Feanor writes a letter to his brother at Finwe's behest and gets really snarky in the process.
Feanaro to Nolofinwe
Dear Half-brother Nolofinwe
The only reason I am writing this letter is because Atto insists we reconcile and shaking hands is a bit too much to ask with you stuck in Tirion and I in Formenos. Atto also requests that I thank your (scribbled-out) amil and his Snottiness Ingwe for speaking with the Valar and getting me an invite to their next big party. Then I suppose they want us to hug and make up - Ugh. I will wear my breastplate armour and you better not be wearing that glittery silver-blue tunic your wife gave you. The glitter will get everywhere.
How are you? Seriously, can't you do anything right in Tirion? Oops, Atto says I should not be so harsh on you since ruling a city is tough business. Well, I don't know how the Guild of Loremasters could get into a riot with members of the Guild of Healers, or what quarrel the weavers could have with smiths. That water pump on the Street of Craftsmen has and always will be property of the Guild of the Jewel-smiths, never the dyers. The incident between the Telerin embassy and the Guild of Cooks is a no-brainer – seriously, stuffed swan? No, it still counts even if the swan is nothing but a dressed-up goose. How did Ara let that one slip by him? Bet his wife has him in the doghouse now.
Really, how in all Arda did your wife bust her dress allowance when your amil managed even with all her silly white muslin gowns that constantly need replacing? I never had such problems with my wife – and she looks great even in her leather work smock- Your Anaire looks like (scratched-out) What did you ever see in that nis?
Now, I should write about the children. First, I thank your children, Finno and Irisse especially, for their continuing friendship with my sons. Indeed, we will need a dedicated postbox especially for Nelyo's mail with the volume of correspondence between him and Finno. I will gladly host Irisse should she desire to visit Formenos. Her brothers need not escort her as my Tyelko will gladly show her about. Atto says I should ask about Arakano's training, so here goes – has that boy figured out how to use a bow yet? And more importantly, where to aim? Heard he has shot up quite a bit but I doubt that would improve his skills with all that extra height.
Atto feels I should stop here before I commit my opinions about the rest of your brood to paper. Something about not writing if I have nothing good to write.
Send my regards to my niece, Irisse. She is welcome under my roof anytime.
Crown Prince of the Noldor by birthright
Curufinwe Feanaro
P.S. Atto sends his apologies for not attending Findarato's betrothal party and promises to attend the binding. Who wore more jewels? My half-nephew or his Vanya maid?
P.P.S. Keep your snivelling Finno and his soppy letters away from my Nelyo. Doesn't your boy have anything better to do with his life?
Author's Notes:
Perhaps Finwe should have just burnt the letter before it got posted.
The letters from Formenos should end soon with the Darkening approaching.
We can only speculate at what the cousins Maedhros and Fingon have been writing in their letters.