Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation and I just borrow characters to write a fan fiction story with noncommercial intentions. And I hope I don't offend anyone.

I NEED YOU

Shuichi's POV

I must have fallen asleep. But now I am completely awake. I woke up with a scream. The dream… It is always almost the same. At least at the end. First I see Yuki. He's smiling or kissing me or whatever, it is just a dream so a little bit blurred. But I know the feeling - happiness.

Then everything changes. He pushes me away. It gets dark and empty all around me. I see Yuki. His eyes are cold and full of hatred sometimes. He says I'm nothing. He says that he will never love me. He says I'm worth nothing and he pushes me in the nothingness. I fall looking in his face above me, I scream, I beg him to save me, I beg him to stop and I beg him not to kill me… But his expression remains indifferent and scornful.

And then… I scream.

Oh, it's only six p.m. Nothing to do. Everything to forget.

I'm glad that Aaron packed my very special box in the suitcase. And it's good that he didn't look inside it. I am not sure he would accept my little drug habit. Well it's not like marijuana is that bad. And it is not like I am using it constantly. Ok…recently...

Who cares…

I get a joint and light it. I inhale the gritty, acrid smoke, feel it go down unfiltered, raw down my throat, filling my lungs. I feel better almost instantly. The light, floating feel just behind my eyes taking away memories that are haunting me too persistently. I can't refuse myself this comfort.

I start to feel happy. A tiny, fragmented, miniscule shred of happiness. Maybe I could write a happy song now. All my songs are so sad… I can't sing them…or everybody will know… I'm stoned I guess…this is really funny… everyone would know through my songs. I giggle secretively to myself, they wouldn't be able to tell. Everything seems brighter now, happier. My room is beautiful, the colors almost tangible in their ever brightening state.

I wish this feeling could never end.

Yuki's POV

I knock. I don't think it is a good idea to just break in.

He doesn't open the door.

Maybe he is not there? No. I can't just walk away and come back other time. I need to know for sure. Maybe he just doesn't open the damn door. So I take the plastic card, generously provided by Tohma, and swipe it. Door opens with a click. How am I going to explain him how I got in?

He's not in the living room. Damn, I feel like a thief sneaking in Shuichi's room. He's not in the bedroom either. Nowhere in the bathroom. I notice that curtain on the other side of room is flattering. I pull aside the heavy green velvet fabrics and there is an open balcony door. Is he going to yell at me?

At first I think there isn't anyone. Then I notice that there is someone sitting in the corner by the railing. I walk closer.

"Shuichi!"

He looks up.

"No…go away," he orders me weakly, looking completely horrified at my presence.

"I won't." I can't leave now. I've come to far.

"No…bad dream, bad dream," he murmurs and starts banging his head against steel railing.

"Shuichi, stop!"

I crouch down, taking his head into my hands, holding it tightly, but not tight enough to hurt. What was he blathering about? Bad dreams? He seemed plenty awake to me.

"Bad vision, go away vision," he whispered brokenly.

He's still struggling in my grasp to bang his head against the railing. I don't know how he'll react, and frankly, I don't care either. I grab him by the shoulders and drag away from the railing.

"Would you stop that, baka!"

"Let me go, you are not real!"

He struggles against me. I knew he could pack a punch, but he was putting up a pretty good fight. My height and weight advantage seemed to do nothing in my favor.

"I am real, stop! You're hurting yourself!" I nearly shouted, shaking him slightly, as if trying to wake him up.

Something is not right with him… I push him against the wall.

"Shuichi, look in my eyes," I commanded, gripping his shoulders tight.

He looks in my eyes and starts to giggle. "You're funny!"

He is definitely not right. I lean closer. It's faint, but it's there. That pungent, sharp smell. Spices and burning.

"Yuki! You're sniffing me!" he whined, trying to writhe away.

"Yes and you smell like pot…How much did you smoke?"

"Just one or two." He giggles again.

"Did you take something else? Alcohol? Pills? Anything?" I demanded. Only one or two? Well, a low tolerance level could explain this, but he seemed very high for just 'one or two' joints.

"Why?" he asked me, tilting his head up, a confused look in his eyes.

"Did you drink?" I asked again, eyes smoothing over his features.

"Noo," he drawled out, grinning.

"Did you take any pills?" Oh shit, what if he did? I'd have to get him to a hospital…

"Noo.," he drawled again with a giggle. "I'm happy!"

"Of course you are…" I mutter. Of course he is

It looks like he has a bit too much. Shuichi doing drugs? Since when? I hope it's only weed… Should I take him to the hospital? Probably not. It's not like alcohol poisoning. Nothing they can give him except a drug test. Shuichi just needed to sleep it off.

I'll call doctor if he will get worse though. Don't some idiots lace that shit with stronger stuff? For all I know, it could've been pot and LSD laced in, and Shuichi would never know.

It's better to take him inside.

"Come, Shuichi, let's go inside."

I hold on his shoulders and lead him inside, he's giggling the whole time.

"I'm thirsty!" he announces when we get in.

I push him on the bed.

"Sit here and don't move!"

There is a vial with water and glass on the table.

I pour out a cup, handing it to him. "Here, drink."

I help him with the glass, because I am not sure, he's able to hold it not spilling water on the bed. He finishes with a satisfied sigh, smiling, smacking his lips.

I put glass back on the table.

I turn back facing him and see two big violet frightened eyes staring at me. "Y-You are real… right?"

"Yes, I am, Shu," I sigh, running a hand through my hair.

"SHU IS DEAD!" he shouted abruptly. "Are you are here to kill me too?"

"Calm down, Shuichi. The drugs are messing with your mind," I tell him, almost begging him to stay calm. What happened to happy?

"Leave me alone!" he cries out, looking on the verge of… what? Tears, terror?

"I can't. Someone needs to watch you," I explain.

"No, you don't want to watch me! You want to…My body? You want my body? Will you go away if I let you have me? Will you leave me then?" he asks. Now he's the one begging.

He pulls off his T-shirt., despite my good intentions, I find myself staring. That beautiful body, smooth, tangible right before me to reach out and… No. With a brisk shake of my head, I'm brought back to reality.

"You can fuck me! That is what you want, right?"

Oh, Shu…why are you…why are you like this? Is it my fault?

"I don't mind! It is what I am good for, right?" he spits, smiling at me cruelly.

It doesn't last long though. Shu averts his eyes from mine, tears start running down his cheeks freely.

Without a word he opens his belt and pulls down his shorts throwing them on the floor. "Do it already and let's get over with it."

He is lies down on the bed hugging his knees.

I watched all of this in silence, watching my former lover in this state. Giving me, offering me what I thought I wanted. What I thought was the only thing between us. I finally come to my senses. Walking to the bed I cover his naked body with the blanket.

"Shu, calm down."

"You don't want me anymore? Am I disgusting?" he whispered, still not looking at me.

He suddenly stands up on his knees tossing the blanket away and throws his arms around my neck pressing his naked body against my clothed one. I need to stop him right now or I won't be able to stop myself.

"Why you don't want me?" he asks me, voice broken.

"Shuichi…stop…," I tell him, trying to gently remove him.

He releases my neck and falls down on the bed sobbing. "Yuki, doesn't want me anymore…I am nothing…"

"Shuichi, you just don't understand what you are doing," I try to reason with him.

"No, I am disgusting! I am pathetic! I am no one! You are right, I deserve to die," he cries, punctuating each exclamation with a fist pounding into the bed.

What is he talking about? Whatever, I don't like it when he is talking about death that much. It's unnerving. I crawl into bed, tuck him in the blanket and pull in my lap, laying his head on my chest.

"Calm down, Shuichi."

"You don't want me anymore."

"I want you. But not like this, Shuichi. It would be wrong."

He is clinging on me and crying his heart out. I take my napkin and keep wiping away his tears, but they don't seem to stop. I try to comfort him saying some incoherent words. It's so painful to see him like this. His hysterics must be side effect of drugs or it is just emotional breakdown. I'm hoping it's the drugs.

Why, Shu? I didn't understand everything he said. But it scares me. Oh Shu, I love you so much.

Wait… did I just said that in my thoughts? Hell, yes! I love him! Why not! Who was I trying to fool! I can allow myself to love Shuichi. It is not like I have a lot of choice anyway. You don't choose who you love.

"Shh, don't cry. It's going to be all right…"

I watch my beautiful love in my arms. He is all I need. I wish we could stay like this forever. I must admit I am afraid of tomorrow.

But now I know. He's not happy. He needs me. We need each other.

TBC