"…CKING KIDDING ME?!" finished Katniss.
"No, I am not," said Don, appearing in front of a camera, while things behind him are exploding. "Last time, on Total Drama Cou…" Before he could finish speaking, a ball of energy flew right past him, hitting the camera guy. "HEY, WATCH IT! You almost hit someone important." Don composed himself, and resumed with the intro. "On Total Drama Couples." Flashbacks of the previous episode started playing. "The majority of the teams are starting to question Light's evilness, much to the horror of everyone, including those who suggested it. But there was no time to worry about that, because it was time to start the challenge: selling a painting…"
"Drawing," yelled Kathryn, hiding under a rock that was soon vaporised. "Painting would imply it was done with paint." Kathryn jumped to the left, narrowly avoiding being killed by another energy wave.
"Whatever," said Don. "Anyway, because Trunks and Ayane failed to sell their painting…"
"DRAWING!" yelled Kathryn from somewhere unseen.
"…they were sent home," finished Don, ignoring her. "Which is really unfortunate, because they'd be extremely useful right about now. Why's that? Because Kouta has been getting blood transfusions from all the contestants with powers, and went crazy after getting one from the least superpowered person with any kind of power."
"HEY!" yelled Annabeth.
"You're super smart. That's not a power, Stephen Hawking had that," said Don.
"Oh please," said Annabeth. "My I. Q.'s way higher than 160."
"Whatever," said Don. "Anyway, who will survive? If they do, they get to continue in Total Drama Couples."
Intro song plays.
"Okay guys, straight to the point," said Don. "Beat Kouta and win. Go."
"Wait, what about me?" asked Lyra.
"Well, if you don't get the final blow on him, you and him are out," said Don. "As for the rest of you, whoever stops Kouta from killing the rest of us wins."
"So, you're saying anything's legal?" asked Zidane.
"For crying out loud, just stop him," said Don, moving away from the danger zone. "I'll be in the bomb shelter until this whole thing blows over."
"What about me and Kathryn? We're just regular humans," said Light.
"No, you have to help stop Kouta, or else get disqualified," said Don, opening a large metal door, and slamming it once he got inside.
Ash turned to face Alice. "Well Alice?" asked Ash. "How does this end?"
"Why do you think I would know the answer?" asked Alice.
"…This doesn't bode well," said Max.
"You guys have been supplying him with non-human blood," said Alice. "Now, he's not human, so I can't see shit. So if we die here, I can't tell you how to prevent it."
"…we fucked up," said Sabriel.
"Why? It's not like Eren gave him some blood," said Alice.
"Actually…" started Lyra.
"Oh," said Alice, as Kouta began to grow extra-large. "Well, at least Trunks didn't give him any…"
"Actually…" started Lyra again.
"OH, COME ON!" yelled Alice, watching as giant Kouta started flickering yellow. "Now we have neither of them, or Rogue."
"Speaking of Rogue…" started Lyra.
"Don't tell me," sighed Alice, guessing what she was going to say. "Though I guess that explains why he's absorbed so many powers."
"But not why Kieran's gotten so lazy, he's ripping off a challenge he already did last season," said Nora, before diving out of the way of Kouta rampaging around the island.
"Listen Alice," said Murtagh. "Between us, we're the two most powerful people here. How many of the others have ever faced off against beings of God-like power?"
"All the time," said Annabeth.
"Thor, Loki, Thanos…" started Peter.
"Arceus," said Ash.
"Did you ever meet Father?" asked Edward.
"I'll be facing off against Salem soon," said Nora.
"And to be fair, I haven't faced off against any God-like beings," said Alice.
"…shut up," said Murtagh. "Point is, we need to get Kouta to stop, and the others aren't nearly powerful enough."
"Great plan," said Alice. "One problem: I can feel the heat of him from here. I'd be incinerated before I could touch him because he's radiating so much power."
It pains me to say it, but even I don't think I'd get too close before I burn, too, said Thorn.
"…well, crap," said Murtagh.
"Then I guess we do what we did when we beat Father," said Edward. "Fire everything we have at him until he goes down."
"Won't that kill him?" asked Kim.
"Won't he kill us if we don't do something?" asked Finn. "Besides, if he has Trunks DNA in him, nothing we do will harm him that badly anyway."
"Not reassuring," said Katniss, drawing back her bow with an explosion arrow in it. "Well, here goes nothing."
"Here," said Peter, firing a pair of webs at Kouta that wrapped around him. "I'll try and hold him still, you guys attack."
"Good thing I've got a team with me that can attack from a distance," said Ash, as his Pikachu stood next to his Charizard, Gible, Sceptile, Glalie, and Crawdaunt.
"And…FIRE!" yelled Annabeth, as Edward, Katniss, Murtagh, Nora, Sabriel, Thorn, and Ash's Pokémon all attacked at the same time. A huge explosion followed, and the contestants watched as the smoke cleared.
"No way…" said Max, as Kouta was revealed, seemingly unharmed.
"Guys, rapid fire," suggested Timmy, hiding behind a conveniently placed green rock.
"That won't work," said Artemis. "He's too powerful. We need to find a way to drain the power out of him."
"Well, let's think," said Louise, looking around at the other contestants. "What do teenaged boys like?" Louise looked over the group, in particular the girls. "Nope, I got nothing."
"Mmf mf mf mf mf mff?" asked Kenny, as an energy ball came down and exploded him.
"We might be able to fix it," said Artemis, as Chell fired a portal somewhere at the ocean, and another one at the ground, before jumping into it and closing the portal. "Or we could do that."
"I think that was our only ticket out of here," said Finn.
"Oh, gee, if only we could just wish everyone to safety," said Light, eyeing Timmy suspiciously. "In fact, while we're at it, why not just wish Kouta's powers away."
"What the hell are you going on about?" demanded Katniss. "You know what, never mind. We have a much more serious problem to deal with."
"We're trying to te…" started Kathryn, as a beam of energy blasted near her. It didn't hit her, but it caused her shirt to catch fire. "Ah, shit," she said, ripping her top off and throwing it on the ground. "Damn it, I liked that top."
"Um, guys?" said Alice, pointing at Kouta's face. A small drop of blood was dribbling down his face from his nose. "Is he…"
"Yeah, he is," said Max. "Did someone hit him, or…"
"BOOBS!" screamed Zidane, pointing at Kathryn's chest. Kathryn immediately covered herself in response.
"Wait a minute…" said Alice, thinking for a moment, before sighing. "I can't fucking believe I'm saying this, but Zidane, I need you to steal all the girl's shirts." This was met by a very uncomfortable silence.
"Alice," said Katniss, pointing a fire arrow at her. "You have ten seconds to explain."
"I'm sorry," said Alice. "But Kouta gets horrible nosebleeds when he sees something his perverted mind likes. Which includes…"
"BOOBS!" yelled Zidane, suddenly holding a stack of clothes. "By the way Alice, I got all the girl's shirts, except for Lyra and Louise because…you know."
"You didn't get mi…" started Alice, before looking down. "I want to hate you right now, but I literally asked for this, and it's helping Kouta."
Sure enough, right above them Kouta was bleeding quite heavily from his nose, getting paler and paler, until he collapsed on the ground. "KOUTA!" yelled Lyra, running up to check on him. "Is he okay?"
"Don't know, don't care," said Don, coming out of his bomb shelter. "All I know is: you and him are out, Alice and Ash get an advantage for next round."
"HEY! What about our thing for last week?" demanded Annabeth as she put her shirt back on.
Don sighed heavily. "Whatever, here," said Don, handing them a grenade launcher. "You were only supposed to have it for today's broccoli eating competition, but whatever."
"How the hell would this have helped us in a broccoli eating contest?" asked Peter, looking the thing over.
"Don't know, don't care," said Don. "If you can find a use for it between now and whenever you're eliminated, go ahead and use it."
"Guys, are you okay?" asked Trunks, landing in front of them. "I felt a massively growing power level, and thought I'd better check up on…"
"You're too late, we already took care of it," said Don. "Now get lost, because that's all the time we have for this episode of Total Drama Couples."