A/N: Right I think this chapter will answer a lot of questions about Edward leaving and no Alice isn't human if you didn't remember read chapter 8 or 12 again :) and I've given Bella a bit more backbone in this chapter, but you can't blame the girl for getting emotional Edward proposed! Okay so I won't delay you any further ;) enjoy and if you still have questions ask me :D

'Bella I'm leaving,' Edward announced harshly and cold, breaking my trail of thought.

Chapter 21

'I know Edward, I'm terrified about Alice. But why the hell did you wait all day to tell me this Edward?' My worry for Alice and my raging hormones combined forces and became a sudden fit of anger. This anger was wasting time; I should have been making preparations to leave with Edward. But Edward and I weren't the only ones searching; Jasper was too, he would search an eternity for Alice.

'Bella, Alice's disappearance has caused me to question a lot of things in my life. I have had more things to take into consideration than just telling you.' He remained calm during my outburst, but his mouth was a hard line indicating his anger. He was always trying to conceal his emotions from me lately, I felt as if we hadn't rescued our relationship at all; we were still stuck on bad foundations, I was his slave and he the master. And there were still things he was keeping from me.

'Really? And what the fuck was it that took you all day to consider then Edward?'To hell with consider, more like inconsiderate, he'd made me worry all day for no good god damn reason.

'My leaving,' his voice was a monotone. He was trying to shut me off again; like closing a cell door in a prison.

'Why the fuck do you do that Edward, why do you always shut me out?' I was exasperated at our breakdown in communication; once again I was left at a dead end, like reaching a cliff towering over a destructive ocean. This was just one more thing Edward had come to me with that I couldn't process.

'If you hadn't noticed it's not always about you.' The acidity in his voice sparked my anger once again.

'You made this all about me Edward. You made me your slave, you victimised me and abused me physically and mentally. You stole my innocence from me and told me it was all in the name of me being your true love.' My chest was heaving in agony and fury. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders by confronting Edward about my feelings, but the pain of remembrance was fresh in the air.

Edward flinched at my analysis of our time together, but if I had hit a nerve he was quick about covering it up; his face became collected once again before my slow human eyes could witness it.

'Well don't worry you won't have to be concerned about the affect I have of your life anymore. I'm leaving you so I will be out of your hair shortly' He didn't look me in the eye he was frozen stiff; he truly looked like a statue.

Why did he keep speaking of leaving? It was like word was burned onto the tip of his tongue, I knew Edward had to find Alice; I wanted him to find Alice.

But then I realised I was overlooking something vital, it was like the last ingredient of a recipe, I thought about Edward's choice of words; I'm leaving you.

'Why are you leaving me?' My voice was vaguely a whisper; I didn't want to believe it. Edward's words pierced the shell of angry defence I'd put up, but my fury still smouldered intensely inside of me.

'You're not good for me Bella. I'm a bad person in our relationship, I'm a monster but you're always trying to portray me as the good guy. I try so hard not to hurt you like I know I've done in the past, but you make it an impossible task for me. Like last night for example; when you were so set on accomplishing things you were unbelievably irresistible and it took all my strength to say no. And I won't choose this life for you Bella, I chose it for Alice, I don't want you to have to make the same choice because you think you owe it to me, so we can spend eternity together. Alice's disappearance has put so many things into perspective for me Bella, and it's made me see how toxic our relationship is; a relationship that's built on the foundations of slavery. Bella I'm through with taking things from you, I'm going to give you one back, I'm going to give you a life without me.' He calmly argued his reasons to me and waited for me to respond, but I didn't I was conquered by the smouldering fury which had now become thick toxic flames, I hated Edward.

'I'm sure I'll be replaced with another burden in time, you attract trouble too easily.' How could he think I was so frivolous, the hole in my heart would never be filled with the love of anyone else. I was afflicted because Edward didn't know me at all, my love wasn't easily gained and when it was it was eternal.

'So you finally realised did you? It took you long enough; I was never going to be your Isabella Edward. How the hell could I live up to what you'd told me about your unconditional and irrevocable love for her? Just go and save us both some regret that it didn't end sooner.' I was shaking fiercely and my words were becoming incoherent; I knew my voice would crack if I carried on speaking. I didn't want to look weak in front of Edward. I'd said my piece, this was my farewell to that devil's spawn, and there wasn't anything else I had to say to him, I couldn't even look into his piercing eyes.

'Well I guess this is goodbye then, I will always love you Bella.' He briskly kissed me on the forehead. I tried not to show how much this tortured me, I couldn't endure this contact, knowing it was the last time we would ever be intimate like this. Love and hate fought collided inside of me they were fighting till the death.

I was being left behind and a felt powerless about my ability to stop him, Edward had told me he'd spent all day mulling over his decision and he wasn't fickle. I bit my lip to keep from speaking, I wasn't going to beg him; I had to keep my small amount of dignity intact. That bastard had robbed me of everything else, he wouldn't rob me of this, I would cling onto it like oxygen in my bloodstream.

There was no point in putting up a fight now, the more I thought the more defined the barrier between me and Edward grew. It had taken him too long to realise our leagues were in two spheres that would never collide; I was not the important Isabella, he had lied to me. That hurt the most and made me grit my teeth in pure blind anger.

My eyes were still cast of my fingers which were intertwined as my thumbs fiddled together uncomfortably. I looked up unwillingly, as the other indent in my bed was lost. Edward was stood by my open window, the moonlight enhancing half of his beautiful face, appearing to me like Erik; 'The Opera Ghost.' I realised this was also very representative of his personality; the light side was my Edward the sensitive Edward who used to care about me and his true love Isabella. But there was the dominant, obsessive Edward who lurked in the shadows; waiting for an opportunity to brace me with his presence.

The curtains which framed my windows were tumbling in the breeze, harassing Edward's form agitated by his departure; they were begging him to stay.

I blinked and when my eyes refocused he was gone.

Good riddance I thought, but then the hate was overruled by the love and tears filled my eyes.

**

Do you ever feel like while you sit by the world around you is moving in manic blur?

Livings feels out of reach for me now, life is not within my control. Time has never been my enemy, but whilst you're waiting for the impossible every second becomes precious. Each second is another door closing, but in my experience another door does not open.

He didn't come back

**

I lost track of time after he left, time and space felt so insignificant once my heart had been ripped out and I was still bleeding. I was waiting for someone to come and sew me up, but the most agonizing thing was the only person that could repair this was the one who had committed the crime in the first place. I fell on my bed and let the darkness overwhelmed me, I felt relieved, I thought I was dying.

Charlie spent the next week in denial, the game held more interest for him than usual; hormonal women apparently were not his area of expertise, if the definition of hormonal is heartbreak and a breakdown of faith in the whole human race.

He thought my depression would be short lived, after all he only believed we were dating. Charlie would never know the heartbreak I felt, he would probably compare it to him and Renee, but I'd believed me and him were soul mates, it tortured me too much to even think his name. But undoubtedly Charlie had thought that about Renee, and looked where we'd both ended up now; me and Charlie were really more similar than I'd given us credit for.

Both doomed to be unlucky in love.

The seconds turned to minutes, the minutes to hours, the hours to days and the days to weeks, until months went by. Time still held no meaning for me, I just clung desperately to the hope I would see his face again.

Charlie made me go back to school; my aura of heartbreak was causing him to spiral into depression too, so he tried to spend as little time around me as possible.

My loneliness became insufferable; I'd even forgotten the sound of my own voice, I hadn't spoken since that night. I didn't see the point. My agony radiated from my being, so much that no one would ever approach me at school. I was a mystery in Forks, the girl who was lost in and earthquake and presumed dead and then returned to them like the living dead. There were rumours spread constantly, the downside of living in a ridiculously small town and the worst part it was impossible not the hear them. Some said I'd been abducted by aliens, some that I'd been imprisoned in an asylum which was darkly amusing; they had no idea how close to the truth they were. These were the kinder rumours.

Some wished that I had stayed dead, and little did they know so did I.

I was trapped and damned to the same fate I'd been trying to escape, but this time there was no knight in shining armour, not even a black hearted one.

Renee didn't try and contact. But in a way I was relieved, I didn't want my erratic mother to have to suffer at the hands of my depression too; I was unwillingly affecting Charlie enough already.

In an attempt to stay out of the house I got a job at the Newton's outdoor store and their son Mike seemed to take a shine to me. At first I reacted awkwardly, my skills of human interaction were dusty at the back of my mind packed up in cardboard boxes. But Mike was patient, something he had never been; he was always one step ahead of me.

At first I was in awe of Mike he was the first person who'd spoken to me since my return, he was kind to me, something I'd not experienced in a long time and at first I thought he was just being polite.

But his interest in me seemed sincere, and he was the first person I opened up to.

It was just another predictable rainy day in Forks, and custom was a lot slower than other days. I'd taken it upon myself to sweep the aisles; I had to do something to make the time go faster otherwise I'd end up ripping my hair out. So there I was sweeping mindlessly and humming Nirvana's 'Teen Spirit' under my breath. I'd never been one for music, but the tune was so catchy. I'd felt someone's presence and I peered up to see Mike towering over my stooped self, with his arms folded, his expression was one of amusement. I straightened my posture, so our heights were on a more even level. Instead of his usual beach hair look, his pale blonde hair was combed neatly, and his baby face had a hint of mischief mixed with another expression which I hadn't seen in so long that I didn't recognize.

'Nirvana fanatic huh?' He commented casually.

'As it happens no,' I answered coolly. 'Damn catchy song.' I muttered under my breath, I'd been caught in the act.

I turned my head back down to scan the floor and resumed my cleanup job.

'Bella, I know you still have feelings for another guy.' He hesitated as my head rose, he was judging my response. 'But I was wondering if you maybe, well if you'd consider coming out with me?' He lifted his arm and rubbed the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. The vulnerability in his actions lit a spark in me and reminded me of my former self, before my soul couldn't stand to be around me any more either and died.

'I mean it won't be anything too serious, I'm still recovering from a breakup myself.' Ahhh, the infamous Jessica. Mike had just suffered a brutal breakup with Jessica. She'd been cheating on him for months with Eric Yorkie and he'd just found out. I had no idea what she saw in him he was greasy and sleazy and undeniably a complete brown noser. Jessica never failed to miss an opportunity to prove how much of a bitch she was, and this time she'd proved it and broken Mike's heart in the process.

But here Mike was still hanging on strong, coping, the one thing I wasn't doing. And he was taking a chance in asking me out now, he was embracing life and taking risks, I hadn't lived in so long. He wasn't ever coming back, I had to at least try and move on.

Mike's face was becoming more overwhelmed with vulnerability by the minute, I still hadn't answered him; spending the majority of the time in revelling in my own thoughts wasn't exactly doing wonders for my people skills.

I looked up into his twinkling blue eyes, I missed the spark mine used to possess, and maybe Mike could return it to me.

'Sure.' I spoke evenly and for once my voice was hopeful.

A smile immediately loomed on his rounded face, and I automatically returned one. The feeling of a grin on my cheeks felt alien, one hadn't braced my mouth with its presence in so long. And I interpreted the emotion that I couldn't recall, it was admiration; Mike's eyes were filled with admiration now as he looked at me.

**

Friday night was the night 'set in stone' apparently for our date. At first Mike had insisted on taking me out to a restaurant in Port Angeles, he said I deserved to be treated 'like a princess' as he put it. But I wasn't a princess, I was damaged goods and I felt uncomfortable with Mike's generosity. So after a few complications and some renegotiating Mike decided he would take me to a movie, but I'd insisted on the genre being a horror; which baffled Mike further. I didn't think it would be the wisest idea to sit through a film filled with prancing lovers, shiny bluebirds and declarations of love. I also thought it wouldn't give Mike the right impression either; I was going to be bluntly honest about myself and how I feel.

I'd been feeling nauseous for a few days now, but I just put it down to jitters about becoming intimate with anyone again, besides it was only Mike.

He greeted me at my door perfectly on time at 7 o'clock and walked me to his Subaru, opening the door for me while I tried to slip in a gracefully as possible with my limited ability. We drove in silence, until it became awkward and the Mike turned on the radio and conveniently tuned into a station playing Nirvana's Teen Spirit earning an entertained grin from me.

On entering the cinema, my uncontrolled grace failed and I tripped at the doorway and fell over my own feet. It was like I had an allotted amount of balance per day, and today I'd used it all up in advance. Mike looked at me in confusion as I clung to his arm after my stumble; he had a lot to learn about me.

I awkwardly ambled along with Mike to queue up for tickets, and it became even more awkward when Mike and I had a minor tiff at the till about me paying for my own ticket, I was an independent woman, after Edward I knew I couldn't rely on anyone.

Eventually I got my way; I was pleased to know I still had one trait left, the power of persuasion. As a reward I let Mike buy the popcorn, at which his was rather pleased. We were making progress.

Our screening was very crowded and the air was stifling, sweat was forming on my brow. My feelings of nausea picked up again and my stomach felt very uneasy. Mike found our assigned seats, winding through the hustle and bustle of the crowds, which fortunately were at the end of the row. I continued to overlook my upset stomach and Mike tried to revive our conversation. The lights dimmed and the adverts began rescuing me, so I could just concentrate on not throwing up.

I manage to ignore my stomach and watch the majority of the film. Suddenly the pain became overwhelming, I pulled my legs up to my torso in an effort to dull the pain but it only worsened matters.

Before my thoughts could register, I ran out of the screening with my mouth desperately clutched against my mouth and into the nearest toilet, where I threw up violently.

When I came out of the toilet flustered and coated with sweat, Mike was waiting patiently for me leaning casually against the wall.

'From this I'm interpreting that the movie was too much for you.' He said trying to lighten the mood but desperately failing.

Do guys not realise that post vomiting, covered in sweat and tired is not quite the right timing for humour.

I just looked at him with dead eyes, and leant helplessly against the wall for support.

Mike took in the extent of me and his eyes filled with shock. 'God Bella, let's get you home you look awful.' He sounded truly concerned as he wrapped his arm around my waist and lead me out of the cinema door. He left me outside in the company of the cool arm which calmed my nausea as rushed in to get a popcorn tub as a precaution.

We drove home silently once more and I was grateful.

Mike lead me to the door of my house, his face was slightly amused and thoughtful. He wouldn't be laughing if he felt like this and he'd better damn not go in for the goodnight kiss or he just might walk away with a mouthful of unexpected delight.

'Well, if this I the reaction I get from first dates, maybe I should remain a bachelor.' He commented, this still wasn't the right time for humour, or what he believed was humour should I say.

'Yeah, right Mike.'I muttered, I was aggravated and wanted to go to bed, what the hell was wrong with me?

'Look Bella, I had a great time and I'm not lying. I'd even have a great time with you in the fiery pits of hell.' He smiled and kissed my sweaty cheek.

If I could even go to the fiery pits of hell I wouldn't, because it was remind me of him. I was being a bitch, so I knew it was time for bed.

This would inevitably be another restless night.

A/N: Okay, so I know there wasn't an awful lot of Edward in this chapter and a lot of Mike :| 'shudders.' But Bella needs help in repairing her broken heart and Mike's the only guy around who is willing to do that :) So be kind to him :P What did you guys think of this chapter? Please review you know I love to hear what you think it makes me want to write more :D xoxoxox