Chapter 16: Mass Destruction
L ink had rather missed wearing his blue Water Tunic, which would allow him to dive and breathe underwater. Those using Gadd's diving equipment included Toon Link, Zelda, Bomberman, the Chestnut King (XXXXL), April, Lance, and some of the Wafflites and Delfinians who'd chosen to accompany them down. The rest—Ruto and her Zoras and the Water Pokémon—had no need of such technology, being born to swim and to filter oxygen through their gills.
And so they lined up at the edge of the continental shelf, with nothing standing in the way of their mission but the final act of nerve to descend into the unknown. Before they began, Bomberman made a series of gestures to the rest of the group, all of them either treading water or comfortably floating on it.
Princess Ruto translated. "He says…when we go down there, we'll be looking for Reeka's device attached to the base of the continental shelf, most likely at the deepest and steepest part of the slope. He'll take care of any disarming that needs to be done, but we need to be ready in case Reeka left us any surprises. Now let's do this!"
First Bomberman and the Zoras, then the rest plunged their heads downward, saying goodbye to the surface.
Link was immediately amazed by how clear the tropical ocean was—definitely more so than Lake Hylia. His body heat was well conserved by the magic of his tunic, but he could feel the pressing chill of the salty water around him and the currents created by himself and others with every kick and stroke. The water itself was a mysterious force that pretended it could be manipulated by mortals, while in reality it held ultimate control over their survival. And if their mission failed, that control would extend over the entire Nintendonian continent.
Populating the ridge and the slope were a colorful variety of Kongo Jungle's ocean life: Chomps; Clambos; Flotsams; Squidges; Shuri; Puftups; Nibblas; and all manner of other aquatic creatures, darting in and out of bright coral reefs and dancing stalks of seaweed, air bubbles swirling up from carnivorous commotion or playful swimming. It was a beautiful—if dangerous—world. A world that might soon no longer exist.
The clearly lit shallows soon grew dark as the sun receded above them, abandoning them to the mysteries of the deep—mysteries that Toon Link sincerely hoped were nothing like those he'd discovered while on The King's Krystal, particularly the Big Octos.
Once the sun was no longer of use to them, Gadd's diving suits automatically switched on bright LED headlights, illuminating their way down as if they were being dragged under by an oppressive indigo fog. Communication was possible with Gadd's microphones (set up on both those with and without suits), but silence reigned as the Smash Brothers delved into a realm none of them—or, likely, anyone else—had ever seen.
The deeper they went, the wildlife became stranger and sparser, giving way to Lockjaws with shining antennae. A rust-colored anglerfish known to the Kongs as Glimmer actually turned away from its normal doleful activities to accompany them out of mixed curiosity and desire to be helpful, its mouth perpetually gaping open. The continental slope became more sheer, and Bomberman led them further north to where it appeared to reach its steepest, in certain parts even curving back in on itself. Link placed a hand on the rocky shelf, finding it sandy and slippery, but also dangerously rough and jagged. He wouldn't want to hit his head on this kind of wall.
Finally, they found something out of the ordinary—very, very out of the ordinary. It was almost like its own technological layer of rock, spreading across the underside of an overhanging ridge that curved in on itself particularly far back and formed a sort of open-ended underwater cavern. The stratum seemed to match the obsidian metal that made up Reeka's "spider egg" laboratory on Atari Island. Link had no idea how it could have been embedded in the rock in such a way that it appeared to have been built into the continent itself over millennia. But he knew it was bad news, and what lay at the far end of the cave seemed to confirm it.
The Metal Gear still had a "face" of sorts, but its machinery had been built into the cliff face so that the vein of black metal spread out from either end like an aggressive virus. Link didn't even want to think about how much explosive power was contained in both the machine and the vein, which undoubtedly ran around the entire Nintendo mainland. And which begged the question…how had Reeka built this so quickly? And right under their noses?
Bomberman held up an arm to signal them to stop. He went on until he was directly in front of the reconfigured Metal Gear, inspecting it carefully from every angle. Finally, after about five minutes, he turned to them and made a long series of signals.
"Reeka's bomb is fueled not just by nuclear fission, but by Rocketman's jet fuel from Atari," Ruto said, having no problem as a Zora speaking underwater without a helmet. "There must be at least a dozen other Metal Gears implanted around the mainland, each geared to set off a chain reaction that will make Nintendo the new Rapture with the press of a button. There's no way we'll be able to disarm all the Metal Gears before Reeka sets them off, but he thinks a few of his special Water Bombs might just be enough to break the circuit, rendering the rest of the explosive network virtually useless."
"Virtually?" Lance said.
"How do you know your bombs won't set the whole thing off instead of stop it?" Toon Link asked.
Bomberman gestured some more.
"The kind of reaction needed to set off a bomb like this could only be activated by a deliberate command from Reeka's technology," Ruto said. "Basically, we have nothing to lose from trying."
"Okay," Link said. "So what do you want us to do?"
More motions.
"Bring any explosives you have. We're gonna give this monster everything we've got."
As Bomberman charged up his own smooth blue bombs, which increased in size several times before reaching their maximum potential, others brought forth anything they had to offer. Link and Toon Link had water bombs of their own, which looked like regular bombs nestled in aquamarine flower petals. The Sharpedos lined up some distance away, ready to use Water Pulse, along with some of the other Pokémon with long-range attacks of their own. The Chestnut King and his fellow Wafflites planted a number of Cherry Bombs around the Metal Gear as well. Lance's Gyrados prepared to use Dragon Breath, while Zelda prepared to cast an enormous Nayru's Love shield that would encompass all the Smash Brothers in the safety of a magical diamond prism. And the Delfinians placed explosive durians (a recent innovation) wherever they could find space. Altogether, they had created a well-decorated arrangement of bombs which would—hopefully—be enough to save their homeland.
"Everyone back away," Ruto translated as she, Bomberman, and the rest did just that, putting a good distance between them and the wreath of bombs while still being close enough for Gyrados and the Sharpedos to work their magic.
Then all was still. Bomberman needed no translation as he raised a noodly arm, glanced around to make sure all were ready, and brought it down in the direction of the Metal Gear. The Pokémon let loose their respective Dragonbreath and Water Pulse attacks (along with Dewgong's Aurora Beam and Tentacruel's Hyper Beam), and as the attacks reached their target, Bomberman remotely denoted all his bombs at the same time.
Underwater explosions weren't quite like aboveground ones. Rather than expressing itself in a big burst of rolling fire, this explosion surged outward with violent waves of boiling bubbles, which would have had serious consequences had the Smash Brothers not been protected by Nayru's Love. With the added turquoise and rainbow flashes of Dragonbreath and Aurora Beam, it was quite a sight to behold, as if a whale-sized Electrode made entirely of multicolored paint bubbles and C-4 had Self-Destructed.
The water raged past them for at least thirty seconds like an angry sea demon, and even when it subsided, the disturbed water took minutes to settle. Link peered through the bubbles and cloudy sediment, trying to make out the result of their combined attack.
It must have worked…there's no way anything could withstand a blast like that…
Slowly, the water grew calm, and the floating sediment blasted from the wall began sinking away, revealing the outcome.
A gaping hole had appeared in the center of the Metal Gear—but not because of their bombs. Rather, it had opened in response to the attempted sabotage, deploying dozens of belligerent R.A.W.s to defend their host, their dark blue components almost blending in with the ocean.
And across the front of the Metal Gear, a glowing red timer flared up like the R.A.W.s' laser vision. It was counting down.
From ten minutes.
Elsewhere underwater, ADAM Kirby was engaged in a strange kind of weightless ballet dance. With spinning drills and superpowered divers and aqua zombies.
He and the especially skilled Big Daddy—Jack Wynand—swooped and spun around each other as they sank toward the ghostly lit city of Rapture, the eerie green light reflecting off their helmets. Kirby gasped as Jack slammed his large body against the puffball's small, fragile one, meteor-smashing him onto the city street below. He barely managed to roll out of the way before the diving suit's heavy foot crashed onto the surface, seeking to squish him like a blueberry.
And then, before Kirby could do anything else, a mob of Splicers converged on top of him, screeching and pulling at his arms and banging on his helmet savagely. He disappeared beneath the pile of mutated humans, certain he was done for.
He thought of the Smash Brothers, of all they'd been through together. Of their triumphs against Nightmare and all his incarnations. Of the fun he'd had with his good friend King Dedede. Of his instant hit rock concerts in the castle. Of the scrumptious flavor of Wispy Wood's apples. Of the soothing sound of Jigglypuff's melodic voice…
The Splicers shrieked as they were thrown off their prey all at once, several of them in multiple pieces. Kirby's glowing yellow eyes were narrowed behind his helmet as he spun himself around while his drill arms spun on their own, slicing and striking down any Splicer foolish enough to approach him. But he didn't stop there; he kept spinning, faster and faster until he had created a vortex, which sucked up countless Splicers and even pulled Jack Wynand off the street toward its turbulent current.
While the Big Daddy sought to escape the vortex, ADAM Kirby made his move. He leapt and dug both drill arms straight into Jack's chest, which was protected by the thick suit but was still dealt quite a blow, tossing him backward until he crashed against a building and floated back down to the street.
But if Kirby had thought that would be enough to take out the hero of Rapture, he was greatly mistaken. The Big Daddy's several "eyes" switched from yellow to red, indicating an incensed rage as he bounded forward to drive his drill through Kirby's helmet.
Kirby barely blocked it with his drill arms crossed in front of him, the whirring weapons bouncing off each other with a horrible scraping sound. They both spun backward, drifting through the water until they faced each other once more.
How long could this go on?
Scyther and Mordecai engaged each other, blade against blade. The Pokémon's blades, of course, were its arms, while the Vault Hunter wielded the short sword that had been sheathed on his back, blocking the Bug Pokémon's swipes with expertise. Gary shouted instructions to his friend, warning him of incoming strikes from unexpected directions.
Red's Slowbro contended with Brick. It was far too slow to avoid the hulking man's punches, but also too slow to care or feel the pain for about twenty seconds afterward. Brick toppled the Pokémon onto its side with satisfaction, pulling out a handheld explosive to finish the job.
"Get up, Slowbro!" Red shouted. But he wasn't actually worried; he just wanted Brick to think Slowbro was in trouble. That way he would be caught totally off guard by what happened next.
While still lying on its side like a tipped cow, Slowbro's eyes suddenly glowed an intense midnight blue. A similar-colored aura enveloped its body, and its Confusion attack caused Brick to involuntarily float into the air and turn upside down.
"What the—"
Slowbro followed up with what was perhaps the most painful of all Tail Whips, striking Brick in the gut with the spiked conch shell attached to the end (Slowbro's Evolution was triggered by a Shellder clamping onto its tail, the belated pain of which causes such Pokémon to Evolve). That was enough to send the man over the edge of the brown Pandoran cruiser, yelling as he splashed into the ocean some 50 feet below.
Meanwhile, Roland alternated firing his shotgun and using it as a bludgeon to fend off Red's Parasect. It nimbly scuttled out of harm's way, although at one point it took a strong blow to its mushroom cap, causing it to retreat.
Parasect leapt like a jumping spider clear over Roland's head, performing a front flip and depositing a powdery yellow Spore as it did so. Roland cried out as he found his body Paralyzed—temporarily, but long enough for Parasect to follow up with a powerful Mega Drain, which rapidly sucked energy from his body and left him to collapse onto the metal surface nearly unconscious.
And then there was Lilith, who was all but invisible to both Mewtwo and Quentin's Gardevoir. Mewtwo fired haphazard Shadow Balls while Gardevoir combed their surroundings with a Psybeam from her hands.
There was another shockwave from behind Mewtwo, who gasped as Lilith struck him in the back of the head with the enhanced strength of a Siren, almost causing him to lose control and follow Brick into the ocean below. Lilith's blur of a body flickered as she then swept toward Gardevoir, her hands glowing with blue-violet energy.
Gardevoir Teleported behind Lilith to where Mewtwo hovered shakily, put an arm on the psychic cat's paw, and closed her eyes. Her Calm Mind technique did not have any visible manifestations, but it did have a profound impact on the two, doubling their Psychic power. Mewtwo felt the revitalizing energy flow through his veins, coursing through his brain and against the tips of his fingers, anxious to find release.
They faced Lilith, who was coming at them again with her blue-violet magic. Together, they combined Psybeam and Shadow Ball, which were larger and more intense than normal. The two attacks converged on the approaching Siren and resulted in a concussive blast.
Lilith was down for the count, having collapsed on the cruiser's roof. That made three for four, and when Mordecai realized there were five Pokémon assembling around him at once, he dropped his sword with a sigh and put his hands up.
"Well played, Nintendo," he rasped. "But I fear your victory will be short-lived…"
Rocketman and Fenix exchanged fire as the former boosted himself around the battleship, winding his way around turrets and Serans to evade Fenix's bullets while he returned the favor with his thin colorful laser segments. He was just barely able to spare enough attention to notice Pacman, who was bouncing away from Dominic's Lancer while chomping around the man and humoring him with a volley of apples, cherries, oranges, and melons.
But then the Spartan gunship came from behind. A flash of blue, and Rocketman's jetpack was shot, and he found himself spiraling down toward the deck of the battleship.
Pacman, seeing his fellow Atarian's plight, slid beneath the whining chainsaw edge of Dominic's Lancer and dove forward. He generated a spontaneous blue line beneath him that served as a two-dimensional trampoline, which bounced him up to catch Rocketman before his friend hit the ground.
They turned together to find Fenix and Dominic facing them once more, ready to reengage. But then something caught everyone's attention.
From the Ark, Wario and Waluigi had deployed The Big One—a weapon that resembled the flatulent water balloons they used in Treasure Trove Cove, only this one was the size of a Wailord. A huge hatch opened beneath the Ark's eggplant-shaped body, and a giant mechanical arm tossed it into the mess, the rubbery sphere wobbling monstrously.
Wario's aim was impeccable; The Big One took a Spartan gunship down with it as it splashed into the ocean between two Seran battleships near the back of the armada. It exploded with a putrid force that would rival that of a vaporized nuclear waste deposit. Neither battleship stood a chance as both of them and the gunship were swept in a foul mustard-colored mushroom cloud.
But that wasn't all. Just as the blast was beginning to subside, an incensed Humba Wumba came along and, from her plane, used magic to carry the suffocating blast over through a Pandoran cruiser and two more gunships, all of which were mercilessly incinerated.
Fenix was briefly shocked, but then came the rage. He swiveled back to the Atarians. "So, bringing out the big guns, eh?" He lowered his Lancer and indicated for the others to do likewise. They complied, but not without confused looks. "It's our turn, then! Death would be too kind to you murderers, so watch as the Hammer of Dawn obliterates what's left of your precious Ark! Initiate launch sequence!" He yelled to another Seran, who nodded and radioed in the command.
Pacman gulped. The Serans weren't currently attacking him, but he had a wounded Rocketman at his side, and there were still far too many for him to take on alone. He had no choice but to stand as a helpless spectator as the Serans used their ultimate weapon that had slain Lugia and would surely be the end of the Ark….
Several minutes passed by, but nothing had changed (other than the continued chaos of battle), and the Seran with the communicator approached his leader with an alarmed expression.
"Um, Commander Fenix, sir…" He cleared his throat. "We've lost all contact with the Hammer of Dawn satellite."
Dominic raised an eyebrow. "That can't be—"
The Serans and Atarians were then graced with another spectacle. A flash of blinding blue from far above preceded the hyperspeed entrance of the Cornerian Fleet. Hundreds of Arwings flocked around the Great Fox and spread out to join the fight. And the Great Fox was dragging behind it the charred remains of what must have once been the Hammer of Dawn satellite's energy core.
Fenix had nothing to say, but Pacman did—with a Walmart Smiley expression.
"It's about time."
Aboard the Ark's command bridge, several screens flickered to transmit the images of Fox McCloud, Peppy Hare, Slippy Toad, and Captain Dash Bowman.
"Sorry we're late professor," Fox said as he steered his Arwing around a gunship down below.
Gadd's smile couldn't have been wider, and he couldn't have been more relieved. "You've come just in the nick of time, Fox. That Seran superweapon would've been the end of us."
"Yeah," Slippy sighed. "It actually wasn't that hard to destroy; bad guys really oughtta stop marking their weak areas with shiny white spots."
"It was nothin' compared to what we've been through the past few months, let me tell ya," Peppy said. "General Scales and those nasty bounty hunters an' space pirates didn't go down without a fight. It took the combined strength of both Federations and our fleet to drive 'em off."
"Back to the task at hand, then," Dash said, acting the part of serious soldier as always. Gadd let it stand, figuring there would be time for pleasantries later. He nodded.
"Let's see how much fight these Microsians have got left in them before they finally surrender," he said. He hoped that would come sooner rather than later—before one or both armies were completely destroyed.
Legion whisked itself (or himself…or themselves?) between both Megalandians, swiveling on one foot to floor Proto Man with the barrel of its gun and Bass with its robotic foot. It charged its blaster and just missed Proto Man as he and his friend rolled out of the way to give themselves some distance.
"This isn't working," Proto Man panted. And the appearance of that skyscraper-sized mollusk creature didn't help his morale, either.
Bass gritted his teeth. "Maybe that's because we're holding back. I think it's time man's best friend lent a paw."
He whistled, calling forth his loyal robotic wolf, Treble, who had been rocketing around firing missiles from its back before it landed beside its master.
Proto Man nodded. "Good idea. But unfortunately, I don't have a robot dog to—" Out of nowhere, Rush, Megaman's red robotic dog counterpart, arrived in a similar manner, nuzzling its head against Proto Man's side and glaring at Legion. Proto Man was about to ask Bass how Rush was supposed to Super Adapt with someone other than Megaman, but given the circumstances, he decided to just roll with it.
"We are not afraid of your pets," Legion's electronic voice buzzed with a surprising amount of attitude.
"Oh yeah?" Bass said. "Well, how about this! SUPER ADAPTER, ACTIVATE!" Bass and Proto Man both punched the air with their fists, which inexplicably caused their canine companions to obediently lift into the air and disassemble themselves, their mechanical parts reforming into red wings on Proto Man and purple wings on Bass, blue lightning crackling throughout the process—although whether that actually served a purpose or was just for effect, Legion would never know.
The newly formed Bass and Proto Man rocketed into the air, yelling with pleasure, and then swerved around, firing rocket fists at their enemy. Legion, as swift as it was, could not dodge both attacks, and it was blasted off its feet. It crawled back up, some of its parts charred black, its red eye flickering a couple times.
"That'll teach you!" Bass called. He pointed his arm cannon. "Is that all you've got?"
But Legion, though injured, did not appear intimidated by this recent turn of events. Instead, it became suddenly immobile, and a high-pitched buzzing noise sounded from its head, echoing across the shores of Reach.
"Ow!" Both Proto Man and Bass were stricken with an intense headache. But when they opened their eyes, they realized that head pain was now the least of their worries. All around them, the generic blue Megalandian Robot Soldiers froze, a red light flashing on their foreheads in sync with Legion's eye. The other Robot Masters seemed doubled up with pain the same as their two leaders.
The Megalandian heroes watched as their own soldiers pointed their arm cannons at them, the robots' eyes glazed over.
"We are Legion," Legion said—except it was not only the voice of the robot who had performed its AI Hacking ability, but the voices of the hundreds of Megalandian troops.
Bass looked as if he'd just been demoted to a custodial bot. "Okay, maybe I don't want all they've got."
Sonic, Crash, and Spyro circled around the Spartan Commander's Scorpion tanks, lashing out with spinning kicks and orange tornado strikes and bursts of scarlet fire. Lasers and gunfire came at them from all sides of the ring of tanks, but the three All-Stars were too quick, too experienced to be preyed upon that easily.
Sonic swerved toward the center, pushing off of the head of one Spartan with his foot to land directly on top of one of the tanks. In the ensuing confusion, he managed to dash into the hatch, throw out the pilot and gunman who were inside, and use the four grenades he'd snatched from their utility belts to rig the vehicle from the inside. All in a few seconds' work.
"Fire in the hole!" He yelled as he rolled out and used one of his spontaneously generated red springboards to catapult himself out of harm's way. A second later, the Scorpion exploded.
Spyro employed a much simpler technique on his designated tank: He swooped out of the way of several of the tank's heavy blasts, flew directly up to the nozzle, and exhaled a particularly strong, concentrated torrent of flames into the tank. It ignited similarly to Sonic's tank, albeit with a less complete explosion, merely ceasing to function as several key parts were blasted from its heart.
Crash had a bit more difficulty with the last tank, for he found his way barred by the blue-armored Spartan Commander, who wielded a thick gray Gravity Hammer.
"It's unfortunate you Sonians don't remember the good memories we've had together," he said. He raised his weapon, causing it to draw Crash's spinning body toward him like an Accio spell. He swung the heavy object down onto the bandicoot's head, knocking Crash onto his back. "Using your Robot Masters to storm Delfino…your dragons to burn the Waffle Kingdom…your walking nukes to send DK Isle to the bottom of the ocean. Maybe then, you wouldn't be foolish enough to think you could turn on us."
Crash struggled to get back up, but he couldn't; the Gravity Hammer was pushing him against the ground, as if he were a screw stuck on Ratchet's magnetic OmniWrench. He braced himself for the next skull-crushing blow.
"How's this for a good memory?" Sonic bowled the commander to the ground, taking the Gravity Hammer with him. He turned and pointed the weapon at the Spartan leader, pretending he knew how to use it. "The only reason we helped you torch Nintendo was because you forced us to with our friends and family at gunpoint. You're never gonna give us orders ever again!"
Spyro swooped by and lifted Crash to his feet. They eyed the last tank and nodded to each other.
"Flame on, dude," Crash said. He began spinning like a Tasmanian devil once more, and as he did so, the dragon fed the twister a small stream of flames, turning Crash into a fiery tornado.
And it was that fiery tornado that proceeded to spin around the tank, taking down all the remaining Spartans besides those in the Scorpion itself.
At the same time, before the commander could lunge for the Gravity Hammer, Sonic pointed it at the tank experimentally, and to his surprise, it lifted off the ground in accordance with his raised arms, as if he were casting a Wingardium Leviosa charm.
"Whoops," he said unrepentantly, as the tank inadvertently flipped over, coughing out the two Spartans inside like coins out of a piggy bank. He slowly directed the hammer over toward the stunned commander. "Hope that suit of yours comes with insurance!"
He brought the Scorpion down on top of the Spartan's body.
Sly Cooper, Ratchet and Clank, and Jak and Daxter regrouped behind a rocky ledge on the beach, all of them exhausted. Daxter was crumpled in Jak's hands, severely wounded after taking a bullet to the stomach and falling some thirty feet into the sand. Clank's battered body hovered ever so slightly just to catch a glimpse of the wall of BattleMechs headed their way.
"We can't take 'em all," Sly said, trying not to cry out from the pain of his injured shoulder, which he was holding with his other hand. "Not even with all our air and land forces."
Jak narrowed his eyes, channeling as much Light Eco as he could into his dear friend's body. "Then if we can't win, we'll go down making their victory as painful as possible."
But Ratchet felt a bit less enthusiastic about rushing to his death. He gripped his OmniWrench with frustration. "There's gotta be a better way! Sure, we timbered a couple of those tin cans, but it'd take a—"
A line of missiles soared over their heads, colliding with Wolf's Dragoons and the other BattleMechs like a flock of explosive kamikaze geese. The eyes of the All-Stars followed the missiles to their source as a blur followed shortly behind the missiles, laying on a second wave of artillery as it flew in and out of the Mechs. It launched a particularly well-aimed shot at the neck of a yellow Vulture Mech that toppled it to the ground, severing its legs from the rest of its mechanical body. The gray-winged jet swerved and spun and glided, effortlessly avoiding every single retaliatory missile the other Mechs sent at it.
Sly gawped at the newcomers: a swarm of jets converging expertly on the Mechs and Spartan gunships. "Could it be...?"
Ratchet smirked. "Sure is, guy. It seems Cipher's finally brought his Strangerealean compadres out of retirement."
The entire crew of the Normandy had been enraptured by Princess Peach's speech. She, Perry, Rayman, Tiny, and Lanky were still frozen by Ashley William's Mass Effect manipulation. Commander Shepard's face was like a stone carving that had begun, ever so slightly, to come back to life.
"If what you say is true, Princess Peach," he said finally after a long silence, "then this war's roots are even more sinister than we thought." He clenched his left fist; the Omni-Tool attached to his wrist activated, projecting what appeared to be a scarlet hologram of a dagger extending over his hand. Only, Perry had a sinking feeling that it was no hologram. "But how do I know you're not lying just to turn us against our own kind?"
"I—" Peach faltered. Her heart sank. "You don't…you just have to trust us."
Shepard's eyes narrowed. "Sorry, princess…but that's not good enough. Unless you can prove your world's not responsible for the attack on our Citadel, the Capital Ship's going to do what it was made for." He walked toward them with his Omni-Blade raised. "But since you've all come so far and tried so hard, as a consolation prize I'll be happy to put you out of your misery so you don't have to watch all your friends die."
"Wait!" Perry yelled. He tried to move, but the Biotic's Mass Effect field was too strong. "Let me…show you!"
Shepard eyed the talking parasol suspiciously, then nodded to Ashley. She waved a hand and released Perry…but no one else.
Peach looked at her friend inquisitively, but Perry returned it with a bright smile. "Don't worry…I've got a good feeling about this!"
They watched in confusion, but then in awe as the yellow umbrella floated out of Peach's hand, twirling all on its own. Perry winked at his friends as he tilted himself so that the handle was pointed toward everyone on the command bridge, only the umbrella's spinning underside visible.
Perry opened himself out. He had no idea how he knew this would work; he just somehow knew that it would. He felt the same way he had when he'd dozed off and dreamt of his mysterious origin story, only this time he felt more in control; this time, he was about to reveal a very particular memory, though even he didn't know what it would be.
Perry's underside became a sort of screen of its own, revealing a jarring scene to his audience.
War. Violence. Bodies blurred together as they clashed against each other with fist and blade and bullet and flame. So much was happening that Shepard could just barely make out the armies battling in some kind of tropical beach environment. And there they were, from the perspective of Perry being swung in Peach's hands: the Nintendonians with their thousands, the Sonians with their thousands, and the Microsians with their thousands.
Only…
They weren't fighting each other.
They were all fighting someone—something—else.
Perry's dream was too indistinct to make out clearly, but the armies of all three worlds were combating some kind of mass of purple creatures. Purple creatures that Peach recognized—not as Master Hand's Wire Frames, but as something she vaguely recalled from a picture she'd seen once…was it a stained-glass window?
Shepard, on the other hand, knew exactly where he remembered these shadowy, polygonal beings: They were the ones who had massacred his capital, leaving thousands dead. Yet if they had been sent from Nintendo as the Master Chief had said…
…then why were the Nintendonians fighting them, too?
"All right."
At the commander's word, Perry closed himself and floated back to Peach's hand. Ashley released the rest of them from their Mass Effect-induced paralysis, and Shepard's Omni-Blade sheathed itself. He strode back to the front and sat decisively in his captain's chair.
"Call off all Systems Alliance fighters," he barked into the ship's communication system. He noticed Legion controlling an army of Megalandian robots below. "Legion, the Nintendonians are not our real enemy. Cease and desist." Finally, he swiveled his chair toward the towering Capital Ship, which was seconds away from blasting Nintendo's and Sony's forces to smithereens. "Deactivate the Reaper. We've made a terrible mistake. Prepare to defend against the rest of the Spartans."
One of the crewmembers started pounding his keyboard frantically.
"Captain!" he hollered in a strong Scottish accent. "Reach has overridden our control over the Capital Ship; we can't shut it off…"
Shepard's stone face now took on a gray pallor, one that his crew hadn't seen since their entire race had been threatened by Saren Arterius. "In that case," he said, turning to Peach with grinding pain in his eyes, "it's too late. I'm sorry…there's nothing we can do. Your friends don't have a prayer of surviving…"
But to his surprise, the corner of Peach's mouth lifted in a small, sweet smile. "Oh, I think we at least have that."
The Capital Ship's attack could only be described as a white-hot kraken, lashing out to incinerate anything it deemed fit. The Redwood-sized tendrils of Mass Effect energy began creeping from the Reaper's bright red eyes, reaching down toward their helpless victims.
Suddenly, the clouds parted to reveal a deep midnight blue sky—just through a small segment of space. And from that segment surged a pink beam as thick as the Reaper itself, consuming the entire weapon before its deadly strike could do its work. It exploded with the force of a meteorite, though all the shrapnel that should have killed Nintendonian, Sonian, and Microsian alike was transformed into twinkling stars, ushering in the entrance of the Seven Star Spirits of the Mushroom Kingdom, which descended in a ring around the circumference of their magnificent Peach Beam. The last time they had performed such a feat had been the Star Storm in Fourside City, but the Peach Beam, empowered by the strength of Princess Peach's wish (accompanied by those who wished and believed in goodness with her), that hadn't been seen since Mario had triumphed over Bowser's Star Rod form. And now, as it had before, the Peach Beam had prevented an event of Mass (Effect) Destruction.