In Search of Redemption

Chapter 21

Looking for Clues

Squall woke with a start, and for a moment was confused over the fact that he was being held. For a couple of minutes he laid where he was, taking comfort in the arms that held him so protectively, but as he became more awake, he realized that these arms were not Seifer's, and the body that he lying on top of was definitely not his, too long, too lean, too Galbadian.

He sighed and sat up. He didn't really want to face the day, but if the dream he had about Griever had any truth to it at all, he had better get started trying to figure out where to start. He glanced at the sleeping cowboy, and carefully unwound himself from his sleeping form. He didn't want to wake him, and have him start asking the inevitable questions, like, are you all right, did you sleep okay, or better yet, did you lose your mind while you were sleeping?

'Hyne I must be crazy. Who follows orders they get in their dreams? Crazy people, that's whom.' He sighed again and got up from the couch, meandering his way to the bathroom.

After using the facilities, he wandered into the kitchen and began making coffee. He had to stop, halfway through pouring the water, because he was hit again suddenly by the fact that Seifer was gone. He wouldn't be wandering into the kitchen, sleepy eyed and grouchy looking for a cup of coffee. He wouldn't ask what was for breakfast, and there would be no more work done on the roof.

He gripped the counter hard and squeezed his eyes tightly in an effort to still the sudden anger he felt towards the world. He was about to throw the coffee pot when Shiva's cool presence made itself known. Her icy touch worked its magic to soothe away the anger and seal up his wounded spirit. When she had finished, she retreated to the depths of his mind and Squall was left there, coffee pot still held in his hand, and his head cocked to the side as if listening to something very far away. For quite some time he didn't move as if he were frozen.

His thoughts were racing, each trying to make their point heard. What had just happened was undeniable, Shiva was there, she was junctioned, but he hadn't junctioned her since the war. How had she done it? Were all GF's capable of this? Had he somehow called her from Garden's GF holding facility while he was sleeping? And probably most important of all, did her presence within his mind mean that the dream had been real, that he had really gotten a mission from Griever to find out what happened to Hyne and what his disappearance had to do with the Sorceresses, the Darkness and finding Seifer.

Irvine stood still, leaning against the doorframe watching Squall, the running of the water in the kitchen sink had woke him up and he had been about to greet Squall when he had suddenly turned from the sink and then froze. It was bizarre watching this scene. Irvine wasn't sure if he should interrupt it or not. He had definitely been angry when he had turned around, that much he was certain of, but then it was as if someone had thrown a switch and his face had gone completely blank. He had never seen Squall behave this way before and it was more than just a little concerning.

Squall slowly came back to himself and turned back to the coffee pot. There was one way to know if Shiva had junctioned to him, and that was to go to Garden's holding facility and see if she was there. With a clear course of action laid out before him, he could now concentrate on what he was doing.

Irvine cleared his throat to announce his presence, and then came into the kitchen. He was concerned for Squall, but didn't know what to do about it. The fact that he was acting strangely could be chalked up to the fact that he was in a state of shock, but normally people just slept a lot or ate more than usual. He shook his head slightly.

'What do I know about stress? I know the kind of pressure that a sharp shooter feels, but what about true stress? I have seen him under all kinds of pressure and he has never acted like this. Well, to the best of my knowledge he hasn't. But is battle stress really the same thing? He just lost someone he loved, and we all know what happened the last time someone he loved left. He withdrew and became antisocial, and that was just for his sister. What kind of behavior is he going to exhibit now that he has lost a lover? Maybe I am reading more into it than there really is. He's probably just tired and waiting for the inevitable arrival of the gang.'

Irvine turned around and nearly bowled Squall over. He narrowly missed being splashed with scalding hot coffee.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to try and run you over," he drawled.

Squall shook his head and just handed him the second cup he was carrying. "Don't worry about it. Listen, I am going to go change clothes and head over to Garden. There are a few things that I have to check out."

Irvine didn't know what to say. Did he really just say he was going back to Garden? Voluntarily? Okay, now that really was strange. 'Oh come on Irvine, why are you trying so damn hard to read more into his actions than there really is? He is probably going to find out what they are doing to find Seifer.'

Squall had to steel himself before entering the bedroom. In such a short time, there were so many memories already here in this place, and he didn't know if he could keep from being overwhelmed with them. He mentally called upon Shiva to shield him from his feelings. Hoping that it would be enough, he took a deep breath and opened the door. Immediately he was assaulted with images of Seifer. The smell of his cologne was heavy in the air and there were the pajama bottoms he had so carelessly tossed onto the chair early yesterday morning. The bed was still unmade because it had been Seifer's turn. Squall had to resist the urge to just climb into that bed, wrap himself up in the scent of Seifer, and forget the world. He had a job to do and if he wanted to get Seifer back he was just going to have to suck it up and pretend for a little while that what had happened here was an impossible dream.

He clenched his fists tight until he could feel his fingernails digging painfully into his palms. The pain served to bring back clarity and he relished it. Quickly he dragged his leathers out of the closet and tossed them onto the bed. It had been so long since he had donned them that it felt a little strange to be looking at them. For a moment, he let his fingers caress the butter soft leather of the jacket he loved so much, and then went in search of his t-shirt and belts.

The t-shirt was located easily enough; now his belts were a different story. They were going to be the hardest to find. One he found under the bed, which had been used in one of Seifer's kinky little games he liked to play. He found another one in the closet, being used to lash together a bunch of blankets that wouldn't stop falling off the shelf, obviously Seifer's idea of a quick fix. Two more were located in a box of random items that they hadn't found a place for yet. The rest he found in a drawer in the bathroom, Hyne knows why they were in there, probably Seifer's idea of putting things where you could find them.

He stripped off his clothes and carelessly tossed them onto the same chair that Seifer liked to use for the same purpose, and slid on the leather pants. They felt strange, sort of like sliding into someone else's skin, and for the most part, Squall decided that was exactly what he was doing, sliding on his old skin. If he wanted to get through this, he was going to have to shed the exterior of what he had become and put back on what he had been. The t-shirt was actually a bit tight now. He and Seifer had both had developed quite the physique since starting the work on the house, but he decided he could deal with it. He strapped on his belts one by one, and then bent to pull on his boots. He stood up and moved experimentally in the leather. It was a bit tight, but nothing that he couldn't get used to. Besides, once warmed to his body temperature, it would mold itself around the new form.

Sighing, he slipped on his jacket and hung Griever around his neck. Examining himself in the mirror, he realized that even though he was wearing the same clothes, it was another matter entirely for him to return to his former self. His skin was tanned now and the new musculature was more than apparent in the leather. He wondered briefly, what the others would think, but then brushed away the thought like an annoying fly. Who cared what they thought of him. The only one that mattered had been taken from him and he was going to do everything in his power to get him back.

When he stepped from the bedroom door, Irvine gave a low whistle. He turned to observe Irvine and was a bit taken back by the look of pure lust on his face. He had never known that Irvine liked guys, he was so into girls that the question had just never came up. But seeing the undisguised interest made Squall blush a deep crimson. He was very new to the concept of guys being with guys and having someone else besides Seifer look at him that way was disconcerting.

"What?" Squall asked, wanting Irvine to snap out of it and stop looking at him like that.

Irvine grinned his most charming grin and made a low bow, sweeping his cowboy hat off in a well-practiced move.

"Nothing," Irvine said straightening. "I am just appreciating the new and improved you. You look great Squall, don't let anyone let you otherwise."

"Whatever…"

The word slipped out of his mouth before he even realized he had said it. It had been what felt like ages since he had even thought the word much less said it. Being around Seifer, it had almost disappeared and to say it now without thinking about it felt strange, but good. Shiva was doing her job well. The Ice Prince was well on his way back.

Walking through the gates of Garden, Squall felt a nearly overwhelming desire to run back to the house and forget going through with this, but Shiva urged him onward, not with words but with a feeling of determination so strong that Squall was nearly bowled over by it. He stopped for a moment to take a deep breath. Irvine who was walking beside him, paused to look back questioningly at him, but he waved him onward.

Irvine didn't really want to leave him behind but did as his former Commander asked him to do. Besides he wanted to tell everyone that Squall was here and for them all not to make a fuss about it. There was going to be enough commotion made by the student body when it got around that Squall had made his reappearance.

Squall closed his eyes for a moment, and could almost see Shiva in all her frozen glory, urging him on. It was enough to bring a ghost of a smile to his lips. He liked Shiva best of all the GF's, not just because her personality closely resembled his own, but because she was truly beautiful to behold in action. He wondered briefly what Shiva truly thought of him and was rewarded with what could only be described as a mental hug. He didn't know what to think of that, Shiva had never done anything like that before which made him wonder if this truly was Shiva.

His determination bolstered, he made his way into the main hallway of Garden. Students everywhere immediately stopped what they were doing to look at him. Most of them saluted, the newer cadets just looked confused and either saluted as well or asked an upperclassman who he was. Squall saluted back, both out of respect and to quell any potential questions of why he did not.

Even a few cadets said "Welcome back Commander." Squall just nodded his head to them, not really knowing what else he should do. He had never been treated like this when he was in charge, before they had simply saluted and then got the hell out of the way. Nearly all of them knew that he had resigned and the hope he saw in the eyes of those cadets was almost too much to bear. He had no idea that they liked him that much, or even missed him. He had always seen himself through his own eyes. He didn't bother looking at what other people saw and seeing the respect and near reverence of these cadets was certainly awe-inspiring. It made him stand a little straighter and walk with a little more confidence. It was nearly enough to make him want to go and ride that elevator straight up to Cid's office and take back his Commander Insignia. But right now, there were more pressing matters to attend to.

He made his way to the GF holding facility and signed in using his old rank out of habit. The door opened and he followed the long corridor to the holding banks. He opened the door that was labeled with his name and ran his finger down the lights. Red for occupied, green for unoccupied. There was only one green light and the name next to it was Shiva.

Once again, he had to stop and wonder just how she did it. The holding facility was guarded against unauthorized access and Shiva would have had to be taken out of the facility in order for her to be junctioned. However, junctioning was a conscious act, one that required the wielder to consciously accept the GF. Just how she junctioned to him without his knowledge or consent was indeed something that needed to be looked into. But for the moment, it was enough to find Shiva gone. That proved that last nights "dream" wasn't just a random thought brought up by his subconscious, as normal dreams are. He truly had conversed with not only Shiva but Griever as well. But why did she choose to take on the form of his mother? Maybe he would never know the answer to that one, unless of course the GF's chose to instigate another meeting. Then he would ask her.

Now with that little mission out of the way, it was time to start looking into the mystery of Hyne and what he has to do with the Sorceresses. Squall decided that the best place to start looking was the library. If they didn't have what he wanted he could use the student terminals to inquire about a subject and find the location of the books he wanted.

He softly closed the door to the holding facility and logged out, nodding to some more cadets making their first trip to the holding facility. Their beleaguered instructor managed a hasty salute before having to run off after his fascinated students.

He moved down through the main hallway to the library. He didn't know exactly where to look, so he went to the counter. The girl with pigtails that Zell liked stood behind the counter trying her best to look as if she wasn't reading a trashy romance novel.

Squall cleared his throat to get her attention and the girl nearly fell out of her seat when she looked up.

"Commander! I, uhh, was, uhm… just trying to figure out where to file this book. Yeah, this book should definitely go on the restricted list." She giggled a little nervously and put the book under the desk. "What can I do for you?"

"I was looking for books that had any mention of Hyne or where the Sorceresses got their power from," he stated as evenly as he could.

The girl looked at him for a moment longer and smiled. Squall wanted to fall through the floor. 'Hyne! Stop looking at me like that! Zell would murder me in my sleep if you suddenly profess that you wanted to be with me!'

He turned away from her to look at the rest of the library while she typed in the request on the computer.

A moment later, Squall felt her tap his shoulder.

"I have found only two books. Neither of them mentions Hyne, but they are both related to the Sorceresses and their power, and one of them has never been returned to the library. So I guess you are stuck with only one choice." She handed him a slip of paper with the name of the book and where to find it written on it.

'Never been return…' "Uhh, could you tell me who checked out the book that was never returned?" he asked, slipping the paper into his jacket pocket.

"Sure! Lets see now… ahh yes, it was checked out by Seifer Almasy nearly two years ago."

"That's what I thought. Thank you."

"You are welcome! Anytime! If there is anything else I can do for you, just let me know okay? I am usually here or in class, or in my dorm room, which incidentally is room number 46 on D hall."

Squall walked as quickly as he could away from the counter, towards the shelves of books. 'Too many trashy romance novels have gone to that girls brain! Zell had better ask her out quick, otherwise she is going to decide she likes some other guy, and I am not mentioning names here. I think I better tell him that just as soon as I see him.'

As soon as he was safely ensconced behind several shelves of books, he slipped the paper from his pocket. The title of the book was The Sorceresses, A Compilation of Theory and Fact. 'Please, please be something useful!' he thought as he went from shelf to shelf searching for the books call numbers.

After nearly thirty minutes of searching, he finally found the book. It was hidden in between two thick dust covered periodicals. It was as if someone placed it there to keep it from being discovered, though if they had done so, it must have been a while back because the book was just as dusty as the periodicals had been. 'Maybe Seifer put it there to keep it from getting checked out. He did mention a long time ago that he had misplaced the other Sorceress book and couldn't check anything else out until he found it. With the way he keeps house, I fully believe that he lost it.'

He took the book to a reading table and switched on the lamp. Carefully wiping away dust, he silently prayed again that the book would contain something useful. He needed more to go on than just suspicions or crazy GF's who liked to invade his dreams. Sighing heavily, he opened the book and began to read.

Excerpt from The Sorceresses, A Compilation of Theory and Fact

Not much is widely known about the Sorceress, or how they get their power. Though there are many assumptions, most of which are based solely on superstition or legend. We will be discussing those assumptions as well as the known facts here within these pages.

Perhaps it would be best to begin with the known facts. The first known fact about the Sorceresses is that they must pass on their power to a new Sorceress. There is much speculation over whether or not the Sorceress chooses the woman or if she was predestined from birth to receive the powers, but whatever the reason, the Sorceress must pass on her powers before she dies. If she does not pass on her powers, the body the power resides in remains alive, as in the case of Sorceress Adel. But is unable to function. Meaning that the body is alive, but the brain has ceased all activity. The assumption is that the body will then attempt to pass on the powers by itself. This assumption carried enough weight that it was voted unanimously that no woman should ever be able to be near Adel, which is why an all male crew imprisoned her in space.

It is unknown whether the threat of another Sorceress "ascending" has been stopped.

The next fact is widely debated, but even the debate does not change the facts. All Sorceresses no matter how well intentioned they were in the beginning, have always ended up attempting to either destroy the world or enslave it. The reasoning behind this is the actual cause for the debate. It is the opinion of this author that the Sorceress is in control of the power she has been given in the beginning and depending on how often or how much of that power is used, is directly relevant to the growth of said power. The more the power is used, the less control the Sorceress has over it until it has all but consumed her. It again is this author's opinion that the power given to the Sorceress is unnatural and not meant for humans.

The next fact is that the power has always chosen women. This is an interesting fact, but no one knows why this is. Much speculation has occurred on this particular part of what we know to be true about Sorceresses, but the fact remains that we just do not have enough information to make educated guesses as to why this is.

That covers just about all the facts we do know about the Sorceress. So we will move on to the many speculations that there are floating around. We cannot begin to cover them all, so we have taken the liberty of culling out the more interesting opinions and have listed where we found these opinions, be it in a book or by person.

Probably the most interesting and compelling of these speculations are from Doctor Ernest Kincaid, a former researcher for Odine Industries. Doctor Kincaid speculates that the Sorceresses are actually possessed beings. The power that flows through them is what was left over from the creation of the Universe and that the Universe in which we live is only the physical representation of a Multiverse. He states that when Hyne created the Universe, he deposited some of his power into a different dimension of this Multiverse so that magic could be used by the human race. He also goes on to state that this part of Hyne's power was given intelligence so that it could replenish itself, creating a near inexhaustible supply of power. The Sorceresses found a way to steal control over this dimension, giving themselves the power of Hyne. He refused to elaborate further stating that "if he said more it would make him sound crazy."

The next speculation…

End excerpt

Squall closed the book with a thump. He had to find this Doctor Kincaid. Maybe Doctor Odine knew where he was. He used to work at Odine Industries, so maybe they kept some record of him.

He took the book up to the counter and signed the slip allowing the book to be taken from the library. He ignored the smiles he was getting from the girl and hurried out into the hallway.

He was almost to Garden's exit when he heard his name being called. He recognized Quistis's voice, but he was in too much of a hurry to care about that right now. He had to get to the Ragnarok and fly to Esthar. His quest was well on its way. The sooner it was finished the sooner he would have Seifer back in his arms.

(End Chapter 21)

A/N: I would like to give a special thank you to leonheartslover who gave me to incentive and the courage to continue with this story. Thanks Eddy, you are truly an inspiration!