[When did I learn that Ana was special? I think it was when we were fifteen. She was walking up the stairs opposite an elderly woman and young child. She and the child smiled at each other before continuing; it was around then that I arrived at the top of the staircase to meet her- we were going to walk to school together.
Ana waved at me happily, then the old woman squeaked. Ana's head spun to see her starting to lose her balance mid-step. Not skipping a beat, I watched in horror as Ana's hand desperately reached for the old lady. In the end, the elderly woman and child were fine….
Ana wound up with a broken arm.]
Daddy tapped on the office door and everyone re-entered. I didn't meet any of their gazes; I was pursing my lips, trying desperately not to cry. That's usually how I dealt with reality-checks like this; I cried until I felt better. But I couldn't do that now, though I desperately wanted to. All noticed my solemn demeaner, though didn't address it right away.
Daddy proceeded to inform Mr. Grey that he would be my ahem, fake boyfriend for the foreseeable future. He then told the police to do everything in their power to find the informant and bring him in. No one said anything right away; they just looked at each other a bit awkwardly. When I'd finally had enough, I suddenly stood up and walked out of the room. "Ana!" "Anastasia?" Of course this confused and startled everyone but Daddy. They trailed out after me, meaning that I couldn't go far. Paul reached me first, placing his hands on my shoulders and gently turning me to face him.
"Hey! Hey, hey, hey; it's ok. There's nothing to be afraid of. It's just a fake relationship. It means nothing…. It means nothing," he repeated, giving Mr. Grey a sharp glare. "Anastasia, are you really so against this?" Ignoring Paul's comment, Mr. Grey watched me carefully. My eyes just drifted between him and the detective. My lips instinctively parted a sliver. "Don't forget, Anastasia; you can't fall in love with either of them." No words fell from my mouth; what was I supposed to say? No, I wasn't against having a fake boyfriend…. not that I actively wanted one. But still…. Still….
"You'll have to excuse my daughter, gentlemen. She's had a rough night, and this is a lot for her to process," Daddy spoke for me. They seemed to buy this… for some reason; collectively nodding their heads while still staring my way. "He's right. I think the best thing is for Miss Steele to go home now. We'll handle it from here, sir," officer Jones told Daddy. "Thank you," they shook hands. Mr. Grey's eyes didn't leave me; he reached out his hand for mine. "Come. I'll drive you home." Before Paul could challenge this, Daddy shot Mr. Grey a powerful yet friendly look. "I'll drive her home, young man. That'll be your job after tonight." "Y-yes, sir," Mr. Grey suddenly blinked frazzled by this.
Paul didn't let me get one last look at Mr. Grey or the policemen; with his arm wrapped securely around my shoulder, he walked me out of the station- Daddy and Mr. Grey were right behind us. Once we reached Daddy's car, Daddy turned to face me. "I have a statement to sign. Wait here, I'll be right back," he directed at me. I quietly nodded. Once he was gone, Paul and Mr. Grey had their glares sharply on each other once again; not that I was paying attention to that right now. No, there was lots, lots more on my mind at the moment….
"Alright, you win this round; you're Ana's fake boyfriend." "Apparently so," Mr. Grey couldn't stop himself from smirking in victory. Paul growled protectively. "If you lay one hand on her…." "That's none of your business, detective," Mr. Grey's grin quickly faded. "Yes, it is. Intimacy with your intern is against the law. Last I checked, that is my business." "Well, I…."
"Ana, come on, honey; let's go," Daddy quickly returned. Mr. Grey stepped out of his way and Daddy got into the car. Then my boss spun his head so to smile at me. "Have a relaxing night, Anastasia. Come to my office first thing tomorrow morning." "Oh, great way to stop this off- boss her around some more, why don't ya?" Mr. Grey shot Paul a glare; it was the pot calling the kettle black- Paul was always bossing me around. Still, I guess the dynamic was different now that Mr. Grey was my…. fake boyfriend. The very thought made my cheeks sizzle a bit. Good god, what have we done? What have I done?
Seeing my flustered and distressed expression, both men gazed down at me concernedly. "Anastasia?" "Ana? Are you ok?" "I… I have to go home now," was all I could get out. Mr. Grey nodded and opened the car door for me. When my feet didn't move however, I could feel Paul's eyes burn a hole right through me. What happened next was so unexpected that I physically didn't react; neither did Mr. Grey- it was that stunning.
Paul took my hand in his, just like last night. Within the blink of an eye, I was gently yanked around and pressed up against him. Paul… Paul was hugging me. This wasn't our first time; we'd hugged lots in our youth. But…. this…. this was the first time Paul ever initiated an embrace- and I do mean that literally. It was so abrupt and out of nowhere that all I could do was stand there, letting him hold me close; very close. Though it was only a second before he said anything, it felt much longer. This… this was the most intimate I'd been with a guy since I could remember.
"I know you're scared, but you don't have to worry. I'm here…. I'm still here." I don't know why… but the moment he said this, tears started to unconsciously drip down my cheeks. "You can always call me; I'll be there in a flash. Ok?" Paul… more tears. "You can't fall in love with either of them." Jesus, why did he have to hold that way? Why does Mr. Grey have to be my fake boyfriend? Why does this have to be so damn hard? Is there any way I can get that one choice- to fall in love with whoever I want- back? Isn't there a way?
"You're not alone, Ana; I promise you, you're not alone." I… I want to make a choice again- this specific choice. Though I know deep down it's impossible. No matter how badly I'll want it someday, how much I wanted it in the past…. I want to hold your hand, but I can't. Paul's shoulder was all wet by now; I just continued to stand there motionless and without words. Whether it's Paul's or Mr. Grey's or some other man's hand, I can't hold it. Even though my heart keeps screaming "I want the choice". If I can't hold my child's hand, I want to hold my future lover's.
Please….. please hold my hand.