Just as the whole class was about to walk out the classroom sliding door sexily, Kakashi announced queerly "Don't forget to pick up a sexy Algebra worksheet that is due next Thursday, and it's Friday for those who don't know the days of the week, like you Kiba!" Kakashi looked down at his light orange iPad and watched his RedTube. All of the students went to his desk and picked up a rainbow colored algebra homework set. It had about 29 problems on it, most of which were simple multiplication problems that were intended for 4th graders, and there were no multiple choice questions. Oh no!
"Fuck you, bitch!" shouted Kiba, flipping his orange and light pink emo hair into a pony-tail and putting his green headphones in his ears to listen to "Notbroken" by the Goo Goo Dolls. He was such a poseur and everyone knew it, even the Korean janitor Soo-Loo-Roo-Boo Jing; that's why they loved Kiba and he had about ten fuck partners that he got off the alleyway beside the preschool and the church.
"Wait, one more thing," announced Kakashi shaking his hips around like Lil Bling on the Sims 3 when he wants to get your attention so you can let him in his room. The grey-haired sensei pulled down his queer purple pants and also pulled down his lime green thong with little blue polka-dots. He revealed to the entire classroom his hideous asshole which needed some serious cleaning; it had dingleberries glued to his asshole hairs and dried shit on his cheeks.
"Eat this!" he screamed as he let out a huge gust of hair escape his asshole and flew across the room, releasing a green gas. The fart was so thunderous that it made everyone in the classroom's lips flap like a dog sticking its head out the window of a car.
The young shinobis all started to head to the door which was blocked no thanks to Chouji's 469 pound fatass. He was still unconscious after doing so much exercise and now he was blocking the stupid door. The only way that they could probably move him was get a forklift and toss his ass over the river edge, but they were aware that if they did that, it would cause a tidal wave that would wash Konoha off the map. This is why they prohibit him from doing cannon balls off the diving board at local swimming centers to prevent flooding the whole building.
"Move your fatass, bitch!" screamed Tenten with her famous aggression that everyone was familiar with. She had a sweet ass, though, that most people wanted to insert a dick in. The whole world knew about her vagina; infested with splinters and dried menstruation clots, but her ass was so round, so fuckable. The reason that her vagina had so many splinters in it is because, (despite her avaricious disposition that she had acquired due to her self-conscious insecurities), she was an ultimate tree hugger. She once went to Washington state and climbed up a fir tree while she was naked so the cool breeze could blow against her pubic hairs and slide all the way down like it was a fire pole. When she was sliding down, she hit her tutu against many branches, knocking off several bird nests and even killed a squirrel! One time, Neji penetrated her tutu after this happened and got thorns lodged in the side of his penis; for the next three weeks after that had happened, people called him "Cactus Jack-off", and he would sometimes run home and cry up in his room, slitting his wrists with his pink kunai as he listened to M.C.R and Good Charlotte, his favorite goth bands.
"I know how to get him up in ," said a voice. It was Iruka, Naruto's backup friend when Sai wasn't around. He wonder what the gay painter was up to at the moment; probably painting a bowl of wet diarrhea. Chouji reminded everyone of Fat Bastard off of Austin Powers.
Iruka then reached into his knapsack and pulled out a blueberry muffin in a brown bag that he got from Starbucks and rattled it in Chouji's ear. Chouji's ears perked up and he farted really loudly, waking up and grabbing the muffin before he ran to the swing set to eat it. But since he was such a fat ass, as soon as he sat down on the swing, he broke the swing off the chain and fell down on the ground, still holding the muffin triumphantly. But then the whole set collapsed and broke the muffin in half due to the 5.3 earthquake he caused. Chouji then started to cry like when Omar Epps just found out after standing in line at a KFC in Augusta, Maine for 38 minutes that they had just run out of chicken and mashed potatoes.
Now that the path was clear, Naruto went to his assigned neon pink locker and pulled out his French notebook and started reviewing his verbs. "Oh shit!" he screamed, looking inside and saw that his French homework was due last week! He was gonna fail for sure! Not that this was a first because this is the third time he repeated Elementary French I.
"Oh, fuck!" screamed Naruto, causing Sasuke to look at Naruto's penis for no apparent reason since that was how the little emo was. Sai was right for once in his fruity life, which was one huge surprise; Naruto practically was dickless…compared to Sasuke, that is. He knew Naruto probably had an 8 inch penis with the girth of a pencil while sasuke had a 28 inch penis that was as round as a can of Sprite.
"What the fuck are you screaming at, fag? Chipped a nail?" asked Sasuke, looking at Naruto's poorly done French homework; even though Sasuke was taking Icelandic this semester, but he knew that Naruto put down the wrong answers because he knew Naruto's mind. He has been in several classes with Naruto, such as biology, pre-algebra, macroeconomics, and Naruto normally got F's because he never studied due to the fact that he spent most of his time smoking weed with local dropouts from .
"My homework is late!" screeched Naruto, causing everyone in the school to look at him. Sakura laughed at Naruto because she, too, was taking French and said, "Naruto, your French is about as good as a ''," she said in gibberish, causing Iruka to laugh, who was looking at Sasuke's gigantic volleyball sized nutsack that held two tennis ball sized nuts. Iruka was probably the gayest person in Konoha after Naruto; many people knew that he and Kakashi probably shacked up in Motel 6 outside of Des Moines, Iowa and shoved corn on the cobs smothered with butter up each others' assholes as organic dildos.
"Um, what did you say, Sakura?" asked Naruto, scratching his abused brain.
"Because Naruto," she began while smiling, "you are nothing more than a idiotic dunderhead and I have the spontaneous urge to disparage your intellect in the most pejorative way possible, so that we may reach a point in our understanding one another."
"Ok, Socrates," said Naruto offended, "don't bite my head off. Sheesh."
"Oh, I wouldn't dream of doing so," said Sakura bluntly as she smoked her blunt.
Everyone then left the ninja Academy and headed to the parking lot to their cars as fast as Tommy Vercetti was running from the F.B.I in Grand Theft Auto Vice City while carrying a stash a weed in his pocket and a machine gun in the other. As Naruto entered the parking lot, he watched as Kiba got inside his dark purple Mazda Miata with 14 inch hubcaps and drove off at 53 miles catching the attention of the police, who then pulled him over right there about 34 feet from the school. The told him to get his ass outta the car and he obeyed, then they searched through his car and found a 2 gallon sized bag filled with condoms. Sasuke then watched as the police pulled out their nightstick and smashed the bag of condoms then pulled out their Beretta handguns and shot the fire hydrant that Kiba was parked next to, causing it to shoot water up into the air like a water fountain and getting Kiba's asshole wet. The police then got back into their car and rushed off to Dunkin' Doughnuts to stop Chouji's sister Hannah from eating the entire supply.
Chouji's sister Hannah was the ultimate fatass…after her brother, of course, and it was virtually impossible to compare him with someone else except maybe Miley Cyrus after she ate a Snickers bar. Hannah was a backup singer for "So Many Manwhores" that took place at a Charlotte, North Carolina Chick-Fil-A and also once sang on the giant karaoke machine in Toledo, Ohio and sang out of tune "Whoop! There it Is" and everyone booed her fatass off stage and threw waffle fries at her. She caught everyone one of them and asked for them to throw tomatoes at her so that she could have ketchup.
As Sakura along with her two male friends watched by far the most bizarre scene in the history of Konoha, they headed towards her smashed Bentley, no thanks to that motherfucker Kakashi, or, in his case, fatherfucker, in the black Hummer H2 with the 28 inch spinners. Sakura saw the dented radiator and the smashed passenger mirror and got down on her knees like she was about to suck a dick and buried her face in her silky hands from the lotus flower scented lotion she used and started crying.
As Sakura began crying and cursing Kakashi, a familiar face came up to her and placed a hand with recently rose red painted nails and a diamond bracelet on her shoulder.
"Sakura?" said Ino, bending over and looking at her best friend in the eyes. Suddenly, another female figure got down on her knees and looked at Sakura, too. It was Caitlyn!
"Yes, Ino-chan? And…Cailtyn!" squealed Sakura childishly and went to hug Caitlyn and then Ino. "Bitch, how the fuck you be doin'?" Screamed Caitlyn gleefully.
"Nigga, why didn't you tell me you were back?" asked Sakura through her tears, suddenly forgetting about her dilapidated Bentley. "We could've shared a fat-ass blunt together in celebration!"
"Haaaaa!" giggled Caitlyn, so excited to see her favorite shinobi friend in the whole world. "Well, I didn't want to ruin the surprise, obviously, skank!" snorted Caitlyn happily. "My question I wanna ask you is what kind of weed do you smoke? Do you roll it up with nori, or do you actually smoke the nori? Cause I'm down for some of that shit, my friend. Anyways, back to your earlier question, my visa is almost expired so I can stay here for only one more week, and I've been here just four days! I had to visit Ino, dush, and now I decided to come see you!"
"Oh, so she is your best friend, eh?" asked Sakura with jealousy; she was not gonna share her American friend with Ino.
"Well, she isn't my best best friend," explained Ino. "I have multiple best friends, but you are my best best friend."
"Caitlyn," began Sakura, "how did you get here? I mean, isn't it really expensive to travel from wherever you're from to Konoha?"
"Well," Caitlyn started, "I stole some money from my step-mom's purse; she's a total skank, and I also let Allen pay for 90% of the air fare, and—"
"Wait, Allen?" asked Naruto, interrupting Caitlyn, who then got mad because she saw him reach into her purse and steal her lipstick. "That guy who was behind the washing machine with you earlier this morning was your boyfriend?"
"Yes and no, you yellow haired mother fucker," replied Caitlyn, rolling her eyes at the yellow haired ninja. "He isn't here right now because he is repairing Kabuto's Jaguar, and give me back my lipstick, you slush! "
"What the fuck!" shouted Sakura, "what the hell is he doing with Kabuto? Trying to get some evil plots to destroy us? And since when the hell could Kabuto afford a Jaguar? Especially a Jaguar XJ series. By the way, why did you break up with him."
"No, ho," giggled Caitlyn, "he's just doing that for a lot of money. Oh yeah, I caught him in bed with a horse. Although what happens between consenting mammals is no one else's business, I felt that he would get AIDS after taking it up the ass. I wouldn't really say we've broken up, rather, we are taking it slow and trying to sort some things off…" she trailed off. "Besides," she resumed, "you know that silver haired dush with glasses that looks like some nerd off the Big Bang Theory can't do shit; he probably steals his plans off a box of Frosted Flakes he got at 7/11 where Mohammad Baig works for one tenth of minimum wage. Plus, no one likes his Harry Potter looking ass. What are you guys up to?"
They all laughed at the diss of Kabuto; he was by the funniest person in the world…to look at, that is. Seriously, he was the prime center of bullying and teasing when he was growing up; bullies would give him a wedgie by pulling up his Blue's Clues thong into his dingleberry infested asshole and watched as Temari laugh at his small breasts.
"We are about to go eat at the Olive Garden, so would you move your giant sparkly shoes, Ino?" said Sasuke rudely; he never really did have a liking towards Ino's shoes because they were too sparkly for his sexy eyes. Caitlyn just stood there on the side and blew some kisses at Sasuke's gorgeous face that was covered with tons of pimples; she didn't care, because to her, he was her ultimate beef cake.
"He's such a fine mofo," said Caitlyn as she began to melt into hearts as she watched her man walk away.
"You aren't the only one who wants to get next to him," Ino giggled.
Caitlyn farted.
"Well, let's get going, shall we?" said Ino, the ultimate dumbass blonde bimbo that everyone in Konoha knew her as. She then went to a blue Audi A8 L sedan with 23 inch rims and tried to open the door but it was locked! Plus, her klutzy ass made the alarm go off and Tenten rushed over there and screamed.
"Ino…" began Caitlyn worried, "that isn't your car. You drive a Honda Accord, remember?"
"Say what?" said Ino in shock.
"Cunt, what the fuck do you think you are doing trying to steal my goddamn car?" yelled Tenten louder than Avril Lavigne when she was shopping for a mattress in China for her brand new house in Switzerland that once was the brothel owned by T Pain but they had to sell it when they spent their money on investments of salmon. "Now I'm gonna have to go to Fred's Car Wash to get your nasty fingerprints off of it!" Ino started to cry, and muttered to herself,
"God will get you for that, Tenten. Karma's an ultimate bitch, and you know that." As soon as Ino had finished that sentence, she let out a huge fart that made her skirt/pants combo vibrate.
"Yeah, yeah, save the small talk for someone who gives a fuck, which is not me," scoffed Tenten as she rolled her eyes counterclockwise 434 degrees. "Now, if you would move your sparkly shoes, which you probably got at the Dollar General, I would like to get home and try out my new two foot dildo I bought this afternoon from Chouji's fat aunt from China, ya' know Chun-Li?"
"Oh yeah?" replied Ino. "Let's fight over it! By the way, that's just gross!" Ino reached into her white Gucci purse with sparkles and pulled out a Pokeball. She was not gonna let that green haired slut get away with insulting her shoes. "Go, Goldeen!" she shouted triumphantly as the goldfish Pokémon came outta the custom blonde colored ball. "Goldeen, Goldeen!" exclaimed the Pokémon happily, but, all the sudden, the Pokémon's face started to turn blue! It was obvious that it was asphyxiating for not breathing water, but Ino was so stupid she didn't do anything to help the suffering Pokemon.
"Ino, you dumbass!" shouted Sasuke on the side as he watched as the klutz make a complete idiot out of herself, "Goldeen fights in water! You should know that by now!"
"Oh yeah," said Ino, remembering now that Goldeen can't breathe air. Even though her ultimate goal was to become a water Pokémon trainer, she kept forgetting that they had to breathe in the water, and every time she got into a battle, the audience would jeer at her and she would emotionally die. She luxuriously aimed her expensive ball right at the sexy Goldeen and called it back. Tenten just stood there laughing at the blonde who made herself even more of a dummy than normal.
Ino was doing her best not to let that stupid green haired bitch get the better of her. Ino had far nicer shoes than Tenten, who wore little ballet slippers she probably got, or stole, rather, from . Even though it was true that Ino's shoes looked like the pair Dorothy had in the Wizard of Oz, she wished people would stop beating her up over them, especially Sasuke!
"Let me take of this," said Caitlyn, who then reached into her pocket and pulled out an orange Pokeball and threw it against Tenten's forehead. Then, the ball opened and out came Venusaur, making a huge sweat drop appear on Tenten's face. :'o
Scared for her piece of shit life, Tenten hopped inside her 100 grand Audi with the green interior and started to play "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga and she pulled out of the parking lot. The luxurious Audi A8L she had was a gift that Neji had given her aften he won a lost suit by suing Walmart because the regional manager constantly insulted his eyes, and in the end Neji earned $25 million and bought her a tricked out car. It even had a hot water foot bath in the rear seat floor and reclining seats.
Anyways, Tenten was a really shitty driver and she hit the brick wall of Inuyasha's house! Her Neji-shaped airbags deflated and the inflatable penis went in her mouth, squirting breathe freshenerin her mouth! She got out and Inuyasha came out and said, "Oh, hey there Tenten, what's up, boo? Haven't you answered any of my text messages? Well, that doesn't matter. Come on in and I'll think of some way for you to repay what you did to the wall."
"Ok," giggled Tenten girlishly as she entered his 638 square foot house that was painted a hideous shade of orange and had pink shutters. Inuyasha had a terrible since of real estate.
Naruto bet that he wanted her to play with his ears. Seriously, his ears were fucking ridiculous and they were probably softer than Sasuke's asshole on a cold Tuesday in Shanghai. Inuyasha had very delicate and erotic ears that were very sensitive to touch; it was virtually like he had two penises on his head and when someone played with them enough, they ejaculated wax all over the place, enough to make enough candles to fit on a menorah that was two feet tall.
In the background, Naruto and friends watched through the window from the parking lot Inuyasha and Tenten having sex! The image was enough to make Pedobear commit suicide and it was hard enough to make him cry.
"That was rather awkward," spoke Caitlyn as she tapped her boots together, making her beautiful Aston Martin car to appear. It was a light pink shade with 21 inch rims and a Hello Kitty décor on the hood.
Caitlyn watched as her beautiful Aston Martin appear magically, but she noticed that someone was inside. It was…Eminem! Fucking Mulan!
"Please bring honor to us all!" she screamed loudly as Eminem pulled outta her chinky asshole and Eminem got doo doo on his penis.
"What…the…fuck…?" said Caitlyn.