Chapter 21.

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Nikoloas twisted his hands together anxiously and then decided to take another sup of tea. A long sup of tea.

"So….how was your week?" Tom asked finally, breaking the heavy silence that had descended upon them.

"Good, yeah, fine. Uh yours?"

"Fine. Simply fine."

Nikoloas and his father cringed.

"Son...ah. I'm sorry. Hmm. Has anything been bothering you?" He offered.

Nikoloas shrugged, not willing to mention how Remus Lupin was showing up more and more often in his nightmares and around every corner during the day. Tom was too sharp, and honestly too blunt to deal with guessing games so he said "Anything to do with Remus Lupin?"

Nikoloas snapped his head up, his gaze leaving the black depths of his tea. "I can't tell you."

"Nikoloas, whatever it is it'll be alright-"

"No Father, I literally can't tell you." He nodded his head with wide eyes and Tom snarled. "Dumbledore."

"Who else?"

"You were a minor, he shouldn't have been able to-"

He trailed off as Nikoloas looked as skeptical as he felt while saying such, the words unspoken between them. Since when had that mattered to Dumbledore?

Tom took a steadying deep breath and poured himself more tea. "Right then. Yes or no questions it is."

"I am correct in my assumptions that he's a werewolf yes?"

"Ding ding ding, ten points to Slytherin." Nikoloas waved his hands in a jazz-hands motion for sarcastic effect and Tom tried to look like a disapproving parent and didn't quite manage it.

"How did you find out? I gather you are prevented from speaking about his….illness but not how you came to discover it?"

"Nope, Dumbledore really covered all his bases. I can't breath a word about what I saw."

He drew his knees up to his chest and shivered, unconsciously rocking himself back and forward. Knowing it was high time to change the subject, Tom smiled falsely. "Have you managed to find how Lily keeps your dorm-mates quiet?"

A ghost of a smile brushed Nikoloas' lips. "No. Though I don't think she'd be above emasculating them all."

"Oh my." Tom felt simultaneously proud and weary.

"Yeah. Umm Father… can I ask you something?" Nikoloas peeked up through his growing fringe.

Tom almost said "always" before thinking better of it. "You may."

" Uh I-About the Wizengamot. Eileen Snape adopted me, in both worlds so I have the Prince seats. Just if you need them, to push any bills in your favour maybe. I was looking into it a little, I mean there's five so-"

"Thank you, Nikoloas. May I ask one last thing of you?"

His son lifted his head in response, the black hair falling away from his face like the curtains of a play on opening night, swaying and falling with ease. Instead of brightly coloured songs and people there was only a deep troubled darkness to be seen- in his eyes and under them in the form of dark, purple-ish shadows that were born from many a sleepless night. His consenting nod was heavy, as though it took all his energy to raise his head back up.

"What was the exact wording of the vow? Did you swear it as Severus Snape?"

Nikoloas' eyes sparkled as he hopped aboard his father's train of thought. "Yeah, yeah I did."

"Well there you have it than." Tom leaned back in his chair crossing his arms smugly. Pressing on gently his voice was a near-whisper as he said "You don't have to tell me now, or here. If you need to talk to someone, I know I might not be the first person you come to but do remember Lily and Sirius-"

"I can't talk to Sirius about it, he'll feel bad." Nikoloas murmured, increasing his rocking speed just a little.

"Why would he have reason to feel guilty?" Tom narrowed his eyes.

"No reason, nono it's fine." He looked up at Tom imploringly. "Please Father? It's fine."

Tom begrudgingly agreed to let it go.

When silence loomed over them again, Tom cleared his throat. "Nick, if you need to talk to someone, I mean I can arrange something-"

"You mean a therapist?!" Nikoloas jumped to his feet. "I'm not crazy."

"Nononono I know that, I know that. Hushhh Nick hush." He managed to soothe Nikoloas enough to walk around his desk and rub his hand on his son's shoulder.

"Chamber?"

Nikoloas nodded jerkily and Tom speed-walked them both to the floor above and into the chamber with minimal fuss. Nikoloas collapsed on his hammock and seemed to calm as it swayed gently. When the rhythm faltered Tom took hold of the thick end of the blanket, stemming from each wall, and rocked gently.

"I'm sorry Father."

"Whatever for?" This time. He added. Nikoloas had quickly gotten into the habit of apologising for anything and everything again-something he'd done minorly wrong in class, the rare time he happened to be clumsy enough to break something or anything of the sort.

"For being such a mess." He laughed hollowly. "Whatever would she think of me?"

"While I am sure your mother is endlessly proud of you, would you like to know what I think?" It was a question, a genuine one and Tom would be alright if the answer was yes or no. It took a second but Nikoloas nodded minutely.

"I'm not sure what happened with the wolf, you may-or may not, tell me whenever you wish to, but whatever it is I believe you have repressed it. Buried it deep within your mind."

"Why?"

"Because it was too much trauma for your brain to handle. You knew you were going to have to go back to that bastard of a muggle for the summer and cope with Potter before that, you didn't have time to be weak or to have another fear, you couldn't afford any cracks. So you shoved it down to deal with it later and put up a front of sarcasm and teenage rage and angst. It's your mask. It protects you. Holds back the wave of problems and issues for 'later' but I think later might be now Nikoloas."

He carded a hand through his son's shaggy hair and said softly "You're so incredibly brave, stronger then some soldiers I have met. But no soldier survives the war without a little PTSD."

When Nikoloas nodded in understanding, he held up his hands. "You don't have to talk to some psychologist, but you do have to talk to someone ok? Just because the vow may not necessarily be binding doesn't mean you can automatically start talking about it straight away. I don't expect that of you. I am more then willing to listen. Anytime."

"Now?" Nikoloas blurted out, before burying his blushing face into the pillow. He hadn't meant for that to sound so desperate.

"By all means. Take your time. We can deal with Sirius' part in all this later."

"You didn't forget huh?"

Tom fixed him with a stern look. "No I mostly certainly did not."

Nikoloas sat up, tugging up at his shirt and wrinkling the fabric harshly.

"I just thought...I thought if I could catch him doing something bad then maybe, just maybe he'd get expelled or suspended or something. I only wanted him to be gone."

"Potter?"

Nikoloas nodded, evidently frustrated before shuddering. "I-I-I went down to the tree-"

"The mad one that waves it's branches around like Lily before she finds her 'lost' homework?"

Nikoloas chuckled. "Yeah. I knew there was something weird 'bout Lupin and I followed them and he-"

He closed his eyes and made a small choking sound.

"Just breathe, Nikoloas. You're here now alright? It's over."

"R-right. I went to the tree and it wasn't moving at all this time. It was only bright out because of the moon and, it was summer, but it was still really cold. I didn't bring a jumper. So cold." He murmured, rubbing his arms roughly. Tom hated it. Merlin, his son was traumatised beyond belief. "The tunnel was really tight too. I mean it wasn't." He amended. "But it started to feel like it at the end."

"What was at the end, son?" The Dark Lord prompted gently.

"The eyes Father, the eyes." Nikoloas was staring into space now, his words speeding up just a little. "It jumped at me, the werewolf. It was heavier then you might think. Like a big wet hairy dog. That wanted to eat me. It had it's claws all over me and it crushed two of my ribs before Sirius pulled me out. Potter 'helped' "

He smiled bitterly.

"When we were in his office I'd lost nearly 2 pints of blood-Madame Pomfrey told me-and I was bleeding all over his chair and he told me I owed them a life debt, that I was lucky to not be expelled."

Tom sat in horror before forcibly trying to control his breathing and quitting before he leapt up and threw a table across the room. "I'll kill him. So help me Emma if the fucker even looks at me wrong I'll strangle him with his own beard and replace his eyes with lemon drops before his heart gives out!"

"Oh dear." Nikoloas muttered, "Father please."

"I think I may kill him Nikoloas. Sit back down and relax." His father seemed a little hysterical and Nikoloas gasped as he turned around. Toms eyes were turning red, the fiery colour bleeding into the calm blue and low growling was coming from his throat.