Good news, folks. I've decided to revive this story. It did a lot better than my other Hellsing Tales fic, so I decided to make a few new chapters for it. Today's chapter: Valentine's Day!

Valentine's Day

Integra sighed as she took a drag from her cigar. It was February 14th. Valentine's Day. One of her least favorite holiday's ever. That, and the 4th of July. Bloody Americans, and their fireworks... It was bad enough they beat England, but every year Integra had to replace at least 12 windows thanks to her American soldiers. Bloody Americans... she mentally groaned.

She had several things to expect on Valentine's Day, such as Alucard attempting to do what he considered "flirting" with her and the soldiers trying (and usually failing) to go out with the maids. But this year she knew there would be some new things. That bloody fool Pip would most likely attempt to court with Seras, who in turn would be burried beneath a pile of cards and candy from the soldiers. Integra sighed. That was the one thing she hated the most about the stupid holiday.

She never got anything.

Other than the usual "flirting" from Alucard, she never recieved anything on the day of St. Valentine. It was a bit disheartening, actually. Here she was, the leader of a huge organization, and nobody bothered to give her a card, box of chocolates... She'd have been happy with a lone rose petal, in fact. But no, every year, she got nothing. Nadda. Nil. Zip. Goose-egg.

I wonder why that is... she thought to herself. Was it the way she dressed? Sure, a suit wasn't the most appealing attire for a woman to wear, but it wasn't exactly ugly. Okay, maybe it was. But that shouldn't dissuade everyone other than her blood-sucking lacky from trying to get her attention. Was it because she smoked? Not likely. Most of the soldiers went through more cigarettes in a day than she went through cigars a year.

Maybe she wasn't attractive? No, of course not! Why else would Alucard try so much to make her fall in love with him? Of course, he would do the same for any woman. He'd probably fall head over heals for a rock if its name was "Clarise" or something femanine. Integra chuckled at that thought. But still... Why did none of the soldiers give her anything? Maybe she really didn't seem attractive to them...

The door to her office suddenly opened up. Pip Bernadotte walked in, a tray of tea in his hands. "Bonjour! Afternoon tea, Sir Hellsing? Walter told me to bring up to you..."

"Captain Bernadotte," Integra addressed him politely, "Do you find me attractive?"

"Eh?" Pip froze dead in his tracks. "Beg pardon?"

"Do you find me attractive?" Integra repeated the question. "Answer honestly."

Iz zis a trick question? I don't know what to say... Pip nervously thought to himself. If he said yes, would it get him fired? Or would it get him a hot date with the boss? Or would it get him killed by Count Trigger Happy?! "Um..."

"I'm waiting for an answer..." Integra drummed her fingers on her desk. I'm curious, and its funny to watch him squirm...

"Oui?" Pip smiled innocently. "I suppose so..."

"You suppose so?" Integra glared over the rims of her glasses.

"Er, what I meant to say was..." Pip took a step back. "You're very beautiful, I mean. Very much, indeed! I hope this isn't a trick question. Don't fire me, please!"

"I'm not going to fire you," Integra waved her hand in the air casually. "I was just curious... Set the tray down on the desk. You may leave."

"Thanks, boss..." Pip nodded as he put down the tray and headed for the door. "See ya!"

"Well, that was entertaining..." Integra took a sip from the glass of tea. I guess they're too afraid of me to give me gifts...

Meanwhile, in the hallway outside her office, Alucard was holding Pip off the ground by his throat. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Pip croaked.

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't gnaw on your legs like the French frog you are," Alucard growled.

"She asked me! I didn't want to get fired! I'm sorry!" Pip shook his head. "Don't kill meeee!"

"Hmph," Alucard tossed him over his shoulder. "Get out of my sight..."

"No problem," Pip scrambled to his feet and ran off.

"And now to go wish Master a happy Valentine's Day," Alucard flashed his trademark grin.

"Master Alucard," Walter's voice made him pause in front of the door. "Please give these to Integra," Walter handed Alucard a bag of cards, candy, and roses when he turned around. "I hope I can trust you with them..." Walter gave him a suspicious gaze.

"Of course," Alucard grinned. Walter frowned slightly as he walked away. "I'll take good care of them..." With that, Alucard dissappeared.

Moral of the Story: As long as Alucard is around, Integra will always be a member of the Lonely Heart's Club.