Hi there! Let me begin by saying a huge THANK YOU for being patient while I finished the school year. I am done now and back on track for weekly updates as I was doing for the first few months. That being said, I appreciate everyone reading this because it means you have stuck with this for over twenty chapters and that's pretty spectacular.
Also, you may have noticed that I changed the rating of this story to M, which was a decision based off a lot of different factors. However, as if now the story is M for adult themes, violence and excessive alcohol consumption (haha not but seriously alcoholism is serious and don't do it kids).
Until next time (which I swear will be on time).
Enjoy!
January 1st, 1943
"Cheers," Merissa said dully, clinking her bottle of firewhiskey against the mirror that Abraxas' face was currently occupying.
They had been gifted two way mirrors by Mrs. Malfoy just last year, probably thinking she was giving them a great present, especially given how secretively she had gifted them, however they had not used them until this week. Merissa found herself grateful for their parents misconceptions about their relationship in more ways than she had ever imagined. Otherwise she would be quite unable to speak to Abraxas from the relative safety of her dormitory. Sprawled across her bed, she was nursing a bottle and, above all, feeling incredibly sorry for herself. Since her epiphany about Myrtle, she had not risked sneaking Abraxas back into the common room. It hadn't particularly bother her until today, as she was feeling very lonely. It was around one in the morning now, and he had just gotten away from the Slytherin speakeasy taking place in light of the new year.
"Where did you get that bottle?" he asked, a crease forming between his light eyebrows and making the flat reflection of his face look incredibly weary. He eyed the level of the amber liquid as it sloshed around being tipped back into her lips, "I don't even want to know if that dent is just from today."
"It is," she assured him breezily, lowering her bottle back to her bedside table, already overflowing with everything from notebooks to potions ingredients, "As you predicted, Alphard forgave me after I wrote him back."
"I doubt he would again if you drank yourself to death," he scoffed, still giving the bottle a rather dirty look as if it and not Merissa had made the decision to overindulge.
"I'll be dead, I think I could live with it," she laughed liberally at her own joke, but thinking about Alphard stung slightly, as it had every time lately.
The letter did not turn out to be the angry beratement that she had expected, but even worse, a confession of his feelings, and a horribly detailed one at that. It has put such a strange feeling in her stomach that she had tucked it under her mattress along with her books, adding to her collection of secrets. Even there it seemed to burn a hole up to her as she slept, making her toss and turn. The letter he had gotten back had more drafts that she would have liked to admit, however once it was completed it largely avoided the topic except to say that it was something they needed to discuss when he returned. She was fond of Alphard, but she was also quite sure she would never be able to return the intensity of his feelings.
Abraxas was looking frustrated rather than amused however, "I really do worry Meri," he said seriously, "As much as you annoy me sometimes, you're still my best friend."
Normally she might have smiled at this - Abraxas and her had never been better as she was very grateful for that as it made wearing the heavy diamond ring she had received for Christmas on a chain around her neck feel less like a medieval ball and chain - but tonight she was far too cynical and being drunk only exacerbated that.
"What about Riddle," she sneered, and hiccuped, "Isn't he your bestest, westest buddy?"
He gave her a wuthering look and leaned his head back against the dungeon wall before replying, "I'm not a fool. I know what he is and I know he doesn't consider any of us friends. I realize that my feelings are irrational, but I am also helpless to stop them."
"Emotions are pointless," she murmured, head beginning to droop slightly into the pillow she was cradling.
"He says that," Abraxas informed her, making her look up to glare at him, hoping to scorch him with her gaze. Instead, the sudden movement made her turn green as a wave of nausea swept over her.
Abraxas watched her mildly before adding, "I mean he says they're weakness - though he never looks that ill while doing it."
Merissa was taking deep breaths, willing the nausea away, and barely hearing him. She really did not care explain to anyone how she ruined her bedspread if she became sick on it.
"Do I need to come hold your hair back?" she heard Abraxas ask faintly past the ringing in her ears, "I will if you need me to, I mean it."
"I appreciate the offer," she replied, dragging her hair back with one hand, the other cool against her cheek, "But I have ribbon, it's fine."
He peered uncertainly at her, "You swear you're not about to choke or something? Don't even try to sleep until you've thrown up, okay?"
Despite her state she managed to roll her eyes at him. Through everything, she had no doubt Abraxas would ever retire from his seemingly full time job of worrying about her.
"Yes, mother," she snapped, "You're worse than when we were dating, Merlin."
"We still are technically," he reminded her, frowning slightly, "I have to go, but be safe."
"Mmm," she hummed in agreement, setting the mirror down as it reflected her face back at her now. The girl who stared back at her looked boney and sallow, as she had not been eating or sleeping well lately. In fact, when she thought about it, she couldn't recall eating anything since yesterday, which helped explain why the firewhiskey was burning so deeply without her stomach.
As if triggered by the thought, she felt a rising in her throat and dashed to the toilet, making it just in time. She retched into it, groaning, leaning her face against the seat as she waited for the next wave. Here I am: rock bottom she thought foggily, before she began retching again. She hated the acrid smell, reminding of her of her brief bout with bulimia a couple years ago, so she flushed every time she was done.
When her stomach felt as if it couldn't possibly have any more contents to expel she leaned back onto the cabinets that lined the bottoms of the sinks. Her perception long gone she hit her head against the marble countertop harder than she originally intended. Cursing, she rubbed her scalp gingerly, feeling the beginnings of a bump forming beneath her fingers.
All of the sound must have alerted the other Ravenclaw, because when she had begun to consider attempting to stand back up, she heard a timid knock on the door.
She groaned, "No Myrtle, you don't want to see this! I'm being an awful role model," she scolded herself more quietly.
The room seemed like a crime scene, all the evidence of Merissa's bad decisions strewn about. Her rucksack was gaping open, everything from potions ingredients to panties spilling onto the floor. She had yet to vanish the wrappings of her gifts which at the very least were confined to one corner of the room. Her abandoned bottle of firewhiskey (which Merissa was quite sure she would never even be able to sniff again without feeling ill) was lying upon her bed next to the most incriminating items : the books on Salazar Slytherin, the only thing still neatly stacked and highly visible.
The girl came hesitantly into the room anyways. Her glasses made her looked permanently shocked, so it was unclear if she actually was to find Merissa in such a state. Merissa stared back up, rather uneasy. This small girl knew far too much and yet was still here, which only elicited whispers of danger in Merissa's mind.
"Are you sick?" Myrtle asked, her voice a whisper.
"Sort of," Merissa admitted, grateful she has left the firewhiskey on her bed where she doubted she would see it unless she was particularly observant. As if following her eyes, though she was not looking at it, Myrtle spotted the bottle to Merissa's dismay.
She looked back looking surprised, but Merissa couldn't tell if she actually was or not, "My mother says that alcohol is the devils work, that it makes you sick," she said rather knowingly, as if this made her very wise.
"Your mother -" Merissa stopped for a moment, unsure if she needed to vomit again, "Your mother is certainly correct."
"Do you need anything?" Myrtle asked.
"I- what?"
"Do you need anything?" Myrtle repeated, her voice still hushed, "Like a glass of water or a. . .pillow?" she finished somewhat unsurely. She clearly had no experience with such things, but Merissa was oddly touched by her offer despite this.
"Water would be great," she nodded.
While Myrtle filled a glass from the tap, Merissa watched her carefully. She was helping her despite what she must have heard. Could she have possibly not heard everything?
No, she thought when she saw the girl's expression when she turned around and saw her watching her. She had heard it. So she really was just kind then - Merissa couldn't see her having underhanded motivations. Myrtle Warren seemed far too meek a creature to know how to lie.
She took the water gratefully, pulling herself into a more dignified position as she sipped it slowly. It cleansed her mouth of the horrible taste and soothed her raw throat. She swished it around in her cheeks, and spit until the toilet, making the younger girl jump back, looking shocked. Her innocence was endearing.
"Why are you helping me?" Merissa finally asked, when the water had been drained and Myrtle hastily went to refill it.
Myrtle turned around, her eyes widening further at her question and Merissa was concerned she might just gape at her instead of responding as the moments passed before the girl's eyes began filling with tears, threatening to spill over the brim.
"You can't help yourself right now," the girl choked, "I know what that's like."
Merissa looked away, embarrassed, "I've heard about that - no! I mean-" she said as tears began streaking down the girl's flushed cheeks, "I just mean I talked to Charlus Potter when I was looking for you."
"He's very handsome," Myrtle blushed deeper, tears still flowing freely down her face. Merissa was feeling overwhelmed just looking at her. She couldn't imagine feeling even a single emotion as strongly as she was with several at the moment.
"Er - yes?" Merissa tried. She certainly didn't think so, maybe he wasn't brooding enough for her taste.
"But you can't think so because you're dating Abraxas Malfoy," the girl said, suddenly looking frightened as well now, "And he's - he's-" tears started leaking more quickly.
"Please don't cry," Merissa begged, trying to stand pushing herself up using the toilet as support, "He's been in here before, yes," she nodded, "I mean not in here, but the common room," she said quickly seeing Myrtle's expression; she didn't need anymore ridiculous rumors being spread. She could only imagine the field day Olive Hornby would have if she heard Merissa was sneaking Abraxas into her bedroom - not that Olive was the patron saint of purity herself.
Merissa cleared her throat, hoping to regain some of her natural authority as she stood up, now forcing Myrtle to look up at her, "I've been wanting to talk to you about that."
"I won't tell anymore," Myrtle said instantly, surprising her.
"You won't?" she asked skeptically. While it didn't seemed that this girl would have many friends to tell it also struck her that providing juicy gossip would heightened her popularity. Maybe Myrtle was just too naive to see that.
"No," Myrtle shook her head, "I heard what you two were talking about, some of it at least. You are trying to stop Riddle from doing something. I don't like him, his friends are always mean to me."
Merissa was flummoxed by this girl, but shook her head, "You're sure you won't tell anyone?"
"I like you," the girl nodded, "You hexed that girl who teases me, Olive Hornby. You made her knees go backwards," she smiled as if remembering a fond childhood memory.
Merissa stifled a laugh, "I guess I did. She's a bitc - a cow really, don't listen to her."
Myrtle smiled warmly up at her, though her eyes were still watery, "I should get to bed, it's late."
Merissa nodded slowly, "Goodnight Myrtle."
"Goodnight Merissa."
Merissa's nose scrunched slightly at the sound of her full name when someone was not upset with her but she still smiled at the younger girl as she left, before falling asleep directly on the bathroom floor.
/_\
"Oh honey, you look awful," a voice came rippingly and far too loudly, as Merissa woke the next morning. She looked through her eyelashes at her surroundings, finding them to be very bright. Her cheek was rather cool from the bathroom tiles that she had slept soundly against, but the spot sprickled as she raised her head, blood rushing back to it.
"Don't be cruel Susan!" a higher voice snapped, making Merissa's head feel like it was about to crack in half. This voice was easy to recognize at least, not changed by a cold bitterness.
"Hi baby girl," Abby said, rubbing her friends back gently, "Are you okay?"
"No," Merissa sighed into the marble before raising her head to look at them. Susan was standing in the entrance, looking angry as she usually did lately. Abby had kneeled down next to her and was peering at her from beneath a large winter hat.
"Where'd you guys come from?" Merissa asked, squinting at Susan who was also wearing a heavy coat. The snow that dusted them made them appear as if they were antiques kept too long in the attic - sprinkled in white.
"Italy," Abby explained, as Susan decided she no longer cared to be a part of the conversation and moved back into the room -probably to unpack, Merissa speculated, "There was an air raid nearby where we were staying, so we just left. A lot of people did, so they set up a train to go early this year. Not everyone is back of course, but everyone who wanted to is here."
"Did Alphard. . ." she trailed off but Abby shook her head.
"We heard he stayed in Switzerland," she told her, as Susan scoffed from the next room.
The tall girl stomped in and glared at her friend, who was now sitting upright, her back against a cabinet, "Not asking about how we are, or about anything else, just where is something I can snog! That is so typical."
Merissa felt rather weary of this constant back and forth with Susan, however her pride was much stronger than any weakness she felt.
"I don't see how it could be typical, since the only person I ever snogged before Alphard's attempt was someone I have been going to marry since before I was born. So unless you know of some necking I got around to while I was in the womb I really don't know-"
"Oh Merissa you're so funny," Susan sneered, voice harsh as a slap, "You're so clever and pretty! So perfect."
"Compared to some I suppose," Merissa bit back, making her stomp out again, but this time leaving the dormitory all together. Merissa rolled her eyes up at her redhead friend who was biting her lip, watching the door their old friend had just exited through.
"She's been a nightmare all holiday," Abby told her apologetically as Merissa got up and got more water out of the glass Myrtle had gotten for her last night, "She would storm away anyone ever mentioned your name. Which was a lot, you know with all the drama between you and Abraxas."
Merissa groaned dramatically flopping herself down on her bed, where Charles leapt up to nuzzle her, as she lamented, "Couldn't her blasted cousins keep their mouths shut? It'll get back to my parents soon and I'll get a howler, or twelve."
"But you made up," Abby reminded her, also sitting down on her bed and running a hand down Charles, "You can pretend everything is fine now."
She hadn't told Abby about the specific circumstances of their makeup, as she couldn't without spilling his secret so her friend had some misconceptions about it. Or perhaps entirely misconceptions, if she was honest.
"That is true, and we will," she furthered, she pulled her comforter around herself and her cat, "But I fought with him a lot and that's enough reason for scolding. Look at what he was forced to get me for Christmas," she pulled out the ring from a long chain under her shirt.
"My goodness," Abby murmured, taking it into her palm as she moved into Merissa's bed, "Is that real?"
The door violently banged open just then, making both of them jump.
"I'm sure it is," Susan said waspishly, bursting into the room, evidently having heard some from outside. Her eyes landed on the diamond at once, though admittedly rather hard to miss. She scoffed flicking her sheet of silky black hair back as she continued, "Nothing like a normal wizard's yearly salary for Merissa Thorpe's enjoyment."
"I thought you left," Merissa snapped, face hardening instantly.
"Oh, I am," Susan snarled, picking up her bag, "I needed my books."
"Well go have a nice study session Nigellus," Merissa called sarcastically as her former friend left the room again, long hair swishing like an angry cats tail.
"Ignore her," Abby suggested, once the door had banged shut again, "That ring is lovely, whatever it cost. Why is is around your neck though?"
"It won't be on my finger until I'm seventeen I'm sure," Merissa told her, tucking it away. It suddenly had lost a lot of its appeal.
"We all have our doubts about Abraxas," Abby nodded, understandingly, "But you two always do seem to come back to each other."
Merissa gave what she felt to be a very unconvincing smile, but maybe she was getting better at them, because Abby allowed her to change the subject a moment later.
"How was Italy other than muggle war?" she asked, as if she did not visit it regularly.
Merissa found that her eyes seemed to gravitate to the skylight above as Abby painted a picture of the destruction that had ravaged the country. She had a feeling it would get worse before it got better.
To my wonderful reviewers:
Purplestan: Thank you for your continued support! I am glad you have enjoyed the last few chapters. I hope my hiatus didn't lose you as a reader (:
EviColt: Hi friend! Always a joy to see a review from you. I'm glad it was a surprise, I tried to gently hint at it throughout but ultimately it blindsided Merissa entirely as the society at the time was so intolerant of such things and I attempted to portray that since its focused on her (: Glad it didn't fall through. Their theatrics are a joy to write, there will be plenty more of that to come. Thank you again for being a super faithful reader, it means a ton (:
Ivet: Oh my goodness thank you thank you! I'm happy Abraxas/Merissa dream team is well received. They certainly balance each-other out. Not to spoil anything but the very next few lines of chapter 22 have some banter between them that I hope you'll enjoy. Abraxas and Alphard are also very different with their characters in general as well as their relationships with Merissa. Like Abraxas likes to say, she needs someone more level headed than her in times like these and Alphard just isn't that person. Don't get me wrong though, I still love Alphard/Merissa and there's certainly more insight that hopefully clarifies how she's feeling about the situation. Also Myrtle time! You're getting pretty good at predicting what will be important in the next chapter (:
beefsupreme: I am so blessed that you took the time to catch up when you were so busy with school. Your support means the world to me and I hope you continue to enjoy! I apologize for no Tom this chapter since I know you like it, but I swear the next chapter includes everyone's fav (: thank you again.