Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc of the "Twilight: Saga" are the property of Stephanie Meyer. The original characters and plot are the property of said author. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Twenty-One: Days Without Pain

*Bella's POV*

God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Four months have passed since that damn explosion at the Tribal Council building. Summer in Forks has come and gone, and now the leaves are changing. My birthday passed with barely a mention; everyone respecting my wishes to just forget about it for once, no one really around anyway to even remember. I'm now nineteen, by sheer luck I graduated, and while all my normal human friends are off away in college living it up, I'm here sitting on this chilly beach in La Push in October, seven months pregnant, and completely unprepared to raise this child on my own.

I can remember that night like it only happened hours ago. The explosion had completely leveled that building. When the Pack and I arrived there, it was just coming down, flames and smoke everywhere. Emergency workers sifted through the rubble for two weeks straight during the day, while the Cullen's and the Pack were able to discreetly lead their own searches at night. All four bodies of the "new" Elder's that had been inside the building were discovered within the first two days of the search, dead of course, but as the end of the week approached, and as more and more of the debris was taken away, it looked less and less likely that we would discovery Leah's and…and Jacob's bodies.

Watching that building crumple was like watching my own life fall before my very eyes. For the past few months I have gone with the motion's, "lived" my now shattered life the best that I could. But…how am I suppose to actually go on when my entire reason for even existing was gone? You just do…I guess.

I couldn't end my own life, though that's all I want to do everyday - just end the pain, stop pretending that I am strong and coping with everything - because that would mean taking away this precious life growing inside of me too, and right now, our little peanut is the only tangible thing I have to prove that Jacob's and my love truly existed. This baby is the combination of our unconditional love and our true commitment to one another, our imprint, and I could never do anything to stop that from entering this world.

Would I actually be able to go on after I was no longer this baby's lifeline? Well, that is a whole other conversation that I do not think I can have with myself until that time comes.

"Bella?" I heard Seth ask from behind me. I closed my eyes for a brief moment to compose myself quickly, and then turned to look into his sad eyes.

"Hi Seth." I said, trying to give him a slight smile.

"It's cold out here Bella, come on, I'll walk you back to your truck."

"I don't feel cold…I don't feel anything." I didn't try to hide my broken state with him. He understood…in a way, his sister was still missing too.

"I know, really - I do. But, I'm not just going to leave you out here alone. It's going to get dark soon. It's not…it isn't safe out here by yourself." His voice cracked, and I could see the hard façade that he was putting on break just a little.

"Fine, Seth." I agreed, and he held out his hand to help me up from the large rock I was sitting on. I pressed my hand to my lower back and took his hand in my other, lifting myself up. My pregnant belly was large and round, but there was nothing else on me that screamed "pregnant"; I haven't gained any weight other then in my belly. Carlisle figured it was because of my vampire "upgrades" that nothing else has changed, and thinks that once the baby is born, within a few days I won't even look like I was pregnant at all. That, actually really sounded appealing, considering how uncomfortable I am now.

Seth and I reached my truck after a few minutes of silent walking. It was a new Black Porsche Cayenne Turbo that the Esme and Carlisle had given me for my graduation. I didn't even bother trying to put up a fight and just accepted the gift, to the surprise of everyone. I just couldn't bring myself to care one way or the other, and I really would need something to get me around anyway. I could care less that it is apparently some fancy-ass car, I just needed something to drive in since I couldn't use running as my mode of transportation while this pregnant.

"Do you want a ride back to your house?" I asked Seth as I opened the passenger door for him.

"Can I actually ride with you to your house, so we have some time…so we can talk?" The look on his face was heartbreaking, and I could tell that he really just wanted some company with someone who understood. Since Leah's disappearance, just like me, Seth didn't really want to be around anyone but himself. The only time he ever socialized anymore was to run his patrols, or to talk to me. I opened the door wider to gesture for him to jump in, and after he did I waddled myself over to the driver's side and tried to squeeze myself behind the wheel.

"Do you want me to drive?" He asked, an actual hint of a true smile on his lips at the odd predicament I was now in with this big belly. I shook my head as to say no, and once I was finally able to settle back in my seat, I headed up the road to my house.

"So, what did you want to talk about kiddo?" I asked him. I could see out of the corner of my eye that he looked at me for a long moment, and then he sighed and turned to look out the window.

"Bella, do you…do you think they are really still out there somewhere? Do you think they're still alive?" Seth's voice was small, and filled with sadness. I chanced a look away from the road over to him and could see the silent tears he was crying drape down his cheeks.

"Yes. Yes I do. And they will find them. Both of them. They will find both of them alive, and they will bring Leah and Jacob home to us." I replied, my voice strong and honest, because I believed it with my whole heart to be true. Through all the sadness I had in my heart, I was still able to feel that pull and that connection to Jacob. I knew he was still out there, we just needed to find him. I could see Seth nod, but I wasn't sure he actually believed me.

"Do you know something that would make you think they wouldn't find them?" I asked.

Seth was left behind here to patrol La Push and Forks along with all the other young werewolves, with Jared left here in charge of them. The rest of the Pack and almost all of the Cullen's, less Carlisle and Esme, were out searching all over the place for any signs of Jacob and Leah, and have been for the past four months. If there was some news that he had found out from the search teams that was causing him to doubt that they were still alive, well I wanted to know about it.

"You need to tell me if you know something Seth, or I'll just check in myself and find out without anyone having to tell me."

"That's the problem Bella, I still don't know anything, and no one does, neither do you. The Pack and the Cullen's are still out there just running circles around all these states, and they've got absolutely nothing. It's been four months and there has never been a single lead. Why do we even keep thinking they are out there somewhere when there is no proof?" He asked, his voice now sounding completely defeated, but also with a lot of anger behind his words.

"We keep looking because they were not found in that building. This means, that they were not there when it exploded. Someone, or something, took them, and is keeping them somewhere. We just need to find out where that place is." I didn't actually know any of this to be a true fact, it's just what we all assumed had happened, it was the only thing that makes sense. It was the only thing I would allow myself to think. Anything else, anything that would take Jacob out of my life permanently…I never let myself think any of those things.

"Yeah, you're right…" He finally conceded, more than likely just to let himself feel less in pain in that moment. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you upset."

"It's alright Seth. It's better that you let these feelings out, that you talk to me or anyone when you're worrying like this. You'll just hurt yourself more in the end if you don't." My advice sounded good, but it wasn't something I heeded. I've been keeping every emotion, and every bad thought that I've had in the past few months completed bottled up and to myself. I put on a brave face for everyone, and then cry myself to sleep at night when I was alone.

"Thanks Bella, I do actually feel a lot better now. You're gonna be an awesome Mom with all this wise, sage advice you sling out." I peered over to him to see he was no longer crying, and gave me a quick smile towards his joke.

"Thanks Kid – appreciate it." I gave him my own, albeit fake, smile, and he settled back in his seat. We got to my house a few minutes later, and Seth walked around to help me out of the car. "Thanks again." He nodded at me and turned as if he was about to start running back to the Res.

"Do you want to stay for dinner?" I asked, and the almost happy look on his face answered the question. I closed my eyes and concentrated, bringing down my shield - I learned how to finally use that, now being able to block out the pack mind unless I wanted to hear it – to try to see which other members of the pack were out patrolling by my house. I could see Collin and Andrew, the newest and youngest pack member, running right in the woods behind the house. I quickly brought my shield back up, and all their voices were gone.

"Collin!! Andrew!!" I yelled out. "I'm going to order some pizzas, come in the house when it gets here to have some dinner!" Two quick low howls signaled to me that they heard me, and Seth and I made our way inside.

"How'd you know it was them patrolling back there?" Seth asked. I tapped the side of my head reminding him that I can hear the Pack mind.

"Oh, yeah…right. I forget about that sometimes now since it doesn't bother you anymore like it did in the beginning."

"Yeah, I'm really grateful Carlisle was able to work with me and teach me how to get control over my shield. It was getting to be way to much after the...accident. With everyone's emotions in overdrive, and then my own...I'm just glad I can have my mind all to myself again."

I told Seth to go grab a seat, and I headed over into the kitchen and placed a quick call to order four large cheese pizzas. With three wolfs, my never-ending appetite, and Dad coming home soon, I second-guessed if four would even be enough, and called them back quickly to make the order for six pizza's instead, three meat lovers. I made my way into the living room, and sat down on the couch next to Seth who was flipping through the TV channels.

"So what else can it do?" Seth asked, muting the TV and turning towards me. I looked at him with questioning eyes, not sure what he was asking. "The shield I mean, have you been able to do anything else other than protecting your mind from anyone getting in, or anything getting out?"

"Not really too much, no. But, I know I'll be able to eventually. Right now I'm not strong enough, not while I'm pregnant, not while the baby keeps refusing to let me get in my blood supply." I actually gagged a little thinking about it.

Even though I craved blood, and really actually did need it, anytime I tried to consume it little Peanut would kick the crap out of me until I was nauseous and threw it back up. We figured that one out when I was still getting sick way past my morning sickness stage, before I could feel the baby kicking. I was finally not nauseous all the time after about two weeks, but then any time I tried to drink blood or eat raw meat it would just come right back up because the baby didn't like it.

Because I haven't been able to keep up with a normal supply of blood consumption, though I've been able to keep small amounts down occasionally to keep me from looking like the walking dead, I'm weak – really weak. Little Peanut likes Pizza though, and by the way I was being kicked right now, I figured I wasn't the only one starving.

"What do you think you'll be able to do once you're stronger?" Seth asked, his voice and eyes very curious.

"For like a split second, before I almost passed out from exhaustion that is, I was actually able to pull the shield out of my mind completely and wrapped almost half my body in it." I said, a little bit of enthusiasm creeping into my voice. Even though I am completely miserable, it was hard not to get a little bit excited at the prospect of being able to expand my shield.

"Wow, that's so cool. So like a real actual shield, like to protect yourself from a physical attack? What does it look like?" Seth asked, with awe and excitement in his voice as well.

"Yeah, it is pretty cool. Um, I can't really see it, you know? But Carlisle said it was like a golden silk was encasing me, but it was light and airy, like mist. I had it wrapped just past my baby bump and Carlisle tried to take a swing at my arm, but his hand smashed back when he hit the shield. I was only able to keep it up for like a minute and a half though." I sighed, that only happened a few weeks ago, right after my birthday, and I wasn't able to do it again since then.

"You'll total rock that once you're back to your badass self." His smile was genuine, and I gave him a little wink and playful punch on the shoulder. He was about to say something else but there was a knock at the door – pizza time!

Collin and Andrew were through the door and in the kitchen before I could even pay the delivery guy. The four of us finished off five of the pizzas, and I practically had to wrangle the sixth one away from Seth to save it for when Charlie got home from work later. We all talked lightly about nothing in particular for a little while after we had finished dinner, and then the three boys headed out, leaving me alone to my thoughts.

I didn't mind being alone, I actually really preferred it right now like I said. It takes a lot out of me to act like I'm okay all the time, that I was dealing with all of this without breaking down. The truth was, I was just becoming a really good actress. The moment I was alone I let the pain and hurt I felt in missing and worrying about Jacob consume me. I left a note on top of the pizza box letting Charlie know I didn't feel like cooking, and that I was upstairs sleeping, making it an early night. Really, I just didn't want him seeing me crying like this.

I missed Jacob so much. So, so much. Every inch of my body ached to be held in his strong arms again. My lips burned to feel his on them again. More than anything, my heart felt like it was being ripped from my chest every second that I didn't know if he was really safe or not. I wanted to believe he was.

I closed my eyes and rubbed soothing circles on my belly. "I loved you little Peanut. Daddy loves you too, and…he'll be home in time to meet you…I promise." I whispered, and let my exhaustion take over me and out of this conscious nightmare, into the ones that haunted my sleep.

*Jacob's POV*

"Leah," I whispered, trying to get her to wake up.

"Leeeeah." She wouldn't open her eyes, but she made a bit of a gurgling noise, letting me know she could hear me.

"They haven't been down here in almost twenty-four hours; I think enough of the drugs are out of my system. I'm going to try and phase." I told her, and I stood up, my legs wobbly and unsteady. I fell back a little and leaned on the cold cement wall for support.

My head was spinning, the whole room moving around me in fast circles. It had to have been days since the last time I actually stood up, usually my movements have been limited to crawling around lately. The humans were habitually down here every four hours to inject the two of us with more tranquilizers and other drugs, like hallucinogens, but I was sure that they hadn't been back in almost a day. I closed my eyes for a few moments, taking in a couple of deep breaths. I opened my eyes back up slowly, and the room had stopped spinning.

Now that I was able to stand up without falling over, I started concentrating on trying to phase. There was no way I would be able to get out a quicker form of communication then signaling someone within the Pack mind. I was clearing my head, trying to just basically beg my body to phase, but no matter how hard I was pushing myself, I just couldn't do it.

I don't know exactly, but I think it's been at least four months that we've been held down here. Not phasing for this long is making this hard enough; add on top of that that I still have all these crazy drugs pumping through me, that were now burning off a lot less quickly then they use to since my body temperature is normalizing.

I am pretty sure we are being kept in an old abandoned prison, though I haven't been out of this twelve by twelve foot cell since being thrown in here with Leah months ago. We've slept on the cold hard floor, and had food, if you can even call it that, brought to us twice a day. There was a single toilet in the corner of the room, and the only light we had was from a small single bulb that hung from the ceiling.

I tried to phase again, willing with every ounce of energy I had – but I couldn't. I slumped back down to the ground next to Leah. "I can't do it."

"It's okay…at least…you tried." She breathed out. "Where…are they?"

"I have no idea. It's been months, the same shit and routine every single day. I don't get why they aren't here now. I don't know where they've been."

"Oh, good the dogs are awake." I heard the singsong voice of a female vampire say. The voice was coming through the two bars from the small peephole window on the prison door, but I could not see her face. This was the first time there had been anyone other then humans coming to us.

"This is the big week Jacob Black. The time is finally here. I've been waiting so long, and now I am finally going to get to finish my game. She broke the rules Jacob, but I still want to play. This time…with all of you. Just a few more things need to fall into place, and then it will all be set. Everyone is going to die Jacob. Everyone." I knew that voice. I think I knew that voice. It sounded so familiar.

"Who are you?! What are you talking about?!" I called out, but she had already left. A few minutes later someone slipped two trays of food under the slat in the door. I crawled over and grabbed them, sliding them back over to where Leah still lay on the floor.

"Come on, sit up. You need to eat." I told her, pulling her up into a sitting position and then propping her up against the wall.

"What, are the putting our drugs in the food now? Since when do we get steak?" She asked, a little of her strength – and snark – returning.

"I don't know. Just eat it. If they aren't going to be drugging us anymore…if we eat and rest, and gain our strength back, one of us should be able to phase again soon. So…just eat." This time I tried to sound more commanding, though that was pretty hard given the state I was in. I had no idea why they stopped drugging us, why they were feeding us actual food now, or who that vampire freak was, but in that moment I couldn't care, all I cared about was being able to phase and tell the Pack what was going on so I could get home. Get home to Bella…and get home to our baby.

To be continued…

A/N: Check out a link in my profile to see Bella's new SUV. There is also a link to Eastern State Penitentiary which is my visual for the prison that they are being held in, not where they are technically being held though.

Thank you so much for the reviews! XoXo - Vanessa