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Not Over Yet

I do not think I ever told you - though I suppose you knew - but I did make Head Girl that year.
Of course, it was not as much of an achievement as I had always thought it would be. Hermione Granger was not there anymore to compete with and honestly, who else would they have given it to, when you had control over school and Ministry alike? It was a matter of course and therefore robbed me of all the satisfaction I had looked forward to.

I sent the prefects off to patrol the train - though I did not really expect any trouble. Only about half the students seemed to have returned and those who had clearly meant to keep their head down.
So after the meeting was finished, I returned right back to the compartment I had picked out with Blaise.

While I enjoyed his company, our voyage seemed awfully lonely and miserable without Tracey. Some part of me, I suppose, had still hoped that I would see her on the platform despite her notice. Blaise obviously had thought the same thing - I had seen him turning his head to look over his shoulder several times before we boarded.
Draco had sent me a tense smile and then joined his usual group of friends. Curiously, none of them looked very happy with the prospect of returning, not even Pansy Parkinson.

"I would have thought your Death Eater friends would be more cheerful," Blaise commented as a group of fifth-year Slytherins, Daphne's sister Astoria among them, slunked by our compartment.

"I can't imagine why they would be," I said. "The Dark Lord demands absolute obedience without regard for your life or your family or your well-being."

"What new sounds," Blaise said, but it did not sound half as hostile as it might have. "Do you honestly think they're all just afraid?"

"Not to begin with," I said. "They hope to gain power... but at what cost? Once you're in, it's already too late."

The sound of Professor Burbage's lifeless body hitting the tabletop rang in my ears again. I had the sudden urge to tell Blaise - and maybe I should have, I almost knew that I should; that it was unhealthy to keep it bottled up. Had I not just learnt that keeping secrets was wrong? But the moment that I thought of it, I also imagined the look of disappointment and horror on Blaise's face. Surely, he would never look the same at me again if I told him. I could not bear to see that expression directed at me. Not again.

"Is it too late for you?" Blaise asked suddenly. "Did he hurt you?"

"What do you think?" I said. "He wasn't pleased at all about last summer."

"I thought he got what he wanted," he shot back with a tone that portrayed absolute disgust with your actions. "Dumbledore's dead, the school's run by Death Eaters..."

I scoffed. "He will never be satisfied," I told him.
I truly believe that was true, by the way. You lacked so much - true compassion, or friendship or sheer humanity - that nothing, no act of obedience, no fulfilment of your orders could ever be enough. It was devastating, but you made it impossible to live happily in your presence.
"If he wants to punish someone, he will, cause or not. But I can bear it, Blaise. I can bear it for now."

Blaise watched me intensely; it was almost uncomfortable to sit under his scrutiny. It was not unfriendly, though - even without my power of Legilimency, I knew that it was born out of worry over me and the realization made me feel warmer. You, my father, did not care, but Blaise did.

"Good," he said. "But talk to me - we already lost Tracey-"

"We'll get Tracey back," I said firmly. I did not yet know how, but I knew that Potter was out there, trying to destroy your Horcruxes; and since Hermione Granger was with him, he might actually stand a chance. "This is not over yet."

The lack of students became even more apparent when we arrived in the Great Hall. While most of Slytherin House had returned, there were obvious gaps at all of the other tables.
One absence gained more attention than the others: everyone was pointing to the Gryffindor table and muttering about three consecutive spots that the students had apparently left free on purpose.

"Potter's not here," everyone whispered. "Harry didn't show up!" I even heard someone say, "He abandoned us!"

They disregarded, of course, that Potter would have been exceptionally stupid to return to Hogwarts. The school was now firmly in the Death Eaters' hands. The Carrow twins had become teachers, which I thought them to be less than qualified to do.
One had taken up Muggle Studies - which made me sick to my stomach just thinking about it - and the other took Dark Arts.

Here is the thing: I have no qualms about using Dark Magic. I would even use an Unforgivable if that was what needed to be done, had done so before. I sometimes revelled in the Dark Arts, you know it as well as I do, but I could also control it. No first-year could ever hope to do such a thing. Honestly, I would not advice to attempt any of it before the O.W.L.s.
You clearly did not agree with that assessment. Did you not have enough experience to know that first-years were better off being taught Defence than dark magic? Sometimes, I honestly do not understand - what was your point? Coming off as evil just to be evil? Where was the sense in your actions?

Another thing: why in Merlin's name would you make Severus Snape headmaster?
Not that I disliked him per se, but come on. I do not think that Hogwarts ever had a less respected headmaster. The Slytherins thought him merely a puppet - the others thought him to be a traitor. Neither were right, but of course we did not know this back then and it was beside the point, anyway.

It was for that reason that Snape was greeted with the full of my unbecomingly bad mood when he passed by the Slytherin table before the feast.

"Miss Riddle..."

"We dined together not three days ago," I retorted and watched Blaise's fingers tighten around a cup of pumpkin juice instead of facing Snape. "There's no need for that kind of formality, Severus."

"Is that how this year is going to be?" Snape asked.

"This is how forever is going to be," I said. "Welcome to the Dark Lord's world."

Snape sneered, but I did not mind. I intended to take full advantage of my heritage this year - what good was it to be your daughter if I could not at least pick the people I respected.
Besides, it was absolutely all right with me if Snape and the others thought me merely an arrogant girl; that kind of resentment made people blind to my true intentions.

"If you're going to be outrageous," Snape said. "How about you focus on them instead?"

He nodded in the direction of the Gryffindor table and swept away when I followed his gaze. It was Ginny Weasley and I knew the expression on her face. I knew the determination to do something reckless yet brave in the way she exchanged looks with Luna Lovegood across the hall; knew it in the way she nudged Neville Longbottom in the ribs. I knew those conspiratory moves, had once been a part of it.
Dumbledore's Army was at it again.

"What are you looking at?" Blaise asked, turning in his seat.

"I'm looking at trouble," I said. "Trouble we'll be wanting to join."

Blaise raised an eyebrow at me. "Will we?"

"Why, Blaise," I said. "I thought you were the one who wanted to take a stand."

He did not seem entirely convinced, but that was all right - I was not convinced yet, either. I could see on the Weaslette's face that she wanted to rebel and I felt like I wanted to do the same. Trouble was, my idea of rebelling was probably very different from Ginny's and I certainly had less incriminating ideas.

"Well," Blaise said. "Maybe we can postpone that decision until we've had food and sleep."

Food was supplied as plentiful as usual - at least some things did not change. Sleep was a completely different matter, though.
Theo Nott and I had agreed not to plan prefect duty on the train; we had somehow thought that we would find it easier by the pleasant warmth of the common room fire.

I only briefly got to ponder the fact that this had to be the first time in years that two people from the same House had been made Head Boy and Girl; much less two people from Slytherin - before I had quite finished thinking about it, we were already in deep.
Planning prefect duty was not as easy as I had thought it would be. There were somehow both too many and too little prefects and I started having headaches within ten minutes.

"That what you imagined?" Theo asked.

I groaned and let my forehead hit the tabletop. "No, it's not."

"You know, with great power comes great responsibility."

I raised my head and shook it at him. "Since when do you know Spiderman?"

He grinned at me, but did not offer an explanation - not that I particularly wanted one. To each their own pleasure, I say, even though I suspected that Theo usually guarded this pleasure rather closely. I did not even want to imagine what his father might say about reading Muggle comic books.

"Either way," I said. "I am responsible, I'm just also very tired."

Theo nodded, and gathered the papers towards him. "Rough summer?"

Another groan broke from my throat before I could help it. I had had a rough summer indeed. "Let's just say you can be glad we're not staying at your place anymore."

"No offense," Theo said with a small smile. "But I already was."

I was not offended. You would have been, I am sure - you would take the last shirt of a man's back and then get offended when they complained about being cold. I, however, had suspected all along that Theo would be glad to see us go; and I was sure that Malfoys shared the sentiment.

Theo stuffed our temporary plan into a pocket of his robe and it seemed like this was some kind of signal for our classmates to descend on us like a swarm of locusts.
Pansy and Daphne squashed onto a loveseat to my right while Draco and his cronies took up their spots on the couch. Blaise, it seemed, had enough strength left to just lean against the fireplace.

"So, Princess," Draco said. "What's the directive for this year?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Since when are you intent on listening to me?" I asked. "I always dish out orders and you all refuse to listen until it hurts."

"You're the Dark Lord's daughter, aren't you?" Pansy said and did not sound half as spiteful as she usually did. "I figure we'd better listen to you... considering how things are going, you know?"

I knew. Still, it was quite something to hear Pansy Parkinson of all people admit that they might just need my help. It also spoke miles about the fear that had descended on Slytherin house. Parkinson's father was a Death Eater, too - and while she could not influence how well he did in your eyes, she at least could do well by me.

"Fine," I said. "You want my advice? Keep your head down and your mouth shut. Nod and smile when the Carrows ask you to. Keep a stiff upper lip. Don't do anything rash. And if you ever feel like you need to do something other than that - come to me first."

Pansy shifted uncomfortably, Draco raked a hand through his hair and Blaise pushed off the wall to come a little closer. Only Greg and Vince seemed about as oblivious as ever - my only comfort was that they would do whatever Draco told them to do without question. Three birds with one stone, so to speak.

"And you?" Theo asked. "What will you do?"

"I", I answered. "Will make sure that Hogwarts stays the safe place it is supposed to be. For you, and for every other student."

Vince suddenly sat up and frowned at me. "Even for Mudbloods?"

Especially for them, I thought to myself.
Mind you, I had never believed that Muggleborns were 'just the same' as Potter and his friends liked to promote - there was no denying that Muggleborns had a different way of experiencing magic and even practicing it. That did not make them worse wizards and witches or lesser people - it just made them different.
It was easy to care for people who were just like you; it took more to care for those who were different. I would never be satisfied with just the easy option.

"Every student," I repeated and looked around the group once more. The tension was still obvious. "So are you all right with that, or not?"

"I am," Blaise said without hesitation and Theo nodded right along.

"Me, too," Draco said. "So are Crabbe and Goyle."

"And us," Daphne said and nudged Pansy in the ribs when she did not react. "We're in as well."

"Good," I said. "Excellent."
Now we could get to work.

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