"Morning Mr. Mazur!" Lissa greeted sunnily the next morning as she slipped into her house slippers in the Mazur's entryway.
"Lissa," Abe greeted pleasantly, his eyes narrowing a little as he turned to look at Janine.
"Lissa's over to study with Rozalia," Janine said by way of explanation.
"I don't want any parties here while I'm away," Abe said obdurately, sensing there was something odd about Lissa turning up at 7 am, but unable to put his finger on it.
"For goodness sake, Abe," Janine growled. "Christian and his family are in mourning, Dimitri has his scholarship exams this weekend, the girls have their history exam to study for, plus Lissa is trying to support her boyfriend through his loss. I don't imagine anyone will be partying," she admonished.
"Oh yes. Of course," he muttered quickly, remembering the Ozera family's loss.
"I know it's early, Mr. Mazur, but Rose said you'd be up, and I needed to drop some things over to Christian's family. Dad has heaps of cheap wine glasses he bought for when they had his fortieth, and Mrs. Ozera asked if she could borrow them. They have an open house over there for the entire family and in-laws, so she needed heaps," Lissa explained. "Andre and I just dropped them over there, and then he brought me here."
"That's fine dear," Janine encouraged, giving Lissa a hug. "You know you're welcome anytime."
Turning to Rose, Janine asked her to step into the kitchen for final instructions. While Lissa kept an eye out for Abe who was taking their bags to the car, Janine gave Rose an envelope with their insurance card and some money.
"Order in tonight for you and Dimitri, wee one," she said lovingly. "I'll call once we're at the campsite. If anything happens, get Dimitri to take you straight to the hospital and call us. Otherwise, we'll be back late tomorrow afternoon." Giving her daughter a final hug, Janine pasted an enthusiastic look on her face and headed to the front door.
"Have fun Mom, Tata!" Rose smiled waving as her father opened the truck door gleefully for her mother. Rose was almost certain she heard her mother say something under her breath but immediately dismissed it. She didn't think her mother would know or use a word like that!
Back inside the house, Lissa and Rose sat on the sofas downstairs.
"So what do I need to look out for?" Lissa asked practically.
"A high temp, shivers, really heavy bleeding. I honestly feel ok. It's just like a bad period."
Lissa nodded understandingly. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Right now? Not really, but I appreciate you asking. For the moment I want to think about anything but this. How's Christian going?"
"Not so great," Lissa confided. "His Bunica wants him to speak at Tasha's funeral, and he doesn't want to. The house is crazy over there. All his brothers and sisters and their kids are there, even the ones who've moved away. Last night one of the brothers managed to get a message through to Christian's father telling him Tasha had died and how much Mrs. Ozera wants the whole family at the funeral. Lucas texted back saying he'd see if he could make it to the Church. Christian has only met his father a couple of times and can't remember him, so he's freaking out."
"That's rough. I'm so sorry – you should be over there with him," Rose said regretfully.
"It's ok. I told him I'd go over this afternoon. It's a bit freaky with all his uncles and aunts. Christian and I are almost at the age Lucas and Moira were when she fell pregnant with Christian, and they all like to remind us of the fact. It's disturbing! By the way, did I tell you the latest about Jesse?!"
Rose shuddered. Unless it was Jesse being hit by a bus, then she didn't want to hear it.
"No?" she replied cautiously.
"Well… Did you know your Dad told mine about it?" Lissa started.
"No?! When did he do that?" Rose squealed in alarm.
"About a week after it happened, apparently, although I only just heard about it. I don't think he went into all the details about the party or Dimitri, but he had a lot to say about the company Andre keeps. Anyway, Dad read Andre the riot act and then tracked down Jesse's father through some mutual business contacts. He rang and told him the whole story and Jesse's father was pissed as hell and came down to investigate. Jesse's failing anyway, and his father said he wasn't wasting his money for college if all Jesse was going to do was fail his studies and disrespect young ladies. His father made him take a semester off, and he'll start somewhere else in the fall."
"Shit! Because of me?!"
"No. There had been other complaints to campus security, so it wasn't the first time he'd tried being rough with women. I have to say I'm relieved he won't be there in fall. If I end up going there, I don't want to see him!"
"So you're still aiming for State?"
"If I get in," Lissa said nervously. Main round acceptances weren't due out for a few months, yet, but everyone was starting to worry. "So. What do you want to do? I actually do need to study for history," Lissa mentioned reluctantly.
"Yeah me too. Let's do a couple of hours and then watch a movie," Rose suggested.
Dimitri sat at the desk with his name on it, taking out his ID and putting it in the top right corner of the desk as instructed. Staring at the back of the exam paper, he was listening to the instructions but thinking about Rose and the baby.
He hadn't considered miscarriage as a possibility, but realistically he should have. Rose had only been seven or so weeks along, and miscarriages in the first trimester were common enough. He couldn't help but wonder whether their baby had had a heartbeat. Had it made it that far?
With the benefit of hindsight, had they kept the pregnancy to themselves, their families would never have known they'd had sex. But even though he knew his mother was disappointed they hadn't waited until they were married, he didn't regret them knowing about the baby; especially now they'd lost it. Even if it was for just a few weeks, he had been going to be a Papa and it felt right that his family knew that.
His hand in his pocket, he kept rolling the gold ring around with his fingertips. The baby had been the whole reason he intended to propose now. He meant what he'd said to Babushka. Roza was the one. But now he wondered if it would be selfish proposing to her when she was seventeen? Staking a claim before she'd even had a chance to experience an independent adult life? And there was the fact that she'd suffered a hefty amount of trauma. Their breakup, the assault with Jesse, falling pregnant the first time they'd made love, the news of Tasha's demise and now losing their little miracle. Maybe he should wait for things to return to normal before asking her to spend the rest of her life with him?
Pushing those thoughts aside, Dimitri tuned back into the final instructions, turning over the papers in front of him and preparing to give it his all. Somehow with everything that had happened with the pregnancy, he was less nervous about the exams. Roza becoming pregnant had illustrated life could change in an instant. They would have coped had the pregnancy progressed, just like he would cope if he didn't get a scholarship. But he'd still give it his very best.
Setting down his pen three hours later, Dimitri thought for better or worse it was done. He was confident he'd done ok. In fact, he knew he was going to ace one of the short essay questions that had queried whether the former USSR was best described as communist, socialist or a bureaucratic dictatorship. Dimitri's immediate family had lived that history, so he felt he had a better insight than most and had been able to put this knowledge to good use. He hadn't been able to believe his luck when he'd spotted that question!
Once his paper was collected, he stood up and stretched his weary muscles, fetching his bag from the side of the room. He was due at Roza's house, but he didn't want to go empty handed, so he'd organized for a bouquet to be made up at the Saturday market and he was going to pick up some of her favorite chocolate doughnuts on the way, too.
Finally climbing the stairs to her front door, Dimitri knocked nervously. He didn't know how she'd be feeling. Hell – he hardly knew how he was feeling! But he knew he wanted to be with her, and he was looking forward to over twenty-four hours alone with the woman he loved.
"Dimitri," Lissa greeted, opening the door.
He stepped inside, taking his shoes off and slipping on his house slippers.
"I'm really sorry for your loss," she said a little awkwardly.
"Thanks, Lissa," he replied, giving her a sad smile. They hadn't had much of a chance to talk about her best friend, his girlfriend, being pregnant and all that would mean and now it didn't matter anymore. All that mattered, now, was supporting Rose.
"Hey Comrade," Rose said getting off the couch and coming over.
"These are for you," he said, handing her the multicolored bouquet. He'd wanted something bright and pretty, and his contact had come up with the goods.
"They're beautiful," she smiled shyly, stretching up to kiss him.
"You're more beautiful, milaya," he said honestly, brushing his lips against hers and meeting her loving gaze with one of his own.
Lissa was smiling at the two of them. "Ok – I'm going to get out of here," she said, gathering up her phone and switching her shoes.
"Tell Sparky I said hello," Rose said, using the nickname he'd had for years – ever since he'd nearly burned down his grandmother's kitchen when he was a kid.
"Let us know if we can be any help," Dimitri added.
Seeing Lissa out the door when her ride arrived, Rose shut the front door behind her, suddenly shy in Dimitri's presence. Sensing her disquiet, Dimitri came and wrapped his arms around her.
"Lady's choice this afternoon, milaya. What do you want to do?"
That was even worse - now Rose felt put on the spot. "I don't know," she grumbled. "What do you want to do?"
"I'd like to hold you," he said looking at her hopefully. "But first, how about we have some afternoon tea? I brought you these," Dimitri handed her the second of his gifts – the bag with the chocolate doughnuts.
"And that, Comrade, is why I love you," Rose joked, giving him another kiss and heading into the kitchen to make them hot chocolates.
They ate at the counter, Rose relinquishing one of her doughnuts to her man. Once they'd finished Dimitri suggested they cuddle on the sofa for a while and listen to music and talk. Putting on something on the stereo, Rose followed Dimitri to the couch. He opened his arms to her and she cuddled up against him.
Feeling the tension pouring off her, for the first few minutes Dimitri just softly caressed her, telling her about the scholarship exam.
"So what happens now?" Rose asked after a little while. "We were going to have a baby. You were probably going to live here and we were going to be a family. Do we just go on like it didn't happen?" She wasn't accusing – she sounded perplexed.
"I don't think I can pretend it didn't happen," Dimitri said, tightening his grip around her. "Even if it was only for a few weeks, you were pregnant and we were going to be parents. I won't lie – part of me is relieved that things didn't work out that way. But I'm sad, too."
"Part of you is relieved?" Rose gasped, sounding relieved herself. She'd been beating herself up mentally for being at least a little comforted she wasn't going to be a mother at eighteen.
"Yes. I wasn't ready to be a Papa. We would have done it and made it work, but part of me is relieved we don't have to."
Rose nodded, turning his words over in her mind.
"I feel guilty because I never really thought of the baby," she tried to explain. "I didn't hate it, but I was too busy thinking about me and us to think about it. I didn't think about names, or whether it would be a girl or a boy… My thoughts were all about coping and how we'd manage."
"I know," Dimitri soothed. "It's because we weren't ready. I hope the next time you fall pregnant we'll be married and I'll have a proper job and we can be excited about it."
"So you still want us to have a baby one day?"
"I do. When the time is right, I'd like that. What about you?"
"Yes, but not for a long time yet."
Dimitri nodded, kissing her on her temple.
"Roza? I think we should name the baby we lost. I think it might help us move on if we acknowledge him or her with a name."
"But we don't know if it was going to be a boy or a girl."
"Then let's give them a unisex name," Dimitri suggested nervously. "Jordan? Misha? Sasha? Shura?"
"Sasha," Rose whispered as a tear started to roll down her cheek. "I like Sasha. Sasha Belikov."
Dimitri smiled. "I like it, too. Our little Sasha. I would have loved him or her, you know. We both would have," he promised.
"I know. I just wished I'd spent a little time loving him or her before it was too late," Rose explained. "Sometimes I wonder if that's why they couldn't stay? Maybe I'm being punished?
"It doesn't work that way, milaya. Sometimes things just happen. Sasha wasn't meant for this world."
"What sex do you think Sasha would have been?"
"I don't know, but if I had to guess, I think a girl," Dimitri said softly.
"I think boy," Rose said sadly.
The two of them cuddled on the sofa, Rose with her fingers entwined through Dimitri's. They both felt more at peace now they'd named their baby.
"Does it hurt? The miscarriage?"
"Not really. A bit crampy but even that's passing. It's just like a heavy period."
She'd never spoken about her cycles with Dimitri, but somehow she wasn't embarrassed like she once would have been. This whole experience had changed their relationship in some pretty fundamental ways.
"At my appointment yesterday my doctor discussed birth control going forward. After looking at all the options, she suggested the pill and gave me a script."
"How do you feel about that?" Dimitri asked, appreciating it was a loaded question. They both knew their church's stance on the contraceptive pill.
"Not great, but I can't go through something like this again. I just can't. I mean that's assuming we do that again…" Rose gave him a level look.
Dimitri looked guilty. Making love with Roza had felt so good. So natural. But she was right – they couldn't risk another unplanned pregnancy. He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to continue a physical relationship with her, and he knew those desires were only going to get worse if they went away to college together and they had more opportunities to be alone.
"I'd like to," Dimitri admitted. "I love you, Roza. I loved being with you that night. But if you don't want to, I understand and I'll wait."
"I want to, but it's going to take me a while. I'm not sure when I'm going to be ready."
"There's no hurry, milaya. If and when you want to try again we will. I won't pressure you."
"Thank you," she said with a soft smile. "In the meantime, I think I'm going to start taking the pill… Just so we're ready."
They ended up watching a movie, finishing up just around dinnertime.
"Mom left some money so we could order in, but there's a good pizza place a few blocks up if you want to eat out?" Rose suggested. She'd been inside all day and wanted to get out.
"That sounds perfect, milaya," he agreed, following her upstairs to put his bag in her bedroom and grabbing a sweater. "I'll wait for you downstairs," he said when he noticed she was a little shy about getting changed in front of him.
Coming back downstairs in fresh clothes, a little makeup, and her hair out, Rose saw the admiring look Dimitri gave her.
"You're so beautiful," he said reverently, pulling her to him and kissing her deeply.
"You're so handsome," she countered, loving the feeling of his strong arms around her. "Come on – let's eat!" she laughed.
The two of them walked hand in hand a couple of blocks to the row of shops where the local pizzeria was located. Two doors down was the pharmacy.
"I'll just drop a script off at the Chemist before we eat," Rose said blushing a little as she pulled the envelope with the pill prescription out of her bag. Dimitri had a good idea what the script was for, so busied himself looking at the skin care section, giving Rose her privacy as she had the necessary discussion with the pharmacist.
"All done. I'll pick it up after dinner," she said brightly, grabbing Dimitri's hand and almost dragging him out of the pharmacy.
Mostly doing takeaway, the pizza restaurant had a small back room with checkered tablecloths for dine-in customers. Taking a table for two, Rose and Dimitri held hands across the table as they looked at the chalkboard menu on the wall.
"What do you fancy, milaya?"
"Pepperoni. You?"
"Sausage, mushrooms, and peppers," Dimitri immediately supplied.
"Half and half?" Rose suggested, pointing to the massive 'family' sized tray displayed on the wall.
"Let's do it," Dimitri grinned.
Rose went to the counter and ordered, returning to sit beside her man.
"What are you thinking about, Comrade?" she asked playfully, taking in the loving way he was looking at her.
"I was just thinking about a question I had planned to ask you today," he said, pulling his hand out of his pocket, his grandmother's worn, plain wedding band clasped between his fingers.