I don't own these characters
TOW the wedding invitations
Scene: coffee house, everyones there
Ross: hey Rach we should really get down to deciding our wedding invitation
Chandler: so how many people are expecting you to feed them at your wedding!
Ross: dude we're still at the designing of the invitation stage, you know borders, fonts, border shading, shadowing
Chandler: how do you avoid all the gay jokes that I have to deal with! (David enters, he puts his hands over Phoebe's eyes)
David: guess who
Phoebe: ahhhhh I've just gone blind, it's happening again!
David: Phoebe it's me
Phoebe: oh hey David
David: bet you're glad to see me and not be blind right
Phoebe: (lying) so glad!
OPENING CREDITS
Scene: coffee house, as before
David: so you ready to go to dinner?
Phoebe: just have to go to the bathroom (she leaves)
Joey: so is tonight the big night?
David: no the ring we were looking at would not fit her fingers, in case you haven't noticed they're huge!
Joey: well you know what they say about a girl with big fingers (everyone looks confused)
Chandler: no
Joey: isn't finger size related to boobs?
Monica: no!
Joey: really because then you Monica have very misleading fingers
Monica: misleading in a good or a bad way?
David: definitely a good way
Chandler: until I know you a bit better I'd like you to refrain from commenting about my wife's breasts
Monica: Chandler let the man talk, he was just giving you a compliment . . . go on David
Ross: god Monica you are always on about your chest! David tell us about the proposal
David: oh well the ring will be finished next week so tonight is just about us (Phoebe enters) ready to go?
Phoebe: (lying) yep lets just hope I don't get another blindness attack causing me to cancel because would be so not cool (they leave)
Rachel: what are we going to do?
Joey: I wouldn't worry Rachel I think if we get a measuring tape and measure Mon's fingers and then her boobs (Chandler hits him) what! I thought you said it was only people you didn't know that couldn't talk about Mon's boobs
Scene: Monica & Chandler's, Monica, Chandler & Rachel are there & Phoebe enters
Monica: hey how was your date last night?
Phoebe: spectacular
Rachel: oh thank god!
Phoebe: you didn't let me finish . . . -ly bad
Chandler: ly bad?
Phoebe: spectacularLY bad, keep up Bing!
Chandler: hey it is the morning and my brain dosen't work well!
Monica: but certain other organs work REALLY well
Phoebe: oh great I come here already in a bad mood and have to listen to you two discuss your morning sex! Almost but not all problems can be solved by sex
Rachel: what happened on your date?
Phoebe: its not what happened its just him, everything he does annoys me and stuff I used to find endearing is the opposite of endearing . . . its just dearing, Monica you know what I mean
Monica: excuse me?
Phoebe: yeah you once said that Chandler's constant jokes make him really cute and attracted you but you're not going to sit there and lie to me and say that's still the case (she's silent) you Monica Bing have just made it to the TOP of my enemy list! (she storms out)
Chandler: David's going to have a very interesting future with her
Rachel: (to Monica) do you still find the sarcasm cute? (Ross enters)
Ross: look what I have fresh and hot off the copier
Rachel: you were in the copying place?
Ross: uh huh
Rachel: hot copy girl still work there?
Ross: what copy girl (realizes) oh her no of course not and sweetie you don't have to be so jealous because I still maintain that that tiny little fling
Rachel: affair!
Chandler: you have to sleep with someone more than one time to have it constitute an affair
Monica: is that in your own experience Chandler?
Chandler: I wouldn't know because I've never been in the situation where I'm with one woman and another simultaneously wants me but hey a man can dream
Monica: as long as those thoughts stay in your head darling!
Rachel: Ross did you or did you not sleep with the copy girl again?
Ross: no
Rachel: then why go there and bring up all these bad memories for us!
Ross: because their work is the best and my fiance deserves the best (he shows them the invitations)
Rachel: your fiance also deserves her name to spelled correctly!
Chandler: and if I haven't said it already congratulations Ms. Rachel Groan on your impeding nuptials
Scene: coffee house, Monica & Chandler are there & Joey runs in breathless & grabs a cup Chandler was drinking from and downs it
Joey: ahhhh what the hell!
Chandler: its coffee Joe . . . . it's not a cold drink
Monica: why can't you breath properly?
Joey: because I got some news and I had to tell you guys so I ran down here . . . and now I'm feeling light headed, Chandler you going to eat that scone? (before he answers Joey eats the scone)
Chandler: actually I was, you think you could be a pal and regurgitate it?
Monica: Joey what's up?
Joey: I'm still feeling dizzy, Gunther I need four muffins stat!
Monica: Joey!
Joey: what my body is a temple and its not used of being treated this way
Monica: what was so important you had to run all the way down here?
Joey: Gunther muffins now!
Chandler: Joey!
Joey: David called and said the ring's ready so he's decided to propose tonight in central park (Gunther comes with muffins) thank god!
Monica: oh no we have to stop this!
Joey: stop what?
Monica: David proposing to Phoebe!
Joey: David's proposing to Phoebe?
Chandler: this is why Joey shouldn't exercise
Scene: Ross's apartment
Ross: I was just on the phone to the copy place and they're going to redo the invitation
Rachel: no they are going to give us our money back and we're going somewhere where they can read and you didn't screw the staff
Ross: one person is so not the whole staff! (Rachel glares him) but they are illiterate and are not of a high enough standard for my wedding
Rachel: much better
Ross: so how many people are you planning to invite?
Rachel: I haven't really thought that far ahead
Ross: well I have because it may surprise you but paleontologists are very busy people and if I want all my buddies to come I need to book them as soon as possible
Rachel: ugh your inviting all your science friends!
Ross: I will sit them all at the same table in the corner
Rachel: and that's why I will want to marry you! (she hugs him)
Ross: you mean 'that's why I want to marry you' not will
Rachel: right of course . . . my mistake, I just never understood tenses
Scene: central park, Chandler & Monica are there
Chandler: ok eye's peeled for Phoebe and David
Monica: you know if we weren't here trying to stop our friend from ruining her life this would be a very romantic stroll . . . why don't we do this more often
Homeless person: spare change?
Chandler: (scared) ah take everything here's my wallet!
Monica: that's why
Chandler: I was trying to protect you because you're way more valuable to me than anything in my wallet
Monica: yea I did feel protected there when you cowered behind me!
Chandler: that was just to lull him into a false sense of security and then BAM I'd attack
Monica: oh no is that Phoebe? Are we too late?
Chandler: well she's crying
Monica: tears of joy?
Phoebe: screw you David!
Monica: definitely not joy
Chandler: well she's getting rid of him so it could joy
Phoebe: oh Monica, Chandler what are you doing here?
Chandler: just a husband and wife out for a stroll in the park . . . why are you here?
David: I hate you Phoebe Buffay you are dead inside! . . . hey Chandler, Monica you could have mentioned Phoebe not actually being in love with me
Chandler: (scared) I think I mentioned it one time
Phoebe: you knew about this!
David: all of your rotten despicable friends knew, Joey helped me pick out the ring
Phoebe: no my friends wouldn't betray my trust like that
Monica: unless they were trying to protect you
Phoebe: exactly! . . . wait no so you really knew
David: it was their idea!
Phoebe: and you two strolling through the park . . . you wanted front row seats to my humiliation!
Monica: no we waited to stop this, we knew you didn't want this
David: you knew! A little heads up would have been useful!
Phoebe: David the only thing we share now is a hatred for my so called ex-friends
Chandler: actually being so called 'ex-friends' is a good thing
Phoebe: TRAITORS!
Monica: Phoebe please
Phoebe: I am never talking to you again! (she leaves)
David: Phoebe the ring . . . you still have the ring! (he runs after her)
Chandler: this is exactly why we never go for strolls through this place!
ENDING CREDITS
Scene: coffee house, Ross & Rachel enter, Joey's there
Ross: hey Joey would you like to be the first lucky person to receive a wedding invitation?
Joey: who's wedding?
Rachel: ours
Joey: oh thats still going on
Ross: why wouldn't it be?
Joey: I thought Rachel was
Rachel: hey Joey let's get looking at this invitation!