A/N: Well, here we are again. Sorry for the delay, I hope you've found lovely fics to keep you entertained while I've wrestled with this chapter. If you need something, go check out "The Keepsake" by windchymes. I know you'll like it.
I'd like to take a moment to thank sherryola and Noble Korhedron for pre-reading. I like to try and keep this as canon as possible and my eyes can't be everywhere at once! Thanks so much, my friends!
And Katmom! You shoulda seen this thing before she got hold of it. It was like I was WUI...writing under the influence! Bless you for your guidance and corralling my mess!
Thanks to everyone who has read and left feedback, set favorites and alerts. I enjoy your comments very much and you guys make this effort worth every hour.
Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and all the characters, I'm just staying at her bed and breakfast. No copyright infringement is intended.
Ch 20 – Mind Games
Edward sat at the grand piano, playing softly. After we had returned from Charlie's and changed into dry clothes, Edward asked if he might cheer me up with a little music. I was feeling better, but wasn't about to say no. Sitting next to him as he played, I would never tire of hearing the lullaby he wrote for me. He also played some Chopin nocturnes, as well as Esme's favorites. We left the lights off since we didn't need them, and the delicate strains floated about the darkened expanse of the living room. Rain was still falling outside and the light patter added a tranquil air to Edward's melodies. Losing myself in the soothing atmosphere, I snuggled against him, craned my neck up and kissed his shoulder.
He smiled as his fingers danced over the ivories. "I had an idea for something new," he said. The notes shifted into something pastoral, but with a light rhythm to it. It was very bright, and peaceful and I began to smile in spite of myself.
"What are you seeing?" I asked.
Edward glanced down at me. "We're in our meadow and the wildflowers are blooming. The sun is shining and you're sparkling. And we're dancing, around and around…" He began to move his upper body in time with the music.
"And who are you dancing with?" I snorted. "It certainly wouldn't be me."
He laughed quietly at me. "How many things can you do now that you couldn't do before? We should try it again sometime. I'm sure you won't need to stand on my feet anymore."
He had a point there. Never in my life did I ever think I would be mountain climbing, fighting with bears, or practicing martial arts. Even running was a stretch for me when I was human. If I hadn't been so focused on the negative aspects of vampire life after I was changed, I would have appreciated the positives more. In many ways, this life suited me much better than my previous one did.
Esme walked into the living room, drawn by the sound of Edward's new composition, and stood behind us. She laid one hand on my shoulder and one on Edward's, a happy smile playing across her lips.
"You're very good for him, you know," she commented to me.
"He's good for me, too," I replied. "Though I'm curious how he was before I met him. He hasn't told me too much of that."
"Oh, he was fairly good natured," she answered, but I could tell by the way she looked at him she was being diplomatic. "He's always been very studious, but he wasn't quite as happy as he is now."
"Mo-ther," Edward said with some annoyance, then he brightened. "Denali is here," he said. He stopped playing with a flourish and stood up. Now that he mentioned it, I could hear a vehicle progressing up the driveway.
I followed Edward out the front door as the Denali family's SUV pulled to a stop on the end of the drive. Emmett, Rosalie and Jasper were already waiting at the edge of the meadow. Kate quickly waved from the driver's seat. The doors to the vehicle opened and our cousins emerged.
I moved to the driver's side of the car. Even though we had only left them a couple days earlier I still reached for Kate with a heartfelt hug. She smiled and said something that sounded like "sestrichka."
"What does that mean?" I asked.
"Little sister," she said with a fond smile, her eyes gleaming.
"Oh," was all I could say as the emotions left me tongue-tied. I smiled and hugged her back.
Esme and Carmen greeted each other as if for the first time in a century. I guessed they had some catching up to do. Emmett shook hands with Eleazar in a manner that was subdued for him, probably getting up the nerve to ask for lessons. Rosalie seemed most eager to see Tanya. Alice and Jasper went with me to the back of the SUV to help with bags.
I had always wondered why Edward's house had so many bedrooms, since they never slept in them. Now that I had been turned, I realized that the need for privacy and alone time was even more necessary for beings who didn't sleep. We settled Tanya and Kate into one of the guest rooms, and Eleazar and Carmen in another. Afterwards we gathered in the living room to catch up.
Edward and Jasper started by giving Eleazar a blow-by-blow recap of my sparring match with Emmett, much to Emmett's and my embarrassment. Eleazar gave me a slightly reproving look. "Showing off?" he asked with one raised eyebrow.
"It wasn't my idea," I said, wanting to hide for the moment. Fortunately I was interrupted by the sound of another car arriving. Carlisle was returning from his shift at the hospital.
"What was that about stunning some humans?" Esme asked.
"Oh, that. Not a big deal," I mumbled through my self-consciousness, and quickly related the events in Fairbanks.
"On the contrary," Edward said. "Several months ago, without Kate's ointment, you would've killed them without hesitation. I consider that a big deal."
"Danger magnet," Alice commented from where she sat with Jasper, and drew a sprinkling of laughter.
"But good control," Eleazar said approvingly. "How have you been progressing with your exercises?"
I made a face. "Still don't feel anything different." I didn't mention that we hadn't had any time for me to work on it since our return.
"Patience," he counseled me. "Just persevere. We'll work on it together."
Carlisle appeared at the top of the stairs, and set his briefcase down. "Hello!" he called. "Welcome! It's good to see you again." He cast his eyes around the room. "Well, almost all of you. Irina couldn't come?"
Kate shook her head as she answered. "Too close to the wolves. She didn't want to make trouble for you."
Carlisle pursed his lips and nodded. "I see. We'll just have to visit her next time."
"If we can," Eleazar said as he rose to shake Carlisle's hand.
"Still pessimistic, cousin?" Carlisle joked with a smile.
Eleazar hesitated as he sat down next to Carmen again. "I did some more thinking after we spoke on the phone. I think Edward's caution has merit. Do you remember the first time you met Aro?"
"Yes," Carlisle mused. "He was rather incredulous that I chose not to kill people, but he wasn't unpleasant. I think I amused him, because he kept trying to convince me to try the normal diet."
"You mean he kept dangling bleeding humans in front of you like steak before a lion," Edward interrupted, his visage darkened.
Carlisle's face was troubled. Considering the way he felt about life, it couldn't have been pleasant to be presented with an injured human and not be able to aid them. He cleared his throat uncomfortably. "I suppose from his point of view he was being hospitable."
"Mm. You may take this forgiveness a bit too far. I had a rather different introduction to him." Eleazar's comment hung in the air ominously.
Carlisle settled onto the couch next to Esme. "Go on, Eleazar," he prompted.
Eleazar rubbed his chin, gathering his thoughts. "In the old days, you know that there were fewer of us and it was rare to encounter others of our kind. And when we did, it was only in ones or twos.
"I was traveling through Italy, studying the masters of the Italian Renaissance. When I came to one walled city in the region that would become Tuscany, I stopped to hunt. There were enough humans that they might not miss one or two.
"I stalked my prey into an alleyway and was about to strike when I was confronted and overpowered by three vampires dressed in dark cloaks. They said I was hunting in their territory, and that was not allowed. They took me to a large piazzo. I thought they were going to kill me and were simply taking me somewhere less public. But there I was brought into the throne room of Aro, Caius and Marcus.
"Caius wanted to know my intentions in their city, and asked if I knew that hunting was not allowed there. He said there was only one punishment for breaking the rules, and I felt a chill run down my spine when he said that. I'd heard of the Volturi before, but didn't know where they were based. In fact, before this I had never seen that many vampires in one place. It was at this point that Aro came forward and shook my hand. And after he did, his eyes opened wide and he became much friendlier.
"Aro asked me about my life, and what my plans were for the future. I remained wary of him, because I could read that he was a telepath. Why would he be asking me if he could already read what he wanted to know? But as we talked, my wariness seemed to soften. I began to like this very civilized, soft-spoken aristocrat. When Aro offered me a place with them, he promised that I would be able to pursue my painting as much as I wished. There might be some errands he would ask me to run, but other than that I was free to come and go. Aro seemed a very likeable fellow and I didn't have any better plans at the moment, so I accepted."
Eleazar's face took on a slightly aggrieved expression. "They never said, 'join or die,' but apparently my options were quite limited. It wasn't until much later that I learned about Chelsea. By then my loyalties had been too thoroughly bonded to Aro and the Volturi for me to consider foul play. Only when I was free from her influence, and Edward suggested that Aro would have her tamper with me, did I think of the possibility. So I was caught from the beginning." He grasped Carmen's hand and brought it to his lips. "I'm very glad you found me," he said to her. Carmen smiled back at him, her face glowing with affection.
Eleazar addressed Carlisle again. "And while Aro might have liked you, can you see why he wouldn't have wanted to hold you?"
"No benefit to having a vegetarian in the house." Carlisle was tapping his fingers on his knee, lost in thought. "And I'm no threat because I don't hunt in their city. Was this when you began finding talents for Aro?"
"Yes," Eleazar continued. "Before then, I only used my gift for self-preservation. I could determine who might be a threat to me, and avoid bad situations. After I joined the Volturi, I continued that practice on a larger scale, identifying enemies who might be a threat to our warriors. I also began traveling extensively, investigating stories of unusual or gifted people. Most of the stories were just that: legends and old wives' tales. But once in a very long while, one of them would be true. That's how they found Jane and Alec."
"Was it you who found them?" Jasper asked.
Eleazar shook his head. "That was before my time. A nomad passing through Volterra informed Aro, and Demetri located them. Before me, it was rather hit and miss. Most of the Guard at that time were not talented, because Aro had no definite way to determine if a human would develop a gift when turned. With his gift, he could see extraordinary things that a candidate had done in their life, but even then things did not always translate.
"Back then twins were viewed by humans with a certain level of suspicion, simply because it was a rare occurrence for twins to survive birth. I suspect that's one possible origin of the fairy changeling story. Infant mortality rates being what they were, a fairy monster sucking away the life of the real baby made more sense than birth complications.
"After the unusual twins were found, Aro investigated and decided they were worthy. But they were still children and a little young to be turned. The Guard kept watch, waiting for them to reach a suitable age.
"Unfortunately, the villagers did not wait long enough. When the twins were only about 12 or 13, the village priest denounced them as witches. A witch trial was conducted, and they were sentenced to be burned. The situation was reported as quickly as possible, but we were too late. They were already bound to the stake with the fire raging around them when the Guard arrived. We doused the flames but they were horribly injured. Aro was forced to change them to save their lives."
"What happened to the village?" Carlisle asked.
Eleazar's expression was bleak. "Aro had the Guard destroy it. Every man, woman and child. And I regret to say that under Chelsea's spell, I thought what we did was justified in order to maintain the secret."
Eleazar fell silent, musing over memories long since left behind. He shook his head and sighed.
Carmen rubbed his shoulder in sympathy. "You didn't know," she said quietly. "And it was before your time. At least you weren't involved."
"Perhaps. But that still doesn't make it right," he said. "If they'd just spirited the twins away, the villagers wouldn't have made anything more of it. Who would care if a pair of witches disappeared?"
After another pause, Eleazar continued his discourse. "The presence of Jane and Alec made life in Volterra somewhat uncomfortable at times. Because of their power, they quickly became Aro and Caius' favorites. And being rather immature when Aro turned them, they tended to act out using their powers on other members of the Guard. Aro would ask them to be more considerate but Caius was rather gleeful when they would harass someone. Everyone learned to give them a wide berth."
I was surprised when Eleazar turned to me. "Bella, you'll need to be especially wary of Jane. She's still a child at heart, and has a child's inferiority complex. She needs to prove her superiority over others, and she welcomes any excuse to use her power. You thwart her simply by existing. She won't look upon you kindly."
Remembering what she had done to Edward, I set my jaw. "Well, the feeling's pretty mutual."
"All this brings me back to my point," Eleazar resumed. "This visit of theirs is ostensibly an inspection. But I also performed inspections and they sometimes became something far more serious. From what I've observed, and what Edward has read in Aro's mind – legitimately or not – Aro has been acquiring power. Even if this visit does turn out to be just an inspection, it doesn't hurt to be prepared."
Carlisle had a troubled expression on his face. "What you say makes sense. But I have a lot of respect for Aro and I still hesitate to think him capable of deceit. To me, he always seemed rather resolute about rules. However, I bow to your caution. Let us prepare."
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
After that conference, we picked up where we had left off in Denali. Only now we had four more students, and Eleazar's words gave us a greater sense of urgency. Even Kate and Tanya joined in. When Carlisle was home from the hospital, and family members were not off hunting, the meadow in front of the house looked like a military training camp.
Once I tried to get Alice to join in the fun, but she quickly demonstrated why I had no need to fear for her as I once had. She might be smaller than me, and not as strong, but I couldn't get close enough to even make contact. She just knew where I was going, and then she wasn't there.
That experience shed some light on one of the weaknesses of our system. We needed to have contact to be effective. This normally wouldn't be an issue. If somebody is coming after you, at some point they'll be close enough to touch. But if the opponent simply kept dancing out of the way, or struck from a distance, we would have problems. It was a good thing Emmett, Edward and Jasper knew other ways to defend themselves, but this was the only way I knew how to fight.
Jasper, Edward and I knew enough that we could help Eleazar teach the basics to the rest of the family. But for me, he sent me off to continue work on my own exercises. Edward had soundproofed our room so he could listen to music, so I shut myself in there.
For hours I stood before the large windows, concentrating on my breathing, hearing the air pass through my airways into my lungs. I became intimately familiar with that sound. If I still had a pulse, the throbbing beat would have marked the passing of the hours. The flow of light in my imagination rose and fell, ebbed and flowed. But that was all.
When I tired of that, I switched to the sitting meditation, trying to manipulate the imaginary column of light. While I had a pretty good imagination, I still didn't feel anything different. It wasn't that I had no motivation. My human memories of Volterra might be rather fuzzy, but the image of Edward – prostrate on the flagstone floor, twisting in agony – stood out in my head. And Jane was coming here. I was the only one who could protect him from that, the only one who could protect any of the family, so I had to get this. There were only three weeks left until the inspection.
Unfortunately, mental fatigue began to set in. My mind kept wandering, and even though Edward had soundproofed the room, I could still sense vibrations coming through the floor from a door shutting, or other disruptions. Trying to clear my head to come at it fresh, I'd get up and do laundry, or pull open my books and work on homework. After I was finished, I set my books aside and began my exercises again. I don't know what I expected but the results were the same.
Discouraged, I went outside to find Eleazar. He had me demonstrate what I had been doing, checked if I had the visualization right. Then he told me to carry on, because it sounded like I was doing it properly. At that point I realized one difference between physical and mental exercises: the teacher couldn't really see what you were doing in your head to correct you. If Edward could have seen inside my mind, he might be able to help me compare with what Eleazar was visualizing, but that option wasn't available either.
Eleazar must have read the frustration on my face, because he stopped me for a moment. "I know you're hoping for results, but this isn't something that can be rushed. It's a journey that your mind and body have to take in order to connect with each other properly. You're trying to manipulate something that has no substance without using muscle or sinew. That will take time. You have to be able to feel that something before you can move it."
Eleazar raised his hands. "Let's try something a little different. Cross hands with me." I moved to comply. When I was ready he spoke. "What I want you to do is close your eyes and don't think of what you're doing with your hands or feet. I'm going to be very subtle, and I want you to think in terms of the flow of water. The tide flows in and flows out. Using the intention of your mind, find my center and send the energy forward. Try that now."
So I tried it. And tried it. And tried it. I began to feel a little guilty for taking him away from the rest of the family, but he said I needed to do this, and Edward and Jasper were doing fine helping the others. I recognized it as what he had demonstrated to me in Denali before he taught me the meditations. As he said, it was much more subtle than what we had done before. With eyes closed, I sensed the slight forces that he sent my way. I found that I had to tone down my movements completely; even minute physical movements fed him too much force that he could use to his advantage. Just like waving at smoke, too much and it would waft out of the way and keep coming. I tried to keep still, and use the intent of my mind to direct my defenses.
After many long hours, something seemed to speak to Eleazar, and he nodded with satisfaction. I wasn't sure what it was; he still had complete domination while we worked no matter how subtle or intent I was. But he turned me over to work out with the others, telling me to remember that feeling, and to concentrate on the same objective while working with them.
It was good to have other hands to work with. No matter how comfortable we felt with our technique, everybody brought a slightly different twist to their execution, so it was highly educational to feel different hands. We switched off with each other regularly, like exchanging dance partners. Our system didn't involve a lot of jumping around or dodging in and out, so we were actually able to chat a little while sparring.
When my turn came to work with Rosalie, I was a little apprehensive but didn't turn away. At one time, when faced with someone who had some animosity towards me, I would have shied away from close contact with them. Perhaps the training and Eleazar's mantra of 'don't be fearful, don't be greedy' was changing my normal tendencies.
Before I had left for Denali, Rosalie had given me some sisterly advice about adjusting to the life of a vampire, even though she wasn't too happy with me sticking to my decision to choose immortality. And while technically she was my older sister, here I was tutoring her on Eleazar's system. She surprised me by broaching the subject of vampire life first.
"So do you like it so far?" She had her side locks pulled back into a clip where it fell from the back of her head, a golden waterfall to her waist. Even in a work shirt with the sleeves rolled halfway up, she still looked glamorous. The way she had the buttons open showing a hint of cleavage made me think it was habit for her; there was nobody here to impress. As always, I wished I could look as good as she did in a pair of jeans.
"Keep your elbows in." I adjusted her arms lightly. "Do I like what so far?" I asked.
"This life."
I searched her eyes for a moment, looking for signs of resentment or vindictiveness but finding none. She just seemed curious. "At first it wasn't so great, with me not being in control of myself and hurting people," I admitted. "I don't know if you heard but I attacked Eleazar and Irina when we were up in Denali. Good thing nobody got hurt."
"I did try to tell you," she said evenly.
"I know, and I appreciate that. Don't be so stiff when you strike." I sent a little pressure forward and Rose completely locked her arms trying to fend it off, rocking off-balance briefly. "Don't fight it, just feel where it's coming from. Turn it aside if it's too much." I waited while she adjusted. "Um, thanks for your advice. It helped when I finally let myself listen to it."
Rosalie nodded, her eyes unfocused as she tried to feel where my hands were going.
"You surprised me a little," I continued. "When we last talked about it, you weren't too happy with me."
"Well, what did you expect? I'd give anything for the ability to have children, and you threw it away." Interestingly, while her words still disapproved, her tone was not angry.
"But we were different when we were human. You were somebody and I was nobody. If I had your life, I would have had more to give up. I still would've chosen Edward, but it would have been a much harder choice."
Rosalie fell quiet, obviously thinking about that last statement because she let her form slip again. I adjusted her stance. "Do you still think it would be better if I had stayed human?"
Rosalie pursed her full lips. When she finally opened her mouth, she stopped and her eyes flicked over to Edward, who was working with Carlisle. I gave her the barest of whispers. "He can't hear you while I'm touching you," I reminded her.
She pitched her voice so that only I could hear, even among other vampires. "Don't tell him. I have to admit, I've not seen Edward this happy before. He's actually been rather bearable for once. We still get on each other's nerves, and I think we always will, but he hasn't been quite as annoying as before. That makes life at home more pleasant. So, on the whole – other than the whole family having to deal with drama that started when you were human – it's been a good thing."
"Thanks, Rosalie." I gave her a small but earnest smile. "If we get through this, I promise – no more drama." She smiled back. We weren't the best of friends yet, but it was a start. She seemed more reconciled to my presence in the family now, and for that I was grateful.
Emmett was starting to get the hang of things, and was more able to let go of his reliance on strength and speed. He still hadn't caught up with me, so he didn't bother asking for a re-match. When I worked out with him, it was obvious where he was coming from, and I could easily handle him. Even more surprising, the new way of abstract sensing worked better than I expected, like a new vampire sense had suddenly opened. It was as if I had a sphere of energy that flowed around me, sensing the encroaching forces and allowing me to re-direct them. Once any opposing force was neutralized I was free to advance.
Like during the newborn invasion, the projected Volturi inspection loomed over us, spurring us to long hours of practice and training. The thought of sweet and kind Esme, or tiny Alice, fighting with anybody was originally a shocking concept when I was human. But now that I was here in the same situation, it didn't seem so unusual. I suppose being a predator made aggressive behavior come more naturally.
Although the deadline approached, as trivial as it seemed, we still had appearances to maintain. While rare, some of Carlisle's colleagues from the hospital sometimes visited him at the house. So, in addition to training, we still had some chores to take care of.
More days and nights passed in this fashion. The overall mood was not panicked; this was just supposed to be an inspection. But we all knew what Jane and Alec were capable of. Even with our numbers and training, Eleazar was not sanguine of our chances if they simply decided to attack us.
I found that my exercises needed long periods of undisturbed time. Every time somebody walked up or down the stairs, opened or closed a door, I got distracted by the vibrations. Rather than monopolize our room, I moved my exercises outside. I didn't think it would be nice to hang a sign on the door that said "QUIET! Keep out!" Away from the house, I found a small clearing on a low hill, far enough away that I could tune out the sounds of people at the house, but not so far that Edward would worry about me.
I don't remember exactly when it happened; things seemed to be mashing together in a blur of days and nights. I think it had been a week or more since the Denali family had arrived. I had been at the standing meditation for hours, since the early morning. Judging from the angle of light peeking below the clouds, it was now close to dawn of the next day. The sounds of the nocturnal fauna had faded, ceding the stage to the daytime players.
In the hushed calm before morning, like so many times before, I closed my eyes again and gave a long, slow exhalation. In and out. In and out. I relaxed and allowed myself to expand into the full extent of my senses. For a while the whole of the forest came to me: the bird, insect and animal sounds, the sounds of my family training in front of the house, the whisper of the wind through the pines, the rush of cars on the distant highway. My echo-location sense drew in my head the contours of the river valley and outlying hills. To my nostrils came the scent of green forest and damp soil, ferns and trees and rocks. The tickling brush of the wind caressed my cheeks and tugged at my clothing. And I felt the ever present weight of gravity pulling down at me.
Another slow exhalation and I turned the focus of my senses from the vast outdoors into the small space that was me. Inside me was stillness – no rushing of blood, no pulsing heartbeat. The passage of air in and out of my lungs echoed in the absence of other sounds. There was warmth but in varying amounts in different areas. Opposite to a warm-blooded creature, my extremities were warmer than my core, since I hadn't been out in the sun or indoors long enough to absorb much heat.
Suddenly I noticed something different. Like the human I used to be, I felt a faint, needles-and-pins sensation of returning circulation, and prickling warmth permeated my body. It was like I had been staring at a painting for a long time, turned away for a moment, and noticed something new when I looked back. The painting had not changed. Had that been there all the time? How had I not noticed it before?
Not sure if I was imagining things, I opened my eyes and looked down at my body. There was nothing visibly different, and yet it was still there. I could feel the prickling warmth slowly growing and cooling in intensity, as if it were breathing.
Tentatively, not wanting to lose the feeling, I slowly sat down on the large stone I was standing on, and commenced with the sitting meditation. This time, instead of some imaginary light, I pulled at the warm glow using the intention of my mind. I was gratified to feel it pull slowly within, receding like a wave on the sand, returning to the ocean.
The shrinking blob of warmth didn't get as small as the little dot of light that I was accustomed to visualizing. It retracted to a rough sphere about the size of a softball in the center of my body, very warm and the prickling increased to where it was quite noticeable. I skipped extending it into a cylinder, and simply tried to expand it as far as I could. There was no resistance until it reached the limits of my body, flooding outward and resuming its natural state. From there it was like trying to lift a boulder with only human strength. I strained at my boundaries and was able to make it extend a couple inches outside my skin. But that was all. I relaxed and it subsided to its original size. Then just to make sure I had it, I pulled it down inside me again. It moved as easily as if it was my hand or my foot. Elated, I went to go find the others.
I ran toward the house. "Eleazar, look! I found my shield!" I called as I ran. I couldn't help my excitement. Everybody paused in their work as I bounded into the front yard. I skidded to a stop beside Edward, who was working out with Emmett. "Look!" I repeated, and grabbed hold of Edward's hand. Now that I knew what I was looking for, I felt the field of warmth extend instantly, flowing through our connected hands until it permeated his body as well as mine.
I took a moment to calm myself, then exhaled and pulled in the field. It slowly receded out of Edward's body, and back into mine. I felt it pulling as I held it at my hand, trying to move back to merge with Edward again. I smiled inwardly. If it had acted this way only with him, that might have explained some things.
Eleazar beamed in approval. "Well done, Bella! I can read Edward now."
Kate, who was working with Rosalie, looked over. "How far can you extend it?"
My face fell. "Um, without contact only a couple inches. When I touch somebody it just goes by itself. But without contact, it's really hard."
Edward lifted my chin with his fingers and smiled down at me. It was weird coming from my chin, but at the new point of contact the field of warmth poured forth into his body. "Don't be discouraged. This is progress. You couldn't do this at all before."
"All the more reason to get back to work," Kate said with a smile.
"Wait a minute," Edward suggested. "Bella was able to protect more than one by touch. Let's see how far it will go."
Edward had the family join hands to form a vampire chain with the 'talented' ones at regular intervals. Eleazar stood off to the side to observe. Edward was at the very end, farthest from me.
"All right, Bella, grab hold," he called.
I took Carlisle's hand, and felt the now familiar pull as my energy field leapt forth, flowing like an electric current. It poured through Carlisle, Kate, and Esme in quick succession. But when it reached little Alice it began to fade and didn't reach Rosalie at all. It still covered Alice but was not as strong, as if she stood in the nebulous corona of an eclipse, instead of the full light of the sun.
"I can read Edward and Jasper," Eleazar confirmed what I already knew. "Kate is a blank and Alice is a little unclear."
"So it looks like about four," Jasper said, a note of disappointment in his voice.
"Let me try something," I said. "Edward switch with Rosalie." After they had exchanged places, I closed my eyes and concentrated, trying to push more of the energy through our connected hands. I felt it strengthen over Alice, but no more than that. It still didn't make it over to Edward.
"I can still read Edward, but Alice I can't," Eleazar reported.
"There's a limit, then," Edward said.
"Damn, I was hoping…" I muttered, my spirits falling again. I wouldn't be able to protect the entire family. "I don't want her to be able to hurt you again, Edward." I looked around at my family. "I don't want her to be able to hurt any of you."
"That's very admirable, Bella," Eleazar addressed me. "But if you're in a combat situation, your concerns could be a liability."
"How do you mean?"
"From a strategic point of view, we're a small group of warriors. Every member of the unit has a job to do. In a large regiment, if one or two members can't perform, there are others available to take their place. We don't have that luxury."
I was surprised with the direction he was going, as I had never considered myself any kind of warrior.
"We all have our loved ones. But in war, you must be able to stay focused, and not let your emotions run you. In an infantry line, the warrior next to you guards your flanks so you only need to address the threat in front of you. If that warrior leaves their post abruptly – say to guard a loved one – you can be more easily overwhelmed leaving an opening the enemy can exploit. The entire unit could be placed in jeopardy."
I noticed Jasper had a guilty look on his face as he listened to Eleazar. Instinctively he reached for Alice's hand. I thought about my overwhelming desire to protect the family during the newborn invasion and realized I was guilty, too. Now that I knew what a vampire's abilities were, it made even less sense for me to think I could have been useful as a human.
"You're all doing this training for a reason," Eleazar went on. "To be prepared to fend off an invasion, if it comes to that. You're all fast and strong and trained. But you have to be able to trust your companions – trust that they'll be able to take care of themselves and perform their part. It may not be easy, but it may be necessary for our survival.
"That's one of the reasons that Marcus is so important to Aro. He can identify those on a battlefield with the strongest ties to each other. The Volturi then exploit those bonds, to greater effect. The best you can do is to deny him that advantage."
We all stood silently, a little awed by Eleazar's impromptu speech. He coughed uncomfortably, realizing he had been haranguing us. "Sorry, everyone. I've been recalling more of the tactics of the Volturi. They're not above exploiting any advantage they might have, so we do need to be prepared."
"Don't apologize," said Carlisle. "You spent the most time with them, so you know best how they operate."
Comic relief came from the most unlikely of sources – Jasper. "Well, worst case, we can always try a Highland charge," he said with a wry grin.
"What's that?" Emmett asked.
"You'd like it," Jasper remarked as he playfully punched at Emmett's shoulder. I was impressed to note that Emmett warded off the punch using the correct technique, instead of his old habits. "The Scottish Highlanders would discharge their muskets, then charge across the open field at the enemy lines brandishing their weapons and screaming like demons. It was quite effective in a number of battles."
"I believe they did that because they couldn't afford more horses," Eleazar said with an amused look. "Be that as it may, Bella, it was a worthy experiment. It's good to know one's limitations. However since the situation is still essentially the same…"
I made a little face. "I know, back to work."
Eleazar stopped me. "Now that you've found the energy, you need to build it," he said. "This time in the standing exercise, don't disperse the energy. Gather it in, and try to hold it. Store it in your center and let it accumulate, then try to pack in more. Let me know how that progresses."
"I'll do my best," I said as I turned to go back toward my little clearing.
As I walked toward the woods again, I heard a step behind me. I looked over my shoulder to see Edward catching up. Pausing to wait for him, I took his hand when he drew near.
"You've been working by yourself for so long I haven't seen that much of you," he said and gave my hand a squeeze.
I gave him an answering squeeze and looked up. The light morning breeze ruffled through his reddish-brown hair and tugged at the collar of his shirt. "I miss you, too. Sorry, but I just feel like I have to get this. When I think about Jane coming, and what she did to you last time…"
"Didn't you hear anything that Eleazar just said?" he asked and raised an amused eyebrow. "It would be nice if you were able to safeguard everybody, but if you can't, we have to do the best we can. And it won't help if you do something crazy to try and protect everybody." He was obviously thinking of my efforts when he fought Victoria.
"Well, what about you?" I replied. "Would you trust me to be able to take care of myself?"
Edward glanced away as we walked, not answering. Finally he spoke. "I think you can take care of yourself. But I still don't feel comfortable with the thought of you going into combat."
I stopped in my tracks, pulling on his arm. "Wait a minute; didn't we talk about this already? You said yourself I can do this as well as you can."
He turned his darkening eyes to me. He would need to hunt soon. "True, but that was just learning how to defend yourself." He raised a hand and brushed my hair back from my face. "One-on-one, you couldn't do any worse than I could. But warfare is different. It's another thing entirely to think of you walking into the valley of the shadow of death without wanting to at least be by your side."
"So, you didn't listen to Eleazar, either," I accused.
He gave me an ironic smile. "The head hears but the heart doesn't want to obey."
I shook my head at him as we started walking toward my clearing again. "If it comes to a battle, you and I are going to be one big liability," I said with some acerbity. "Marcus will take one look and say 'take them out'."
"Mm. Then we'd better stick together. At least that way we can watch each other's backs, and won't go looking for each other in the heat of battle."
I rolled my eyes in exasperation. I suppose I should have expected it of him. I didn't like the idea of him putting himself in danger's way, either.
When we arrived at my little clearing, he took me in his arms and kissed me. I kissed him back and was surprised at how quickly he deepened the kiss, sweet and insistent at the same time. The way his hands clutched me to him and the eagerness in his body told me things he wasn't saying.
"You really have missed me," I whispered when he gave me a chance.
"More than I can say, love." He closed his eyes, and drew in a long inhalation below my ear, his nose tickling the side of my neck. A happy groan rumbled low in his chest. "More than I can say. The only time I can truly breathe is when I'm with you."
He wasn't alone in that need, and the strength of his arms around me, his scent of linen and vanilla filling my nostrils and his solid chest pressing against me simply kicked my natural desires for him into overdrive.
Still mindful of what we'd been talking about earlier, an errant thought bubbled up and I barely managed to keep the smirk from my lips. Then without warning, I swept Edward's feet out from under him, guided him to the earth, and fell onto his chest with a giggle.
"Oof! You little minx!" he protested, but his eyes were bright with humor.
"Still worried I can't take care of myself?" I asked loftily.
"We'll see about that!"
A low growl rumbled in his chest while he grinned, then he twisted, pushing me onto my back. Laughing, giggling and kissing all the way, we rolled over and over, back and forth, not letting each other have the upper hand for long. Finally he started tickling, and though I could have warded him off, I let him be and simply collapsed into squeals of laughter.
"Aaah! Not fair! Okay, uncle!" I squeaked between fits and squirms.
Thankfully, he stopped and settled down next to me, pulling me close against him. "Well, now I know you are ticklish."
"No fair. Eleazar never taught anything like that," I protested, still breathless.
Edward chuckled and arched his brows. "True. But ever since you asked the question in Denali, I've been curious."
"So, now you know. Am I forgiven, then?" I lay there docilely as Edward picked leaves out of my hair. He grinned my favorite lopsided smile and I felt my insides melt a little. My breath caught in my throat as his eyes narrowed and seemed to darken with liquid desire.
"I'll think about it," he demurred, and slowly leaned closer.
"Mmm, why don't I help you think?" Holding his golden eyes, I reached for his shirt and slowly began opening the buttons. With a murmur of assent, Edward bent to claim my lips and I melted into his chest, willing him to take me wherever he wanted to go.
= = CR = = CR = = CR = =
After a time, the sound of our breathing slowed, and I once again became aware of my surroundings, even as Edward placed soft, individual kisses on my lips and cheeks. The deep satisfaction I felt told me how much I had needed this break, while his contented smile told me Edward felt the same. Unfortunately, I still had work to do. With a regretful tilt of my head, I put a hand on his cheek and pulled back from his lips. Not an easy thing for me to do. "I'm sorry, Edward. I love you, but I need to get back to work."
A disappointed sigh shuddered from between his lips. "Duty calls. I, for one, will be glad when this inspection thing is over. Allow me, sweetheart." He retrieved our clothing, and seemed to take a certain sensuous pleasure in helping me dress. Somehow he made the action almost as intimate as making love had been — holding my gaze while he fastened a button with agonizing slowness, his fingers leaving feathery touches on my sensitive skin. Mimicking his motions, I returned the favor and made a mental note to do this more often. It was almost more than I could handle to not tear his clothes back off. When we were decent, Edward placed his hands on my waist and kissed me one last time before he let go.
"You know where to find me," he teased.
I kept hold of his hand, not wanting to let him go either, and let my fingertips linger over his as he pulled his hand free. I gave him a wistful smile as he walked back toward the house, his body half-turned back toward me and an answering smile on his face. He surprised me by blowing me a kiss before turning away.
Edward just naturally intoxicated me and it took quite a while to calm myself down. More than a few calming breaths were needed to clear my head and focus on the task at hand. When I finally did, I threw myself back into my efforts to extend the reach of my energy field, which was how I thought of it now. As Eleazar had explained, the purpose of the standing meditation was to help build sensitivity to the internal energies so one could work with them, and build the amount of energy one could generate. The sitting meditation helped the practitioner control the energies. I needed help in both areas.
When Eleazar first identified my gift, he had called it a shield. But if it blocked mental powers from reaching their targets, that wouldn't explain how it kept both Edward and Kate's gifts from working when I touched them. Did it somehow hold their abilities in? That didn't seem likely with Kate, who needed contact for her gift to work. And once she had contact, how would I be able to block her? It seemed more likely that the field disrupted those mental powers from working, kind of like how a radio gets all fuzzy when the car passes under high-voltage wires.
I desperately wanted to expand my field, so I sat and pushed and pushed at the forces that held it close to my body. The deep cyclic breathing seemed to help a little, or perhaps it just helped focus my efforts. Now that I knew where my field was, and what it felt like, I didn't need absolute quiet to find it anymore. However, with growing dismay, I slowly realized I had discovered the limitations of my vampire body.
Physical endeavors were not a problem for me anymore, but this was primarily a mental exercise. Mental fatigue was actually starting to show in a big way. At mid-afternoon, about three hours after I had resumed my work, I began to notice a headache. I hadn't had a headache since I was human. Edward would sometimes pinch the bridge of his nose, but that was usually when he was incredibly angry. He never said that it hurt.
I continued trying to expand the glowing warmth around me, pushing for all I was worth, breath starting to come more quickly as with physical effort. I managed to get it out to about six inches from my body. But when the throbbing between my eyes became too much, I had to stop. I let the field subside and opened my eyes, panting slightly. Massaging my forehead and temples for a while seemed to help the discomfort.
I switched to the standing exercise, gathering in my field until it coiled and pulsed in the center of my body. Then with each breath, I tried to pack more energy in, visualizing the waves of light merging into it and strengthening it. Perhaps it was my imagination, but the prickling increased; feeling like spiky caterpillars had replaced the butterflies that usually populated that region. But it slowly became uncomfortable, like a case of heartburn, and considering I had no stomach acids anymore, that took some doing. After a couple hours of this, too, I had to stop, rubbing my belly to ease the discomfort.
Trying to clear my head, I started moving through the set techniques. Moving around definitely helped, and my head and stomach went back to feeling normal. As I mimed through the slow movements of punching, kicking, blocking and pushing, I had another inspiration. I started applying the mental push of energy with each movement, as I had when working out with Eleazar. Providing a focal point with motion seemed to work a little better, rather than just trying to expand it in all directions. As I stepped forward into a two-handed push and sent the energy forward, the field moved forward as well, extending from my palms through the space where I imagined an opponent would be, an invisible pseudopod. When I stepped back, it subsided into me.
With eleven vampires to guard, I speculated I would need a sphere at least ten feet in diameter to cover everyone. If I was limited in the volume that I could generate, an ellipsoid of the same diameter might be more efficient. And while extending my field from my hands wasn't exactly what I wanted to accomplish, it was progress of a sort, so I kept at it. It was hard enough trying to extend, let alone trying to shape it.
Part of my mind was also adjusting to Edward's attitude to the whole affair. When I was human and the newborns were invading, Edward wanted me safely out of the area, even tricking me into leaving the state when Victoria came at us the first time. At least this time he wasn't insisting that I stay away. Not that he could since I was the subject of the inspection.
On the other hand, I didn't hold much hope that he would really trust me to be able to take care of myself, as Eleazar directed. If things did come to a battle, one-on-one encounters would be hard to arrange. I worried that he would hurt himself trying to safeguard me, just as Jasper had been trying to protect Alice.
Over the next week, progress came slowly and, quite literally, painfully. I continued my efforts with dogged determination, stopping only when the pain in my head grew unbearable, or when taking time out to hunt. I was relieved to see that my hunger was continuing to adjust – I was able to go four or five days before needing to hunt again. I also trained with Eleazar as much as I could, hoping to trigger some kind of breakthrough. But the closer we got to the inspection date, the more I realized I wasn't going to make it. I was able to project my field roughly five or six feet in front of me, but only about two feet around. If I held my arms out away from my sides, the field ended at my fingers. Not nearly enough to cover everyone.
The sun was setting behind the clouds when Edward came to look for me. I had collapsed on my rock after a particularly hard session. It felt like I had been attempting to pull a jumbo jet with my head, and I held my forehead in my hands trying to hold it together.
"Are you all right, love?" Edward's frantic concern somehow made it through my pounding, fuzzy brain. He crouched next to me and laid a hand across my back.
I raised bleary eyes to him, blinked like an owl, then dropped my head against his shoulder with a long exhalation. "No, I'm not all right. This is harder than anything I've done so far. If it was only physical, maybe I'd have a shot at it. But it's purely mental. I guess vampirism doesn't make everything possible."
Edward took a seat and shifted me into his lap. I sighed and lay my aching head on his chest as he massaged my neck and shoulders. "Did you ever think that this much is made possible by who you are now?"
"Mm?" I was barely coherent. I didn't have tight muscles, just the headache, but I was enjoying the feel of his soothing hands.
He laughed quietly and continued working on my neck. After a while he spoke with his lips against my hair. "Are you thirsty, Bella?" he asked.
"A little," I admitted. "I'll be all right for another day or so."
"A number of us are going hunting tonight, to be prepared for tomorrow."
"It's tomorrow?" I sat upright on his lap, alarm rushing through me. "Oh crap, I thought I had more time!"
"You've been so single-minded about this, I was starting to get worried. It seemed to me you didn't move for almost an entire day."
"This is bad, Edward!" My voice rose as the panic set in. "I can only cover a little more than myself. Maybe if I had six months to work on it, but not in just a month!"
"It's not for lack of trying," Edward said, trying to calm me down. "You've done almost nothing but work on this for the last month. No one would fault you at all. Come on. There's nothing you can do about it now, and you need to be at your best for tomorrow."
I let Edward pull me to my feet. My headache started to subside, but it was replaced by a feeling of dread. The Volturi were coming and I couldn't do anything about it. If they were going to be nasty, someone in the family would be left unprotected. How could I pick and choose whom to leave to Jane's tender mercies?
Kate and Eleazar were waiting for us at the house. The rest of the family had already split up, and were headed for different hunting grounds. With this many of us hunting at once, it would cause too much damage to hunt in the same place. Our assigned area was in a northeast direction from the house, far away from the Bogachiel River. I wondered if this was Edward's decision; that was the site where I had killed Mike and Jessica. It seemed like the kind of thoughtful gesture he would do.
"How goes it, sestrichka?" Kate asked.
In answer I stopped a few paces away from her, gathered my hands in front of me, then pushed out towards her. I felt my energy field reach across the space between us, and when it touched Kate it was drawn into her naturally. I only needed to keep the connection going after that.
"Very good, Bella," Eleazar commended me with a nod.
"But not good enough," I said. "I can only generate a field this far across." I held out my arms to either side to show him, and in doing so broke the connection to Kate.
"I'd be willing to bet you're able to cover more of us by contact than you did two weeks ago," Edward said. Trust him to try to make me feel better.
"Yeah!" I brightened. "It's at least twice as big as it was then."
"Bella." Kate's tone was calm as usual, but very matter-of-fact. "It's a nice idea. But even if you could shield all of us in a chain, if the Volturi do come to fight, do you think we can stand there holding hands? We might be immune to their powers but they can still attack us, physically. And then we would have to let go to defend ourselves."
"Oh," I said, crestfallen again. I kicked at a small clump of grass. "Darn, I hadn't thought of that."
"Don't be discouraged," said Eleazar as he patted me on the shoulder. "It was a worthy effort, and this wasn't something that just anybody could do. You've gotten this far in just over a month of nigh constant work. That, in itself, is impressive. I think we could still work it into tactics if necessary. At the least, if we were to try a mass charge, you would guarantee that a number of us could get through. That's better odds than we were looking at before."
"And remember, this is supposed to be an inspection," said Edward. "You shouldn't have to defend yourself from that." He drew near and took my hand again. "The best thing you can do right now is to come and recharge yourself so you're ready for whatever tomorrow brings. You'll feel better once you've had something to drink."
"All right, let's go," I agreed.
We started off for our hunting grounds. They were right, of course. We would just have to do the best we could with what we had. For that matter, we really didn't have any choice. Right now we stood at eleven mature vampires and one newborn with dubious abilities. If Eleazar or Jasper could devise a way to use my gift to better effect I might feel more secure. I just hoped it wouldn't be necessary.
To be continued...
A/N: Whew! That was a little thick, wasn't it? But Bella's finally got her shield now! So you ask, "when's there gonna be some action, hmmm?" Soon...soon... As always, love to hear your thoughts!