Chapter Twenty One: Loss
Loss: the fact or process of losing something or someone.
Day 62
Daisy woke with her heart beating sharply in her chest, visions of the previous night's horror lingering from her nightmares. She breathed out, until there was no more air left in her lungs, then stared up with fearful eyes at the roof of her tent. Daisy breathed in, her head flopped to the side in defeat.
Sunlight shone through the opaque door of the tent, dark red slashes of colour made shadows across her face; Kat's blood was dried and filled the air with that familiar metallic scent. Daisy scrunched her nose at the thick smell and got up from where she was lying, shuffling forward on her knees to the door.
The fabric of the tent door rustled as her fingers danced across where the patterns of blood stained the opposite side. Daisy shook her head of her melancholy thoughts and steeled herself, unzipping the tent and stepping out in one smooth motion. Her toes wiggled in her socks at the dirt. She remembered that shoes were probably a good idea, so she leant back in and snatched her bloodied boots, kneeling in the dirt to slide them onto her feet.
"Shit, Girly, lookin' like a psychopath, there!" Daisy snapped her head to the side, then rolled her eyes when she saw who had spoken; Merle returned her glare with his usual shit-eating grin. He then asked in his drawling voice, "Ain't bit?"
Daisy stood from where she knelt and turned to face him fully, head craning back to look into his eyes. Her lips tugged up into a reluctant smile.
"You worried there, Merle?" Daisy said with slight amusement. Merle scoffed at her and began to walk towards his camp, gesturing for her to follow him.
"Ain't do me good to be in the same camp as one'a them rotters." He dismissed her, Daisy's smile widened as she thought perhaps she had been right in her initial assessment.
"What if I had been bit?" Daisy asked, "Would you've shed a tear?" A chuckle rose up in her throat, but was cut off as Merle shoved her heavily in the shoulder. Daisy shrieked shortly and soon regained her balance, glaring after Merle's retreating back. She hurriedly jogged after him and made her way to his side.
"Shit no, I wouldn't'a 'shed a tear.'" Merle shook his head, then sat down bodily onto the stump by his tent. Daryl looked up at the two with eyes squinting against the sun, then dismissed them and went back to adjusting his crossbow. "Jus' lookin' out for me and my own." Daisy sat down beside Daryl on the fallen log and scoffed at Merle.
"Okay." She conceded, disbelieving eyes still narrowed at him.
"You lose anyone?" Daryl suddenly interjected from beside her, glancing at Daisy shortly before returning his attention to the crossbow. Daisy's brow furrowed.
"Uh, yeah. My friend Kat." Daisy took a deep, shuddering breath.
"Th'fuck's Kat?" Merle mumbled, snapping open his pocket knife and edging it under his fingernails to begin nonchalantly cleaning them, much to Daisy's apprehension.
"My friend. She's been at this camp for…weeks, probably." She informed them.
"I ain't heard of anyone named Kat 'round here." Merle sneered derisively, "A few dogs, though." He chuckled to himself, eyes narrowed and looking around the camp.
"S'not up for debate, Merle." Daryl shook his head, then glanced at Daisy, "M'sorry for your loss." He said mechanically, the crease on the bridge of his nose wrinkling as he concentrated on his task at hand.
"Thanks." Daisy said with a pained smile, which turned to a scowl at Merle's scoff. She sighed, not finding the strength to call Merle out on his bullshit, then focused on what was happening in the camp around them.
Their numbers had significantly lessened with the walker attack that had occurred the night previous, and the few who had survived were either inconsolably grieving or moving the dead to be buried. Daisy shivered at the all-encompassing feeling of grief that pervaded the camp, but steeled herself and stood to help.
"Daryl." She called for his attention, upon getting it she nodded emphatically towards where the bodies were being gathered. Daryl nodded and stood beside her, then unceremoniously kicked Merle's shin with his heavy, booted foot. Merle barely managed to suppress a shout as he glared at his brother, wisely keeping quiet at his and Daisy's similarly solemn expressions. "C'mon." Daisy gestured for them to follow her, glancing around at the others in their group.
She became frozen, however, upon seeing Amy's blank gaze staring back at her. Daisy became troubled, telling the Dixon brothers to go on ahead without her, receiving the usual snide comment from Merle and silence from Daryl.
Amy sat with her knees held close to her chest, hair spilling over her tear and blood-stained cheeks as she stared at Daisy. Lori was crouched in front of her, but Amy was apparently not paying attention to whatever it was she was saying. Daisy's heart leapt into her throat at her first sighting of Andrea. Amy's older sister was lying on her back, white shirt stained through with dull, dried blood, face pale and lifeless.
"—got to let us take her." Daisy heard Lori say with a grave tone, she continued softly, "We all cared about her and I promise we'll be as gentle as we can."
Daisy approached the two with trepidation and crouched beside Lori, and saw that Amy nodded her head minutely, and turned her face away from her sister's body, eyes tightly shut in pain.
"Alright, then. Thank you." Lori finished sincerely. She shared an uncertain glance with Daisy, looked at Andrea's body for a second then shuddered and stood, walking away. Daisy inched forward, feeling that she was at a complete loss to comfort this girl who, as far as Daisy knew, had previously been untouched by the cruelty of this new world.
Her attention was briefly caught when she heard two pairs of footsteps approach, and then retreat with Andrea's body carried between them, but soon returned to Amy when she stirred. Amy's eyes connected with Daisy's briefly, pain shone obviously in them, before they shut once more.
"She saved me." Amy said shortly, Daisy blinked stupidly in response. "She was more worried about me than herself, and she died because of it…if I hadn't been there—" Amy cut herself off with a sob suppressed by her hand which slapped against her mouth. Daisy's eyes widened and her heart dropped into her stomach as she realised Amy was burdened by something worse more than her sister dying; believing that said death was her own fault. She surged forward and landed on her backside beside Amy, carefully placing one arm around the shivering girl, pulling her tighter to her side after not being rejected.
"You can't do that, Amy." Daisy said, trying to sound firm but not quite managing to, "It wasn't your fault." She had only known Amy for a very short time, but knew instinctively that she did not hold any nefarious thoughts in her mind. That, Andrea's death was not, and could never have been, Amy's fault in any circumstance.
Amy let loose another sob and curled in on herself more, Daisy rubbed her arm soothingly but looked around in panic, she had never been exceptional at comforting people who were upset. Daisy was worried that she would make it worse, so she looked meaningfully at Lori who was standing warily off to the side. Thankfully, Lori caught her intention and approached them, crouching once more in front of the inconsolable Amy.
"C'mon, Amy. Why don't we go to the RV. Get some rest." Lori said with piercing eyes and shot Amy a hopeful smile once she had looked up. Amy glanced at the wide-eyed Daisy and then back to Lori, then nodded minutely and allowed herself to be pulled up and led into the RV behind them.
Daisy sighed and fell back against the RV, scrubbing a hand through her hair. She cringed when she tugged too harshly on the strands, pulling them in front of her face and wrinkling her nose at the dried blood that matted them together. Her head knocked back with a harsh thud and she turned her eyes skyward, blinking at the harsh sun.
"Daisy." She looked down and saw Rick standing in front of her, looking just as tired as the rest of them and haggard in his dirty, bloody, no longer white undershirt. "How are you?" She shot him an unimpressed look, making his expression turn apologetic.
"I'm fine. My friend Kat isn't, Andrea isn't." Daisy sighed, bringing her arms tight around herself and rubbing them in a futile effort to comfort herself. She shot him a small smile and patted the dirt beside her, he accepted and sat, his shoulders dropping as he leaned against the RV heavily. Daisy looked at Rick with serious eyes and reassured him, "I'm fine, Rick. You?"
"Lori and Carl are safe."
"That's great." Daisy said genuinely, trying to maintain a positive tone.
They sat in silence for a short time, Daisy stared across the camp at the large fire where the invading walkers were being burned. The heavy, acrid scent of death made her nose wrinkle, she shivered with unease.
"I was so excited to come here." She said suddenly, looking at Rick with a furrowed brow, "Finally, a safe place!" Daisy's lips tugged up in a smile, but her eyes remained hard. Beside her, Rick remained silent. When she caught his gaze, she saw that his eyes were as cold as hers, as hopeless.
"Mmm." Rick mumbled in agreement, chest rising and falling with a shaking breath. Daisy exhaled, staring at him with sadness, suddenly realising that she certainly wasn't helping anybody.
"We're still here." She said firmly, sitting forward and putting a comforting hand on Rick's shoulder. "C'mon, man. Gotta be strong for your son, for Lori." Daisy bit her lip, and stood up with new resolve. "No use sitting around sulking." She said resolutely and held out her hand, Rick scoffed lightly and smiled up at her.
"Says the original sulker." He took her hand and she tried in vain to pull him up, causing him to chuckle as he dropped it and stood himself. Daisy huffed a laugh to herself, shaking her head in disappointment at her comparative lack of strength.
"Off to work." Daisy said quietly, smiling goodbye at Rick and walking towards the fire.
"Hey, whoa! What are you guys doing? This is for geeks!" Daisy glanced over to see Glenn talking to Daryl and Morales who were dragging a body towards the fire. "Our people go over there!"
"What's the difference? They're all infected."
"Our people go…in that row over there." Glenn said shakily, "We don't burn them! We bury them. Understand? Our people go in that row over there."
Daisy stood still as Daryl and Morales conceded, dragging the man to where Glenn had directed them. She walked towards Glenn who was shaking his head and looking at the ground, breathing deeply.
"Glenn? Are you—"
"No." He interrupted her, glancing up with a disturbed frown overtaking his features, "I'm not okay." Glenn gulped and shook his head firmly, then walked past Daisy.
She nodded her head to herself, then steeled. Daisy looked around for anyone who needed her help, but her thoughts were interrupted by Jacqui's exclamation.
"A walker got him! A walker bit Jim!"
Daisy turned to see Jacqui backing away from Jim, and moved towards him with concern, along with the others in the group.
"Show it to us." Daryl demanded, his hand which held a pickaxe dropped and tightened around his weapon. Jim began to look panicked, he picked a shovel off the ground and held it in front of him, ready to defend himself. "Grab him!"
T-Dog grabbed the protesting Jim, holding his arms back and forcing him to drop the shovel.
"I'm okay. I'm okay."
Daryl surged forward and lifted Jim's shirt, showing the enflamed, reddened bite.
"I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm okay." Jim said weakly over and over, T-Dog and Daryl backed off, leaving him staggering in place. Daisy and the rest of the group stood apart from him, each staring with expressions of disbelief at the sight of a dead man walking.