*Thank-you for the reviews on the last chapter. They were greatly appreciated. Thank-you all so much.
Natalie:
After a few days in West Newbury I finally feel like my life is finally where it was meant to be. I love having my parents in my life and Angelina's life. Angelina doesn't realize how lucky she is to have two parents that love her and two sets of grandparents that love her also. It is good to be home though. I love being in my own house and Angelina is at school for the day. I am just looking in the paper for a new job. I need to find something to do because I don't expect to go back to the hotel. Maybe I should look for something out of state as much as I don't want to take Angelina out of her school I feel like I should move to New York or Connecticut somewhere closer to home but somewhere that I can find a good enough job. I am looking through the newspaper when there is a knock on the door. I get up and answer the door to see John standing there. I was not expecting him. "John," I say, "what are you doing here?"
"I needed to see you," he says making my heart melt. "And we need to talk."
"Okay," I say, "come in."
"Thanks," he says as he walks in the door and I shut the door behind him.
"So what's up?" I ask as we walk to the living room.
"I just think we have some things to talk about," he says.
"Okay," I say. I have no idea what we have to talk about. I think everything is taken care of now. I think we have talked about everything we need to. "Would you like a drink or anything to eat?"
"No thank-you," he says. "So when I was talking to my parents a few days ago they wanted to know what was going on with us and how we are handling this Angelina thing."
"What do you mean?" I ask.
"I guess I mean visitation. I would like to visit her but I don't think I should just be dropping in whenever I get a few days off. I think I should have set days when I can come to visit."
"So you want to set up a schedule of when you want to come visit?" I ask.
"Yes," he says. "I think that would be best at least for now until we figure out what is going on between us."
"John, you're married. There is nothing going on between us but if you want to set up a schedule go ahead."
"Okay," he says. "I was thinking that I would come every other Tuesday and stay till Friday before I go back on the road to spend time with Angelina. What do you think?"
"I think that's okay," I say. I really have nothing against John coming whenever he wants to. "Are you going to be staying here?" I ask.
"If you're okay with that, if not I can always stay at a hotel," he says.
"Nonsense you don't have to stay at a hotel. You're more than welcome to stay here," I say. I really don't mind him staying here. I'm sure this is going to go against my self-control or make it extra challenging to remain just friends with him but I am not going to let my daughter's father stay in a hotel.
"Are you sure, Nat?" he asks.
"I'm positive. It's not a big deal. We're just friends right?"
"Right," he says nodding his head. "So we're all right?"
"Yeah," I say, "you know you don't have to set up a special schedule to visit Angelina. I don't mind you dropping in whenever. Angelina loves you and she loves spending time with you. I enjoy your company."
"You enjoy my company?" he asks with a smile.
"I always did, John. I told you that I used to dream about marrying you and having a family with you."
"Well, we do have a family," he says. "You, Angelina and I are a family."
"In the political sense," I say, "but not really. We aren't really a family."
"Do you want to be a family, Natalie?" he asks me.
I stay silent for a few minutes really contemplating my answer of course I want to be a family. I have always wanted to be a family. I have always dreamed of having a family but it will never happen. I know it will never happen at least not with John and me. "I do but I know it will never happen."
"Why do you assume it will never happen?"
"Because you're married and I'm engaged," I say.
"Come on, Nat, you're not still saying you're engaged to that asshole are you?"
"We technically are still engaged," I say.
"I don't see you wearing the ring," he says picking up my hand and looking at it. "Don't even give him the time of the day. He cheated on you, Nat."
"And I cheated on him with you," I say.
"Yeah but that was right."
"No," I say, "it wasn't right. I slept with a married man."
"Is it the fact I am married that you're rejecting me like this?"
"Well, yeah," I say, "I'm not going to sleep with a married man. It's just not in me to do so."
"Okay," he says. "Look, Natalie, I love you. I really love you. I never stopped loving you. Marrying Ashley was a huge mistake and I love you even more knowing that you're the mother of my child. I believe we were brought back together for a reason. I don't know what that reason is but I spent years looking for you but never found you and then I come here out of the blue and run into you. I don't just run into you but I find out we have a daughter together. Things just don't feel right with Ashley; they never did. I just pretended. I tried to hide how I felt but I can't hide it anymore. I have to leave her."
"John," I say, "please don't make me the reason you're leaving your wife. I don't want to be the reason."
"You're not, Natalie. Ashley and I were having problems WAY before I ran into you. Ashley and I were never right for one another. I married her because I thought if I did I could get over you but I never did. I never will, Natalie. Ashley is a horrible person. She is so mean and so fickle. It's all about her. I can't deal with it anymore."
"John, please," I say. He is making me weak talking like this. I want nothing more than to kiss his lips and make love to him. I have to resist as hard as it is. I love this man so much. "I love you too, John but as long as you're married… I can't do anything."
"I'm getting a divorce," he says. "I've talked to my lawyer. He is drawing up the papers right now as we speak."
"If you and Ashley were always having problems why just now file for divorce?"
"Because I didn't have the guts to do it but now I do.."
"So you're getting a divorce?" I ask.
"Yes," he says. "I have to get a divorce. I can't live with her any longer."
"Then what?" I ask.
"Then I would like to be with this woman that I absolutely love and the woman that is the mother of my child."
"We'll see," I say.
"All right we'll see," he says with a smile. "So you're looking for a job?"
"Yes and I was thinking about moving to New York or Connecticut," I say.
"Why would you do that?"
"The job opportunities are better and I want to be closer to West Newbury so I can spend more time with my mom and dad. Plus there isn't much opportunity here for me."
"I see," he says. "I was thinking that after my divorce I was going to move here but if you're not going to be here I don't know."
"Why would you move here?"
"I want to be closer to you and Angelina. I want to live close to my daughter. That way I can see her more."
"Oh," I say, "I don't know what I'm doing yet."
"Okay," he says. "So my parents really liked her. In fact they love her. They are really excited about having a granddaughter."
"Good," I say. "I'm glad they were happy about her. And my parents as well. I was surprised at how well they took the news."
"Well, it's not like I'm a bad guy. It's not like I beat the shit out of you and break ribs or whatever," he says, "you know like Max does to you but you want to consider yourself engaged to him? Why?"
"It's complicated," I say.
"You make it complicated. Natalie, I'm saying this because I care about you but drop him. He is not the right guy for you. You deserve so much more than what he's giving you. You deserve way more and by staying with him you're only bringing yourself down and you're going to bring Angelina down. I don't know if you love him or what but you need to leave him. He is a bad guy."
"I know," I say. "I know."
"If you know why stay with him?"
"Because I love him," I say. "I hate to admit it but it's the truth."
"But you deserve more; you deserve so much more," he says looking me in the eye. Our eyes meet and before I realize it our lips are touching and we're sharing a passionate kiss. I don't reject him or push him away. Before I know it we are making love on my couch with a passion I never felt before. I know it's wrong but it feels so right.
As we finish making love John holds me in his arms for a few minutes and I listen to his heart beat as my head is rested against his firm chest. I could be in his arms all day and I would love to be in his arms forever but right now forever will never happen. He kisses me softly before we get up to dress ourselves. We don't say a word until I say, "that was um.. it shouldn't have happened. Why are you so irresistible?"
"Because you love me," he says with a smile. "Just like I love you."
"I admit it I do love you," I say with a smile.
"I know," he says. "Look, don't get offended but I have to get home but before I go I have a check for you."
"A check?" I ask. I feel cheap sleeping with him and then getting a check. It has a little bit of prostitute written on it.
"Yes, a check. I told you I was going to help you out while you were out of work so I am," he says handing me a check. "This is for $20,000 it should get you by for a while."
"I would say so," I say looking at the check. I feel so guilty. "But I can't accept it."
"You can and you will. Let's call it a little back child support," he says with a wink. "I love you, Nat, remember that."
"Thank-you," I say. "I love you too."
"I'll call you."
"Okay," I say walking him to the front door.
"Bye," he says before walking out the door.
"Bye," I say as I watch him walk to his rental car. He is one good man. I can't believe I let him go.. I was so stupid.
*A/N: So what did you think? Please review and thank-you for reading.