The Recluse

I've always been an overachiever. As a matter of fact, 20 years ago, I didn't believe that there was a such thing as an overachiever. I thought… If it is achievement, how could it be over? Achievement is or isn't. There's not levels to the shit. It's not a game of points. It's life. These days, I get called a workaholic. Like there aren't worst things to be addicted to. I've quit smoking cigarettes. My wife always hated the habit, and being a father, I want to be around for my son for as long as I can. I often feel like it won't be long. That someone or something will take me away from them. Sometimes, I'm disturbed by the thought of being away from them. Sometimes, I'm comforted by the thought of being with my old family again… And that one foot in, one foot out is where this little journey begins...

On April 3rd, the day after Matt and Aphasia's anniversary and Matt's last day out in the world, they intended to travel a little distance to Utah for a mental health center. Unfortunately, the evening of their anniversary; a fight broke out and it was quite extreme. For one thing, Matt thought temporarily that Sam Evans might kill him, and he didn't even fight back or try to defend himself. Let him kill me. We'll be together again. They can stop haunting me when we're together…

But, Aphasia was not onboard for losing him that night. Whenever she hit Sam in the had with her pistol and checked on Matt, he remembered that he had reasons to live, and he felt guilty. Guilty that he would have simply left her, when everything she did was for them and for their family, for him. The trip to the ER was not long, but he was in great pain. She kept rubbing his thigh and trying to soothe him by telling him how much more time until they reached the hospital. That shit wasn't helpful, but who was he to say so? He just almost died in front of her with no consideration to what that could do to her. Honestly, look at him. He hadn't even seen his family member's bodies in person and they were burned into his brain. Aphasia didn't even need this image in her memories, but here they were. Finally at the ER.

She found them seats and rushed to the counter for the necessary paperwork. She noticed the amount of eyes on them, but she doubted that Matt did. He was having some type of argument with his ghosts, blaming them for trying to make him want to die and not thinking of her. "It's okay. They can't hurt you. You'll be getting help very soon," she tried to tell him.

"That is my wife. She is Rutherford, too and I still have her with me!" he fussed as she filled out the papers. She turned them in and sat back down, waiting.

"Can I hold your hand, Matt?" she asked him. His hands were shaking and his argument was ongoing. She was stressed out. She wasn't even sure if he could hear her. She took his hand, anyway. He looked at her, alarmed, when she did and she just raised her eyebrows, wondering what the hell he was seeing now. He lifted their hands to his face and kissed the back of hers, then winced and reached for his jaw in pain. Just the glimpse of that attack of pain infuriated Aphasia all over again.

How. Fucking, Dare. Sam? She knew that she could have not gotten in his face and started going off on him, but she had been mad at him for a minute. She almost had been waiting for him to do any little thing so that she could dig in his ass without having to feel guilty about it, for Stevie's sake… And Stevie was checking on him… And she understood. That was his blood, his family… But… Did he even care about the fact that this muffugga had just overstepped every boundary in decency known to man? So, when it comes to Shane, he took that ass whipping, but the one time that he and Matt square up, he's going to try to annihilate his face? Her man was going to have a scar.

When they walked in, she glared at Sam. She couldn't believe that even for a moment, she was checking for that… trash. She lipped it when he looked in her direction. Stevie sat down and immediately asked about Matt. She almost cussed him out. Instead, she answered, but she was pissed at all three of these trifling bitches. Sam should have been wandering on the side of the road figuring out his life choices, but here he was, with support, about to get assistance. Had the nerve to fix his fishlips face ass to apologize? Honestly, everything was making her angrier, until Stevie got up to talk to Matt. She instantly began recording, just in case.

Stevie was the Stevie that she knew and loved again. He smoothed out some of her anger with his care of Matt. After they finally made it to the doctor and Matt had to get his jaw sewn up and his nose was broken, she was livid, all over again. Sam Evans was a psychopath and he needed to stay away from her, Matt, Mattie, and anybody else that she cared about. Why had she been so determined for him to show up for people?

Matt needed to stay in the hospital for a bit. She wanted him rested and not physically hurting when she brought him to the mental facility. It took about two weeks to get him well enough to start his therapy, and they were already long, so the additional at least 30 days that he would be in rehab were going to be HELL.

Mattie was not used to being away from his daddy for so long and was acting out in major ways, screaming spells and tantrums and being mad at his mommy, but not being able to explain why. She went to Andrea's parents' house a lot to try to get him to see some other faces and not have him trapped up like Matt was, alone…

.

I keep having dreams of my family's murder. I keep having dreams about my best friend's murder. And I was not there for either of those events, but one thing that did happen in both is that someone was recording. These days, that's common. There's so much footage of cops killing black people or beating them, or people being harassed and discriminated against. Whenever it happened to my family - the thought that someone would record that was pretty heinous. At the time, I wondered who was the person that did that? Was this a person who was stuck with these others? Was this a person who was too afraid, or not hateful enough, or had some humanity. Just the audio of the recording would tell you that's not the case. He was a monster, just like them, but they wanted clear shots and angles of their atrocious acts.

I then spent time in close quarters with this person, years later. This was a person that I needed to work with to fail a bigger enemy. For a short lapse of judgement, I even celebrated with this person. I shared times with them. I had this person walk with me at my best friend's parade. I've sat with his wife, held her hands and had tea with her. But, sometimes, for no reason at all, I think about this person killing my family and not only can I not stomach him, but I can't stomach myself, because what does it say about my memory, that I would be near this person?

And, one could say that I was being paranoid or should just get over it, but now here we are. He gave me some physical wounds to go with the mental and emotional ones that he gave me when he killed my family. It is now 16 years later, but his behavior finally caught up with my doubts. He called my wife out of her name and I tried to advance on him, but we were hindered. A few friends and my wife were in the way, but he was able to hit me in the head… with HIS head. I wasn't expecting it and stumbled. Then the fists came. I should have tried to fight back, but it was like my family was beckoning me to them and I thought that if I just laid there and took it, not only would I be reunited with them, but he would be reunited with a prison cell, hopefully for life.

My wife would have been devastated, though. I didn't even think about it. That's who I need to be there for. That's who I need to get better for. That's who I need to go home too and I can't take these other Rutherfords or Dre with me. They have to stay wherever they went when they were taken away from me.

April 17th, Matt was checked into the facility and began his 72 hour observation. On the 20th, he was committed for a 30 day period.

For the most part, he spent time meditating, enjoying spa appointments, light exercise, careful not to agitate his healing face, reading, and talking to Phai, whenever he could. She had broken ties with Sam and Stevie and lost Jane. She wasn't handling things well out there and admitted that she didn't have anyone to hang out with. Their friends all lived in other states. She wanted to go back home to New York and focus on De'Wanda's case. De'Wanda just wanted to go back to Chicago, mourn Andrea and not talk to anybody about it again. She also wanted to see Jane, but nobody could find her. Sigh…

Jane needed to be found for a number of reasons. She had the power to crumble ALOT, and the idea that people wanted her dead, which could make her make bad decisions. Matt wasn't sure that she wasn't sitting on the information and going to wait until she was safely out of Evans reach to move forward with it. At this point, hell yeah - she could sink Sam, for all he cared… but if she sank everyone, that would hurt. And, if she thought her best friends would harm her, she might be a woman scorned.

Phai wanted to see Stevie, but whenever he and Cheri were in New York, De'Wanda didn't want him to come around. She was still feeling a way about the fact that the one person still living through what she lived through, what she saw happen to Andrea, her love and bestie… The only other person that she had a connection to through that tragedy had vanished? Aphasia did her best to try to make it sound like a better situation than "Stevie threatened her and she went into hiding," but how many ways could you say that? De'Wanda had never been a huge Stevie fan, to be honest. He was Andrea's "friend," Jane's "friend," Phai's "friend..." She didn't trust white people that used to be something else. She didn't believe racism was treatable. She didn't believe hate crimes were forgivable. She didn't believe that hate was unlearnable. She believed that it was manageable, but that it would always come out, eventually in one way or another; and alienating Jane was the only sign that she needed to keep her distance.

Phai sent Stevie a text that said: Sorry. Can't meet up in NYC. De'Wanda is holding a sista hostage. Maybe soon, though. Stevie took it as a blow off. Fortunately, he had Jake around.

.

Aphasia spent several hours at POM. She would meet with Mercedes with plans and paperwork about Matt coming onto the show. Of course, Santana or Lauren was there to read for her, that she wasn't agreeing to anything shady - like Phai would! Hell, they needed to be worried about her shady ass family. Seeing Sam's face made her so frustrated that she couldn't do anything but leave when she saw him. She noticed that shortly afterwards, there was a very large anonymous donation to Ruthless. She frowned, but appropriated it to the scholarships.

.

My wife has been lonely. She's doing a lot of work, by herself. She doesn't have me to talk to at the end of the day. She doesn't have Andrea, Jane or Stevie to make the work go by faster via assistance or fun. I'm worried about her. She says that she spends a lot of time in the cafe at this gift shop… Now, the gift shop used to belong to the wife of the freed Nazi. I feel like it's unhealthy of her to hang out there, but look at me. I'm seeing dead people, hung around somebody that killed my entire family, trusted his brother… I don't know which thing makes me the most foolish. All that I know is that not working is driving me… Wait.

May 10th

Matt finally got out of the center. He was fine, for the most part. He wasn't seeing anyone, so his medication must have been working - in one way, at least. He couldn't focus as easily while on it. It made him feel tired and sluggish. His brain knew that he was supposed to get out of that place and hit the ground running, but his body could not do it. This medication was obviously going to hold him back, from life, for work, from achieving...

He called Stevie and asked him to meet him at the house. Stevie had time, as Cheri was out of town until the next evening (Friday before Mother's Day) and Stevie surely missed him… If his long, tight, tear-filled hug was any indication.

Matt was quiet, and Stevie wasn't sure whether that was because he was trying to think of something to say, didn't want to talk, or had something important to say and wasn't sure how to come at it. So, Stevie took the opportunity to speak, "I missed y'all." Matt's face brightened a little bit when he said it. Surely, he already knew that, but to hear it must have actually meant something. "It was hard without you. I could have used a friend or two."

Matt licked his lips and smacked them a little. His mouth was dry. He glanced around for his water bottle and said, "Well, I was out of reach, but I think Phai's phone was still on the whole time I was away."

"Yeah. We made plans to meet up and she canceled when the time came. I just figured she wanted me to leave her alone."

"She would have said that, if it was the case. But, I'm back now, so…" They sat in silence a moment. "How is your wife's treatment going?" Matt asked.

Stevie was the one who brightened up, now. Then he paled. He took a moment, then said, "She went on a press tour and came back sicker than she had been. Marley is renegotiating her contract so that she won't have to film the upcoming season and we're thinking of her cancelling appearances unless it goes into remission." He clasped his hands together and and shook his head, "It doesn't look good, but I appreciate that you asked."

Matt moved closer to Stevie and now asked, "Stevie, what is it that you think happened between us? You seem… Very off."

"You told me that you didn't want me around."

"My work," Matt completed the sentence. "I told you that we were not in the same place, and we weren't. Ruthless has parted ways with multiple organizations and individuals that don't share the vision of our brand. That's not personal and was never meant to be."

"It felt personal."

"It felt personal when your brother broke my nose and split my jaw open, but I don't remember holding that against you," Matt said, annoyed.

Stevie scoffed and chuckled, "Are ya sure?"

"Positive. Why would you be here, otherwise? Why would you be the first goddamned person I contacted upon coming home?" Stevie shrugged his shoulders, but he didn't feel the least bit vindicated by Matt suggesting that none of this was personal. "I had things to work through and I went into a center to work through them. I wasn't planning on seeing you, anyway. You surprised me when you came in to tell me about Jane, and yes - I did react harshly, but… I mean, hell… Didn't you? This is what trips me out. Every-damn-day, I push some shit down. I've pushed so much down that I corrupted my own mental integrity and the foundation collapsed on me. And you were the first person we called when that happened. So, we just at a point in our relationship now where when we get mad at each other and give each other space, it's so damning that we're not good anymore? Should I have lost your number?"

"No! I just… thought you were done with me. I asked you if you were breaking up with me and you both basically told me yes. I'm not sure how you thought I was supposed to take it!" Stevie snapped.

Matt sighed, "I don't know. I guess I just got used to Dre. Dre one time called me a butterscotch bitch-nigga, went to Chicago for three weeks, didn't answer none of my calls and then came back into work one day, looked at me and asked, "You still on your bullshit?" And I said no, and shit went back to normal immediately. I don't know - me and you never argued or fought. Also, I was still medicated and healing up and getting started on this mind drugs shot that has me all fucked up. Like, I don't know how you do it, but taking meds is making me feel dull as fuck."

"We might not take the same stuff… Also, I have been on medication since I was like 11. You're just now getting on something."

"It's helped how I feel, but not helped how I think I should feel. I'm supposed to be able to do a dozen things today. I don't know if two will get done."

"What do you need me to do?" Stevie asked.

"I didn't call you here to put you to work. I called you here because I missed you and I know Phai did. She was lonely. I would have wanted you two here for each other while I was away. I tried to tell her, but after your wife banned her from the house, she just didn't feel right initiating stuff."

"Cheri lifted that ban."

"Yeah, I know. But… You know how Phai is. She thinks that you pressured her to lift it and that she would have been causing you problems," Matt said. Stevie just shrugged his shoulders with a frown. "I wanted to talk to you about Happy Place, too. You need to get rid of that mess, Man."

"Why do you say that?" Stevie asked.

"It doesn't help you. You just think it does. I see enough videos online of people being beaten and murdered and it is triggering and traumatic. That stuff changes us, no matter who it is."

"Just… Don't worry about me. You've got to focus on your health, now. This may never go away. I'm here to offer support, not to take advice."

Matt chuckled, "You still on your bullshit."

"I mean… I really fucked it up," Stevie admitted.

"We'll get our shit together," Matt promised.

.

Aphasia and Stevie sat in the last place that they had been when they last talked, before falling out with each other, as Matt played with Mattie, looking younger and healthier than he had looked since she even knew him. "How did he seem to you?" She asked.

"Like watered down Ruthless," Stevie said.

"The medication makes him sluggish. He's been trying to gather his material for going onto your sister-in-law's show and it's taking him forever to clear his mind long enough to complete that."

Stevie tilted his head. He didn't even know that Mercedes was having Matt on. He couldn't remember anybody telling him that. At any rate, Aphasia was still talking, "How long before we know if a drug is actually working and should we maybe see about trying to get him on something else, before it's too late and this stuff fucks him up?"

"My experience is to always be completely honest with the doctor about how you're feeling, how it's affecting you and stuff and they figure out if that's normal or not and make changes as they see fit."

"So… His health is completely and utterly in somebody else's hands and he just has to trust that they will know what's correct and do the right thing?"

"I mean… That's the case with anybody in any field of work, though."

"Yeah, but in most fields of work, people have different ideas of how to handle black people than other people. I haven't found a black doctor for him out here yet. In the meantime, we just trust that they do the job, despite all of the reports that medical professionals don't treat black patients properly." She folded her arms and shook her head, "He at least looks happy, right now. I haven't heard him speaking to any dead and he seems content."

"What about you? You content?" He asked, staring at her profile as she watched her guys play.

She looked like she rolled her eyes, but she said, "Yep."

"Did you want me not to be here?"

"Why you say that?" She turned to look at him. He couldn't read what she was thinking. That was odd and felt so strange to him. They had once been on a coexistent wave length.

"Things are just so different between us now. I wasn't sure if you're just talking to me because Matt invited me over or if you really wanted me around. You didn't bother for the whole month and change that he was gone and he's the one that invited me over…" Aphasia's eyes shifted and Stevie could tell that whatever he had just said had turned something inside of her. Either, she was considering that what he said was right, or she was about to let him know just how wrong she thought he was. He accidentally held his breath.

"I will never understand how things work inside of your mind, Stevie Evans. Working with your brother was conflicting enough for me, but this thing where you just go back to normal after some complete and utter bullshit is foreign and inexplicable to me. So, I guess things are different."

"Can you explain what you mean?"

"It took me a dead body to accept Sam. And when I did, it was confusing and disheartening. I had to constantly remind myself that he was the person who took a burden away from me. Then, there's that still little voice in the background that he was also a person who helped give you that burden and every interaction was a conflict of interest and a debate of well-being. But, it was personal, so like… Who cares but me? Fine. Then, I got to know Matt and see him everyday. And every time I saw Sam, he was somebody who worked with Matt to get rid of a burden, but also someone who helped to give Matt a burden. And then, my concept of Sam had to change, because no longer was it just me, but Matt was in this and I kinda brought Matt into shit with Sam. So… years pass, shit happens and we're in that safehouse hiding you from your demons and listening to the music of Cheri's tortured tears. I lost my shit. I gave Sam the business. I went off on his ass. He didn't really do nothing that day, but I remember who he is and I remember what he's done. Sometimes, those things come to mind. He apologized. We didn't really talk much. We chatted here and there. We worked a few minor things. And then Andrea is gone and he didn't show up. Maybe I didn't have any reason to think he would, and maybe I didn't have any justification to be mad - but so fucking what? I'm human. I was mad, and I did get in his face when he came at Matt at your house. And I did pull out my pistol and hit him. And I did want to shoot him." She paused, faked a smile and waved at her son, then when he went back to playing, finished.

"For me, that shit was emotional. That was a long, draining night and unlike Matt, I did take it personally that you would side with Sam. Yeah, that's your family, that's why I wasn't hardcore tripping on you or on Cheri for coming out and trying to pressure you into taking Sam's side. That's family. I know how some people are about family and they're entitled to that. I feel like I am likewise entitled to think that y'all ain't shit for that. So what? I'm the only one that cares, that's my problem. And it's my problem that I got mad that you didn't back me up with Jane. And it's my problem that I tried to let you down gently when De'Wanda didn't want you around in New York. The fact that you think I need to be here, smiling, chilling, like none of the shit that happened with us ever happened is fucking bananas to me, Dude. Of course, I'm acting a way with you. Your brother taped my rape, taped my husband's family's murder, put a WIRE into my husband's face and broke his nose, and all that I asked you to do was follow my goddamned lead on convincing somebody that coulda brought us down with him, and you fucking refused. So, we can come around your people and be civil, but when I ask you one time to let me do and say what works, you don't do it? I never asked you to come into my life, in the first place, You came to us, asking what you could do because you felt guilty about your brother's works and you wanted to contribute to turning things around. But, you only want to do that on your terms, so we left you to your business and went back to minding ours. And then we're still the bad guy for turning on you, like.. Fuck you, Stevie. Turn on that." She shook her head and walked off, "And the next time you think that you're owed a certain degree of behavior or manners, be ready for whatever it is you looking for." She stormed into the house and Matt watched, curiously. Mattie didn't seem to realize, one way or the other, but Matt got up and jogged to Stevie.

"What just happened?"

"I struck a nerve. I should go. Thanks for… having me over."

Matt gave him a hug and pointed to him, "We're gonna fix it, right?"

"I'll try not to fuck it up," Stevie said.

.

Aphasia was on the phone with Sebastian whenever Matt came inside with Mattie, "I think me and Mattie are gonna take a quick shower, so you won't have to point out to me how we smell like outdoors. Anything I can do for you?"

"No. I'm just talking to Sebby and probably going to go to the range in a little bit, if you don't see me here when you get out."

"Got that used to living without me, huh?" he halfway jested. When he saw her hurt face, he offered, "That was a bad joke. I'm not very witty, right now." She forced a smile and shrugged her shoulders. Then, she grabbed her gun, kissed them both on the nose and left the house.

"You know…" Sebastian suggested, "You could also go ice-skating."

"I could. But, I want to shoot the head off of a piece of paper and nothing that you say will change that." She tucked her gun away and transferred her call to her bluetooth.

"Who are you mad at?" He wondered.

"Nobody. Everybody. Nothing. Everything. Something. Ugh!" She heard the beep of a text and looked at it.

Stevie: Hey… If you get a chance, can you make plans to meet me at Happy Place?"

Aphasia: I was heading for the gun range, but I can make it there, instead. Why?

Stevie: I want you to see something.

Aphasia: You gon' kill me?

Stevie:...

Aphasia: Obviously joking. I'm a better fighter and a better shot than you. If you could kill me, I deserve to die, tbh.

Stevie: Wow.

Aphasia: See you in like 30.

"That was Stevie. He wants me to meet him in the middle of nowhere. Maybe it's my time to go, Girl. Hell, I been feeling like the walking dead for the past month, anyway. Thought Matt coming back was just going to wipe it all away. Being near him has always been a remedy, but this shit… They sent me back a shadow of Matt and I don't know what to do."

"Keep loving him and the rest of him will find its way back to the shadow."

"We hope."

.

Whenever she got out of the car at Happy Place, she was almost unsure if she remembered the right location. Stevie's truck was in the back of the building and it was dark and empty. She frowned but went to the front door and pressed the buzzer. Stevie quickly came to the door and let her inside. "What's up?" She asked.

"I take responsibility for my part in things. I wasn't the best friend that I could have been. I won't defend myself or make any excuses for that. You were right. We often request a lot of strife from you and you never really ask for much in return. You shouldn't have to. Friendship should be respectful, reciprocal and rejuvenating. We were all running on empty and nobody filled you up."

"A lot was happening. I shouldn't expect anything of anybody."

"That's not true. You should expect your friends to at least trust you and listen to you."

"You just don't respect me like you respect Matt. This isn't the first time that's happen. I'll survive."

"I'm trying to make this right."

"It's done. Only time and rebuilding is gonna do that, but it's cool. I'm not tripping. I mean, I said fuck you, but I mean - I also came here. We're not going to always agree and we will probably never understand each other. I'll stay out of your way and I'm not trying to turn Matt against you, either. That's not the kind of wife I am." He glared at her for a moment and she turned. "So, see you."

"You said that it took a body for you to accept Sam…" Stevie said. She froze. "And he was somebody who hurt you - like really hurt you. I mean, I know that I did, too once. It was not to that degree and you forgave me for that, so this should be small beans, but since it hurts worse when it's your friends than it does when it's an enemy…"

She quickly turned around and declared, "Stevie, if you are about to try to show me a dead body, then I must insist that you simply take me at my word that I do not need that and let me go on my way. I don't even want you to hint that there is a dead body anywhere, because that is the last thing that I need, another cover up. I don't care WHO it is…" She panicked, "Oh my God… Is it Jane?"

He winced, "What? No! It's the cop that killed AC." She stared at him for a long time while he let the words sink in for her. "I know, you said that if was going to use this place for something like that, you didn't want to know, but… I need you back. I need my fucking Sureshot back." He started crying, "And, I feel like I'm fucking this up even more. Because, you feel like I just pulled you in as an accessory…"

"I don't. I haven't seen anything to indicate that you're not just fucking with me. So, I'ma take it as you're just fucking with me and I am going to go home and pretend this never happened, just like I never had the conversation with you that you were going to wind up doing something like this…" She bit her lip, "Does Matt know about this?"

"Matt knows what you knew, but he hasn't been blind to the fact that some of the people that we've kept watch on have vanished…"

"Some? How many… Nope. No. No, no, no. No, thanks. Big joke. Stevie pulling my leg, getting back at me for not reaching out to him. You got me! I'm going, now. Don't say nothing else. Bye." She rushed towards the door, got outside and realized that she was short of breath. She took some time to catch it, then went back in. "We always joke around about how they're trash and should die. They're monsters, really. I don't have sympathy for them… But, could you imagine what would happen to me if someone thought that I was connected to a what… Nazi killing operation?"

"I just wanted to prove to you that I was who I said I was. Where Sam is concerned, yes - there's a blind spot. I don't know yet how to quit him. I only gained the strength to feel like I could whenever I lost y'all." He shivered crying and she came to give him a hug. "Why can't I do anything right for anyone that I care about?"

"Hey, hey… Kid… Shut up. Of course you can. Without you around, I crawled into a hole and forgot how the sun felt…" She cupped his face, "You're more than anybody gives you credit for. That doesn't mean that people you care about will never be mad at you. That doesn't even mean that people that you love will never leave you. That means that I know that your heart is in the right place and… I don't need a body to accept you, Stevie. I just needed some time. I still need some time, but I care about you."

"I'm not going to side with Sam, ever again. Jake said figure out what people I don't mind showing affection, what people I would take care of if they couldn't and get them back and keep them. You're that."

She kissed him on the cheek and grabbed his hand. "You want to come to the shooting range or do you need to clean up something here?"

"Everything is fine, here." He sighed, "Matt told me that I need to give this place up."

"I agree, especially considering the joke that you told me." He knew that she knew he wasn't joking.

"I can't. Remember when Sam did that? Remember how you felt, before he let you down afterwards? This place gives that to other people. This place makes the world safer."

"I can't imagine that this place doesn't take a toll on you, though!" She said.

"It does. But… so does the rest of the world."

"There's five kids, a woman, me, my husband and child and numerous others that make up the rest of the world. Do we do you this bad? Where this is how you cope?" She asked. "I can't judge you. When I was trying for justice for Jesse and what he did, I would have done just about anything. I'm not telling you that you're wrong or demonizing you. I'm saying… I don't want this to make you how I was when I couldn't quench my desire for justice and revenge, even. I want you to be able to raise a family and love them, without whatever this might do to you!"

"It makes me feel like I'm doing something right."

She sighed and nodded her head. "Let's go, though."

"Gun range?"

"Naw. I haven't seen your munchkins. Where are they?"

"Stacie's."

"Then, can we?"

"Definitely." He threw an arm around her shoulder and she leaned into the hug before they got into her car. She chuckled to herself. "What?"

"I just realized that this is the first time that I actually want to see people, in a while." Stevie just smiled.