thanks for your great reviews , love them :)
and for the guest who said that Maura is not an idiot , i agree she is not but she is drowning and desperate for a human connection . desperate enough to grab any line thrown her way , even if it was provided by hoyt.
anyway , i hope that you like it
She doesn't know how long she stayed there, how long she kept yelling and shouting for Red to come back. She doesn't know when she stopped. Time didn't seem to matter in this place, only darkness, un shifting darkness that made you doubt if your eyes are even open. But they are, she made sure when she touched her face that her eyes were wide open. Nothing change. No light shifted, not even the faint black and grey she finds when she closed her eyes. Her brain starts to go numb, she`s no longer certain of anything existing past this darkness. A faint beeping sound is the only proof that the darkness isn't complete.
Red was right. She had nothing to live for. She had no desire to keep on going. What was the point of fighting it anyway? More pain, more heartache, more betrayal. Let it go. Just let go. She feels herself fading into the darkness, her fingertips slowly but surely becoming one with the darkness. Her eyes dull, there was nothing left to be seen anyway. She was blissfully fading, enjoying the numbness when the sound of small steps sounded in front of her. Two small feet broke through the darkness, tiny shoeless feet dragging the end of a blanket as it approached.
"Wanna hear a story?" the voice chipped into the silent void. Maura's eyes dragged lazily to look up at a six year old version of herself. What is she doing in here? Maura thought slightly annoyed but didn't find the energy to move a muscle, too scared she might disturb the calmness she felt. So she lay there, choosing to ignore the little creature currently standing in front of her and allowing her mind to numb again.
"I promise I'll let you hold mom." the voice came again, so eager for approval. Maura stayed silent, still. She sensed the small creature shifting and something warm being placed into her arm. "There. It feels better right? I made it myself." said the proud child before she sat crossed leg near Maura's head. Maura looked down at the small blanket, she already knew what made it so warm. After all, she was the one that invented this little warm hug. Maura shifted to her side and held the blanket close sighing with contentment.
"I remember you." she whispered and snuggled closer to the blanket. Memories of the story about a mother's hug feeling warm and soft flooded back. That story was the reason she fashioned her own 'mom hug'. She vaguely remembered burning her hand as she poured the boiling water into the old heating pad that the blanket would be wrapped around.
"It's fuzzy too!" the little girl said proudly and Maura hummed her approval.
"Ok, so once upon time was a little girl, her name was Max. The girl lived in a small apartment all on her own because her dad was a monster and her mother wasn't around. The girl didn't know it but everybody thought that she had a small monster inside, just like her father and they were afraid that when she grew up, the monster would as well. Then there was this guy named Alex. He was the only person in the whole world who wasn't afraid and would come every month to check on the little girl.
"But what if there was a little monster inside the little girl? It's not her fault is it?" the little girl asked fidgeting with her hands before pulling her legs up and hugging her knees, her tone fading bit by bit . Maura felt the heat from the blanket transferring to her body and with it came the hot tears.
"I never belonged in there. I knew that from the start. Alex should have never tried to protect me. Isn't that right mom?" Maura could feel the warmth starting to engulf her, embrace her and she allowed it. It didn't take long before the blanket started to feel like an actual hug, warm arms circling her body.
"Maura." came the sweet whisper and Maura cried harder, squeezing her eyes shut. She didn't want to open them to the darkness. She desperately wanted the arms secured around her to be true.
"I love you so much, my baby girl. You`re all grown up." Maura dared to sneak a peek but when the light assaulted her eyes she wanted nothing more but to open them wide. She opened them once more but the light had faded and she was once again stuck in the darkness with a younger version of herself, sitting cross legged and staring at her.
"Anyway, so jane… that's my best friend, she said the world isn't going to end and had this whole argument with the teacher, it was so funny. He kept saying that the world won't actually end but he just wanted us to imagine what our last day would be like, what we wanted to do and who we wanted to do it with, and Jane, she just kept saying 'well it won't end.' The teacher was so mad." Maura blinked and sat up looking at the little girl in confusion.
"Jane?" she asked the girl who nodded enthusiastically.
"Yeah. We`re best friends." the little girl's look sobered and her face became serious "Tell me it's going to be ok. " the darkness started to fade into whiteness taking the little girl with it.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Just needed a change in my life I guess." the blonde shrugged
"He`ll kill you, you know. He`s just playing you and soon he`ll be bored and kill you." Jane tried to reason as she struggled with the binding holding her to the chair.
"Perhaps I have a death wish." She replied, leaving Jane speechless. "You should know that by now." Maura smirked "What did it feel like? Did you enjoy it Jane? Would you have stopped if Barry didn't show up? You `re no better than me" Jane shook her head refusing to believe that "we`re all monsters in a way, some of us are better at admitting it."
"God it's so hot in here." Maura huffed and started looking around. She made her way to what looked like a small window and started removing the plates of wood blocking it.
"Hey what do you think you`re doing?!"
"Relax. I hardly think this will change anything. She's still tied to the chair. Besides, the closest town is miles away." Maura responded and he mumbled under his breath.
"You need to hydrate." Maura walked over to Jane with a bottle of water and brought it to her lips, Jane growled and jerked away. Maura didn't seem to be fazed as she backhanded the brunette "Fine, don't hydrate." Maura spilled the bottle all over Jane head as she gasped in shock.
"Fascinating. I've always wondered what may have caused them." Maura placed Jane's hand between hers, despite Jane's angry growls, turning her palm up and tracing the scar with her fingertip. Maura looked up at the camera "the generator has been making some strange noise. I think the power will be down in a few hours and if that happens, this camera will be of no use. One of us will have to come down here and keep an eye on her. He looked up at the camera automatically and Jane felt something being pushed into her hand. Her eyes widened but just for a split second as Maura grabbed Jane's face in her palm roughly.
"Hmm, I think I`m starting to understand why the doctor likes you so much." Jane's eyes were searching for answers in the hazel eyes, almost pleading her to explain but the hazel eyes were a mix of determination and anger.
Jane didn't need to open her palm to know what it was the blonde gave her, she can already feel its sharp edge digging into her palm.
Red stood a few feet away from Maura with a smile on her face "Everything you ever wished for is here Maura." Maura felt the same feeling of warmth spreading within her and she placed a hand on her heart when a distant voice whispered 'I love you' "the mother you always wished for" then came the distant laughter of children and a vague image of a younger version of herself laughing with non-other than Jane Rizzoli. "The life you always wanted." Red said desperately "Why would you ever want to go back there when everything you want is right here." Red stayed quite for a few seconds but when it was obvious that Maura wasn't going to say anything she continued "All you ever felt there was pain, what is the meaning of that? You`ve been suffering all along haven't you? Maura." Red called and waited until Maura met her gaze. "Enough already." she whispered "You don't have to suffer anymore." Red extended her hand to Maura.
"Just take my hand Maura." Maura stumped back when another memory assaulted her. Jane's voice seemed urgent, desperate.
Jane Rizzoli ran like she never have in her entire life, franticly looking over her shoulder every time she heard a branch crack. She doesn't know how long she had been running, all she knew was that she had to get out of this forest and reach the city. She stumbled when she caught a glimpse of a cottage between the trees, her chest burning with every beat, her legs pulsating with pain. Quickly making a decision, she ran for the cottage.
"Korsak! It's me"
"Jane? Where the hell are you? What happened?"
"I don't know. I can't see anything past these god damned trees." she was starting to panic.
"Calm down. Where did you get the phone?"
"I broke into a cottage. I ran. She said that there was a city near here I can't find it. I can't see anything!" she replied, her hands shaking, her voice trembling.
"Jane we`re tacking the phone, just stay on line. Who said there was a city?" Korsak asked trying to make sense of Jane;s rambling.
"Maura. She –she was there, she helped me sh-" Jane stopped suddenly.
Perhaps I have a death wish
"I need to go back."
"Rizzoli stay where you are, do you hear me?!"
"I need to go back!" she shouted this time.
"Hello Maura." she opened her eyes to find herself in the hospital room again, Maura heard the soft voice but the room stayed empty with the exception of her younger self and an almost lifeless body in the hospital bed. Maura tightened her grip on the small hand in hers.
"You never met her before." said the little girl as if reading Maura`s question "We don't know what she looks like." the little girl shrugged.
"But …" Maura started before she found herself trailing off, not knowing what to ask at this point.
"I'm sorry that your mother is not here right now. Well that's partly my fault really." a nervous giggle followed the voice. Why did it seem familiar?
"Don't worry, she`ll be here soon. I only convinced her to go home and take a shower, try to sleep a bit that's why I'm here. It was part of the deal, she goes home if I promised not to leave you alone while she`s gone. My shift is almost over anyway." the voice was rambling nervously before coming to a sudden stop as if something just came to mind.
"I`ll never even know if you can hear me or not but," the voice was carrying a hint of sadness, resignation.
"In case you can hear me, you need to know this" the voice was changing tones with every sentence, this time speaking with determination and authority.
"Don't for one second think that you should be here, that you belong here because you don't!" Maura stood looking at the empty room trying to calm her racing heart, desperately trying to locate the origin of the voice.
"You are sixteen. You are supposed to be out there having fun , going to parties , making out in inappropriate places, have a crush on some boy band, fall in love and so much more Maura . You haven't seen half of what this world has to offer. There`s hardship, it's true, and I know that`s what brought you here but even in those times lies beauty. You may not be able to see it now, but with time you`ll see what I'm talking about."
"Hardship has the ability to draw people together. It can make you see people for who they really are, what you mean to them. Don't ever accept this as your reality, your destiny. This is just a bump in the road. Something to shape the future you, helps you bloom into the beautiful flower I know you`ll become. There is life left in you Maura, I can tell. I've been in this job long enough to know that. You have to fight back though and soon. The longer you stay there, the more you forget your way out." the room fell in silence again and for a while Maura thought that the mysterious woman had left.
"I'm sorry if that was awkward." the voice came back carrying another nervous giggle "I'm not good at this. Talking to people has always been difficult for me and to a teenager no less, even more terrifying. Another giggle, light hearted this time "You probably don't know this and your parents will never admit it but, parents are usually afraid when they talk to their teenage child, with all the mood swings. A parent might fear that if they say the wrong thing, asked the wrong question, their child's view of them would change. That's the scariest thing for a parent, not being their child's hero anymore. I'm terrified and my daughter is only two!" she laughed again.
"I hope I'm not boring you. Maybe it's best if I stopped." the voice faded again and with it all of Maura`s sense of comfort. She didn't want her to stop. She wanted her to keep talking, to keep telling her not to give up. She wanted to believe her so much, wanted to believe that she could actually fit into the world again, that she was not just a waste of space. Maura started to cry again, this time for the loneliness she felt when that woman stopped talking, for the emptiness that she felt consume her once more. When that woman was talking Maura actually started to believe that there was hope for her still, but now, she was even more desperate to end it all.
"I don't know what to do!" she cried "Please, come back." she pleaded before she dropped to the floor hugging herself." I don't know what to do." she felt a small hand on her shoulder but she couldn't bring herself to look at her anymore. She couldn't see what she was, what she had become. She squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for the darkness to swallow her once more.
Jane looked at the basement window and found Maura sitting in the chair she was taped to not long ago, she had her head in her hands.
"Maura." she whispered
"Jane? What are you doing?" Maura stood up confused.
"What am I doing?! What the hell were you thinking!" she hissed. Maura walked over to the small window, she can see Jane was on all fours on the ground above her.
"Come on." Jane reached her hand out to Maura
"You need to go before the power comes back on." Maura said quietly, her hands hanging limply by her sides.
"Not without you Maura. Come on, we don't have much time." Maura shook her head and took a step back "Please. He`s not going to let you live once he knows you helped me." Maura lowered her head refusing to look at Jane "You`re not like him Maura." Maura looked up meeting Jane's desperate gaze
"You`re nothing like him."
"I messed up and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for dragging you into this but we need to get out of here!" Maura opened her mouth to protest but Jane cut her off "Goddamn it Maura, stop being so stubborn and just take my hand or I swear I'm going to come down and knock some sense into you before dragging your sorry ass with me."
sooooooooooo ... what do you think ?
looking forward to reading your reviews :)