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Chapter 21

Act 1

"God!" Herman Said, as he saw Janis, her face filled with blood, passed out inside her mustang. "Come on! I must be having a nightmare, this ain't true!" he begged looking up. The fireman didn't let him get close to her until they were able to get her off the car. "Come on, babe, talk to me. Jan!" he said then, his eyes filled with tears, in despair. He couldn't be losing her, she was everything to him, she saved him; he had to save her, but in his sick mind, the only thought that came was that his girl was fading away, the girl that brought him back to what life meant. "Let me get close to her!" he tried to pass through the fireman and Tig, but it was not possible.

Jax held him. "Stop it, man, this won't make her wake up or get out of the car alright. Just wait here! I'm as concerned with her as you are, after all she is my sister!" he said to Lemonhead. The man seemed not to calm down ever. He walked in circles, passing his hand in his hair and looking down. Jax was also worried, he never saw Janis in those situations, for him, it was worse than when she was raped, because now, he wasn't sure what happened to her, no one was, she was bloodied inside a car, no one seen what happened, no one not even bothered to stop to see if the girl needed help, only God knows how long Janis had been passed out there, since they didn't see her in the afternoon.

Clay sat beside the tree where Janis' car burst into. He looked down and moved the leaves of place, he was in a state of shock, numb, without understanding what might be happening. He only wanted to hear his baby's voice again, her laughter, he could listen to her saying they all worry too much. But then, he looked inside the car, he saw she was barely breathing; he then looked back down and reorganized the leaves all over again, he didn't seem to understand, Janis was always the strong one, now she wasn't.

They all lost attention to the car, as Gemma arrived to the scene. She screamed in total despair, crying. "Janis! Talk to me!" she begged, being stopped by Tig and Piney to go further. "That's my daughter! Let me pass!" she screamed, but no one obeyed her. They put her sitting beside Clay and her old man held her tight. Gemma continued screaming. It was her way of expressing her despair. She never thought she would see her daughter in such situation; her heart was small, like she predicted that something bad was happening, she felt like she would never see her daughter again.

"Calm down everybody!" Tig screamed. It was ironic seeing Tig as the voice of reason, he was the only one that maintained calm, maybe because the shock already passed him, since he was the one who found her. "Let the people do their work! Jan will be fine! Don't worry." He said, looking mainly to Gemma, who was still crying, her hands in fists, being held by Clay.

"Tig is right, we should all be calm." Opie said, he was beside Jax, watching what the firemen were doing to take her out of the car. "They got her out" he said after a few minutes of pure silence, not even animals were heard on that area that day, seemed like everything was worried with Janis that moment, like always she was the center of their world, but now wasn't in the best ways.

Kozik ran straight to her, not letting anyone else get close to her. He held her hand. "Baby, come on, talk to me." He said, but the girl not even breathed properly. He tried again, and again, but had no answer. His eyes were filled with tears, as he held his hands, tight, so if she could feel anything, she would feel him, asking her to be back. The paramedics went to her, tying her up. "Can I go with you?" he asked the paramedic as they entered in the ambulance.

"Of course, sir." He answered.

Kozik entered inside the ambulance. Gemma fought everyone so she could be inside too. "Shut the fuck up, this is my daughter. I'll be inside this car, you wanting or not." She said to the paramedic, the man got a bit scared with Gemma's typical attitude so he let her in too. She held Janis' free hand, she now had hope, hope Janis would be alright, although the man beside her didn't, she saw how Kozik was hurt for what happened, how he almost felt guilty and how all his life seemed to be around her daughter, how he really cared if she would be ok. "She'll be fine, sweetheart." She tried to comfort him.

St. Thomas was crowded that day, it wasn't normal that hospital be that full. The paramedic's sent Janis straight to the Trauma room, so the doctors could work on her fast. They took X-rays of her and did resonances. An hour and a half after she was transferred to the room the doctor got out. The waiting room seemed like a reunion of Bikers, every Samcro member was there even the guys from other charters were there, since they were helping Clay with Los Mags. "Ms. Morrow will be ok. Mrs. Morrow, can I talk to you for a second?" The doctor asked. Everyone got tense right there, Kozik got tenser. Why the hell did the doctor want to talk to Gemma in private? The first thing that came to his mind was that Janis was pregnant. "Does your daughter had any accident which she injured her head lately, bumped into something?" he asked.

"No, the last accident we had with her was when she was 14, she fell and bumped her head in a stair, why?" she asked, before the Doctor continued she decided to know if Kozik knew anything. "Kozik! Did Jan hit her head in anything while you were away?" she asked him.

"No Gemma, what's the matter?" he asked, now he was even more concerned than before, did Janis have Traumatism of something? Would she have any consequences? He would love her anyway. He tried to remember every little detail of their trip, just to be sure if he didn't let anything pass, all of a sudden, he caught himself smiling, because he remembered every little expression, every little smile his Black Rose had on those days, the ones she was grumpy, the ones she was happy, the ones she was loving, everything. He then realized that the doctor and Gemma were staring at him, as he was lost on his most precious memories.

"She had a coagulum in her head. That is, she has a bit of blood inside her skull. Did she ever complain she wasn't seeing right or that she was too dizzy lately?"The doctor asked, this time looking to Kozik.

"No, she didn't complain but I was teaching her how to surf and I saw that she didn't find balance in the board, and also she was falling over nothing lately and having trouble to get up fast off bed." He said, he then remembered the time he was trying to teach her how to surf and finally got it. She was so damn happy, she jumped in his chest, hugging him tight as if he just taught her the most important thing in her life. He loved how everything he did seemed important to her, it were the only times he felt important, in his whole life. The only one who could make him feel good was her.

"Alright, this confirms she got a coagulum, that's the only thing. She didn't wake up after the accident because she got in shock; it happens to people, they pass out when they are put into high stress. Impressionably, she didn't break any bones. The only thing we are still checking is if her organs are all fine, a little piece of metal cut her stomach, but it didn't damage any of her organs, at first look. She will be fine." He said.

The tense vibrations inside the room were all gone. They were all smiling now. Kozik sighed in relief and Gemma started to cry again, now happy tears. "When can we see her?" Clay asked, worried, he was the only one still tense, he still didn't believe what happened. He felt like a failure, because he was the one that should had provided safety to his daughter. That wasn't Kozik's work, it was his and he didn't make it right, his girl was in a hospital bed because of him. He never was the biggest optimist, it could show now. He was still worried with this coagulum of hers.

"You will be able to see her when she wakes up. As we doped her, well, its normal people say thing when we dope them, she only said one thing: Starlight. Does that mean anything to any of you?" The doctor asked again, he wanted to see if she was relating with her memory.

"Yes, it's the nickname she gave me." Kozik said smiling the biggest smile, even passed out the only thing in her mind was him; and that made his ego grows, made him happy, his only wish now was to see her, see her eyes again, her smile, hear her voice, hear her calling him 'stupid'. He never loved his nickname this much, it made him realize that everything he felt, she felt the same.

"Alright, when she wakes up, you can see her." He said, to everyone. It took a couple of hours until he called them, saying she was awake. "Only one at the time." He said.

It was an eye competition then to define who of them would see the girl first. Gemma didn't let anyone enter before her after all she was the one worried the most, she didn't show her emotions much, so everyone thought . "Hey baby." She said to the girl. Janis looked weak, her eyes were bloodshot and her whole face had stitches. "You scared me, honey." Gemma continued, kissing her daughter's forehead after.

"Hey mom, I'm fine. You worry too much." She said, making Gemma chuckle. She knew her daughter would say that, no matter how bad in a situation she was, that was always her argument, Gemma worried too much. "Mom, I'm sorry I scared you. I'm fine really." She said, holding her mother's hands tight. She knew how worried Gemma was; she knew Gemma would do anything to see her well. "Now, mom, where is Kozik, I wanna see him." She said.

Gemma couldn't believe Janis was asking for the boyfriend. "Baby, Kozik is waiting outside. Don't worry, he is fine, they are all fine." She said. Janis relaxed a bit after her mother said that. She was worried about the work they had to do, she was worried he would never go back home. "I'll call him, I'll be back to you in a few. Alright?" Gemma said then, seeing that her daughter wouldn't talk to her without seeing her man first.

Janis smiled to her mom and nodded. So Gemma went outside and called her son-in-law. "Hey, Janis" he said, entering the room cautiously, like he was afraid of going close to her. When he got close he just kissed her forehead. He then took a chair closer to the bed and sat on it. "Are you ok? What happened? Baby you scared me! I thought I was-" he said, looking down.

It wasn't good just to shoot millions of questions on someone who just woke up. "Hey, I want a kiss." She said, she didn't understand why he didn't kiss her in the lips. He chuckled and met his lips to hers, Janis felt a pain coming, and going as Kozik stopped. "Can you give me a mirror, starlight?" she asked, holding his hand tight. Kozik's eyes were now with tears, he just shook his head. "Herm, what is wrong with me? Please tell me." She asked. Janis didn't understand why he was not doing what she asked him to. "My Starlight, tell me!" she them screamed.

"Alright! Calm down! Jan, I don't think you need a mirror now." He said. He didn't want her to see how her face was. She was always really vain; she liked to look good, for her and for him. "And you not even answered my questions." He said, trying to make his girl better, but it didn't seem to help.

"If you don't give me that mirror is better that you get the fuck out." She said then, offended by him.

"Christ! Ok, but please promise me you won't feel bad." He said. Janis was now in despair, she didn't know what happened, so she expected the worse scenario possible. He handled her a mirror and held her hand.

Janis looked at herself. It wasn't as bad as she predicted. Her lips were cut open and inched; her eyebrow was cut open too as most of her face. "Oh look they shaved the side of my head." She said amused by it. "I got stitches." She said then, her eyes were filled with tears, although she knew that she was fine, the bad already passed, she was damaged, her face was damaged, and she looked like that in front the only man she never wanted to see her that way. "At least these will all pass." She said then, a hint of sadness in her voice.

"Hey, to me you are still the most beautiful thing in the universe." He said to her then and kissed her knuckles. That made the girl smile. "Now, I'll call your dad in, he wants to see you." He said.

"No! Stay a bit more. I still got to answer your questions." She said, smiling, seemed like all the sadness was gone off her. Her eyes sparkled again, just like Kozik loved. "You asked me what happened, well, before I left your things at home and I went to my place, to pack my bag. Actually I don't know how dad and mom signed for this." She said. He chuckled. "Well, as I was going to your place, some car with Mexican boys approached mine. I thought they were the guys you were fighting, so I panicked and I don't remember anything after that." She said, chuckling.

"God Janis, you can't be scared like that, we were handling it." He said, then he understood her, she didn't know how things were going, they attacked her once, they could totally try again. "What matters now is that you are alright." He said then, kissing her forehead again. "I want to take you out of here so much." He said then.

"I want to get out of here as much! Come on! Just as I was going to spend time with you." She said, and then yawned; she was sleepy again because of the meds. "Starlight, come here, lay down with me." She said then.

Kozik chuckled. "I can't lie down with you; you are connected to these machines." He said, Janis didn't want to know, she pushed his arm, so he got closer to her, and closer. "You always need to break a rule, right?" He asked her, she just smiled, that typical Janis smile. Kozik really wanted to stay there with her, but, she hadn't seen her father still, she needed to see him before they could be there together. But as Kozik watched Janis begging to him, her eyes so needy, he didn't have another choice.

"Come on! I need you." She said then, those words filled with emotion. She needed him beside her, like she was beside him in those days at the hospital, she needed him so she could get better.

Kozik then yielded, he took off his boots and lied in her bed. As he lied down, her heart monitor started to go faster, he just smiled at her. "Your heart still beats fast when you are beside me. That's beautiful." He said, chuckling, he then took her and pushed her closer to his chest, holding one of her hands at his. Kozik then kissed her forehead once again.

She punched him in the chest. "So do you! Old experienced man" she joked at him, then Kozik pushed her closer to him. "Thanks for staying." She said then. He only smiled at her. Janis was happy that he was beside her, that he was taking care of her, like she did to him thousands of times, she felt safe in his arms, like nothing bad would happen to her as long as he was there beside her. Janis looked at him and smiled. "I love you, babe."

Kozik kissed her forehead again, while playing with her hair, he loved to do that, pass her hair on his fingers, because it was so delicate, so beautiful, it was just like her, sometimes he was afraid the way he touched her or played with her would hurt her, by how smaller than him she was. "I love you too, Janis. Never forget that." He said then, his hands now passing slowly at her hair and sang 'If you knew' the Jeff Buckley's version, so he could make the girl fall sleep. Janis fell asleep in his chest minutes later.

Act 2

"Ms. Morrow, you need to be back at the hospital in a week, so we can take the last stitches at your head off. I already passed this with you, but it's good to remind you. No sudden movements, no driving while you take this meds, no bumping your head in things. Be careful with the stitches and if you feel any dizziness or realize that your vision has been compromised, come see me immediately, understood?" The Doctor said.

Janis who was beside her mother and her father, just nodded to the doctor, she knew all those things already. "Don't worry, I don't wanna enter in this place for a while" she said, chuckling. Gemma and Clay didn't think her joke so amusing, they were still angry because of the day she woke up, only to talk to Kozik and then fall asleep again. "Thanks for everything, Doc." She said then and shook the man's hand.

She got out of the room beside her father and her mother. "Hey Doll, good to see you out of that place!" Tig said, he was there to help them get the girl back home, although he knew Janis wouldn't let the chance of sleeping at Kozik's go without a good fight. "Let's go to your home sweetheart." He said then.

Janis then asked herself where was Kozik, why didn't he go to pick her up at the hospital, she waited so much for the moment she was free of those goddamn monitors just to feel disappointed with her old man. "No, I'm going to Kozik's, no matter how much you bitch about it." She was talking with the three of them, not just Tig, he had nothing to do with her life with Kozik, he fought with the man, but now she saw that the fight didn't had nothing to do with her, so she wouldn't be in the middle of it, or she thought it had nothing to be with her.

Gemma looked at her, not at all happy with Janis' decision. "No, first you will go home, eat something, take a good shower and maybe then you think about going to your boyfriend's. Why the hell did I let you go to his place?" she asked then.

Janis didn't listen to her mother's complaining, her mind was only on Herman. "Let's go Janis." Clay said, with that one she wouldn't fight. Her father was utterly pissed because she didn't see him when she first woke up, he didn't care if Kozik was her boyfriend, the guy had no right to pass in front of him. Clay saw now, more than ever, that he lost place in his daughter's heart, no matter how hard he tried to break them up, that made them stronger, made him almost lose his daughter.

She did exactly what her father said, he gave her a hand and walked her out the hospital. She entered in her mother's car and waited for Gemma. Clay and Tig were in their bikes. Gemma then entered in the car and closed the windows. "Do I need to say how irresponsible you were?" she asked Janis, while driving out of the parking lot. She talked low, so no one could hear them.

Janis was lost, she didn't know what her mother was talking about. "I know, I had to pay more attention and not get so freaked out by some amigos. I'm sorry mom, I didn't think that the car would do what it did." She said then, hinting her mother was talking about the recent accident, although she wasn't sure, Gemma always seemed to create new reasons why she was mad with both her children that not even they knew.

Gemma never took her eyes off the road, her expression was serene although her daughter felt that she was angry and nervous. "Jan, it's not that. Do I need to have the birds and bees talk with you again?" she asked. The girl chuckled and shook her head. "I wouldn't be so sure not, Jan, while you were at the Trauma room the doctor said he did a huge number of tests on you, one was the rape test, they found live sperm in you. Did you have unprotected sex?" Gemma asked, just by bringing up the subject made the woman blush.

Her daughter had no changing in her expression or attitude. "Yeah, I use the pill, we thought it would be better." She just said, leaving the confirmation that it was the most amazing thing she ever did in her life with Kozik behind. "Mom, we took all the precautions, don't worry. I wasn't in any antibiotics nor in any other med that would affect it." She said, Janis learned about it in school and with her doctor, Amy, she explained everything for the girl before her first time and Gemma had a pretty big role too.

"Even like that, babe, you can get pregnant of this, you don't want that, do you?" the Queen then asked, she wanted her daughter to graduate, find a good job and then think about kids, she wanted to see her married and successful in her work. "Think about this. I won't prohibit you, because I know it would never work, but, please, baby, think about this." She added.

The girl was now laughing hard as Tig made faces to her as they stopped on a light. "I'll think about it mom. I don't wanna ruin my life with kids right now, I want them in a few years, a decade maybe." She said, kissing her mother's cheek to reassure her that she heard and understood what she meant.

They not even noticed, but they were already at the entrance of their home. Tig helped Janis off the car. "Now, get some sleep, doll, for more that you slept at the hospital, nothing's like home." He said to her, as he helped her inside the home.

As Janis entered a smile came to her face as she saw everyone of Samcro inside, waiting for her with a Welcome Home sign. "God! Everything becomes a party to you people!" she said, she was really surprised. She scented Bobby's delicious cook, he was doing one of her favorites Lasagnas. "Thanks, guys, I love you all." She said then as they all got closer to give her a hug.

The first one was Jax. "As I thought you wouldn't enter in any other trouble…" he said to her. Jax was always there for Janis, no matter how much they fought, how much they swore the other, they loved each other like real siblings and he was always the most worried with her, especially with the mundane things. "Welcome home sweetheart." He said then and kissed her forehead.

Janis hugged him tight, making everyone else release and unison "Aw" since that wasn't something that happened every day, they loved each other very much, but neither Jax nor Janis were big love showers towards their own sibling. She then led her brother go, just to feel other arms wrapping around her waist and kisses running down her neck. "Hello, beautiful." She said to her boyfriend.

"Hello, my love." He said to her. Now everyone found something to do, Bobby was back at the cooking, Gemma and Clay talked and drank with Luann and Tig, Jax was back to Wendy. No one observed them. "Welcome back." He said to her in her ear, just to make a shiver run down her spine.

Janis turned, just to be able to kiss her man, he kissed her and passed his hand on where her head was now growing a bit of hair, it was a little shaved part, just a bit above her ear. "Thanks, my lovely man." She said then, Kozik chuckled on how sometimes he came with new nicknames to him, but she eventually left them all just to call him Starlight again. "It's healing, don't worry, my love." She said then, as he continued to stare at her stitches. "We dine and then I'll take my things to go to your place. How's my baby?" she asked then, four days before when Janis woke up from the second time, Clay said that TM was fixing her car, Kozik was in charge of it.

"It's healing as well, sweetheart. And I'm really glad that you still want to go to my place." He said, Kozik thought she didn't want that anymore, he thought she would want to stay home with her parents to heal a bit more. "Can't wait to be with you, just you, again." He said, kissing her forehead before going to take some chicken Bobby put on the table.

Janis didn't follow him, she just went to her room, to get her stuff ready. She was waiting to get out of the hospital just to be with Kozik, now, was going to be even more excited because now they could only ride, since her car was being fixed. She loved to ride with him. She took some dresses and some shorts and t-shirts, also her working clothes, including her clean TM shirt, some all stars and flops, she put it all at the bag together with the basics, underwear, make up, bath items and condoms, since she was now high on meds, condom was essential. She then took her bag to a corner of the room and got out, just to find Luann outside her room.

"I'm glad you are fine, baby" The porn queen said, Janis liked Luann a lot, mainly because she was Otto's wife and the biggest love the weird SOA member ever had. She liked the fact that Luann was younger than Otto a few years, she looked the way Luann loved her man like an ideal for her life when she got older. But she didn't like what the woman did on her living, she thought Luann was way too talented to be stuck in porn, even if she liked it, she could have moved on.

"I'm great Luann, ready for another" Janis replied to the woman, who hugged her tight. Janis smiled at her then and freed herself. "How's everything? I haven't seen you in a while!" she said then, as the awkward silence entered the room, Janis didn't understand why the woman follower her to her bedroom, just to say that to her, unless she just found Janis because she was trying to take some of Gemma's jewelry for some party, again.

"Everything is great Jan, I'm nominated to an award as best director." She said, Janis chuckled, because she was surprised such awards existed. "Well, Otto asked for you." She said then.

Janis opened a huge smile. Until her teenage years, Otto was a huge part of her life, both Otto and Luann actually; she missed the man, since she only visited him twice at prison after they changed his sentence. "How is he?! I miss Uncle Otto, remember when I and Jax passed most of our time at your house playing video-games, as dad left?" she said, those memories coming to her mind and installing an nostalgia moment, she remembered then how was those times, how she was mad at Tig when she was a kid because he was having his own children, how she always asked Otto to give her a cousin. She missed those simpler times.

Luann chuckled, she remembered those two. She loved playing mom for a few hours every week, as Gemma and Clay handled their work. "He is great. Your dad mentioned you were in a car accident, he was worried with you, that's all. He'll try parole next month. I am really positive this time." Luann said, now a smile in her face, Janis saw how the woman's face just changed just by mentioning her old man. "Now let's go back to your party." She said then.

Janis didn't like the idea the party was hers, despite being Samcro, Janis hated parties on her behalf, she felt like she needed to socialize with everyone just by that simple context. "Better, really, or my Old man becomes a fat bastard with Bobby's cook." She joked then. She never saw someone that liked Bobby's food as Kozik did, not even Jax, who asked every day for a new bake.

She arrived at the party again and sat on her man's lap. He was drinking with Opie and eating some bacon. "See you got everything ready." He said, knowing that Janis packed all her things, by how long she took at her bedroom. "I love you." He said then, already a bit happy because of the drinking, he kissed her cheeks after that.

"I love you too." She answered him, kissing his forehead and laughing with him. Janis was happy to be back to her family and to her love and happy that now, she felt that all her troubles seemed to be far away.