Note-This Chapter Contains Adult Language.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

Jack realized what was going on first. Even in his intoxicated state, Jack came to quickly and when he recognized Daniel's face on his opponent, he stopped the blow that was about to connect to Daniel's midsection.

Daniel had no such restraint. He had simply lost his mind in the fight, and tears were streaming down his face as he punched at Jack. He kept babbling to himself, and his words tore at what was left of Jack's heart with a fierceness that left Jack exhausted.

"You left us. You just left us. You took another job and never looked back to see if we were ok. As if we could be expected to just go on without you."

All the older man could do against the onslaught that was Daniel Jackson was wrap his arms as tightly as possible around the younger man's torso and start screaming.

"DANIEL!!!"

As his name rang through the house like some sort of magical spell, Daniel suddenly shook his head and looked around. He appeared to be confused, and when he realized that he was engaged in a fistfight with Jack O'Neill, Daniel suddenly backed away from Jack with panic in his eyes.

"Jack?"

"Yeah. It's me."

"What's going on?"

"We had a little…disagreement…"

"Yeah…right…I remember now…"

The two men who loved and fought like brothers both looked around the room now, at the damage they had caused. Jack's coffee table was broken, and several picture frames were shattered, but the damage didn't seem too bad.

Until the men regarded one another.

Jack's nose was bleeding freely, and Daniel's left eye was rapidly swelling shut. Both men had several new scrapes and bruises. As the friends regarded each other, nervous laughs escaped both of them, and they looked at each other with mischievous eyes.

Daniel spoke first.

"You ok?"

"Yeah, you?"

"Yeah."

"Cool. Why don't you go get cleaned up. I'll make us some coffee."

Daniel nodded. "Ok."

Fifteen minutes later, Daniel and Jack had both washed up a little, and as Jack was about to pour two steaming cups of coffee, Daniel came into the kitchen. Jack looked up to see him enter, and he set the coffee pot back on the machine, suddenly not trusting himself to hold it.

Daniel noticed.

"Jack? You ok?"

"Yeah."

"You sure?"

Jack was silent a long time after the question. He stared at the black liquid in the glass pot in front of him for a long minute before whispering a response.

"I was promoted, Daniel."

Daniel didn't pretend not to understand that Jack was responding to his verbal attack earlier.

"You didn't have to accept the job, Jack."

"I didn't just leave, Daniel."

"You never came back."

"I tried."

"You never visited, you hardly ever called."

"It was hard for me."

"It took Sam nearly killing herself to get you back here."

"I know. And I'm sorry. I really am. But did it ever occur to you that I left because it was just too damn hard to stay?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I couldn't take it. Every time you guys went through that gate, I had no idea what was going to happen on the other side. I didn't know if you'd come back, and there was NOTHING I could do about it. I had to stand by and let you go. Do you have any idea how hard that was on me?"

"I tried not to think about it."

"Yeah, well, I tried that, too, but it didn't work. The thought that I might lose you, all of you, and I wouldn't even be there...it killed me. It's not that I wanted to go. I just couldn't take it. When they offered me the job in Washington, I jumped at the chance to get away from the worry."

"I understand that, I do. But why didn't you stay in touch? With any of us?"

"I tried. I really did. I came back as often as I could at first. You know that. But...damn, Daniel. It was even harder than being at the SGC. Coming back, hearing snippets of your lives, knowing I was no longer a real part of them...damn...it just plain sucked, Daniel. Do you have any idea what it was like for me to watch a new SG-1 moving on? To have to pretend it didn't matter to me? I felt like a fucking fifth wheel!"

"That why you stopped seeing Sam?"

"Shit, Daniel, I don't know why that went to hell. It just did. I still don't understand it, and I probably never will. I just know that I regret it...a lot...I liked being with her...I really did...it just...I don't know...shit!"

"You say any of this to Sam?"

Jack snorted. "No."

Daniel's voice was gentle. "Why not?"

"It's not that simple, Daniel."

"Why not?"

"It just isn't."

"You're talking to me."

"That's different."

"Why?"

"Because you're you. And it case you haven't noticed, I'm more than a little drunk, Dannyboy."

Daniel thought again how in this one case he didn't think that was such a bad thing, as he knew there was no way Jack would open up like this without a little alcoholic lubrication of his tongue.

"That you are. Speaking of which, how about some of that coffee now?"

Jack nodded and obliged, filling both cups on the counter with black brew.

As the two men sat down at the table to drink, they were quiet, lost in thought briefly.

Daniel broke the silence after a few minutes.

"Sorry about your nose."

Jack laughed a tiny laugh. "Ah, it's nothing. Sorry about your eye."

"No biggie."

"We good?"

"Yeah, we're good."

Silence fell again and remained in force until both coffees were finished. As Jack regarded the bottom of his empty cup, he looked pensive. Daniel simply waited, resting his head on his hands on the table and nearly dozing, knowing that if Jack wanted to reveal his thoughts, only time would make him do so. When Jack finally spoke, his quiet voice startled Daniel.

"You really think I should do it?"

Daniel was confused at first. "Do what?"

"Go after Carter."

Daniel shrugged. "That depends. Do you want to?"

Jack's response came quickly, and the strength of emotion in his voice made Daniel look up in mild shock.

"Oh, yeah."

"Then what's the problem?"

"Daniel..."

"No, really, Jack...if you want her...go get her."

"I don't want to force anything. I want her to come back on her own. I finally did..."

"Yes, you did. And I'm proud of you for that. But did it ever occur to you that Sam might WANT you to come after her? That this might be a way for her to test you?"

"What?"

"Let's face it, Jack, you don't have the world's greatest record when it comes to actually letting people in. Maybe this is Sam's way of finding out if you're serious this time."

"I told her I was."

"Actions speak louder than words, Jack."

"Yeah, we're living proof of that, huh?"

Daniel laughed a little, taking in the injuries between the two friends.

"Apparently...seriously, though, Jack...you should at least call her."

"Don't know where she is."

"Um...she still has an emergency transponder, doesn't she?"

"I don't know. Besides, I can't use that."

Daniel tried his best to look innocent.

"And why not?"

"Because."

"Because why?"

"It's against the regs, for one thing."

"Like you haven't bent the rules a little before."

"This is different. I can't just go invading her privacy like that. She'd kill me."

"I bet she'd be ok with it. Besides, anything has got to be better than living like this, Jack. You can't keep going like this forever."

"I can try."

"Yeah, that worked real well for you with Charlie, didn't it?" Daniel's voice began to take on an edge of anger again. He was tired of watching Jack's self destruction.

If anyone other than Daniel Jackson had dredged up memories of Jack's son at a time like this, Jack probably would've killed them. But Daniel had been there when Jack was in the darkest place he had ever been in his life, and whether he knew it or not, it was Daniel who had brought Jack out of that dark place. Skaara had been the first person to force Jack to step onto the path toward healing, but Daniel had kept him there.

Daniel Jackson had waltzed through Jack's barriers and made him confront his demons, and Jack loved him for it. He had resisted the younger man's friendship at first, and he still wasn't the best at expressing his feelings for Daniel, but Jack loved him more than life itself, and so Daniel could be forgiven for mentioning Charlie.

But just because Daniel was allowed to bring up Jack's son didn't mean that Jack didn't respond with venom.

"Don't you dare bring Charlie into this!"

"Why not, Jack? Can't take the truth?"

"What truth? This isn't the same!"

"Isn't it?"

"What are you talking about, Daniel?"

"When Charlie died, you shut down completely, Jack. I might not have known you before then, but I didn't need anything to compare to to know that the man I met eleven years ago on Abydos was the walking dead. You didn't care about anyone or anything except your pain. It ruled you, Jack. You went through something no parent should have to experience. Ever. And I'm sorry, Jack. I really am. But the way you shut everyone out who cared about you or who tried to help you cost you too much. And you know it."

Daniel's not-so-veiled reference to Jack's failed marriage to Sara was not misunderstood. Jack's next words were as cold as ice.

"So what's your point, Daniel?"

"I just don't want to see you make the same mistake again."

Jack sat unmoving and staring at his friend for a full thirty seconds. Neither man spoke as blue eyes stood up to brown, showing honest compassion. Finally, a cracking voice made a request so full of pleading that it couldn't be ignored.

"Let her in, Jack."

"I don't know if I can, Daniel."

"How can you not? I saw how you gave up every free minute of your time while she was in rehab to keep her house and yard spic and span. I mean, the time you spent keeping up her flowers alone was astronomical. You hardly slept when she was away so that you could stay here and still work. You did everything you could to keep your trips to Washington minimal. You could've hired someone else to do the house and yard work, but you didn't. You did it yourself. Ever think about why, Jack? Why did it matter to you? God, Jack, why can't you just admit how much she means to you? I saw you when you first visited her in the hospital after her accident. I've seen you a hundred times since, with that look in your eye that any idiot can see means more than you let on. And I can see you now. You can't keep living like this, Jack. You have to either let her go or let her in. Your choice."

Jack didn't respond to Daniel's diatribe right away, and when he did, it was with depressed resignation. "God, I'm tired."

Jack's sudden change of subject caught Daniel off guard at first. "What?"

"I'm tired."

"Ok..."

"I'm going to bed."

"Um...ok...Jack?"

"Huh?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Don't know yet. I'll tell ya in the morning. I'm tired."

Jack walked off toward the bedroom then, but he didn't make it far.

When Daniel rose from the table after a few minutes of contemplation, he found Jack passed out on the couch, still fully clothed and looking very uncomfortable in a sprawled position on his stomach.

Daniel sighed loudly and complained to his unconscious friend.

"Oh, Jack. What are we going to do with you?"

Daniel shook his head as he spoke, and then began to arrange Jack into a more suitable position for long term sleeping. He rolled the slightly larger man over with a grunt and then went and found a blanket. As Daniel tucked the edges of the blanket over his friend's shoulders, he shook his head again in sad frustration before turning away to find another cover. When he'd completed his task, Daniel stepped outside for a minute. He made a quick phone call, then returned to Jack's side. As Daniel made himself as comfortable as he could in the closest chair to his friend, he settled in for the night. He was tired enough that sleep soon came, despite the awkwardness of sleeping in a chair, but his last thoughts were of his conversation with Jack tonight and how he only hoped he had convinced Jack to go find Sam and bring her back here, where she belonged. It was that simple in Daniel's mind. Sam belonged with Jack, and Jack belonged close to Daniel and Teal'c. The four of them were family, and Daniel wanted them together again, by any means necessary.