Chapter 21

Author's note: thanks for all the follows, favorites, and reviews! Some dark stuff in this chapters, just warning you. Also her experience with the Jobi nuts is very similar to Bellamy's in the show but please don't hate on that, she's haunted by it too.

"Oh my god," Bellamy breathed out, causing Clarke to rush over questioningly. Her face froze as she stared down at his overjoyed one. These weren't toys. These were actual weapons, guns that could kill someone. This changed everything.

"This changes everything," Bellamy echoed her thoughts as he set up a target, a red cloth with an 'X' drawn onto it. "Ready to finally be a badass, Clarke?" Bellamy asked the question as he passed Ari a package of nuts, both snacking on them. The same nuts Clarke had been eating earlier as they were better fresh, most being stored to eat within the coming month while other foods that stored better were being saved for winter.

"I won't fight you on bringing guns to camp, I know we need them. Doesn't mean I have to like it," Clarke grumbled as she loaded the assault rifle. "The fact that they were packed in grease is the only reason they survived. This means we're not sitting ducks anymore, you need to learn how to do this," Bellamy urged as he sat by Ari, who he had deemed would learn next.

"So I just hold it on my shoulder?" Bellamy got up with a sigh, fixing her stance somewhat awkwardly. "You know what? Here, just watch and learn." He grabbed one of the rifles, setting it up against him in position before firing. Or trying to fire. The gun clicked uselessly as he pulled the trigger once more. Ari chortled, "Yeah thanks for the lesson, I'm learning so much under your tutelage." She laughed harder as he gave her the finger and Clarke rolled her eyes at their antics.

"My bullets are duds." "Excuses, excuses," Ari tutted playfully. "Try yours," he gestured to Clarke. Clarke took aim, firing and managing to hit the bottom corner of the target. She straightened slowly, her face awestruck. "That was amazing. Am I horrible for feeling that?" Bellamy shook his head, a wide grin on his face. "Try again."

"No, we shouldn't waste the ammunition." "You need to learn how to do this," Bellamy argued. "We need to talk about how we're going to keep guns at camp. Where we're going to keep them, who has access to them." Bellamy ignored her, beckoning Ari over to learn. She picked up on it quickly, her eyesight had always been good. It was steadying her unusually shaky hands that she had issue with. She frowned, she usually wasn't so unsteady.

Clarke chose that moment to strike up a conversation. "You left Miller in charge of the grounder. You must trust him," she perceived intuitively. Without looking at either of them, he responded. "You should keep him close, the others listen to him." Clarke didn't seem to pick up on it but Ari caught the emphasis on you, as in their group as a separate entity from him rather than being a part of it. "We should keep him close, not you? Bellamy what's going on? You've been acting weird all day," Ari said as she moved closer to him, concern on her face.

He wouldn't look at her, staring down at the gun in his hands as his jaw clenched. Realization seemed to dawn on them both at the same time, as Clarke glanced at his bag. "All those extra food rations, you're gonna run. That's why you agreed to come with us," Clarke clarified. Ari blinked in hurt, "You were just going to leave without telling me? Without saying goodbye? I would've thought a grounder got you, you asshole!" She shoved his chest angrily, barely moving him as he was much larger than she.

"I don't have a choice. The Ark's gonna be here soon," he tried to explain as he reached out for her. "So you were just gonna load up on supplies and go? Just leave Octavia behind?" "Octavia hates me, she'll be fine," he reasoned. Ari shook her head, "No she wouldn't. She would be crushed. I was her cellmate, I heard the way she talked about you." Guilt flashed across his features, hidden before Clarke could see it but Ari saw.

"I shot the Chancellor, they're going to kill me. Best case scenario they lock me up with the grounder for the rest of my life and there's no way in hell I'm giving Jaha the satisfaction. Keep practicing," he told them as he moved to storm out. Ari grabbed his arm, "Promise you're coming back." Her voice was quiet, broken. A soft look entered his eyes at her tone and he nodded, pulling her in to kiss her forehead. Clarke turned away to practice, giving them their moment. "I promise." Appeased, she nodded and he disentangled from her to leave.

She didn't know when the dizzy feeling began or the trembling of her hands increased tenfold, spreading through her whole body to make it shake like a leaf. She didn't know when she entered the hallway or where Clarke had gone. In her drug hazed mind she noticed none of it. The thick cloying smell of mold filled her nostrils as she stumbled through the damp halls, blinking heavily as she tried to upright herself from the wall.

"Aria," she froze at the singsong voice that echoed her name through the hall, dragging it out to where it was almost unrecognizable. Only one person had called her by her full name, had ever called out to her in that sickeningly sweet, slurred tone. She turned slowly, dreading what she may find.

Behind her, filling the small door frame, stood her father. "No…no. No, you're on the Ark," at first she didn't recognize the choked, horrified hush as her own voice, it was the voice of a scared child not the sarcastic, witty Ari who had left behind that version of herself. Or so she thought.

Her father strolled to her causally, looking exactly the same as the last time she had seen him. Worn, dirty clothes hung from his frame. Yellow teeth peeked from his mouth as he sneered at her, his clothes reeking of alcohol. He was as greasy and dirty as ever, the same look of hatred in his eyes as he stated down at her.

"I heard about what you did, how my sweet innocent little daughter killed a man in cold blood." He put emphasis on his words, letting her know he didn't find her sweet or innocent in the least bit. She shook her head, squeezing her eyes shut. "No, it wasn't cold blood."

"It doesn't matter. You're a murderer, Aria." She bit her lip furiously, trying hard to keep the tears in. "No, he deserved it. He deserved everything he got," she told him as he smirked down at her. "Tell that to him," he turned his body to the side, revealing the guard in the doorway. The tears began to fall as she backed herself into the corner, "Stay away from me."

He strode towards her purposefully, "What's the matter doll? Didn't you have fun last time? I did, even if I had to fight you some. That just makes it more interesting. I'll admit that crying though, it kinda turned me off. It was better after I knocked you unconscious." She yelped in fear as he reached out and touched the scar on her forehead, caused by him many years ago as he slammed her head into the metal floor of the Ark.

"But it's not me you should be begging forgiveness from, it's them." Somehow she had wound up outside, drenched in the rain and slathered in mud. "Who?" He pointed behind her to the crowd of people who were circling her with malice in their dead eyes. "The 320 souls you killed," he spat. She shook her head, "No, I didn't know they would die." He sneered, "Murderer." The others picked up his chant. "Murderer, murderer, murderer, murderer, murderer…"

She ran, limbs flailing as she tore through the brambles. She slid to a stop in a small clearing, turning frantically to find them all gathered around her. She fell to her knees and began to sob. The guard knelt before her, staring at her hatefully. "Please just kill me, I can't do this anymore. I can't fight."

With no words the vicious guard nodded to the victims gathered in droves around her and they closed in, still chanting. "Murderer…murderer.." She closed her eyes, resigned to her fate.

"Ari," the soft feminine voice cut through, a voice she would know anywhere. She looked up to find the crowd dispersed, her mother kneeling before her. "Ari, my little girl. All grown up," her mother whispered, a soft smile on her face as tears streamed down her face. "Mom," she choked out, tackling the apparition in a hug. "Mom…I've done such horrible things. I killed people," she sobbed into her mother's chest.

The woman turned her chin up gently to look at her. "You have to let it go, Ari. You can't change what you've done. You just have to leave it behind and try to be better. Be good, Ari." She nodded slowly, staring up at her mother. "I'll be good."

She smiled kindly, "Go. He needs you." Her mother disappeared from her embrace, as if she had never been there. Following the commotion, she found Bellamy lying on the ground, just as slathered in mud as she seemed to be with Dax standing above him.

"Nothing personal," Dax told him as he cocked the gun, Bellamy reaching for something but coming up empty handed. She raised her own rifle, which she must have had with her the whole time. "Put it down, Dax," she addressed him causing him to whirl around to look at her. "You should have stayed out of the way, Ari. I knocked Clarke out but couldn't find you. I don't want to kill you. But here you are and Shumway said no witnesses."

Her brows furrowed in confusion. She kept her eyes on Dax as she asked Bellamy, "What the hell is he talking about?" "Shumway set the whole thing up. He gave me the gun to kill the Chancellor," he told her from where he had half sat up, hesitant to move as it might cause Dax to shoot. ""Walk away now and I won't kill you," Dax tried to negotiate.

"Put. It. Down," she stated slowly, as if he wouldn't understand. "Your choice," he remarked. In panic she pulled the trigger, moving in case he shot after he was hit. But he wasn't hit with a bullet, her gun only clicked in protest. She ducked behind the tree just in time as he fired, his gun not having the same problem. She tried frantically to get it in working order from behind the tree as the two brawled.

"Ah, fuck it," she muttered as she hurried around the tree with useless gun in hand. She raised it to smash the butt against Dax's head but he caught sight of her from the corner of his eye. Landing a hard elbow to her stomach, she fell to the ground wheezing. Sitting up as she clutched her abdomen she prayed that Bellamy wouldn't die. Luck seemed to be on her side as Bellamy stabbed him in the neck with a bullet as she kicked the gun from Dax's hand.

The boy fell back, gasping as he bled out. It didn't take long for him to die, bullet still wedged in his neck as blood trickled from his mouth. Gasping, Ari leaned against a tree trunk as she sat, Bellamy coming to join her. "You're okay," she breathed out. "No, I'm not." She opened her eyes at his protest, glancing over to find him with his face slack, slathered in blood and mud. Tears of self hatred filled his eyes as he stared down at his trembling hands. She had never seen him so vulnerable.

"If my mother knew what I had done, who I am…she raised me to be better. To be good. And all I do is hurt people. I'm a monster," he murmured brokenly. "Your sins are mine," she used his words from earlier, glancing over at him. "If you're a monster then so am I. I've got more blood on my hands than I do flesh. You weren't alone when you got rid of that radio," she reminded him.

"You saved my life today, and many other times before. I need you, we all need you. If it weren't for you we wouldn't have survived this place. I qf you want forgiveness I'll give that to you, you're forgiven. But you can't run Bellamy. You have to come back with me, you have to face it. We'll figure something out, I won't let them hurt you."

He nodded wearily, "Can we figure it out later?" With a chuckle she nodded, "Whenever you're ready." She leaned her head on his shoulder as she moved closer, pressing against him. He pressed a kiss into her hair and for a moment they let go of their responsibilities, their demons.

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After collecting Clarke who was clueless as to what had happened between Bellamy and Dax, the two having decided to fill her in later, they headed home. They entered the camp to find the grounder gone and people worrying anxiously over whether or not he would retaliate. "Let the grounders come," Bellamy called loudly, catching the campers attention. "We've been afraid of the grounders for too long, and why? Because of their knives and spears? Well I think it's time to stop being afraid of them." With a nod to the girls beside him they dropped the sacks of guns gently at their feet, revealing them to the campers who began to talk excitedly.

"These are guns not toys, okay? And when the guard comes down we have to be prepared to give them up," Clarke added reasonably, "But until then they're gonna help keep us safe." "Tomorrow we start training. And if the grounders come…we'll be ready for a fight," Ari said to them loudly, causing eyes to shift to her.

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"Mr. Blake. I've wanted to talk to you for some time," the Chancellor began until Ari interrupted. "Before you do, I'd like to talk to you." The Chancellor's eyes narrowed in suspicion but she carried on without permission, not waiting for him to protest.

"When you sent us down here, you sent us to die. But miraculously we survived. That's in large part because of him, because of Bellamy. He's one of us and he should be pardoned of his crimes just as we were." The Chancellor shook his head, "It's not that simple, Aria." Her teeth gritted at the name but she ignored it. "It is if you want to know who wants you dead."

He glanced down for a moment, seeming to ponder it. Finally he glanced up at Ari who quirked a brow questioningly at him. Then his eyes flicked to Bellamy who looked extremely nervous. "Bellamy Blake, you are hereby pardoned of your crimes." Bellamy grinned widely, sighing audibly in relief. "Now, tell me. Who gave you the gun?"

"Shumway."