, death menacing at every corner. I was angry at myself for wanting the comforts I shouldn't want right that minute. I needed to get her away, I needed to keep her safe. Away from even the slightest hurtful memory.
"Edward?" She sobbed. That sob stabbed my heart. I was shaking, I needed an out. I didn't want to hurt her. "You're scaring me..." She felt it, the rage consuming me, I knew she felt it. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said anything." Her voice was hollow, she shifted to get away from me, but I stopped her, my angry hands forcefully holding her in place. She tried fighting me off, I chuckled exasperated.
"I said, I love you." I hissed. "I'm never going to let anyone hurt you, ever again."
"You know you can't make that promise, Edward." She sobbed again.
"I can try." I kissed the top of her head. "If you let me... You need to let me." I begged. I wasn't above begging. I needed her consent. The monster in me needed her consent to whisk her away and have her under a bell jar... The thought delighted my inner monster. ALL MINE.
She stretched her neck, until her lips brushed my cheek, "Never make promises you can't keep." She whispered. "You're angry... I'm tired to the bone... But... I do love you, Edward." The monster took over and crashed my lips into her, demanding, searching... For home.