AN: Warning: As noted this story is a dark themed. This chapter will go into great detail of the torture Sam endured as he begins to talk to the unit guys. Remember what Spike saw in his eyes during the bank call that made Spike cry just watching and what compelled John to surrender. You will know all that happened to Sam when he was held captive to cause that look. I've shown pieces of it in other stories but this chapter will be unvarnished in Sam's recital of things from his perspective. Additionally you will learn some things about Plouffe and Murphy you did not know – foul and coarse language involved. You have been warned. Not your thing, skip this chapter.

Sam Finally Talks & Blaze's Challenge

Two and a Half Weeks Later – Unit Barracks

Matt sat with Sam. It was just after dinner and the rest of the guys had headed out for a short break to return the trays to the mess hall. Matt stared at Sam. Things were not improving like he wanted. He thought Sam would have talked to him by now.

Sam's eyes still held that faraway look. Sure he ate, slept and followed the directions given to him in PT but Sam refused to talk. Matt felt Sam's mind was slipping further away from him every day.

People were starting to notice too. Several other JTF2 members had tried to engage Sam in conversation as they pushed Sam to and from PT. Their excuses were wearing thin.

Matt slipped to the floor on his knees in front of Sam and sat back on his heels so he was eye level. Emotion lacing his words Matt said "Sam I'm losing you. Please come back to me. It's getting harder and harder for me to stay in the light. The guys say I do things that I don't remember. I'm becoming someone I don't recognize."

He raked his hands through his hair as he begged "Please Sam. Let me help you. Talk to me. I know that whatever you went through had to be horrific. Talk to me. Let it out. Just let it out. Keeping it all bottled up inside is like a festering infection. It will kill you. Lance the wound brother. Open it up and let all the pus flow out."

Sam just continued to stare. Matt lost it. He leaned forward and grabbed Sam by the shoulders and shook him hard as he raged "GOD DAMMIT SAM! TALK TO ME!"

Then Matt slapped Sam hard across the face. He got no reaction from Sam. The eyes were still far off.

Staring at the red hand print welt forming on Sam's face Matt's eyes began to darken to black. Matt's fist balled up, clenched hard and he pulled back. His arm launched forward aiming at Sam's face.

Matt's hand was yanked to a halt before it could connect. Matt found himself pinned to the floor on his back with Blaze yelling in his face "Just what the hell are you doing?"

Staring up into the faces of Blaze, Winds, Mason and Ripsaw with hard green-black eyes Matt started to cry. The sobs were wretched and loud. Blaze released Matt's arm and Matt curled into a ball.

Blaze looked to Patch who was checking on Blondie "Blondie okay?"

Patch nodded "Yeah. But I don't think Matt is."

Ripsaw dropped down next to Matt and put a hand on his shoulder "Buddy come on. We know you didn't mean to lash out. Blondie is okay."

Winds and Mason sat on the floor near Matt too and Mason said "It's tough for all of us but we understand how much tougher this is for you Matt. We don't think any less of you."

Blaze reached down and pulled Matt to a seated position. He gripped his chin firmly and made Matt look at him. He stated firmly but with concern showing in his voice "Talk to us Matt."

Wiping his eyes Matt looked at them "I need Sam to talk to me. I'm losing myself. The dark is taking over. Every day it is harder to stay in the light."

Blaze saw the truth in Matt's words. He sat on Blondie's bed and said "Blondie its time. Matt can't take anymore. He has been at your side for three straight weeks. He has cared for you and made sure you did not do anything stupid again. He is losing it because you remain silent. It's time you step up and help Matt. We are all here. Whatever it is that is going on in that head of yours you can say to us. I can't order you to talk but please, if you care even the slightest for Matt, talk to him."

The guys all looked at Blondie and waited.

Twenty minutes later they started to stir as Sam remained quiet as if he didn't hear Blaze's plea.

Patch stood up; he was going to draw up a light sedative for Matt. Matt's moods had become black more and more often. He had ended up with a formal reprimand for kicking Murphy, Major Plouffe had seen to that.

Other than that they had been able to prevent anymore instances. Mostly by ensuring Matt did not leave the barracks often. Actually he only left when Blondie went to PT. Dr. Parker had taken to coming to the barracks to check on Blondie. He said it was less risk of exposing Sam's catatonic state.

Patch had just turned to head to his bunk when a raspy unused voice softly said "It hurts too much. It always hurts. Just let me die."

He whipped around. The guys all stared at each other and then at Blondie. He spoke. Blondie actually spoke.

Matt said gently "Tell me what hurts Sammy. I'll help if I can. I'm listening."

None of the guys were prepared for what came next. Sam launched into a dissertation of all the pain he felt and had endured.

Sam started in a distant monotone voice "They took me. They hurt me. They debased and humiliated me. They broke me. I do not want to live. You have no idea how evil, degenerate and perverted some people are. They did things to me that aren't human."

Matt laid a hand on Sam's hand and squeezed lightly "Tell me. Let it out brother. Allow me to help bear your burdens."

The faraway look in Sam's eyes changed as he looked at Matt. They filled with unimaginable hurt and desolation. Matt sucked in a breath seeing Sam's eyes.

Sam's eyes scanned the room and saw the rest of the unit "You don't want to hear what I have to say."

Winds said "Yes we do kid. You need to let it out so you can heal."

Sam spoke directly to Matt "I was left alone with no backup. I could not run like Murphy and Travis ran. I was surrounded. I could not get away. The hits were fast and hard and I was on my knees in seconds. I didn't even have time to draw my side arm. They trussed me up and gagged me."

"One of them spoke and said well now it seems I have a new plaything. We are going to have lots of fun together. Then he laughed. I will never forget the laughter. It scared me more than the words. Then they put a burlap bag over my head. I could scarcely breathe. The gag they used was foul like it had been used to wipe shit. The bag had a fetid smell too. Many days into my captivity I wished for that smell, it was better than the one around me."

"I was dragged for a long distance. The rocks cut into my knees. I was thrown into the back of a truck, though at first I didn't know it was a truck. I heard the engine start. That's when the beatings began. I lost consciousness when they kicked me in the head."

A few tears dripped out of Sam's eyes as he continued "I'm not sure how long I was out but I came to in a small room chained to a wall. They had stripped me. They must have beaten me more when I was unconscious because everywhere hurt. It was so black though I couldn't see. At first I thought I might be blind but then daylight came and a very tiny slit high on the wall allowed a little bit of light to come in."

"When I was in the room I was always chained to the wall. The room was so small I could barely straighten my legs. I tried but the chains were so short. At first I tried to mark on the wall the days. But then there were times I was unconscious and I couldn't tell how much time had passed. Could have been hours or days."

"They never gave me any water. Except for the little bit I could suck down during the waterboarding they did twice a day."

"The only food they gave me was fetid and had maggots in it. It wasn't fit to eat but I ate it because it was days and days between when they would throw a small scoopful of it in the dirt in my cell. I had to gag it down. Often it would come right back up. When that happened I knew I had to eat it again because it was the only thing I would be getting."

"I guess there was a benefit to getting little water or food. I didn't foul myself that often. But I was never able to move much and when I had to I ended up having to lie in it. They never cleaned my cell. Like I said I wished for the smell of the fetid burlap bag."

Matt could understand the rage that rippled through Sam when he threw the bed and punched the locker now. To spend three months in your own filth was unthinkable. His heart was broken listening to his brother recount his horrors.

Sam was still talking and said "The only time I was ever cleaned was when they would hose down the blood in the torture room. They would leave me lying on the floor in my own blood and filth and aim a hose at the walls and then at me. I could see the red water running to the drain."

"I was left shivering on the floor until they were ready for the next round. Often I couldn't even curl up to protect myself. I lay there wide open and vulnerable to whatever they wanted to do. There were too many bastards to remember. Some were worse than others."

"They would taunt me with what they planned to do to me. How they were going to rape me and with what. They even showed me the sticks they planned to use and then beat me with them. They hit me so hard I would lose consciousness."

Sam was unable to share this part completely, not even with Matt. His gut churned at the memories and pain. It happened, more than once. It was hard enough to acknowledge to himself; there was no way in hell he could admit to the rape to the guys. They would never look at him the same way if he admitted this.

Somethings were just too horrific to put to voice and he just wanted to pretend it never happened. If he told himself it didn't happen then it never happened. After today he would never acknowledge it ever happened. After today the fact that he was brutally raped multiple times would be wiped from his memory. It did NOT happen!

After a small pause to eradicate the memory, Sam spoke the only partial lie he would tell them "I don't know if that ever happened. If it did I wasn't conscious for it and I couldn't tell one pain from another anymore. Everything hurt. The pain was all consuming."

Ripsaw's stomach turned. The images Blondie's words conjured in his head were sickening. But they were only images he conjured. They were real for Blondie. Bile rose in his throat and he had to forcefully swallow it down.

Patch listened, his eyes widening with every additional detail. He had seen Blondie's injuries, all of them. He knew the truth and the extent of them. Patch would never reveal to any of the guys all of what Blondie had endured. Now he knew he would never reveal it to Blondie either.

Blondie definitely didn't need to know that he had been cruelly violated. Patch was glad Blondie did not know. Given all he heard and Blondie's mental state that was a burden Blondie did not need. In this case, ignorance was truly bliss.

But there were clear signs Blondie had been brutally violated more than once. There was scarring and tears that had to be mended. It was part of the reason for Blondie's special diet at first. Along with the damage to his stomach the damage to his lower track had needed time to heal.

Patch had made sure that Dr. Parker never put that in Blondie's records. The nurses and doctors that attended him and knew of it were all sworn to secrecy. Patch had seen sadness, compassion and outrage on their faces as they treated Blondie. So Patch had no worries that they would ever reveal those injuries to anyone. Blondie would never know and it was better that way.

Sam's voice broke "At first I knew you would be coming for me. All I had to do was survive until you came. But you didn't come. You left me there for so long it was hard to keep faith that you would not just abandon me like my family had."

Blaze closed his eyes as pain ripped through his heart. Dammit he should have ignored protocol and orders sooner. Deep unrelenting guilt flowed through him into every pore.

Sam continued talking "Every day it was pain, pain and more pain. They delighted in causing me pain. I was their plaything like the guy said when they captured me."

"I was never asked any questions about intel. They just inflicted excruciating, unrelenting pain for the sole purpose of amusing themselves. They knew I was with JTF2 and taunted me with that. I only ever said Master Corporal Samuel W. Braddock B23-509-653. I hate the sound of that now. It turns my stomach."

"They wanted me to scream and cry. They did things to make me scream, inhuman things. They let rats crawl all over me and bite me. They dropped scorpions on me and aggravated them until they stung me."

"The sick bastards got pleasure when I screamed. I saw some jacking off to my screams. I tried not to scream but it hurt too much and I couldn't swallow all my screams. They laughed and came with my screams."

Matt squeezed Sam's hand "It was okay to scream and cry Sammy."

Sam's eyes blazed with rage and bore into Matt's as he yelled "No it is not okay to scream and cry. Real men don't cry."

Blaze whispered to Matt "Just let him talk." To Blondie he said softly "Go on kiddo. We will just listen."

Sam rolled to his back and stared at the ceiling and continued "Every morning they dragged me out of that fetid cell. They beat me with their fists, with metal rods, with sticks and kicked me with their boots. The bastards wore steel toed boots. They would spit on me. They would piss on me and in my face aiming for my mouth."

"Sometimes they would stake me out on the ground and leave me to burn in the sun for hours. The burns were so bad I screamed when they touched me. I couldn't decide which hurt more, the burns on my back as the whip landed or the burns on my genitals when they would take pleasure in popping the blisters."

"Several of them enjoyed pouring alcohol into my open wounds. I guess I should have thanked them. It kept them from getting infected. But it hurt so much and they were merciless and laughed as I screamed my throat raw. I wished I could pass out to escape the pain but they always stopped for a moment before that could happen. Then they started again."

Sam went on to detail graphically all manner of torture he was subjected too. His voice became colorless, deadened and monotone like he was talking about someone else. He told them how he had been strung up by his ankles and left to hang while whoever walked by would beat him as they saw fit.

He told them how they chained his arms to the posts and whipped him. How he would watch the rivulets of blood dripping down his thighs and wonder just how much blood a body held and wishing his was all gone so he could just die and escape the pain.

Sam related how they would drag him around and how the hot rocks would bite into his knees or worse they pulled him by his feet and the rocks and dirt embedded themselves in his chest or back. He told how they would stomp on his feet as he lay staked out or chained up.

He explained how he would be staked out in an X form. How the rough ropes were tied so tightly on his raw wrists and ankles that he would begin to lose feeling in his hands and feet. How when they were released and sensation returned he would groan and sometimes cry out in pain at the burning pins and needles sensation in his hands and feet.

Sam told them that the bastards pulled his arms and legs so wide it felt like his bones would pop out of joint. He shared that they purposely knocked his shoulders out of joint numerous times and how they would move his arm to cause him more pain. Sam said they would put it back into place after a few days just so a few days later they could hear him scream as they popped it out of joint again.

He told them how he would beg them to just kill him and how they laughed in his face and told him he would die only when they tired of playing with him. Sam shared how he wished for the next kick to the head to be a fatal one. How every time he woke up he cried because he was still alive.

Sam's voice then changed to desolation as he said "For so long I kept hope that you would come for me. I resisted the things they would tell me. But one day the music died. I could no longer hear Matt. Matt didn't send me music anymore. That's when I began to believe them. They said things my father had said to me for years. How could it not be true?"

"I'm worthless. I'm unlovable. I will never measure up. I'm a failure. Hell I couldn't even keep from getting caught. Some soldier I am. I can't even walk now. So I'm even less than worthless. No wonder Matt left me."

"Matt finally saw what everyone knew that I'm bad, worthless and that I do not deserve to be loved. I'm a failure. I should be alone, forgotten and punished for ever being born. Things would be better if I had never been born."

Tears were running down Matt's face as he listened. His heart shattered and it was hard to breathe. Matt wanted so badly to pull Sam into a hug and tell Sam he didn't leave him. That he didn't abandon him.

But Matt held his tongue and remained where he was. Sam was talking and he needed to get this out no matter how painful it was for them all to hear. However, Matt's gaze never left Sam's face and his hand never let go of Sam's hand.

Sam covered his eyes with his arm to hide the tears that rolled down. He could not stop the shaking that had begun "I lost count how many times they electrocuted me. The worst was when they left the needles in and left me in the water from the waterboarding. Every inch of my body sizzled in searing pain."

"They would tie me down. Stake me out naked in this little room, I was always naked; open, defenseless, vulnerable and helpless. At least ten men at a time would crowd around me. They would hit me, kick me and piss on me."

"The ropes were tight but I still struggled. I tried to get out of the bonds that held me down. They cut deeply into my wrists and ankles. I was trapped and exposed and they laughed at my efforts. Their laughter increased the louder I screamed."

"I saw my blood splattered and stained on their boots. But kicks to my body, head, arms and legs or the stomps on my feet were not the worst of it. The needles. Long needles. They stuck me with hundreds of needles."

The shaking of Sam's body increased as his muscles involuntarily tensed and became rigid "Every day they jabbed them in and out of me hundreds and hundreds of times. Their laughter was disgusting. I tried not to scream. But they stuck the needles everywhere. EVERYWHERE!"

Sam shuddered violently and tears flowed freely down his face. He curled up and cupped himself protectively as his body and voice shook with emotion "They found a way to make me scream louder."

"Their excitement reached fevered pitches when they debased me. My shrieks of pain amplified tenfold when they jabbed the needles repeatedly into my cock and balls. I couldn't hold back and I screamed as they laughed."

The guys looked at each other. They were hardened soldiers that had seen death and atrocities in many forms. But they were all white; all color had leached from their faces.

Ripsaw clamped a hand over his mouth. He was gonna be sick. He scrambled away with Patch following right behind him.

Outside Unit Barracks

Ripsaw barely made it outside before he hurled. Patch joined him in losing his dinner too.

The two sat on the ground after. Both were pale and shaky.

Patch couldn't even put to voice his feelings. Never had he heard of such vile, despicable things perpetrated on someone. That this happened to his friend, his brother was inconceivable.

But it had happened to Blondie, Patch had seen with his own eyes the results on Blondie's body. He had wondered how some of the wounds were inflicted. But never in his wildest imagination had he thought that was how. It was pure medieval torture right down to the rats allowed to chew on Blondie.

His heart hurt for Blondie. Patch understood now why Blondie wanted to die. How did someone come back from depraved torture like that? Patch let the tears fall for Blondie. He didn't care who saw.

Ripsaw stammered out unsteadily "I … I don't know … God I don't know if I can hear anymore." He wiped at the wetness on his face only realizing then that he was crying as he said "I want to help Blondie but I …"

He was interrupted as Winds stormed through the door and into the bushes. They heard Winds retching his guts out. When he was done Winds turned to Patch and Ripsaw and drew a shaky hand across his lips. Winds collapsed onto the ground and stared at the door. He couldn't go back. The things Blondie endured were beyond inhuman. Those bastards were animals.

Winds turned his eyes to Ripsaw and Patch his voice shook with rage so intense he thought he would explode "I can't go back in. Hearing him is tearing me up inside. We left him there for three fucking months. We followed orders when we should have gone rogue that first god damned day. I vow today that I will not rest until every last one of those fucking animals is dead."

The door opened and Mason staggered out. He shook visibly with rage. His large hands fisted and he slammed them into the wooden fencing. The wood splintered and flew in every direction as Mason's fists continued their assault on the fence.

None of the others stopped him. It was clear that Mason was in full highland warrior mode and that was not the time to get into his path. It was deadly to do so. The fence was inanimate and a safer bet for Mason to vent his fury.

Winds often wondered what it would be like to see Mason wield a claymore. Oh how he would like to let Mason loose on those animals. If they had known when they rescued Blondie what they knew today not a single animal in that compound would have been left alive.

Inside Unit Barracks

Sam continued to relate the horrors he had been subjected too with the needles. How they would leave him lying there staked out full of needles. How they would come by and kick him driving the needles deeper.

Blaze could not take much more. He was trying to be strong. He was the CO after all. It was his job to be strong when the unit needed him to be strong.

But this. This was trying his soul. A fire was burning in his gut. He wanted to kill the bastards. Drawing and quartering them would be too easy a death for them. Then his attention was drawn by a change in Blondie's tone.

Sam's voice dropped an octave as rage shook him "One. One man. The one that called me his plaything. He was the worst. He made me trust him. Every damn time I fell for it. He heated the needles. Said he cared and that he didn't want me to get an infection. He would wipe my face with a cool rag. He would remove the needles that were embedded so far that they needed tweezers to get them out. All the while he looked at me with a caring face."

Blaze put a hand on Blondie. He had to let him know that he was not alone. Matt held one hand and Blaze put his hand on Blondie's thigh. He lightly patted it as if to say it is okay. I'm here and you will be okay.

But the horrors of what he was listening to were almost too much to bear. Poor Blondie. He understood now why the kid had gone after his gun. How did one live through such debasement and pain and find balance again?

Sam felt the hand on his thigh just like the One had done. He looked to Blaze. His face was full of pity. Sam could not take pity. No. No fucking pity. The One always lured him in with pity. Always got him to trust him with looks of concern.

Echoes of disgusting laughter full of malevolence filled Sam's ears and roared in his head. Sam's stomach clenched. He gagged as saliva gathered in his mouth in preparation of hurling.

Sam's chest and back felt like they ripped open. His breathing became labored short fast gasps. He could not help himself, he screamed and screamed and screamed at the top of his lungs making his throat raw.

Then he lunged at Blaze grabbing for his knife. Sam shrieked "I want to die. Let me die. Give me the god damned knife. I cannot live with the looks of pity. Let me die you god damned fucking bastard. Let me die. I want to die."

Blaze struggled against Blondie as they both fell off the bed and onto the floor. His main goal was to keep hold of his knife as Blondie attacked him full force trying to take it from him as he screamed.

Matt was yelling at Sam "Sam no. Stop. Let go. That's Blaze. Stop" as he tried to pull Sam off of Blaze. Sam was surprisingly strong right now as he was wrapped inside whatever he was seeing.

Winds, Mason, Ripsaw and Patch raced into the barracks. The five of them finally pulled a wild, screaming Blondie off Blaze. Mason pulled Blondie's back to his chest and trapped his arms at his side by wrapping his larger and stronger ones around Blondie. He likewise wrapped his legs around Blondie's legs as Blondie continued to struggle.

Mason was using all his strength simply to contain Blondie as he continued to thrash and scream at Blaze to give him the knife and let him die.

Matt was in front of Sam and trying to break through. He was yelling loudly but Sam was not hearing him. Matt finally yelled in his most authoritative voice which sounded eerily like General Braddock's command voice "Master Corporal Braddock. Stop. That is a direct order."

Sam instantly stilled and quit screaming. He was breathing hard. Then he started shaking uncontrollably and retching. None of them expected that. Mason released him and turned Blondie to the side as his dinner reappeared on the floor.

Ripsaw saw it and the image of Blondie eating his own vomit to survive had him running for the bathroom to hurl himself again.

Matt stroked Sam's back as the retching continued even though it was only dry heaves now.

Patched rushed to get towels to clean up the mess and to get water for Blondie to rinse his mouth.

Blaze stood unsteadily and staggered back several paces. His internal thoughts spilled out "What the hell? What the fuck just happened?"

His eyes sought out Winds as he said "I don't know what I did."

Winds pulled Blaze to him and put a brotherly arm around his shoulder. He saw Blaze was devastated and confused. Winds stated firmly "You didn't do anything. Something must have triggered a memory."

Matt whispered to Sam "I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. We will get you through this together. I promise you brother.

Sam turned his head and said very quietly "I can't take pity. No pity."

Matt wiped all emotion off his face "No pity. Understood. Do you have more to tell me?"

Sam nodded yes and then looked down. Once started he needed to tell all. He needed to give voice to his pain. Every last disgusting detail needed to be given a voice. It happened to him. He had to deal with it. This was the only way he knew how. Matt would know how to help him but Matt had to know all of it.

Matt looked to Patch and Mason "Get Sam back in bed please."

Patch asked "Sedative?"

Matt shook his head "No he needs to tell me more." Matt stood and looked at the guys and said "If you cannot school your emotions. All emotions it is better if you leave."

Ripsaw bowed his head. He did not want to leave but he knew he could not be unemotional. He looked to Matt and said "I'll be right outside if you need me."

Matt patted his shoulder "Understood."

Ripsaw headed out. Winds looked at Blondie who currently had his eyes closed. Then at Blaze and the door "I'll be with Ripsaw." Then he followed Ripsaw outside.

Patch's face was covered in emotion and he looked to Matt "Need me just call out. I run fast."

Mason stood behind Blondie. His hands a bloody mess. He looked down at them then to Blaze.

Blaze patted Matt on the shoulder "You're a stronger man than me Hunter. You know where I will be. Mason let's go get those hands tended." He picked up Patch's first aid kit and waited at the door.

Mason struggled with leaving.

Without opening his eyes Sam said "It's okay Mason. Go."

Mason headed out the door with one look at Matt who's face held not a hint of emotion. Mason wondered just how the man was able to do that. Both Matt and Blondie seemed to be able to do that. They could slip on a mask and no one could read what they felt.

It was like they closed off all emotion and shut down. It was a thing to behold but to Mason it was damned scary too. He now knew that Matt had a terrible childhood and witnessed his mother murdered by his father. Sam's father was horrible to him too. Perhaps it was traumatic childhoods that linked them and allowed them to show no emotion.

The door closed and Matt walked to the table and grabbed a water bottle for both of them.

Matt handed one to Sam and said "Drink this first then talk."

Sam took the water bottle and started drinking. Matt sat on the floor in front of Sam and drank his water. He needed a bit of time to steel himself for the rest of it. He had no clue how he was going to get Sam's mind unwarped. Those bastards had done a number on him.

Outside Unit Barracks

Blaze paced back and forth. As CO he should be in there helping. Blondie was his responsibility.

Patch tended Mason's hands and pulled out a few splinters. He cleaned them and as he began to wrap them he said "Don't think you broke any bones. But they will be sore for a few days."

Mason nodded "Yeah. Nothing I can't handle." Rage surge up in him again "When I get my hands on those bastards I'm gonna rip their heads off with my bare hands."

Winds was about to respond when they were all startled by a voice they could not stand.

Major Plouffe saw the unit outside the barracks and the destroyed fence section. He saw the unit medic tending the bear's hands. Master Corporal Srònaich' O' Naoimhín intrigued and frightened him at the same time. Mason was so damned attractive even with the scarred face. That was the only injury to this unit that Plouffe wished had not happened.

Plouffe wanted a new sex partner but didn't dare approach Mason yet. Mason was clearly heterosexual like Murphy so he wouldn't approach him until he had something to hold over Mason's head. Then he would demand payment to keep it secret just like he did with Murphy.

But he was getting so tired of Murphy's whining and he definitely wanted a change. Murphy wasn't gay like him but Murphy was so determined to get to be a Sergeant and command his own unit in record time that Murphy let him fuck him whenever he wanted.

Murphy would also suck him dry when they did not have time to do the other. Plouffe liked to see Murphy on his knees in front of him. But Murphy whined like a baby whenever he fucked him hard. Granted he liked it very rough so he could see that Murphy might whine, but it was still annoying.

God he wished he had something to use against Mason right now. Mason was so god damned large. Those huge hands could be put to such good use.

Plouffe wondered if Mason would be a good fuck. Given his overall size no doubt his cock would be rather large too. God he would like to find out what it was like to fuck and be fucked by him. The image that conjured had his cock growing.

Pushing those thoughts from his mind was difficult. But he couldn't afford those thoughts right now. He was under too much scrutiny lately. He could not afford to mess up.

Major Plouffe strode over and demanded "What is going on here?"

Blaze stepped forward "I have it under control Sir."

Plouffe looked down as a stench reached his nose. He was standing in vomit. He stepped away quickly and wiped his boot in the gravel. He looked up "Lieutenant Blain explain."

"We were training in hand to hand outside when dinner did not sit too well with some of the men" Blaze stated.

"And the fence?" Plouffe asked eyeing the Lieutenant closely.

Blaze answered immediately "Ah that. Well Mason and I were sparing. My fault really. I lost my footing when he tackled me and we fell into the fence. Patch is tending Mason's hands. They were around my back so took the brunt of the damage as we fell."

It sounded plausible to Plouffe but he got a feeling he was being lied to. He came to his full height which was still shorter than Blain and stated "See that your unit fixes the fence. If you are well enough to be doing hand to hand I do not understand why your team remains on the unfit for duty list."

Blaze looked at the fence then back to Plouffe "We will fix the fence. As to the other that is a matter between Dr. Parker and Colonel Sutton. I have wondered the same thing Sir. But my duty is to follow orders and not to question my superiors."

He knew his dig hit it's mark when Plouffe flinched. Blaze couldn't resist it. The man was a complete and utter idiot. How Plouffe ever made it to Major he could not fathom.

Plouffe's decisions and tactics were shoddy at best. Blaze and the other unit COs often had to adjust things in the field to achieve the desired outcomes. Nothing outright insubordinate but damned close sometimes.

"See that you do Lieutenant" Plouffe stated and turned on his heel. He had to leave, now.

Plouffe had come to demand to see Braddock but seeing Mason and his baser thoughts made his pants tight. It was time to find Murphy because he didn't feel like a hand job right now. Perhaps as Murphy went down on him he could imagine it was the bear. Plouffe smiled as he headed for Murphy's barracks. Murphy was a screw up but he certainly had his uses.

Blaze slumped against the wall and slid down once Plouffe was out of sight. His head fell to his chest. He let the tears fall. Tears for a young man that had endured more than anyone should ever have to endure. A young man, a kid really, that would rather die. Those bastards deserved to die the most painful death imaginable.

His shoulders shook and he didn't care the others saw him crying. He'd bet ten to one they were crying too if he bothered to look up. He didn't.

They all needed some time to regroup after that. Blaze pulled his knees close and laid his arms across them then settled his head on his arms. He cried harder now than when his parents died.

Inside Unit Barracks

Sam finished the water and set down the empty bottle. He looked Matt in the eye. "He broke me Mattie. One man. I will never forget his face or his evil laugh. He broke me. He got me to trust him. Every time I fell for it. I wanted someone to care for me. I was so alone."

Matt remained quiet and showed not an ounce of emotion.

Sam continued quietly in an almost disconnected voice "He always looked at me like he cared. Spoke in a soft soothing tone at first. He would remove the needles that were embedded too far to pull out with fingers. As the tweezers dug in deep and painful to pull them out he would say things, nice things to me. He would wipe the tears from my face."

"But then he would start heating the needles. He said it was to sterilize them. That he couldn't stop what was happening but he would take care of me. I wanted the pain to stop so badly. The pain, starvation, humiliation I wanted it to stop. I wanted someone, anyone to care. Every damned time he would bring me to the point that I truly thought he cared. His face was full of pity. I was so desperate for love and care that I latched on and believed."

"But then his look of pity would turn to a revolting sneer as the heated needles turned glowing red. Then he would start to giggle wickedly. He drove the burning hot needles slowly and deeply into my stomach. It was so excruciating that when I screamed no sound would come out. Then it made me vomit. There was nothing but bile to come up and it burned my throat."

"He did this so many times. I fell for it every god damned time. He broke me. I'm damaged. I can't be trusted to read people. He made me believe him" Sam choked out.

Sam shuddered and sobbed. Matt sat silent keeping his hands to himself. Inside he was screaming for the pain Sam was in. Inside he wanted to pull Sam to him and tell him it was going to be okay. That he wasn't broken. That he would heal. But he did none of that.

Based on what Sam just shared that would not be the right path. His mind spun in circles trying to figure out what to do.

Sam wiped his eyes and stared at Matt for a long time. Matt just stared back at him not saying a word. Sam said "Ever since I failed to save Sara I've known I was bad. If I wasn't a bad and worthless person someone would love me. Things like this wouldn't happen to me. I'm a bad person. I just need to die. The world would be better off without me."

Matt couldn't take it anymore he asked "Am I a bad person Sam?"

Sam's eyes registered shock "No. You are good and light Matt."

Not losing eye contact Matt asked without emotion "Then why did bad things happen to me? Why did my bastard father beat the crap out of me? Why did I have to watch my beloved mother strangled to death in front of me?"

He waited for Sam to answer. When none came Matt said "We were both nine when the person we loved the most was killed in front of us. Sara's death was no more your fault than my mother's was mine."

Sam yelled back "Sara's death was my fault. I was supposed to protect her. I was the big brother. It is my job to protect my sisters. The General said it was my fault and it is. I don't deserve to be loved. I failed her. I'm a fucking disappointment and worthless failure."

Matt could see that Sam was not ready to accept reality that he was not and never had been at fault. His damned father had done a number on him over the years driving home the fact Sam was at fault.

They sat in silence simply staring at each other. Matt was trying to read Sam's thoughts through his eyes. He could see Sam's soul was in tatters. Matt longed to offer Sam comfort. To reach out and stroke his hair or hold him close while he cried out his pain.

But he knew Sam was in a place right now where he could not accept comfort in any form. Sam would reject it outright. Matt knew he could do more damage if he tried to show he cared right now. But what was he going to do?

Sam stared at Matt. How could he get Matt to see he needed to die? How to get him to accept that the world would be better off without him. Sara would be alive if he had never been born.

Did Matt think he needed to be punished for being born too? How could he get Matt to help him die? Why wouldn't Matt just let him die? Why?

Outside Unit Barracks

Blaze wasn't sure how long he sat crying but it was long enough that the tears had run dry and all that was left was dry sobs. He glanced around at the others. All were similarly positioned as him. It was quiet. No one spoke. All were tense and in their own thoughts. All prepared to race in if Matt yelled for help.

He glanced at his watch and realized it had been several hours. Time had warped and he couldn't believe so much had passed. Blaze lay his head back down and continued to wait.

Blaze was contemplating if he should go back in when he felt someone sit next to him and an arm go round his shoulders. It was Winds, his best friend in the world. They had been through so much together. But never anything like this.

He turned his head to look at Winds. Blaze saw the dried tears streaks on Winds face too. But there was something else in his eyes. Hatred, vengeance and retribution burned in them.

Close to Blaze's ear Winds whispered "Blood oath we will get justice for Blondie. I don't know yet how or when but we will track down every piece of animal scum that harmed Blondie. Their life's blood will soak the dirt and they will all be sent directly to hell before I leave the field."

Winds pulled out his k-bar and sliced the palm of his left hand. Then Winds handed the knife to Blaze. Blaze sliced the palm of his left hand. They gripped hands tightly.

"Blood oath. They all die but even hell has standard these bastards do not meet. Justice for Blondie" Blaze stated.

"Justice for Blondie" Winds stated.

Winds pulled Blaze up to stand never releasing their hands. They met eye to eye; steel determination to steel determination. Neither would leave the field until every single bastard was dead and their rotting carcasses were food for vultures.

Blaze nodded and said "I need to go back in there."

All the men stood. Blaze saw the flat emotionless looks on each of them. They had all found a way to hold in their emotions. They had found a way to be there when Blondie needed them.

Blaze strode to the door followed by the others.

Inside Unit Barracks

Matt lost track of the time as they simply stared at each other but he knew hours must have passed because it was getting dark. He heard the door open. He saw the others walk in quietly with no emotion on their faces. They sat in a semi-circle around Sam.

Blaze sat next to Matt and laid a hand on his shoulder. Matt caught the small sigh before it could be heard. He was glad the others were here. He could not figure a path forward.

Sam broke his lock on Matt's eyes and scrutinized each of them. His eyes searching for pity.

When Sam found none he turned back to Matt and asked "Why can't I just die? Why won't you just let me die?"

They all heard Matt's sharp intake of breath. Matt looked to Blaze. He didn't have an answer that would work here. He was at a loss.

Blaze looked at Blondie. He reviewed what he knew of the kid. The kid never backed down from a challenge. Blaze said seriously "I challenge you to live."

Sam was not expecting that. His eyes narrowed in on Blaze. "Why can't I just die?"

Nodding Blaze said "Fair question. How about this? Those bastards hurt you. Those bastards tried to kill you. You didn't survive three months of living hell to just roll over and die now and let them win. If you die at your own hand the bastards win. Living is the best way to get back at them. It's the biggest FUCK YOU you could give them. You find a way to live. Find the beauty of life. They lose. You win."

"How do I do that? How do I get past the ever present reminder of what they did to me? They ruined my feet. I can't even walk. I can't live as a cripple and be reminded every damned day. It's too much, I just can't do that" Sam stated.

Patch couldn't hold back the grin "The hell you can't walk. What do you think you've been doing for the past week?"

Confusion flooded Sam's eyes "What?"

Matt said "You walk Sam. Every day. It is slow but every day you walk a little further. You have made significant progress since I found you passed out on the floor three weeks ago."

"Three weeks?" Sam breathed out stunned.

All the guys nodded. Mason said "I simply hold the gait belt now as a precaution to prevent you from falling. At first I had to hold all your weight. But you quickly progressed to standing on your own and then to taking steps."

Ripsaw said "You're coming along with upper body strength too."

Winds added "You've put on weight also. Jarmal had been making sure you get everything Matt asks for you. Even walnuts for your oatmeal."

Sam's eyes had tracked to each one as they spoke. He looked down at himself. His ribs didn't stick out quite as much as they had before. They were telling him the truth. He had lost three weeks but his unit, his chosen family of brothers, had cared for him.

He ran his hands through his hair. It was long but clean. He was clean. Someone had taken care of his most basic needs. Who?

Something clicked in his head and his eyes landed on Mason asking without speaking. Sam remembered something about my legs are your legs, my arms are your arms until you are strong enough. And you can count on me to take care of your needs without embarrassment.

Mason just gave a slight nod "My word is my bond."

"Thank you" Sam said quietly totally overwhelmed by what Mason had done for him.

Then Sam went back to what they had said. His eyes roamed over each man. He got a nod and a smile from all of them.

Sam stopped back on Matt and asked "I really walk?"

Matt smiled and nodded "Yeah Sammy you walk. You're gonna run too. We are gonna make sure you make it back to us. We are gonna work your ass off."

Out of nowhere Sam quipped "If I had an ass. Nothing left of it right now."

The guys stared at Sam then at each other to validate they just heard what they thought they heard. Sam had joked.

Blaze grinned and said "So about that challenge. Do you accept?"

Nodding Sam said "Symbolic Fuck you bastards. Yeah I accept. I will try to find the beauty of life. It won't be easy but I'll do it. I'll do it for all of you."

Blaze gave Blondie a hard look "You will do it for YOU. Do I make myself I clear?"

"Yeah but that is tougher" Sam answered honestly.

"Never known you to take the easy way Blondie" Winds said.

"I second that" Patch said and grinned.

Ripsaw raised his hand and said "I third that. Never known anyone more stubborn too. If you set your mind to this you will achieve it."

Mason added "We will be here to help. Lean on us when you need to. We will not let you fall."

They all nodded in agreement.

Sam bowed his head completely humbled by all they had done for him and their strength of conviction that he could do this. He looked up and simply said "Okay you have my word."

It was enough. It was a beginning. They all knew it would not be easy but Sam committed to the challenge. He gave them his word and they all knew he was a man of honor. His word meant something, it was never idly given. Sam would do all in his power and strive to honor his word.

Matt asked "Can I hug you Sam?"

Sam stared at Matt "Since when do you ever ask?"

Matt grinned and pulled Sam into a bear hug. Matt's eyes sparkled bright green. Sam was back. Maybe not completely yet but Matt had hope again. Matt was fully in the light and the darkness that threatened to overtake him faded into the recesses of his mind. He would be capable now of guiding Sam to find the beauty of life.

.

AN: Lots and lots of readers, very few reviews. I'm assuming readers are along for this sad and terrible journey that does have a happy ending and at times may be too shocked to comment. I would still like to hear from you. Am I doing justice to the immense turmoil and pain that all are going through given this horrible situation. The rescue is more than a physical rescue. Physical wounds are visible and heal much quicker than the invisible emotional wounds. Sam's emotional wounds are deep and layered.