Chapter 21
A/N Again, this chapter follows what happened on the show, plus a little added in.
"If this is your attempt to make amends, it's a bit pathetic, mate," Enzo growled. "In no way does it make up for all these years that I suffered and you didn't."
"I don't care about amends, mate. My girlfriend is safe now, so technically, I'm not suffering anymore. It would have sucked if you had died in vain, thinking I would suffer if she was never saved."
Enzo's eyes narrowed and he charged Damon.
Despite having just saved Enzo, Damon struck back, not about to let the man try to kill him again. He instantly let the fingernails of his right hand lengthen a little and become sharp as knife blades, and he drove the fingers through Enzo's T-shirt and skin, forced them between two ribs and into the chest where he wrapped them around Enzo's heart.
Enzo gasped at the pain and at the realization of what Damon was doing. He stood still at the end of Damon's reach, the hand and wrist buried in his chest. He was aware that Damon could rip his heart out, but was not doing so. His chest hurt and he couldn't breath as easily as before because his left lung was now damaged and collapsed. He stared into Damon's cold, blue eyes.
"I'm going to tell you my side of the story," Damon growled. He could feel Enzo's heart quivering in his hand. It wasn't beating really, but that didn't affect Enzo. Although the older vampire probably remembered the details, Damon went ahead and told how he had been desperate to free Enzo from the cage and how he could not. He had had neither the key nor the strength, and it had not helped that there was vervain applied to the bars.
Yes, he had turned off his humanity, all his feelings, in order to walk away, to leave his good friend stuck in the cage in a burning room. It was the only way he could do it and not be wracked with despair and guilt. And he had thought that Enzo had died there. He didn't tell Enzo that he had sought vengeance for his tortured captivity and Enzo's death by killing off the Whitmores, one by one.
"So what do you feel now? Remorse? Regret? Pain? Even if I forgave you, Damon, would that make you less of a horrible person?"
Damon didn't entirely understand Enzo's reasoning. Was he a horrible person because he had left when he could not save the man? Was he a horrible person because he had turned off his emotions so he couldn't feel remorse or regret or the pain for doing so? Had Enzo expected him to cry and apologize profusely before running off? Or had Enzo expected them to die together in the flames?
Now, knowing that Enzo had lived, he felt added guilt because his friend had remained a captive for an additional sixty years. Enzo had had ten years before Damon's captivity, five years with him, and then the rest of the years. Enzo had served a life sentence of imprisonment and torture.
"We're even, Enzo. For better or worse, I saved your life this time." Damon pulled his hand from Enzo's chest and the man stepped back, pressing a hand to his bloodied shirt as his flesh healed. Damon looked at his own hand, red with the blood of the ex-friend who now hated him.
"It was very hard for me to face what I had to face alone after you had gone. You were the most important person in my life at that time. You gave me strength and hope. By walking out, you ruined me. You took away my hope," Ezno said with bitterness and sadness. "But that's just who you are. Who you will always be, I suppose. A selfish monster." He turned and walked toward the door.
Damon watched him go. Yes, he felt regret and guilt at the moment. Obviously, Enzo had cared very much for him back then. Despite surviving fifteen years of torture and imprisonment, he had suffered much more after Damon had abandoned him, feeling the loss of his trust and companionship greatly, feeling betrayed and losing hope. Apparently, Enzo had eventually put up a barrier of anger and hatred to protect himself.
"Fine. Be that way. See if I give a damn," Damon muttered to himself, trying to put up his own barrier against the emotions Enzo had caused. There was a sink in the lab and he gave his bloody hand a quick wash. "I'm bad and proud of it. Always will be. I look out for Number One. Me," he snorted. In a huff, he left the lab, lest Maxfield come back and vervain him again. Besides, he was anxious to see that Elena was alright.
He went to his car, wondering if Stefan and Aaron had used Aaron's car. Whatever they had worked out, Stefan and Elena were at home in Mystic Falls. With mixed feelings after his confrontations with Enzo, Damon drove home. One thing he realized as he drove and as he had time to relax was that he didn't feel completely normal. He suspected that it was secondary to having been overdosed on vervain and being poisoned. There could be traces of either drug still in his system and he wondered how long it would take for his body to completely eliminate them.
When he pulled into the driveway, he noticed that Elena's vehicle was not there. It was probably still at the college. Once inside the house, he looked into the library and saw his love reclining on the sofa near the fire in the big fireplace.
"Are you all right?" he asked, going to her. He wasn't sure of her response because he knew she had been upset upon hearing that he had murdered members of the Whitmore family.
"I feel pretty good, considering Maxfield vervained me and took most of my blood," Elena said, smiling at him. Then she saw traces of dried blood on his right hand and sleeve. "Were you hurt?"
"Enzo and I got into a fight, but that's over. We both survived." He sat down beside her and she leaned against him. They kissed and hugged and Damon felt the horror of the last few days lessen.
"Where were you?" he asked and he listened while Elena told him. "In the basement of my father's office. Where the fire was that time. That Enzo, who you thought was dead, was a prisoner there. I know the doctor sent him to kill you. Obviously, he didn't succeed."
"No. He had a lot to say, but he didn't get to kill me. What did Maxfield do to you?"
"Well, as I said, first he took a lot of my blood for whatever he does. Then he
wanted to inject me with some drug that would make me want to feed off other vampires until I killed them. Like he did to Jesse. Jesse definitely was trying to kill you. Anyway, he didn't get to inject me. I was able to head-butt him and then Stefan arrived."
"That was close. Maxfield is vile. Have you replaced your blood?"
"Yes. Enough. Stefan had me drink three bags of blood. I'm a little weak, but not too bad. I'm going to lie here and rest for a while. I have this file Maxfield showed me written by my father. I just started to read it."
"You rest. I'm going to go upstairs and change," Damon said, relieved that she was not angry with him. Once he was in his room, he decided to take another shower. He removed his clothing, noting that his shirt had small slices in it from when Enzo had thrown him through the window. He stepped into the shower and let the hot water run down his body. It felt good. Again.
His mind replayed the episode with Enzo and it bothered him. Despite his mental defenses, he was hurt that Enzo harbored such a negative image of him. It was true he did bad things, but had he really had any choice in abandoning Enzo in the burning room? What else could he have done? It wasn't fair to judge him so harshly. Momentarily feeling sorry for himself and unjustly cast as a monster, he leaned his forehead against the shower stall's glass wall for a long moment. Then he stood straight and stopped his self-pitying. The hell with Enzo.
"I'm Damon Salvatore," he muttered to himself. "I look out for myself. I am who I am. If some people don't like it, that's too damned bad." How many times would he have to say this before he truly believed it?
Once he was dressed again, he went down to the kitchen and poured a mug of hot coffee. Mrs. Flowers usually had a fresh pot handy. He drank most of it down, relishing the heat in the core of his body. He somehow seemed unable to get warm. He then refilled the mug and went to the library again where Elena was reading the file. He looked at the fire in the fireplace. It radiated a nice warmth. As cold-blooded vampires, he and Stefan liked the heat and often had a fire going any time of year. Elena liked it, too.
He set the cup on the coffee table and stepped over to the hearth. He picked up the last piece of wood in the wood holder, kept just to the left of the fireplace, and added it to the low flames. He wanted another piece, so he crossed the hall and saw two more split logs by the living room fireplace. In a moment, he added them to the fire in the library.
Mrs. Flowers came along and saw him do this.
"Are we out of wood?" he asked her.
"Yes. I ordered two cords to be delivered. It'll be here tomorrow morning," she assured him.
"I don't like to run out," he said, scowling.
"I know. It was supposed to be delivered this morning, but the company had some problem. Are you alright?"
"Yes, ma'am, I'm fine now that Elena is safe." He forced a smiled at the white-haired lady and she then headed down the hall toward the kitchen. He was still annoyed that the order of wood had not been delivered. Was it too much to ask that he have wood for the fireplace always on hand?
He then turned to Elena, who had stopped reading and was watching him. He sat on the coffee table and handed her the cup of hot drink. She took a long swallow. The caffeine would warm her internally and give a bit of energy.
He watched her as the fire's light highlighted her dark hair and sent warm tones to her smooth cheeks. She was so beautiful in his eyes. He was very relieved that she was home and safe. He was home and safe, too, and yet he was not at ease. Anxiety that he couldn't really pin down kept him tense. Was it because Maxfield was still alive? Or because Enzo hated him and might come after him again? Was Elena going to make some prying or critical remark? Was she disgusted with his killing of the Whitmores? Was it even possible his reaction to the vervain overdose and the nasty poison were still affecting him? He really didn't know why he felt on edge.
Actually, Elena didn't say anything about the Whitmores. She was more interested in what Grayson had put in the record book.
"It's so weird. Even as a child I was afraid of that basement. I went down there a couple of times, but I wasn't supposed to. There was a closed door and strange sounds coming from beyond it. My dad told me it was nothing and that I was not to go down into the basement again."
She also told him about the girl Megan, who had briefly been her college roommate along with Caroline. Grayson's file indicated that he had treated Megan as a young girl for a congenital heart condition by using vampire blood. He had made her well. Unfortunately, Megan had died a mysterious death, which looked like suicide, at the college. Elena now knew that Maxfield had forced Enzo to kill her, much as he had sent Enzo to kill Damon.
Elena had loved her father Grayson, who actually was her uncle but had adopted her, and she preferred to look at the good work he had done helping his patients. This annoyed Damon and he pointed out that she was counting only the good and ignoring the fact that he had cruelly experimented on vampires.
"Don't you think he would look at you now and see a vampire? Would he sit here and see you as anything more?" he pointed out, easily annoyed.
"I don't know, Damon. He wanted to help people, cure people. I loved him. I have to forgive him for the bad things he must have done. I can't not defend him."
This statement jarred Damon's annoyance into anger. "Like you do me all the time! You defend me every time, no matter what bad things I do or how mean I get!" He stood up and paced in front of the fireplace, while Elena sat up straight and faced him with concern. In his mind he heard Enzo's accusations that he was a horrible person and a monster. Enzo had seen that in him. Stefan had accused him in a similar fashion from time to time over the years. Elena must know it, but she was willing to forgive him. Why should she? She shouldn't close her mind to his dark side, which was a big part of him.
"I'm not defending you," she said in a moderately calm voice. "I'm not defending your decision to kill Aaron's entire family or to go out of town to kill his aunt while we were together."
"But I did it! So, why are you still here?" he asked, raising his voice. "I'm bad! A horrible person! I'm bad for you, Elena. A terrible influence. I bring nothing but trouble into your life. Why wouldn't you run away from me as fast as you can?"
Elena stood up and came to stand close in front of him, her dark eyes searching his angry face.
"Because I love you, Damon. Because I chose you and I stand by my choice."
His heart ached with his love for her and it ached because he had to end this situation. He had to protect her from himself, his actions and his enemies. Enzo was right. He was a horrible person. He was a selfish monster for wanting to keep this beautiful and loving young woman close to him, despite the danger it put her in. She wasn't about to back off from that love on her own accord.
In a softer voice he said, "And now I'm choosing. I'm choosing to let you go." It hurt him to say the words, but he felt he must.
A/N I hope you all liked this. Comments welcome.