Lovino woke earlier than everyone else, to his displeasure. When he laid his head back on his arm, he couldn't fall back into that comforting lull of blankness. Finally he forced himself upright and padded silently into the bathroom.

The shower gurgled as he turned it on, switched the lever to the hottest level. He unclothed, waiting for it to heat up. It always took a couple minutes.

Lovino opened the now steam-plated mirrored medicine cabinet, noting with surprise his toothbrush was still there, exactly as he had left it. He rinsed it off and squirted toothpaste on the bristles, rubbing it against his teeth until it foamed, then spitting. Once more he rinsed it, placing it back in the cup.

He closed the medicine cabinet. Vaguely through the steam he could see his muddled face peering blankly back at him. He wiped the condensation off, wet gathering on his hand, and looked back. His eyes and nose were slightly more visible. Lovino frowned at his reflection and stepped carefully into the shower.

The water was scalding, but he didn't change it. When he closed his eyes, his skin melted off and he grew another pair; a lighter-skinned, lighter-haired, shorter body, with chubby rosy cheeks and a smile that never went away and unlimitless talent.

No.

This time, different from the usual daydream, his body was that of a woman's, a tall, thin woman with curvy hips and a blossoming bosom and a blonde bob to rival that of Emma's. Tracing his shrunken waist and bony hips with his fingertips lightly, Lovino could almost feel his new body, one that Antonio could surely love.

The hot water metered out and turned into a cool spray. Lovino opened his eyes, the image gone with the hot water tank.

Quickly he soaped and shampooed his hair, the water growing colder every minute. Shivering, he stepped out and wrapped a towel around himself, crouching down on the floor and holding it around his shoulders, so that it covered most of him. Finally, when he had created a cavern of body heat within the confines of the towel, he dried his body and put clean clothes on.

He opened the bathroom door just as Antonio's fist was raised, poised to knock.

"Oh. Hi," Antonio said cheerily, but Lovino just brushed past him silently, knocking shoulders with him.

"G-Good morning.." Antonio called warily after Lovino's retreating figure, leaving water footprints on the floor. Sighing, he closed the bathroom door behind him.

Lovino found some frozen waffles in the fridge. When he pulled them out of the frosted over box, they had frozen so thick that it seemed that they were waffle ice-blocks. Irritated, Lovino set them on the counter to thaw and traipsed back to his room.

Roma still hadn't woken up yet, and he could hear the water running. After a moment it turned off again. A door slammed, and Antonio raced into the room, clutching a towel around his waist.

"I- It's cold!" he cried, as if he had never experienced a cold shower before.

Laying down on his mattress, arms behind his head, Lovino replied,

"Yeah, I know. I used up the hot water."

"Why?"

"Because I wanted to."

"But now I can't take a shower!" Antonio wailed, shivering, stepping from foot to foot.

"Yes, you can. It's just a cold one."

"That's so mean, Lovi!"

"There's nothing wrong with a cold shower. The Romans took cold showers," Lovino informed him.

"Only because they didn't have hot water!"

"They did too- or have you forgotten that fire exists?"

"Oh. Right." Antonio looked down at himself, as if only realizing that he wasn't wearing anything. "I'm gonna get dressed," he said quickly, and hurried out the room. Seconds later he came back in, grabbed his clothes in a pile on his mattress, and left again.

"So what do you want to do today?" Antonio asked, pouring milk in his cereal. It was crunchy and stale and tasted like dust. He looked longingly at the waffles contained in blocks of ice, melting slowly on the counter.

"What do you mean?" Lovino lifted his head slightly but did not look directly at Antonio.

"You know… where do you wanna go? What do you want to see? We could go to Naples, or-"

"You think we're here for sightseeing?"

"Well, I mean- we're here, we might as well..?"

"There's actual work that needs doing! Dammit, why can't you ever take anything seriously?" Lovino admonished, sipping his coffee. He flinched and pulled back, setting the cup down quickly.

"Too hot?"

Lovino sniffed and looked away.

"Did you burn your tongue?" One shoulder twitched. "Aha, so you did," teased Antonio.

"Shut up." Pink tongue flicked in and out between mesmerizing lips. "Gimme the milk." He reached across the table and took it.

"It's empty!" he complained. "You finished it! Now I'll have to buy more!"

"You probably needed to go to the store anyway- the date on this cereal is from two years ago!"

"Oh, excuse me for not having fucking croissants for His Majesty's breakfast!" spat Lovino, slamming the table with both hands, rising to his feet.

"I never said anything like that! And why are you so angry at me? What did I do?"

"Everything!" Lovino coughed into his fist. "I'm fine!" he said as Antonio stood up as well.

"I came all this way- at least let me do what I came here for!"

"And what was that? Sightseeing?!"

"Shut up! You two're keeping me awake!" Roma yelled, banging on the wall with his cane. For a moment both of them hushed, but then went right back at it, whispering angrily to each other.

"See? You heard him- shut up!" hissed Lovino.

"You were the one yelling!" Antonio paused, sighing, and sat back down in his chair. "Arguing is getting nothing done," he said. "We're both adults, so lets just work this out."

Lovino sniffed contemptuously, but sat as well. "So." he poised the word, his hands folded tightly on the table in front of him. His knuckles were white. With his thumbnail, he rubbed and scratched the skin on the opposite thumb anxiously.

Antonio took a deep breath, calming himself down. It wouldn't do to let himself get mad.

"Okay," he started. "What did I do that was wrong?"

"You first."

"Huh?" Antonio blinked. "What do you mean? What are you asking?"

"Why are you here?"

"I've told you- to help!"

"Why?"

"Because I want to! And it definitely seems that you need help- we've been here only a day and you've argued with your grandfather twice, about what I still don't know! And you-"

"What makes you think you can help?" interrupted Lovino, his voice cold.

"Well, I- I'm studying to be a therapist, I've taken psychology classes- I even intern at the local hospital's mental ward, and-"

"So I'm just another patient, then? This is all just some sort of test to see if you're a good therapist or not?"

"No!" said Antonio fervently. "Not at all- I just want to help, and I think I can, if you'd just let me! That's why I'm here- for you, not for me!"

"Okay." Lovino took a deep breath, settling back in his chair. "Let's say you are here to help-"

"I am!" Antonio interrupted, but Lovino shot him a menacing look and he shut up.

"So if you're here to help," Lovino continued as if there had been no break, "Why haven't you?"

"I've been trying to- I just don't understand Italian, so I have no clue what's going on, and then all of a sudden you're really mad at me and I don't know what I did, and you won't even tell me why-" Antonio broke off to breathe.

"It's your turn now," he said, gulping down air. "Why are you mad at me?"

Lovino looked away, not answering. His thumbnail scratched across his other thumb, leaving red marks in his skin.

"C'mon," Antonio prodded. "I went, you owe me this much."

"You.." Lovino started, his voice small.

"Good, see, we're getting somewhere," Antonio encouraged Lovino, gesturing for him to continue.

"You- you-"

"You… what? What did I do?" cajoled Antonio.

"You compared me with my brother!" Lovino finally yelled. His thumbnail broke skin and a small bead of blood formed on his knuckle.

"Huh?" Antonio blinked, processing the words. "That's it?" He began to laugh, disbelievingly. "I thought it was something serious-"

"It is serious!" Lovino slammed the table with his open palms, Antonio's cereal and his coffee jumping up and some liquid spilling out. His laughter dissipated with the sudden noise and aggression.

"I thought you were different! I thought you really cared about me!" Lovino exploded.

"But I do ca-" Antonio interrupted, but he just plowed over his words, flattening them into dust.

"You are- were- the first person to actually give two shits about me, to actually pay attention to me and laugh even when I said something that wasn't funny, or ask 'how are you' and really meaning it- but turns out you're just like the others- you were just interested in my brother!"

"Whaaat?!" Antonio exclaimed. "Why the fuck would y-"

"Don't even deny it! I know it's true!" Lovino screamed, finally looking up, his face red, eyes glimmering dangerously. Roma thumped on the wall again, yelling,

"Quiet!"

"Why would you even think that?!" demanded Antonio, ignoring Roma's complaint.

"Because it's always him! It's always him and not me- how do you think it feels to be 'Feliciano's brother' and not just Lovino- I have a fucking name! I exist! But it seems I'm invisible until it becomes convenient for people to compare me to him to make him look better! He's the genius, he's the cute one, the goddamn fucking 'Spirit of Italy' or whatever they call him nowadays- I have nothing- nothing- to compare to that; no personality, no talent- I dropped out of high school to work at a fucking fast food restaurant!"

"He's my younger brother, for fuck's sake, yet he's still the talented, genius, cheerful one that everyone looks up to- that should be me! I'm older than him, I should be his superior, but he just-" Lovino buried his head in his hands.

"No matter what I do, I'll always be second to him! I try so hard," he gasped for breath, lifting his head, coughing twice, and then continued, "But I can never come close, I'm never good enough! And then you came along, and I thought maybe someone actually liked me for me," Lovino punched his chest with his fist, tears brimming, "But turns out you're just like everyone else- you like him better than me, and you always have!"

"When did I ever say that I liked your brother better than you?!"

"You implied it!"

"When?"

"Last night! When you-" Lovino broke off, coughing. Antonio stood up quickly, hurrying to his side, but Lovino shoved him away.

"Don't- fucking- touch me," he spat, inbetween coughs. Intimidated, Antonio returned to his seat, waiting impatiently for the coughing fit to end. When Lovino had more or less sobered up, he said,

"But why would you think that about me- about your brother? I hardly even know him!"

"You know him well enough to have his number at the top of the list on your phone! You know him well enough to call him 'Feli' and go out to lunch with him when you think I'm asleep at the hospital! You two even have fucking inside jokes- and then you come swaggering over to me and have the nerve to say I don't appreciate my brother enough, or that he's fucking cute, and more talented than I'll ever be!"

"We're just friends!" insisted Antonio.

"He calls you 'Toni!' I don't even call you 'Toni,' but supposedly I'm your- your friend or something!"

"You can call me Toni if you want," muttered Antonio.

"That's not the fucking point!" Lovino slammed the table with his fist a second time, more liquid spilling.

"Then what is the point?!"

"The point is that you lied to me- you never liked me, you never have! You think I'm pathetic, a disgrace, useless, a- a-" Lovino's bottom lip trembled and the tears that had been gathering now spilled over his cheeks, "-A waste of space, a mistake, a-"

"No no no no no," Antonio hurried, standing up so quickly his chair fell over. He rushed to Lovino's side, kneeling in front of him.

"I don't think that at all!"

"Yes, you do!" Lovino sobbed, burying his face in his hands, shaking it from side to side frantically. "You h-hate me, you think I'm disgusting, that I-"

"I don't. You know what I think? I think you think these things about yourself, and that you've convinced yourself that everyone thinks these horrible, awful things about you, so you can justify your own self-hate."

"No- I don't, I d-" Lovino choked, his shoulders shaking.

"Hey, hey, it's okay," said Antonio softly, getting up and rubbing Lovino's tensed shoulders comfortingly. "It's okay. Hating yourself is the first step to loving yourself."

Lovino just cried harder, shaking his head from side to side, denying Antonio's words.

"C'mon," Antonio murmured, pulling Lovino to his feet. Dazedly, still crying, he staggered a couple steps forward and fell into Antonio's open arms.

Antonio wrapped himself tightly around Lovino, feeling the heaving sobs of the smaller man.

"It's okay," he comforted. "It's going to be okay." He pressed his mouth to Lovino's neck, lingering for a second before burying his face in his quaking shoulder, swaying back and forth. He tightened his grip around him, one hand rubbing his back. The tumultuous sobs didn't stop.

"I- sor- sorry," wailed Lovino, clutching Antonio.

"No," whispered Antonio. "Don't say sorry. I'm the one who's sorry. You've done nothing wrong."

Even though his words were meant to make Lovino feel better, he only cried harder, grabbing at him as if he were his only support.

"Want me to sing?" asked Antonio quietly. Lovino nodded from inside Antonio's grasp, tears and snot rubbing against his shirt.

"Alright." Antonio lifted his head, taking a breath before he sang:

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."

Antonio went through two repetitions of the song before Lovino calmed down.

"Are you okay now?" he asked, voice hushed.

"Yeah- sorry, I just.." Lovino quickly drew away, rubbing his eyes with his palms. "I don't want to let go," he admitted before he could stop himself. Blood rushed to his face as he realized what he had said, and looked up quickly, protesting, but Antonio was smiling.

"I mean- " he stuttered quickly, but that annoying smile only widened.

"Why don't we move to the couch?" suggested Antonio.

"Huh?" And then, as he felt Antonio's hands move down, and the floor seemed to dissolve under his feet as he was lifted up, cradled in Antonio's arms, "Huh?!"

"I've always wanted to carry you like this," admitted Antonio, giggling giddily. He took a step forward and Lovino shrieked, throwing his arms around Antonio's neck in an attempt to not fall.

"Relax, I'm not going to drop you," said Antonio, but Lovino only clung to him tighter, crying shrilly,

"You'll drop me! You'll drop me!"

"No, I won't- see, we're already on the couch. You're fine, Lovi. You can open your eyes now."

Reluctantly Lovino raised his screwed-shut eyelids. He was indeed on the couch; on Antonio's lap to be precise. Heat flooded his body as he looked up to see that horrible, beautiful, shining, beaming face inches away from his own, and worse, that his arms were still around his neck, one hand on the back of Antonio's head.

"Be my snuggle bunny?" Antonio offered, tugging Lovino even closer, reducing the remaining space between their bodies so that they were pressed up to each other so tight there was no possibility of either of them breaking free now.

"Your what?!" sneered Lovino, though he made no effort to pull away, resting his head on Antonio's clavicle.

"My snuggle bunny! And then we can smooshie-floofie-snuggle-wuggle together!"

"I don't know what you mean," scoffed Lovino, placing his arms into a more comfortable position around Antonio's waist, breathing in his scent deeply. Even if this was only temporary, there was no reason he shouldn't make the most of it, right? He could never be Emma, or even amount to half of what Feliciano was, so he'd just have to settle for what he could get.

Antonio sighed happily, stroking Lovino's hair. The air seemed thick and heavy and settled inside him like syrup, even Lovino's weight seemed comfortable, like a blanket. He could hear the faint snuffling of Lovino's breathing, little puffs of air erupting against his neck, tickling his skin pleasantly. He felt very warm, for some reason, like he had just settled into a hot bath, and he couldn't stop the closing of his eyes, which were coated with lead and honey, sticking them shut…

"Antonio?" whispered Lovino, opening one eye. "Can you let go now?" Asleep, Antonio grunted in response and made no effort to let go.

"Are you fucking asleep?!" Lovino raised his head slightly to get a better look and confirmed that Antonio was, indeed, asleep.

"Goddamit," he grumbled, attempting to break free of Antonio's grasp and failing.

"Let go, you bastard!" hissed Lovino, tugging his heavy arms off of himself. Finally he rolled off the couch, breathing heavily.

He wiped the hair from his forehead, feeling it spring back into its usual part, then lifted himself off the floor. He strode behind to check on the waffles. Ice lightly frosted the tips and water gathered in the square crevices and underneath the waffles themselves, dripping off the counter and onto the floor. As Lovino wiped the water from beneath them and the floor, he heard the ghostly screech of Roma's wheelchair behind him.

Without turning around, he asked, "What do you want?"

"What were you two doing back there?"

"Nothing." said Lovino, a bit too quickly.

"You were crying, weren't you?" Lovino didn't answer. "You and Feli both were always crybabies," said Roma. His tone sounded almost accusational.

"We were kids. That's all over now."

"Then what were you doing back there?"

"It doesn't concern you. Go back to bed."

"I want to know what's going on between you and that.. man."

"Nothing, I already said."

"Do you love him?" Roma's stark question took Lovino by surprise.

"O-Of course not! Besides, he…" Lovino gulped, a sudden pang of pain in his chest. "He has a girlfriend," he finished, noting the hoarseness of his voice.

To Lovino's annoyance, Roma began to laugh. "Ah," he chortled. "So that's how it is."

"That's how what is?" Lovino got to his feet, pivoting to face his grandfather, but he had already retreated back into his bedroom. Lovino could still hear his faint laughter through the door.