Author's Notes:
Claire: Author's Notes at the end only this time. Happy New Year!
Here is a summary of what's been happening, since we've been gone so long:
Claire, Hidan, Kakuzu: Hidan still needs to marry Claire; Claire very much does not enjoy sharing a room with Hidan
Itachi, Kisame, Eva: Eva thinks bonding with Itachi will make their handcuffed time together more bearable; Itachi is God
Deidara, Tobi, Leah: Deidara did not want to dress up like a girl, so Leah will be poisoning their target with his and Tobi's assistance; they cuddled :3
This just in: Claire fails at summaries
Chapter 16:
The bird landed in Kirigakure about an hour after sundown. Just as before they rented two rooms; Tobi got his own while Leah and Deidara shared. Deidara had insisted on sharing a bed with Leah, and again, Leah didn't give an argument. He held her most of the night while she slept but he for whatever reason couldn't get any sleep. His felt a continuous tickling in his stomach when he thought of the mission. He figured he was nervous. Hell, he was usually at least a little bit nervous before a mission, but he had never lost sleep over it before.
He kept telling himself that everything would be fine. He'd done more difficult missions than this; far more difficult. He'd lost limbs before! This shouldn't make him nervous at all! Leah's hair smelled of the citrus shampoo offered at the hotel. He concentrated on that.
Oranges, lemons, limes, and grapefruits belonged to the group of fruit called citrus, Deidara thought. Most citrus fruits are used in beverages, such as lemonade, limeade, grapefruit and orange juices. Orange juice is commonly used in cocktails, which today almost always contain alcohol. Enough alcohol to paralyze Wakahisa when mixed with the poison Leah will be wearing in less than day. He pressed his face into the pillow in frustration. Dammit!
He calmed himself and rolled onto his back. He tried deep breathing exercises. Think happy thoughts and breathe. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Happy thoughts? What could he think about for long periods of time without being sidetracked? Art. That was always a good subject. Maybe I should learn to design some dinosaurs. Those would be awesome to ride. Not to mention they would look totally badass. And they would be the carnivorous kind, not the weak herbivores. I'd make them with dozens of sharp teeth and claws for each toe. Hell, why not add some horns?! Maybe they could help fight, or at least serve as a distraction. There is strength in numbers after all. What if Wakahisa has more shinobi working for him? Fuck! No. Don't think about the mission!
Inhale. Exhale. New topic. Another favorite topic. Sex. Sex is awesome. One of my favorite things. It's also something I can't do with Leah if Wakahisa kills her. God damn! Deidara pulled the pillow out from behind his head and squashed it on his face. Absolutely nothing!
The clock read roughly five o'clock. It was early enough for him to get up, but he didn't want to. He closed his eyes, hoping he might drift into at least a light slumber. He gave up after another fifteen minutes and sat up. A hand pressed against his chest lightly pushing him down on the bed. Leah held his left arm with both of hers, hugging it tight. "You're warm," she laughed and pressed her forehead to his shoulder.
Tired eyes softened and he smiled warmly at her. "How long have you been up?"
"Mmm, since you slammed your face into the pillow."
"What happened to the Leah who could sleep through a tornado, un?"
She smiled, her eyes not yet open. "I'm nervous about the mission, can't really sleep."
He laughed. "There's nothing to be worried about. You'll be fine." I hope. "Nothing bad will happen." Deidara felt like he was lying through his teeth. He had thought of so many things that could go wrong that telling her this was like telling a dying child that everything was going to be okay just so they wouldn't cry. The tickling feeling again. Damn.
Warm cotton brushed against his chest and he felt Leah's breath against his neck. Her arm rested on his sternum, her delicate fingers ghosting his neck. He embraced her lightly before letting one of his hands fall to his side while he rested the other on her back.
"This is very bold of you, un," he noted teasingly.
"You're warm," was her reply.
He picked at a knot in her hair and gently worked it out. "Is that the only reason? Would you cuddle Itachi because he's warm?" he jested.
She shook her head against his chest. "He's not nice like you. I think you're cuter too," she said without really thinking, then giggled at her straightforwardness. She felt herself blushing, not believing that she actually called him cute to his face. She had said it a dozen times to Claire and Eva, but hadn't considered saying it to him. It just came out and she didn't regret it.
Deidara smiled and pulled her closer. For some reason, out of all the multitudes of women who had complimented his appearance, it felt most flattering to hear it from her. "Thanks, un," he said, not really sure of another way to respond to a compliment he completely agreed with. He was definitely nicer and cuter than Itachi, no competition there.
He relaxed in comfortable silence with her for a couple of minutes, feeling her chest press against his as she breathed. He ran his hand over the dip of her spine and the contours of her shoulder blades, being careful not to pull at her shirt in the process. It occurred to him that if something were to go horribly wrong on the mission that this could be only time they'd ever lay together like this. No. He couldn't get close to her now, not when he could lose her in a matter of hours.
"Come on, Leah, we need to get ready," he said, even though they had more than enough time to get ready for the mission. What they needed right now wasn't to become closer, it was distance. He needed to be platonic.
xXx
Leah couldn't understand why Deidara was being so cold towards her when they left that morning. She figured she had done something wrong. Maybe she had been too bold? Was he mad at her for resting her head on his chest? She couldn't think of anything else she had done and it was bothering her. He'd done worse to her than mere snuggling, so he had no right to be mad.
Whatever the reason was, Leah did not want to make things worse. She kept a respectful distance from Deidara and talked with Tobi. She saw Deidara looking at her occasionally then quickly avert his gaze when he realized that she had noticed him. Was he really that mad at her that he snuck glares? What had she done wrong?
She frowned and followed Tobi through the town, looking for clothes for her to wear for the mission. She couldn't do much, considering she didn't know what she was supposed to look like, but she could tell Tobi if she approved or disapproved of the garment he chose. He bought her some make-up and got some jewelry at some point. She didn't question how he had gotten the jewelry, but it was pretty. Deidara had gone off by himself to get his and Tobi's disguises. Even though Tobi wasn't supposed to be seen at all, they figured the disguise was a necessary precaution.
Since Deidara had the key to the room he shared with Leah, Tobi allowed Leah in his room to get ready. He laid the recently acquired merchandise out on the bed to make sure he hadn't lost anything from point A to point B. With everything in check, Tobi proceeded to help Leah with her disguise.
XxX
Claire was standing in orange water. It was about two feet deep, and—she sniffed the air—it smelled like carrots! Not bothering to question the cleanliness of if, she scooped some up in her hands and drank. But the drink caused her to cough. This was homemade carrot juice, and it had been made with some really poor quality carrots.
Disappointed and wanting to clear the bad aftertaste from her mouth, she climbed the bank of the rancid juice river onto what she realized were the tops of muffins. Hungrily, she dropped to the ground and began gnawing on a bit of chocolate chip—and promptly spit it out. "Why is it always fucking blueberry? Fruit shouldn't be in goddamn muffins," she muttered angrily.
In search of less offensive sustenance, Claire wandered toward a forest of broccoli. After a bit of hesitation, she bit into one of the trunks, and found it foul as well. She liked broccoli, but not raw. "It's like my dad made all this food…" she observed unhappily.
A large thumping noise and an unusually large and dark shadow alerted her to another approaching life form. The girl turned around and decided "life form" was a bit of an overstatement. Perched upon two gargantuan yellow scaled legs was a headless mass of chicken. Sinewy brown skin stretched over its plump…body...breaking in some places to reveal clumps of squishy collagens and fat.
The meat monster had come from nowhere, but now it was close. Its footsteps somehow boomed as it squashed huge pronged footprints in the muffin ground. Claire watched in horror as it advanced. She had always said she would not submit to the pathetic cliché of being stuck like a 'deer in the headlights', no matter how freaked out she was. But apparently that resolution didn't stick in dreams. She couldn't even scream as the foot closed for its last step, whose destination would have been right where she was standing. The blackness of it grew larger and larger, an imminent void, until—
Claire jerked violently awake and consequently fell off the couch for the second time in a week.
"Whuffuck?!" Hidan sat up as his slumber was also suddenly wrested from him.
"Where's my barrier?!" Claire shrieked. "You swore you wouldn't come over here!"
"I didn't fucking do anything to you! I just moved that stupid collection of junk so you wouldn't make us late in the morning putting it fucking back! And you should be fucking thanking me, or you'd be impaled on cheap hotel lamp right about fucking now! Seriously!"
Claire did not have to retort because her stomach growled at Hidan for her. "Fuck you!" This was surprisingly not directed at Hidan, but at the felonious organ. She followed the verbal abuse with a punch.
"That was one of the stupidest fucking things I've ever witnessed…"
Claire did not feel like explaining so she looked blearily at the window and crawled back onto the couch. She couldn't tell if it was light outside or not due to the heavy curtains. "Is it time to leave yet?"
"Dunno," he shrugged unhelpfully. "So how do you feel about your first marriage proposal of the day?"
"You haven't made one yet," she pointed out dully.
"Marry me?"
"No."
"How do you feel now?"
"Fuck off Dr. Phil." She accompanied the suggestion with and equally benevolent gesture. "Go ask Kakuzu if we're leaving soon. And I understand rude awakenings are your specialty, but I don't think Sleeping Beauty Kakuzu would be as forgiving as me if you wake him with a kiss, Prince Charming."
"I believe you yourself stated that it was 'Princess'. So that's Princess Charming to you, Maleficent."
xXx
"We're supposed to meet Kawaguchi here at noon," Itachi said. It was, in fact, the first thing he had said all day.
Kisame looked up at the sun, presumably to tell the time. Eva looked too, although she had no idea how to tell time from the sun and was only looking for lack of anything better to do. "We have about ten minutes then," the blue man noted. "Sit down, I'll change your bandage again."
Eva didn't hear him at first, having zoned out while looking at the sun. Her eyes started to water and she blinked and rubbed them with her unrestrained hand. "Oh, right, you're talking to me," she giggled, embarrassed once Kisame had repeated himself. "No reason Itachi would need you to…" She stopped, having received a neutral, yet menacing glare from Itachi. "I'll just sit down now…"
"Thank you," Kisame muttered, slightly incensed. When he gently peeled off the bandage, Eva was surprised. Zetsu's pills had magically healed almost all of her wound. There was still a mild and somewhat gooey red indentation, but much of the skin around it had scabbed over or was already fresh and pink. Kisame smiled a little, as if it were his own work he was observing, not Zetsu's. "It's healing really nicely. Might even be gone by the day after tomorrow. Take one more pill for now." He handed her another of the little pills and stood up again.
"Sweet," mocked an unfamiliar voice. "They together?" Eva looked up and saw a man, presumably Takumi Kawaguchi. He had short black hair, a clipped beard, and a slashed Takigakure headband.
"Kawaguchi Takumi," Itachi said. "You're three minutes late."
The man took a toothpick from his bag and stuck it between his teeth. "Bundle of joy, this one? Well, sorry about that. Had to make sure I wasn't followed. I'll show you the way now. Shouldn't be anyone around this time o' day."
They followed him off the path into the forest, weaving to avoid spots where his comrades might be stationed or passing by. Kisame and Eva fell behind Kawaguchi and Itachi, hoping to not detract from whatever serious conversation the two were having with their fuzzy pink awkwardness. Surprisingly, the sarcastic man had not said anything about it, but as a ninja he surely must have noticed. Nevertheless, they did not want to give him an opportunity.
Eva figured Kisame's silence was due to his attention to Kawaguchi's words, which only he could pick up from afar. However, his mind was otherwise occupied. Oddly enough, he was thinking of what life would be like if he had to spend the rest of his life handcuffed to Eva. To his surprise, he realized he could probably live with it, and even come to like it. Of course, they'd have to get special clothes made. Maybe even special bathrooms; their current system was time consuming and awkward. He might learn to be ambidextrous. Or get into her world's Guinness Book of World Records for being handcuffed together for the longest time. Or maybe they'd be interviewed by Oprah. Kisame liked Oprah.
Even in his mind it was a joke, but Kisame imagined what it would be like if they were to get married. It would be highly unlikely for either one of them to date a person unattached to the handcuffs, as they were like Siamese twins, only weirder. So they'd eventually end up together. He wondered what their kids would look like. What would they be named if they were boys or girls? Would they inherit his strange gills and skin color? Would they grow up to be ninjas or would they live in Eva's world?
Kisame shook his head, suddenly realizing what creepy thoughts he had been having. Kids with Eva? Weird. Kinda gross. She was like…17 years younger than he was. It wasn't unheard of, but still…weird. He felt unnaturally guilty, even dirty for considering these strange thoughts while she was right next to him. He glanced down at her to find her staring straight ahead, completely unaware of his distress. Good.
While he had been entertaining strange musings, they had arrived at their destination. It appeared to Eva to be the same landscape of densely packed trees they had seen before, but when Kawaguchi dispelled the genjutsu, it was revealed to be a low but vast dirt mound. A metal bar marked the opening. Through the door, which he pulled open, was a dark staircase, lit intermittently by wall-bound torches.
"Well, here it is. Saito's should be inside, first left, then second right. 'Sup to you from here. Now, about my payment…" Silently, Itachi pulled a bundle of notes from his cloak and handed it to Kawaguchi. The man flipped the bills on his palm and exhaled, satisfied. "Pleasure working with you gentlemen," he said smugly. "And lady," he added in response to Eva's glowering face.
Eva stared after him absentmindedly until Kisame's movement pulled her by the wrist toward the stairs. Despite the torches, the shallow stairwell still seemed dark and sinister. As it was a hideout for criminals, Eva supposed this was the point, but couldn't help feeling uneasy. For once, she was glad Kisame was stuck to her.
After the long ascension, they reached a seemingly plain hallway. Kawaguchi had said the first left, but Eva couldn't see any doors or openings. Thus, she was confused when Itachi suddenly stopped in front of them and was staring at the wall.
"Hidden doors," he near whispered. The girl was reminded of her conversation with Kisame the previous night about Itachi being God, and decided to keep her thoughts clean from then on.
Itachi put his hand on the wall after a moment of speculation, his dark nails glittering in the dim light. It didn't sink through like she had expected. The ninja put his hand up to his mouth and bit his thumb, which made a slight crunching sound. Eva winced and but watched as he smeared a line of blood down the wall and did a couple of hand signals. The solid wall faded and gave way to an opening, which they proceeded through.
"Kisame?" Eva said as quietly as she could, knowing he would hear her.
"Mm?"
"Why do ninjas have crunchy thumbs?"
The shark man glanced down at her, somewhat bewildered. "What?"
"In the show people always bit their thumbs and it made this ridiculously loud crunching sound like they were secretly carrots. I thought it was just fail sound effects, but just now that was really loud," she explained.
"I never thought about it. Maybe it's just because we're awesome."
"Or maybe you're secretly carrots."
"Be quiet," Itachi scolded them as they turned right into another mysterious door. This time they did not move forward, but stayed in the doorway where there was shadow. The room was lit better than the others. There were a few chairs and a bench in the room, and some urns, although there not much else in the way of decoration. But its spaciousness and sparseness provided little room for sneaking or maneuvering, putting the ninjas at a disadvantage.
Or so Eva thought. One second, Itachi was right next to them, and the next he was across the room with a kunai to the throat of another man she hadn't seen before. His shiny auburn hair hung near the ineffective slashed protector he wore around his neck. Before he had a chance to say anything, there was a sharp crack and he was unconscious on the ground.
"Err…thanks Itachi," Kisame mumbled awkwardly, giving an involuntary twitch of his chained wrist. Eva looked at her feet.
"Can you handle the interrogation? I have other business to attend to," the Uchiha asked tonelessly.
Kisame blinked. "Sure…" Itachi nodded at them and left, leaving the unconscious man heaped on the hideout floor.
"What was that about…?" Eva asked. "What business does he have?"
"I dunno. I find it's best not to ask with Itachi, though," Kisame replied nonchalantly. He pulled some rope from his bag and coiled it tightly around the man. Then he took a rag from his cloak and tied it around the man's closed eyes and propped him up in one of the chairs. After more rope was added so the man wouldn't fall, Kisame raised his eyes to the ceiling, where the bright lantern was hanging. "I think the situation calls for an adjustment in atmosphere." He muttered something and conformed his hands, and with a small buzz the light dimmed dramatically. Eva tried not to consider the radically different situations for entirely different purposes in which lights were dimmed.
XxX
"Yo, Tobi! You in here?" Deidara knocked on the door loudly. He twisted the knob and found that the door was unlocked. Bending down, he gathered the various bags of clothing, backed into the room, and kicked the door shut behind him.
"Over here Deidara-senpai!" Tobi called from the bathroom.
"Where's Leah?" he asked as he turned the corner into the room. He stopped in his tracks at the sight of the girl standing in front of his partner, having the bow on the back of her outfit tied.
Red, with a crisp, white trim, Leah was clad in a kimono that went down to her mid-thigh. Her hair was done up simply, but prettily, in a bun held together by a white ribbon. A very soft pink shade of lipstick had been applied, and simple brown eye liner and shadow had been brushed on surprisingly well, by Tobi. She stood on very high heeled sandals with straps that coiled up her legs.
Leah blushed at his dumbstruck expression. "You finish getting your disguises?" she asked, trying to draw his attention away from her own costume.
Deidara averted his gaze and dropped the bags on the bed. "Yeah. Tobi, how much did you pay for that outfit?" He blindly gestured at Leah, his back turned to her as he sorted out his bags.
"Not much. I bought the kimono at a thrift store and I stole everything else," he explained simply, as if stealing stuff was an everyday occurrence for him. Considering they were criminals and ninja, it probably was.
Deidara shrugged. "I'm going to go get changed." He left the room without a word to Leah, a pile of clothes in his arms. Leah watched him leave, feeling guilty. She still didn't understand why he was ignoring her. Stressed about the mission maybe? She tried not to think about it, and decided she'd ask him once the night was over.
Somehow she was too wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn't notice Tobi had been staring at her. In particular, it seemed his singular eye hole was looking at her chest. "Leah-san, this may be a little much to ask but could you open up your top a bit?"
Leah squeaked, "Excuse you!"
"Leah-san," he said evenly. "For the sake of the mission." She could have sworn he was giving her the puppy eyes under that mask.
"Why?! How would it help the mission?" she asked in a tone pitched higher than usual.
Tobi shook his head and opened up the top a bit himself and Leah promptly closed it. "Leah-san, we want our chances of Wakahisa wanting you as high as possible. This will help," he explained calmly and rationally. He adjusted the top again.
Leah recovered her chest. "Tobi! I thought you were a 'good boy'?"
Tobi moved her hands and adjusted the top again so that it revealed a little more than before. "Tobi may be a good boy, but he's still a boy, Leah-san" he said. "And boys like these—" He once again cupped his hands to his chest as if he had something there.
Leah couldn't help but laugh as she swatted at his hands. "Don't do that!" she scolded. Tobi laughed as well.
She sat in the room in silence, Tobi having left to get changed. Leah didn't bother to fix her top since she knew that Tobi would just undo her efforts when he returned. She played with her hair and tried to figure out the least awkward way to sit in the short kimono. After a couple more minutes of silence, Tobi returned. He wore a green plaid cloak that concealed almost his entire mask and all of his body and exchanged the black gloves for worn brown ones.
Tobi hopped to his feet and twirled. "I look like a beggar!" he said, sounding rather happy about it. "Deidara-senpai did well!" It looked as easy to move in as the Akatsuki cloak but was much less conspicuous. He could hide a lot of stuff on his person due to the looseness, such as the poison, and he could carry both his weapons and Deidara's clay without the bags creating any lumps under the plaid garment.
Deidara stepped into the room and paused briefly when he caught sight of Leah again, noticing her further exposed chest. Once again he distracted himself, ignoring the girl. He was clad in a simple suit, black slacks, white shirt, and a black vest with matching leather shoes. All of his blond hair had been pulled into a black hat that tied together the outfit quite nicely. "I asked around and found out that Wakahisa is here and he's at Onritsu, a bar and nightclub near the center of the city." He gave each outfit a once over and asked Tobi a couple of questions regarding the mission. "Let's go then, un."
Leah's stomach twisted. This was it.
xXx
"Okay, here's what we're going to do: I blindfolded him so he wouldn't be able to mock us for these stupid handcuffs, because the last thing I need is for the interrogatee to not take me seriously. In relation to that, I'm going to need you to be absolutely silent. He'll probably know you're here, but don't freak out if he says anything. If I make any story up, just go along with it, but don't try to contribute," Kisame rattled off quickly.
Eva blinked and nodded nervously. "Okay…"
He looked down at the young girl, who was obviously ill at ease and sighed, and felt like he was going soft. "Don't freak out. It'll be fine. He definitely won't be able to do anything to you." Eva nodded again and offered him a weak smile.
Kisame walked back over to the man in the chair and took something dark green and squishy looking from his bag. None too gently, he opened the man's mouth and put the thing inside. After a few seconds, the man started coughing violently and spit the thing out quickly.
"Who are you? What the fuck is going on?" he asked frantically.
The blue man pulled the bench in front of the chair and motioned for Eva to sit down. She obliged and he followed suit. "You've been a bad man, Minoru Saito," Kisame drawled smugly, running his finger along the edge of a kunai.
A drop of sweat appeared on Minoru's forehead. "How do you know my name? Who are you?" he repeated.
"I'm from the Akatsuki."
"The Akatsuki?" The man froze for a second. "I don't have any dealings with the Akatsuki."
Kisame laughed and patted the man roughly on the cheek. "Ha ha ha! Good one. No, but really, that's the wrong answer, kid."
Eva felt a tingle along her spine and gulped.
"Ooh! You feel that Eva?" Kisame asked playfully. Eva was about to say 'yes', but remembered his instructions and simply nodded. "Minoru's sending his chakra out."
A small muscle in Minoru's face twitched. "I just want to see if you're who you say you are."
"Lying to me is not a good idea, Minoru. You were trying to send out a distress signal, and that would be very bad. For you. But luckily—" he heaved the giant sword up from the floor and placed it against Minoru's face, who gasped. "—you don't have to worry about that because Samehada here eats chakra. Don't you girl?" He grinned and stroked the sword lovingly, and put it back down against Minoru's toes. "You're going to want to save your strength, so I'd recommend not sending out your chakra."
"Why doesn't the girl have any chakra? And why are you handcuffed together?" Minoru demanded.
Kisame clapped his hands together. "Excellent question! This is my friend Eva. Now Eva…is not quite as nice as I am. She may be small, but she's deadly. Lots of chakra. Lucky for her she's very good at hiding it. She's handcuffed to me so I can make sure she doesn't go crazy on you. But that's another story. Just talk to me, 'kay?"
"What do you want from me?"
"Well, we've heard you've been betraying our secrets to our enemies. And we can't have that." He got out a small rock and started sharpening his kunai on it. "But unfortunately, it's too late to prevent it. So we're just going to need to know what they know. And you're going to tell us."
"I didn't tell anyone anything. I don't deal with the Akatsuki."
"If that were true, you wouldn't be in this situation now, would you? Like I said, don't lie to me."
"I have nothing to say to you," Minoru insisted defiantly.
Kisame exhaled deeply and assumed a disappointed face. He casually put the kunai down, took a small bundle of flat yellow rectangular bamboo shoots from his bag and unwound the band holding them together. Taking one off the top, he tapped it casually against his palm. After a moment he grabbed Minoru's left hand and placed the reed under his index finger's nail. "Last chance, buddy."
The man gulped again, but said nothing. Kisame shook his head. "Shame." He slowly pushed the shoot into the groove between the flesh and keratin. Minoru gasped in pain and bit his lip, groaning, but as the shoot reached the halfway point, he was forced to scream.
The terror and pain in his voice sent another chill through Eva's body, and she knew this one had nothing to do with chakra. Her heart was exploding against her chest with each beat and her brain was screaming at her to get away, run, run! But she couldn't, she knew she was chained to the one causing the man in front of her to scream so desperately. The floods of adrenaline in her system were making her dizzy, but wouldn't allow her to lose consciousness.
Kisame glanced at her, dropping his sadistic charade for a moment in exchange for a look of worry. 'Don't look,' he mouthed at her. Then he returned to the man he was torturing. "Can you sense that, Minoru? Adrenaline rush. My buddy here loves to hear your screams and see your blood. You gonna keep entertaining her or are you gonna tell me what I want to know?"
"I don't…know anything…" Minoru gasped, shaking his head.
"You disappoint me, man." He took another reed from the stack.
XxX
Despite Claire's smug vow to actually get some sleep, she hadn't followed through. Her subconscious paranoia, hunger, and general insomnia prevailed. Thus, she was extra irritable and less susceptible to politeness. So after bullying Kakuzu at a high volume to stop being a cheapskate and allow them to get them a real breakfast, they resumed their trek. Time passed in pretty much the same way as the day before—lots of arguing and the occasional reoccurrence of a marriage proposal.
It was easy to tell when they were getting close; true to its name, Kusagakure and a large portion of the area surrounding it was populated by a myriad of grass species. The forest thinned out gradually, and as it did, the bare rock and dirt became grass. Claire hadn't thought there were so many kinds of grass, but then again, maybe in her world there weren't. They marched though neon green grass, darker blue grass, weedy grass, tickling soft grass, and even some species of oddly sinister-looking bamboo. Unfortunately the last variation was forced to meet with a certain scythe to allow their passage.
When there was scarcely a tree in sight, and the grass grew in fat stalks up to their shoulders, Kakuzu remarked that they were officially in the Grass Country. Hidan celebrated this achievement by proposing to Claire. As an answer, she slapped him with a particularly spiky piece of grass that she had kept for its uniqueness, although it seemed to be equally sufficient for disheveling her suitor's hair; at least until he violently crushed and tore it into many stringy bits. But he magnanimously saw fit to give it a eulogy containing many expletives without even being asked.
Eventually they had to get out the paper Pein had given them to look at the directions for the exact location of Daichi Nishimura's residence. Naturally, this merited arguing between the two Akatsuki members. Somehow Hidan managed to forget the point of his arguing was not simply arguing, but to get his way. By the time he realized this, they were already at their destination.
It was a large, L-shaped building. It seemed likely that it was made from the plentiful grasses and bamboo, but it was gray in color from dirt and age. The roof was covered with ribbed sheets of metal that appeared to have been tossed over it without being properly secured. The longer section had high slits for windows cut at uneven intervals; but the other piece had oddly domestic, square windows, complete with glass…and blue flowered curtains. Indeed, upon closer observation the edifice showed other signs of habitual occupation, such as potted species of grass and flowers that contrasted with the unkempt foliage sprouting from random places on the other.
"Is this person a girl? I kind of assumed it was a guy," Claire said.
Hidan scoffed irritably. "No, this idiot probably just got us fucking lost. If you had listened to me—"
"—This is the place. The paper says it's a gray L-building," Kakuzu interrupted, though he looked skeptical himself.
"Why would we ever deal with someone with fucking pansy-ass curtains? This is bullshit."
Claire walked around to the non-pansy-ass curtain side. "The door says 'Nishimura' on it."
Hidan looked unconvinced, but followed. "Whatever. If this is the wrong place we'll probably get to scare the shit out of some morons. Maybe they'll make good sacrifices…"
The room they entered did not extend to the corner of the L. They could see the place was divided into sections of about thirty feet through the open door in the back wall. There was a desk in the room covered with great stacks of files, papers, and food wrappings. These ornaments were so plentiful that they also decorated the corners of the room. There was a small square of floor available to stand in, and even this was decreased when Hidan slammed the door and caused an avalanche of files to slide onto Claire's feet. Predictably she tried to gather them up and replace them, but only succeeded at dislodging more. After that her patience ran out and she simply kicked them out of the way or stood on top of them.
This commotion alerted someone in the adjacent room to his visitors. They heard a something crash into what sounded more like furniture than files, and suddenly a rather large man with a blonde ponytail and beard stumbled into view. His face did not contort with fear or dread when he saw the Akatsuki cloaks. In fact, he smiled as he walked into the room and sat down behind the desk.
"Well howdy! What can I do fer yew folks?" he asked.
xXx
All Deidara had to do was give the bouncer a glimpse of his Akatsuki ring—which he tossed in Tobi's bag after it had served its purpose—and they were in the nightclub, no questions asked.
Music pulsed through the very walls of the darkened room. Colorful lights sparkled like fireworks over the dance floor, where so many people were crowded together that they looked like one big amoebae rather than dozens of individuals.
Leah glanced over her shoulder only to find that Tobi had vanished already. She took a deep breath. Everything was going to be okay. Deidara said that he would not let anything bad happen. She had nothing to worry about. Just serving as a distraction, she did not have to fight. Hell, she did not have to do anything except look pretty. Everything will be okay, she thought, everything will be okay, everything will be o—oh hell, so many things could go wrong! No! Can't think of the stuff now. Can't chicken out now. Her greatest fear of this mission other than being discovered would be disappointing Deidara. Do this for Deidara, even if he does have a stick up his ass at the moment.
He stopped suddenly. Without looking at her he pointed to a wall. "Go wait over there, I see him, un," he said. Leah just did as she was told and walked to the wall and leaned against it. "Come when I give you the signal. Don't move otherwise," he ordered. Leah nodded in response and watched as the blonde walked away. She realized that from where she was standing she had a clear view of the entire room, even the people in the dancing pit and the bar that Deidara was walking towards. She felt very exposed with this realization, because if she could see everyone, everyone could see her as well. They're too caught up in their own doings to really pay me any mind, she reassured herself. Everything will be okay.
Deidara stole a chance to check up on Leah as he avoided some people that were walking past. Good. She had assumed a casual pose; her left foot was propped up against the wall she was leaning on and she examined her nails.
He approached the bar and took a seat next to his target. Wakahisa was sitting alone, staring at the contents of his near empty glass of some sort of amber liquid. As Pein had said, he had a long white scar stretching from just below his eye to a rip in his ear, no doubt from the same blow. Straight black hair fell over his shoulders but did not conceal his face. He was a rather handsome man, appearing a little older than Pein but with a slightly lesser aura of wisdom and power. Slightly being the operative word.
Deidara summoned the bartender and bought a drink for himself and another for Wakahisa, just to start conversation with the man. When he received his order, he watched Wakahisa from the corner of his eye. The black haired shinobi gave the bartender a curious look when he received the fresh drink, and the bartender gestured to Deidara. Wakahisa turned to him, with the drink in hand, "Thanks for the drink dude, but I'm not gay. Sorry."
Deidara laughed and slid down the bar until he was right next to Wakahisa. "Good. I was hoping for that actually. I'm not either, I'm just here on business," he said with ease, though he spoke a little faster than usual as if he was trying to imitate a stereotypical salesman tone. He took a drink from his glass and set it back on the counter, swallowing the liquid with feigned difficulty. "The name's Yukio." He extended his hand, which Wakahisa shook politely. "Nice to meet you."
"Wakahisa Yuuto. Pleasure," he replied, looking considerably more relaxed.
"Good strong name," Deidara complimented smiling at the man.
Wakahisa hummed. "What kind of business are you here on, Yukio-san?" he asked. He took a sip of his drink without taking his eyes off of Deidara.
"I guess you could say I manage young women," he said slyly. His tone made it impossible for Wakahisa not to make the connection.
He smiled and turned back to the bar and took another sip of his drink. "I'm listening."
"You see, I have a girl with me tonight who's new to the business. Gorgeous young thing, really. I'll give you a good price on her," he whispered, leaning closer to him.
"When you say 'new'…" he led off, a grin still on his face as if he already knew the answer.
"Virgin," Deidara supplied. He nodded his head in Leah's direction. "Interested?"
He chuckled. "I'd have to see her first. Don't want be sold an ugly chick," he said, and picked up his near empty glass.
Deidara gave him a pat on the shoulder. "I'll call her over," he said. He looked to Leah, who was watching with a frown on her face. Deidara reminded himself to act completely detached from her as he gestured for her to come over. His chest felt cold, like an icicle was infecting his heart.
Leah quietly approached Deidara and smiled nervously at Wakahisa. She kept reminding herself that absolutely nothing would happen to her. She trusted Deidara with that. But that reassurance didn't help stop her from feeling like slime, even if she was just acting for the sake of the mission. If she screwed this up, not only could she be killed, but Deidara and Tobi could get hurt. That would be bad. She didn't want either of them blaming her for the mission's failure. Still, part of her wanted to yell at them for putting so much of responsibility on a civilian whose fighting skills were limited to what her brother had taught her in wrestling. Yep, definitely bad if she messed up.
Deidara proceeded to introduce her as Masuyo, telling the man her age and other meaningless factoids. She wasn't really paying attention though. She was too freaked out.
The look on Wakahisa's face was most approving. "How much?" he asked, turning back to Deidara.
"I don't discuss money with my ladies around," he said easily and whispered to Leah, "go to the restroom and get ready," Leah nodded and hurried away. She felt exceptionally grateful for the opportunity to talk to Tobi, hoping that a brief meeting with the Akatsuki's resident clown would help her calm down.
She made her way across the room, weaving through people and around objects. While she was waiting she had located the bathroom and swiftly moved in that general direction, keeping an eye out for Tobi. Not seeing him, she went into the women's restroom anyway.
To her surprise it was rather clean, something she thought might be unlikely for this kind of establishment. It was also completely empty, with the exception of a man in a green plaid cloak sitting on the counter, swinging his feet and staring ahead.
He turned. "Leah-san!" Tobi greeted with more enthusiasm than she thought was necessary. Then again, she was still paranoid and disgusted with herself so she wasn't appreciative of his cheeriness. He pushed himself off the counter and pulled out the vial of poison as he walked over to her.
"So how're you?" he asked, just trying to make conversation.
Leah personally thought that was a rather cruel and obvious question to ask a teenage girl in her situation. "Paranoid," she said.
Her animosity didn't seem to faze him. He opened the vial, placed his finger on the narrow opening and tilted the glass to obtain a few drops. "Come here Leah-san," he said.
He held her chin with his thumb and index finger and used the other hand to dab the clear poison on her lips. "Now remember Leah-san, as long as you don't have any alcohol this is mostly harmless to you. Try not to lick your lips; you don't want to ingest it 'cause that's what Wakahisa's supposed to do. Once he's paralyzed, we'll be able to come in and…well…you know."
"Wait…you said 'mostly harmless'…"
"Well the worst that could happen is that you accidently swallow some and get a stomach ache. Try not to eat or drink anything, including swallowing your spit. Move your collar to your shoulders, I should probably put some around your neck and collar bone."
Leah did as she was told. It was strange to hear Tobi being…well…not a goof-ball. Obviously, he had to be capable of being serious to be in an organization such as the Akatsuki, but the tone just seemed to contradict everything that was Tobi.
The masked man smoothed the clear liquid on her neck, shoulders, and her upper chest. Leah pulled her kimono back onto her shoulders when he was finished.
Tobi stared quietly at her for a moment, holding the near empty vial in one hand.
"What?" she asked, concerned that he may have thought of something that would cause the plan to go horrible wrong. Her heart started racing again for at this point, it was far too late to back out.
Tobi looked at Leah's feet. "What do you think the chances of Wakahisa having a foot fetish are?"
Leah frowned but was relieved at the same time. She hit his chest lightly with the back of her hand/ "I'm leaving now, Tobi," she said. Shaking her head, she exited the restroom.
Tobi put the vial into his pocket. He glanced around the bathroom, needing to get out without someone, especially Wakahisa, noticing him. Then he wondered why there was a window in the women's restroom. Who knows how many perverts have tried to get a peek into said room? Not that he disapproved, because it was a means of a conveniently inconspicuous means of escape.
XxX
All ten of Minoru Saito's fingernails were gone. His hamstrings had been severed, and his shoulders dislocated. He had dozens of cuts on his arms and legs and face, and kunai had pieced his left eardrum. Eva sat on the bench, her arms and legs sensationless from being clenched together so long in fear and discomfort. Kisame's hands and arms were stained red. He had used the strange green ball to resuscitate Minoru twice, and now he seemed to be as tired of Minoru's screams as Eva had been after the first shoot.
Kisame suddenly looked up towards the doorway, where Itachi had reappeared. He sighed wearily. "He doesn't know anything, Itachi."
"I know. Leave him there. We're going."
Kisame stared at Itachi for a while. "You know? Well then why did I do this?!" he said, his voice louder and more distressed than Eva had ever heard him use with Itachi.
"If you had been paying attention, you would have know that this—" Itachi moved aside to expose the bound corpse of Kawaguchi Takumi, "—is the real information leak. He revealed himself carelessly when we when he spoke to me. Minoru was an additional example. He will serve as a warning to the rest of our associates. Now let's go." He went back over Kawaguchi and disappeared into the darkness.
Kisame looked back at Eva, who was staring at a stone in corner of the room. "Come on, Eva…" He took her hand and gently pulled her up. She fell back down almost immediately, so Kisame picked her up and carried her.
xXx
Kirigakure offered excellent coverage for Deidara and Tobi to follow Wakahisa and Leah. As its name implied, it was very misty, almost to the point of looking as if it were covered in fog. Wakahisa was taking a path near the edge of town, which meant tall trees bordered the tall buildings. Excellent for jumping. And this is what they did.
Stupid bastard, flirting with Leah, Deidara thought bitterly. He realized this was the point of the entire operation, but it still infuriated him. Fucking womanizer. He wanted to complain aloud to Tobi, because as his subordinate, Tobi was required to agree with him. But he knew speaking would risk exposure, even if he was incredibly quiet.
Deidara spared a glance back at Tobi. He skidded to a halt and whirled around. Tobi had just used an extra burst of chakra to prevent himself from falling, having undershot a jump. Fuck, fuck, FUCK! He motioned frantically to the forest and darted into the trees himself.
Meanwhile, on the ground, Wakahisa stopped in his tracks about a block from his house. He had noticed the chakra spike. Leah noted his pause and looked around with frightened doe eyes. Anything causing him to stop probably meant trouble for her and Deidara and Tobi. "Why'd you stop?" she whimpered. "Are we there?"
"Stay here," he responded gruffly, leaping onto a building. With his trained shinobi eyes, Wakahisa scoured the upper landscape of the town through the mist. Seeing nothing, he jumped down and weaved through the buildings. There were no genjutsu to dispel….no residual chakra…whatever it was had gone. "Sorry about that, my dear," said Wakahisa, upon returning. "Let's continue walking."
XxX
The three of them were caught slightly off-guard. "Are you Daichi Nishimura?" Kakuzu asked, managing an ominous tone.
"Yup. What can I do fer ya?" he repeated, still appearing content.
"Is there another Daichi Nishimura around here? You don't seem like an S-class money lender, seriously," Hidan put in skeptically.
This brought a change to his expression, but strangely it was a sort of carefree coyness. "That there would depend on who's askin'," he replied, "I wouldn't mind seein' some credentials."
"We don't have any fucking credentials. Can't you see we're the fucking Akatsuki?" Hidan gestured dramatically at his cloak.
"Is that a band?"
Kakuzu menacingly stepped forward and leaned over the desk so he was about a foot from the man's face. "What you are doing is not wise, so you had better drop the fucking act. Several months ago you hired our organization to perform a certain task for you. We completed this task, and never received payment. As the Akatsuki are a rather busy group of people, we don't appreciate having our time wasted, but we are not willing to waive a fee for convenience. It would damage our reputation, you see? So, in fact, because of the inconvenience you have caused, a tax of fifteen percent has been added to your bill. I suggest you pay it so this conflict will end peacefully for all of us." He retreated to his former spot near the door to allow his speech to sink in.
But once again the reaction given was not congruent with the reaction expected. The man guffawed, for rather a long time. "Shucks, I like ya'll!" he gasped as the hilarity of the situation dissipated. "Yuh, I'm Daichi. Just had ta make sure ya weren't cops or nothin'. Now, refresh my memry—ya said ya wanted to borrow some money? Ain't a problem, just so long as ya got something in the way of collateral. I see ya brought a pretty girl with ya, huh?" He guffawed again.
Claire blushed but scowled deeply, and 'accidentally' shifted her elbow into another stack of files, causing it to spill. "Oops," she muttered icily.
"Don' worry 'bout it. The missus and I have been movin' things around so it's a bit of a mess. Hope you'll fergive—"
"Oy! Don't change the fucking subject!" Hidan shouted at the man, snapping his fingers to recall his attention.
Daichi waved his hands about in an apologetic manner. "O' course, o' course. How rude o' me. How much'll ya be wantin' ta barra?"
"We aren't borrowing anything. You owe us—" Kakuzu took another small piece of paper out of his cloak and shoved it in the naïve man's face. "—this much."
He squinted at it and scratched his beard. Then with a sudden recognition he jumped up and started rifling through the papers on his desk. "I remember now, yew folks sent a messenger here to get a deal set up and said yew were gonna pick it up later. Lemme just find my recurds—"
"Fuck, you asshole! We're not borrowing money from you! You fucking hired us to whack someone and we're here to fucking collect! If you don't cut this shit out, we'll stop asking and start taking."
Miraculously, Mr. Nishimura was not at all concerned by Hidan's less-than-gentlemanly manner. In fact, he seemed to think it was just a joke. "Haw haw, I doubt that. I got the best hidin' place in the werld."
Claire snorted and could not resist the orders she had been given to remain silent. "What, under your mattress?"
This elicited the first response from the man that lacked jubilance. His eyebrows knitted together over shocked eyes and a slightly open mouth. Before he made a verbal affirmation or denial of the sarcastic comment, a shrill voice suddenly yelled his name with none of the subtlety you would suspect from any residence of an S-class criminal.
He jumped slightly and seemed to forget what had just happened. "'Scuse me a sec, that'd be the missus." He stepped hastily over the obstacles the many obstacles that crowded his floor and retreated to the back of the house.
"What the fuck is this?" Hidan demanded in a frantic whisper. "This dickwad is a fucking imbecile!"
"I would have thought your associates would be smarter," Claire added. "I mean seriously, under the fucking mattress?"
"Shut up, both of you. I'm trying to think of what to do."
"Let me help you out: we put him out of our fucking misery and take all the money for the trouble."
"We can't kill him, Hidan, and you know it. The Akatsuki has a reputation that would be very hard to uphold if we went around offing our contacts."
"Shit." Hidan crossed his arms and leaned against the door, apparently having accepted this unfortunate fact. "'Great wit'? Give me a break. Most ironic fucking name in the world, seriously."
Their attention was drawn soon after to the back room in which two figures had appeared and started arguing. One was Daichi, and the other was presumably Mrs. Nishimura. It was unclear what they were saying but the husband was obviously losing the battle, and attempted to escape by pointing out the company.
Mrs. Nishimura became silent when she saw them, and after a moment's consideration, traipsed through the many rooms in their direction, Daichi following anxiously. "Now puddin', you ain't gonna do nothin' to our guests, are ya'?" he asked nervously. She ignored him and kept up her pursuit. Claire and the two Akatsuki held their ground, perplexed.
She finally reached the front room and squinted at them through glasses she had retrieved from her apron (whose pattern was bore rather a close resemblance to the curtains they had seen outside). When she was done with her evaluation, she placed her hands on her wide hips and gave them a big smile. "Well!" she exclaimed in a much kinder voice than she had used on her husband (and with a much slighter accent). "I hoped I'd be around when you nice young men with the lovely red-flower coats came back!"
Hidan and Kakuzu almost imperceptibly glanced at each other to see if the clouds had miraculously changed to flowers when they hadn't been looking. Obviously the glasses hadn't done her much good, for they hadn't. But there was no opportunity to point that out, for the woman was not finished speaking.
"I wanted to thank ya'll personally for gettin' rid of my stupid brother. Thanks to ya'll, we didn't hafta wait 'til he dropped dead to get that inheritance!" she chuckled maliciously. "The little shit never figured out I hated him, though he left all his money to me, God knows why."
Everyone but Nishimura's wife was exceptionally baffled. Daichi in particular seemed to be thinking very hard, as his mouth was slightly agape and his eyes were glazed over. He seemed to mouth the word 'brother' as if it were the most foreign concept he had ever encountered. Then some undoubtedly rusty unused switch clicked on in his brain, and as he had his epiphany, his face expanded with recognition. Once again, he dashed through his abode and left the three of them to his wife.
She continued beaming at them while happily recalling her hatred for her dead brother, and they found there was not much to say in return but to act pleased. And to some extent they were, for she seemed to be of considerably higher intelligence than her husband and at least recognized the service they had performed.
At length Daichi returned with a large lumpy white sack. He dropped it unceremoniously on the desk and upon thrusting his hand into it, pulled out several large stacks of money, each about an inch thick. It was difficult to tell, but Claire thought Kakuzu looked as if he were pleased. And whether or not he showed it, he definitely was. Hidan, too, appeared relieved at the very least.
Kakuzu was about to accept the money when Mrs. Nishimura smacked her husband roughly on his head. This caused a slight panic; her anger could have meant a change of heart. Daichi as well was unsure what had rendered this abuse necessary. "What did I do?!" he implored to her.
"Give 'em extra you dope!" she chided, as if it had been obvious.
He blinked, then obligingly reached into the bag and pulled out another stack. His wife's unceasing glare added one more. Upon the relinquishing of the third stack, she smiled and nodded, giving him the necessary clearance to present Kakuzu with his long-awaited payment.
"Well, Halle-fucking-lujah," Hidan said.
"Amen!" said Daichi's wife, though she looked unsure why.
Hidan turned around and addressed Claire, causing her to automatically say 'no'. Seeing the Nishimuras' puzzled faces, she grudgingly said, "Er…I mean what?" albeit already knowing the question, having just answered it.
"Marry me!" he suggested gleefully, perhaps sensing her reluctance to confuse their hosts.
Due to Mrs. Nishimura's excitable nature, Claire was hindered from answering by the woman's joyful shriek. This time she didn't bother making hints at her husband, but shoved him aside and rewarded Claire with a wedding gift of two more stacks of cash. The girl was forced to mutter her thanks in the face of this mystifying benevolence.
xXx
"Would you like something to drink? Tea? A daiquiri?" Wakahisa asked as he unlocked the door and motioned for her to enter. The inside was relatively clean, which surprised Leah. There was a small white kitchen to the left, with an arabesque kotatsu in the center. The bathroom and closet were directly across from the door. In between were an ivory and olive couch and…Wakahisa's bed.
Leah cleared her throat a little. "No thank you."
Wakahisa chuckled. "Rather get right to it? Have it your way." He closed the door and spun her around and they landed on the bed, with him kneeling over her. The shinobi laughed again at her surprised yelp. "Jumpy little thing, aren't you…" He lowered his head down to her neck and kissed it softly. "Don't worry, I'll be gentle."
Leah gulped quietly, starting to get extremely nervous. His kisses were moving slowly downward, over her collarbone, necklace and chest. Tobi had put some of the poison around her neck, but she wasn't sure it would be enough. She took a deep breath. "Yuuto…?" she murmured.
He looked up. "Hm?" Leah put her hands around his face and pulled his lips to hers. She could feel him smiling lecherously against her lips, pressing his tongue against the crease to part them. Leah dared to open an eye to see if he could hear her rampaging heart. She realized the last person she had kissed had been Deidara. When he had kissed her, it hadn't been like this. She hadn't been scared, just shocked. He was warm and gentle, and Wakahisa, despite his words, was a rather forceful kisser.
As calmly as she could, Leah pushed Wakahisa away. He looked down at her, confused. She watched his eyes, hoping he'd ingested enough poison. She had forgotten to ask Tobi how long it would take for the poison to paralyze him. They were supposed to be monitoring the situation, right? They were going to make sure things didn't get out of hand. Even though Deidara was inexplicably mad at her right now, he would at least listen to Pein and not let her get hurt.
Wakahisa watched her face a little longer, taking her silence as a sign that he should continue. He moved to the other side of her neck, nipping lightly at her flesh. But before he could reach the same progress as he had on the other side, he groaned and looked up again, clutching his heart.
"Something wrong?" Leah questioned innocently, hoping there was.
"N-no…ah—!" Wakahisa rolled over on his side, bubbles appearing at the corners of his mouth. Leah sat up away from him, but his eyes followed her. "…Y-ou bitch…" he snarled. His eyes glazed over and he was dead.
Tears were already running down her face, Leah darted up off the bed and ran to the couch. She grabbed a pillow and watched Wakahisa, sure he was going to get up any minute and kill her. Tobi and Deidara still hadn't arrived. Leah cried harder, squashing the pillow into a tiny remnant of its former self. She felt like part of herself had died with the taking of a single human life. Wakahisa probably wasn't even that bad of a person. Yes, he was a criminal, but so were all of the Akatsuki; yes, he was a womanizer; yes, he brought her as a prostitute, but did that mean he deserved to die? No, it didn't. Some of her guy friends at school could be called womanizers and she knew that some of Jason's friends (if not Jason himself) had paid for a woman's company. What made Wakahisa worse than any of them? Nothing. Leah considered all life precious. She did not know how she could cope with the knowledge it was her fault that she had taken it away from someone. Her throat ached and she was exhausted. Oh well, if he was going to kill her anyway, it couldn't hurt to get some rest…
XxX
"Leah! LEAH! ANSWER ME, UN!"
Leah opened her eyes blearily. "Why are you yelling at me…Stupid Deidara…"
"I thought you were fucking dead!"
"I'm not." She pushed his hands off of her shoulders and sat up. "Where am I?"
Deidara glanced at Tobi, who was standing at the other end of the couch. "You don't remember? The mission? Wakahisa?"
"Who's Wakahisa? What mission?"
"I think she might have amnesia, Deidara-senpai," Tobi concluded rather quickly.
Deidara gritted his teeth. "I can tell, Tobi, thanks for pointing out the obvious."
Leah looked around, trying to remember how she had gotten in this strange room. "How did I get amnesia?"
Tobi scratched his neck absently. "You—"
"You ate some weird foreign food. I told you not to, but you said it looked delicious. Then you passed out so we took you to this hotel," Deidara interrupted.
"This is a very home-y hotel room."
The blonde shrugged. "Okay, so we saw the guy leave and we're 'borrowing' his place. Details, un. Now that that has been established, we need to go."
"Alright…Just let me use the bathroom first."
"I'll wait here."
After washing her hands, Leah pooled the water up in her hands and splashed it over her face. The droplets seemed to be clinging to some kind of powder she was wearing. Strange. She took some toilet paper and wiped it off, making another note to ask Deidara about, in addition to her clothes. She pulled her hair tie out and redid it into a simple ponytail. She couldn't believe she had amnesia…it was so strange…and Deidara was acting weird.
xXx
"Eva."
"…"
"Eva. Speak."
"…"
"Don't you want to know if I have an aunt who's a guppy?"
Eva looked up briefly with a slight smile. "Do you?"
"No."
"Oh." Eva turned her gaze downward again and watched her feet as they walked.
Kisame ran a hand through his short blue hair, flustered. "Don't go back to being silent."
"I don't have anything to say."
"You always have something to say. This is about…the guy, right?"
"Well…yeah. I know I talk about being morbid and liking blood and stuff all the time…but I don't actually like hurting people. And that guy didn't even do anything. And the guy that did…he was kind of a jerk, but…I don't know…" she mumbled.
"I'm sorry you had to see it. I'm going to freaking kill Tobi when we—oh…um…I mean…well…bad choice of words. I didn't mean it literally." Smooth, Kisame, he thought.
Eva sniffled a little. "I get it. I'll probably get over it eventually. I guess it was just kind of…humbling…Or it brought me back to reality or something. You don't have to try to console me or anything. I know you're used to it."
He didn't want to just quit, but he really had nothing else to say. Nothing that wouldn't make it worse. Fuck, this had all been his fault. Itachi was right, if he had been paying attention to Kawaguchi's words instead of fantasizing about Oprah, he probably would have figured out Minoru wasn't the leak. Then maybe he could have just left Minoru knocked out instead of torturing him. Kawaguchi would have been enough of an example, and Itachi would have gotten over it eventually. Instead he had probably scarred Eva for life, and now she would never trust him again. Why did that matter to him so much?
XxX
"See what good things would happen if you'd only listen to me?"
"That doesn't even make sense, stupid man-whore."
"That's not a very nice thing to say to your future husband, seriously."
"Just because she gave me some money doesn't mean I'm going to marry you. I would have said no if I didn't think she'd freak out and take everything back. Because then Kakuzu would have had a tantrum."
"What? You fucking tricked me!"
"I did not, fucking idiot, you just assumed!"
"Fine, then give me the money!"
"Why? She gave it to me!"
Hidan thought for a moment, looking frustrated. "To ease my pain."
"…Just because that was such a pathetic attempt, I'll give you what's left."
"What the fuck do you mean 'what's left'? What could you possibly have to buy here?"
"I'm paying for a separate room on the way back."
xXx
"Tobi!" Deidara barked at his subordinate. "We need to deal with this."
"Yes, sir, Deidara-senpai, sir!" replied Tobi, saluting. "I have packed the bird! We are ready to g—"
"Not that 'this', the 'Leah has amnesia' this, un!" he clarified, irritated.
"Ohhh."
"This is actually perfect. If she had found out she had single-handedly killed Wakahisa—thanks to you applying the wrong concentration of poison—she would be freaking out right now. So, I don't think we should tell her."
"Okay. Then what are we going to tell her?"
Deidara thought for a moment. It was good that they had at least disposed of Wakahisa's body before Leah had woken up. He was glad that Leah didn't have to know she had killed a man, but on the other hand, he was having trouble thinking of a cover story that would explain his and Tobi's presence alone, their location, and Leah's odd attire. And he would have to incorporate a fancy dinner—wait.
"Tobi, I have an idea. Just play along."
At that moment, the door banged open, and Leah came charging at Deidara. She grabbed the blonde by the shoulders and shook him violently. "WHY DO I HAVE HICKIES ON MY NECK?!" She stabbed at said hickies with one hand while hitting him with the other.
"Ow—Leah—OW! HEY!" He grabbed both of her wrists to cease the abuse she was partaking in. He glanced around at a confused Tobi, and turned back to her with a sly expression on his face. "You…you don't remember that?" he asked, pretending to be hurt.
Leah eyed him suspiciously. "I'm getting tired of repeating this, but remember what? The last thing I remember is Kisame getting handcuffed to Eva."
"Um. Well. It's kind of embarrassing to have to tell you this, but they're from, erm, me, un," he whispered. Leah stared at him. Unable to tell if she believed him or not, he proceeded to build on his lie. "Well, Eva and Kisame needed your bed because they were stuck together, so you were going to share with me and you…kissed me."
"I did?"
"Yeah, I was surprised too. But anyway, Leader sent us all on missions, and we finished ours early so me and you went out a date. And you wanted to get all dressed up and that's when you ate the weird thing. And, yeah, the end, un."
The "serious" atmosphere was interrupted by Tobi cackling. Deidara turned on him, fire in his eyes that he was glad Leah couldn't see, for it might have caused her spontaneous combustion. "What?"
"Oh, uh, nothing! Senpai is really good at telling stories!" Tobi replied evasively.
"That's what I thought," Deidara said warningly.
Leah sighed. "I'm so confused."
Author's Notes:
Claire: OH MY GODDDDDDDDDDDD. I WORKED ON THIS ALL DAY TODAY AND FOR A LONG TIME YESTERDAY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU GUYS SO MUCH. Every time we post a review saying "Hiatus, sry" I always think "This will be the time they decide to hate us". Well, we've been on hiatus for almost a year and that still hasn't happened. I love you guys so much. Over the last couple of months, since school started, I've had to deal with 2 AP classes, the rest honors, my teachers turning into jerks, and lots of different medication, so I haven't had much time to think about stuff like this. But I think I finished my homework (unless I forgot about some, which I probably did) and I was in a writing mood, so…I worked on this. I promise it was more dramatic than that at the time, but this is 24 pages so I'm written out.
I like Leah's mission :)
Oh. I had to write Eva's mission cuz Eva was…idk, doing stuff. And I don't like writing torture or fluff. So it didn't turn out very well. Sorry :(
OTHER THAN THAT, I AM HAPPY BECAUSE WE POSTED. ILU ALL FOR YOUR REVIEWS AND YOUR WEIRDNESS AND YOUR SOULSSSSSSSS.
Eva: Haha…yeah I fail epically. Er…I have the same classes as Claire, and so I don't really have any excuse for not being of much use. OTL
Even though I know you guys don't like me because I suck, I love you guys for being really awesome readers and and and and you guys because are awesome.
Leah: I feel bad because I could have worked on this but I decided to waste my free time doing other things D: Anyways, you people are so insanely awesome for having patience with this story and your reviews are awesome and you're awesome and everyone is just so awesomely awesome.
Happy 2010 :D
Claire: Why do I always write about a million times more than you two…? Oh well.
I just wanted to say I wrote that dream thing when I was really hungry, in case you couldn't tell. And all those things are true stories. I have a phobia of meat. I also, as of last week, have 6 piercings in each ear. Unnecessary fact is unnecessary! :D
So. This was kind of a fluke. I don't know when the next chapter will be out. Hopefully soon, but I'm not making any promises –glance-