AN: Sorry for the delay in this update. Finals week. KWIM?
Thanks Yenny for beta reading. You're awesome.
Still don't own Twilight.
So if you were just told you had six to eight weeks left to live, what would you do?
Chapter Twenty One
BPOV
I had to get out of there. I couldn't breath. There wasn't any air in that stupid room. I mumbled some polite nonsense to Carlisle and I got the hell out of there. I guess I figured Edward would follow me, although I never really thought about it one way or the other. I just knew I had to go.
I practically ran out the front doors of the hospital and walked right into someone.
"Sorry," I mumbled and side stepped, not looking up to see who I had nearly plowed over.
"Hey, Bella," a familiar voice said. "Are you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."
I looked up into the blue eyes of Mike Newton. Great.
"Mike. Yeah. I just, I gotta get out of here." I turned and kept walking. The world spun by in a blur. My mind was reeling and I wasn't paying any attention to anything. I just walked.
A hand grabbed my arm and pulled and I heard a car horn blaring.
"What the hell, Bella? Are you trying to get yourself killed?"
I looked around and realized I had just walked right into oncoming traffic. Mike was still holding my arm and shaking, obviously rattled.
"Shit," I muttered. I suddenly felt very light headed and my legs collapsed.
"Woah," he caught me before I hit the ground, barely. "Why don't you come over here and sit down a minute. Okay?" He led me over to the bench on the sidewalk and sat me down. He sat next to me and took a deep breath.
"You scared the shit out of me," he muttered. He pulled out his cigarettes, lit one, and handed me the pack.
"Thanks."
"So I guess the rumors were true," he said.
"Which rumors?"
"That you haven't been in school because Jacob broke your arm." He nodded down at my cast.
"Oh. Yeah, but I won't be back to school anyway. There's no point in it really."
"Why's that?"
I could feel tears forming in my eyes and I really didn't want to have this conversation right now. I lit my cigarette and inhaled deeply.
"Because the Powers That Be have a really fucked up sense of humor," I told him.
I knew he wanted to ask, but he didn't. Seemed like Newton knew when to keep his mouth shut. We sat there in silence, smoking our cigarettes and contemplating how fucked up life really is.
"I may have been wrong about you, Mike," I told him. "Maybe, just maybe, good guys do exist. They're just few and far between. Do me a favor, okay?"
"Gee, thanks. I think. What do you need?"
"It's not for me. It's for you. Promise me that you won't end up with Jessica Stanley. She's such a bitch. You deserve someone better than that."
"Ookaaay. Like who?" He looked at me with those hopeful blue eyes and it almost broke my heart.
"I don't know. Not me, though, so get that thought out of your head right now."
"Oh Bella. Smoking, really? That's so, I don't know, eighties." I looked up to see Rose and Alice walking my direction. I rolled my eyes.
"Yeah I know. They'll kill me someday, right?" I finished it off and stomped out the butt.
Mike looked back and forth from me to them. I could tell he was uncomfortable. Most humans were around the Cullens.
"It's okay," I told him. "They'll make sure I don't try to walk through traffic again. You can go ahead and go."
I handed him back the pack of cigarettes, but he gave them right back.
"Keep it." He stood up to leave, but they blocked his path.
"Thanks Newton," Rose said with a blinding smile. "You're alright."
Alice gave him a hug and he looked like he would pass out. I had to laugh, even though I so was not in the mood to laugh, you know? But that shit was funny. So I laughed. Just a little bit. He stumbled away and escaped as fast as he could.
Rose sat on my right side. Alice sat on my left. We didn't talk, we just sat there.
"Oh my Gosh! Bella! He gave it to you?" Alice squealed as she grabbed my hand and inspected the ring nestled on my third finger. She scared the crap out of me and I jumped in my seat.
"Alice!" I yelled at her. I had had enough shocks for one day, thank you very much.
"What?" she asked all innocent like. "You have to tell me how he did it!"
"Let me see that," Rose grabbed my hand from Alice and inspected the ring for herself.
"I thought you were some all-knowing psychic or something," I rolled my eyes and snatched my hand back. "Don't you know how he did it?"
"I'm not all-knowing," she rolled her eyes. "He planned it out like a million different ways. I don't know which one he finally decided on. And it must have been a spur of the moment thing when he did it, or I would have known. But when someone suddenly makes a decision and just does it, I don't see it."
"Oh. Well, he didn't ask me. I asked him. And it was a spur of the moment decision. Then he gave me the ring." I twirled it around on my finger absentmindedly.
"That figures," Rose snorted. "Edward always was a huge wuss."
I ignored her. Whatever. Alice, on the other hand, was bouncing up and down on the bench. I eyed her skeptically.
"What?" I asked finally.
"Can I help you with the wedding?" She was practically vibrating with excitement.
"Oh. Alice," I shook my head sadly and looked back down at the ring on my finger. "I don't even know if there will be a wedding now." I could feel tears leaking out of my eyes and I swiped at them.
"Please," Rose snorted again. "Of course there is going to be a wedding."
"I don't know, Rose. What's the point?"
She glared at me through narrowed eyes.
"Are you going to tell me, honestly, that you could give that ring back to him and tell him that you won't marry him before you die?"
"Rose!" Alice shrieked.
"What?"
She was right. She was a bitch, but she was right. I couldn't do that to him. I would never hurt him like that. It would absolutely break his heart.
"It's okay Alice. She's right." I mumbled. "I couldn't do that to him. Looks like we have a wedding to plan." I tried to smile, but it came out all fake.
"Yay! Okay, come home with us and we'll start planning, okay?" She was bouncing up and down again. Gloom and doom and impending death aside, I had to smile at her for real. Her excitement was infectious.
"I can't just yet. Carlisle wants to run more tests. And I need to find Edward."
As it happened, when we started walking back in the hospital, Edward, Jasper and Emmett were just walking out. Edward looked pissed. His eyes met mine from across the parking lot and the rest of the world disappeared. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms, but I knew as soon as his arms were around me the tears would fall and I wouldn't be able to stop them. Right now I had things to take care of. I couldn't afford to fall apart yet.
So I resisted the urge to run to him, and from where I was standing it looked like Emmett and Jasper were talking him out of doing the same. We walked towards each other across the parking lot and stopped an arms length away.
"Are you okay?" he asked me.
"No," I answered truthfully. "Are you?"
"No."
We stood in the parking lot, fighting the urge to take comfort in one another, until Jasper cleared his throat.
"So Bella, Carlisle needs to see you for some tests," he said in his southern drawl.
"Edward's going hunting with us. We'll meet you guys at the house later, right?" Emmett stepped between Edward and I and gave me a bear hug. "Don't worry, Bells. We got this," he whispered in my ear. I had to smile. Emmett was like the big brother I never had.
"Right," Rose answered him.
"We're going to start planning the wedding," Alice grinned.
Edward smiled, which, of course, made me smile.
"Dude! You didn't tell us!" Emmett was as excited as Alice. "You know what this means! Bachelor party!" He held up his hand for a high five and Edward looked at him like he was crazy.
"I'm going to see Carlisle and get the rest of the stupid tests done." Everyone around me was talking, but when I spoke up they all stopped and looked at me.
"Stay with Alice and Rose, okay? I'll meet you back at the house." I nodded at him, took a deep breath and walked back in the hospital.
The next hour or two was a complete blur to me. I met with the oncologist, Dr. Wilson. To be honest with you, I have no idea what he said. I vaguely remember him talking and the nurse stuck a huge fucking needle in my back. Rose held my hand and swore that I broke her nail. He handed me a business card before we left and told me to call if I had any questions. Whatever. I stuck it in my pocket and we left.
I made them stop and get pizza on the way home. I was starving. Alice rambled on about floral arrangements and invitations and bridesmaids dresses and hair-dos and blah, blah, blah. I tried to ignore her, but when it was obvious she was getting out of hand I knew I had to put a stop to it. I kept my mouth shut until we got back to the house. I carried my pizza into the kitchen, got a Mountain Dew out of the fridge, and took one of my pain pills because my head and my arm were both hurting like hell.
I had just sat down to eat when the guys came in the back door. Edward came in the kitchen and sat next to me. I ate my pizza and listened as the plans became more and more grandiose.
"What the fuck?" Edward mumbled under his breath.
"I know, right?" I snorted. "Alice thinks she's planning the royal wedding or some shit. I don't have the heart to tell her we're eloping." I winked at him and he grinned. The high pitched shriek that came from the other room made us both laugh. Alice stormed into the kitchen a half a heartbeat later.
"You cannot elope! How many times do you two plan on getting married?"
I rolled my eyes.
"Alice, I don't want anything big. Just family. No big party. We'll do it right here. You can decorate however you want to, but the colors you'll use are blue and silver. See, nice and simple."
"But Bella," she tried to argue with me.
"You heard her, Alice. And we'll have it this weekend. Friday evening. Can you manage that?"
"That's in four days," she stated, like we were both crazy.
"Not Friday," I shook my head. "Thursday."
"Bella! That's impossible!"
"It's not impossible Alice. You'll figure it out, or I'll do it myself."
She threw her hands up in the air and marched out of the kitchen. I chuckled to myself and noticed that Edward was laughing too.
"Did you do that just to give her a hard time?" he asked me.
"As if! I would never do something like that." I grinned and pretended to be shocked by his accusation. "Seriously though, Thursday is Thanksgiving and the only thing I've ever been thankful for is you. So it only makes sense. Right?"
I finished eating and sat back in my chair. I had forced myself to not think about it all day, but slowly the nagging thoughts were creeping their way into my consciousness. As if Edward sensed the shift in my mindset, he stood and held his hand out for me. I took it and let him lead me up the stairs. He paused at the bedroom door.
"Did you want to go back to the cabin tonight?" I knew all I had to say was yes and we would leave. But I was just tired and didn't feel like sitting in the car for over an hour.
"That's okay. I just want to lie down."
He nodded and opened the bedroom door. As soon as the door closed behind us I was in his arms and the tears were flowing. He held me tight, and if I didn't know better I would say he was sobbing right along with me.
We didn't talk; we just held each other and wept in our own ways. Because we both knew that our happiness had a time limit and that time limit had just run out. When all the tears had run dry I changed into pajamas and lay down in the bed. Edward lay down next to me and draped his arm across my stomach.
I stared at the ceiling. Tired as I was, I couldn't sleep. My eyes refused to close. I sighed into the darkness.
"Are you awake?" Edward asked softly.
"Yeah. I can't sleep." I rolled over so I was facing him on the bed. He took his hand and pushed the hair back from my face.
"I already told you I'm not ready for you to not be in my life," he said it so low it was nearly a whisper. I smiled sadly at him.
"I know Edward. It's not like I have a choice."
Something flashed through his eyes, but it was gone before I could place what it was. He leaned over and kissed me gently.
"What if you did have a choice, Bella?" he whispered in my ear. A cold chill ran down the base of my spine. He placed his forehead on mine and stared deep into my eyes, like he was trying to read my soul.
"What do you mean?"
He ran his fingers through my hair and rubbed my back gently.
"If you could choose to stay with me forever, would you?" The intensity in his eyes sent waves of energy throughout my body.
I reached up and traced the lines of his beautiful face with my fingertips.
"Of course I would, Edward. If I could, I would choose you in a heartbeat."
He smiled and kissed me again. Then he pulled me close to his chest and started humming softly to himself. Soon I felt myself drifting off to sleep. As I drifted in that place between asleep and awake, I remembered a conversation I had with Esme. And I thought to myself, at least I know what it feels to be loved.
EPOV
I held Bella in my arms all night. It had killed me to be away from her all afternoon. Jasper and Emmett had drug me up to the mountains to hunt and to try and talk some sense into me too, I suppose. As I listened to Bella mumbling softly in her sleep, something about a sick dog, I thought back to what Emmett had said. It's easier to ask forgiven than to ask for permission.
I guess he had a point, because I'd be damned if I could get those stupid words out of my mouth. But could I hurt her like that without even telling her what I was doing? And if I did, would she forgive me?
I don't know that she would. She's been hurt so much, and she trusts me. She feels safe with me. If I caused her pain, that trust would be broken.
She rolled over in her sleep so she was lying on her back, her face was turned away from me, her hair covered the pillow under her neck, leaving the bare skin there exposed. I leaned down and kissed her neck lightly.
Her hand automatically reached around my neck, tangled in my hair, and pulled me closer. I smiled to myself and kissed her again, this time right below her ear.
"Bella," I whispered in her ear.
"Mmmm," she responded, obviously still sound asleep.
"I want to change you, Bella. Will you let me try?"
"MmmHmm."
See how easy it is? Now if I could just bring myself to say it while she's awake.
AN: So what would you do? I would probably do the same thing Bella did - have a smoke and try to pretend like it didn't happen. Review and let me know.